Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Name this Differently Abled Korean

Update: And we have a winner of the first (and possibly last) Name this Differently Abled Korean contest. Joshua/iouse of The Western Confucian fame nailed it with the answer of Seo Kyoung-duk. A porterhouse steak will be promptly eaten on his behalf (medium-rare, unless otherwise requested).

Feeling generous, I've decided to give consolation prizes to the other two people who commented on this post: A Wendy's single with cheese for 'anonymous' who came very close to guessing at least the family name (the odds were with you, but that's how it goes sometimes), and finally, an Arby's beef and cheddar to the Nomad. True, he didn't even venture a guess, but hey, this is the Nomad we're talking about here and besides, Arby's is having a 4 beef and cheddars for $5 special right now.

As always, here at the Party Pooper everyone is a winner.

So back to the DAK of the day/month/year or whatever it will end up being. Seo Kyoung-duk is the 'Korea Publicist' who uses his own money to put ads in publications such as the New York Times informing all Americans of the Dokdo issue. He is now promoting a documentary on that Rock of All Rocks called, Hi, Dokdo, which he hopes to unleash on international film festivals.

Yes, the title is 'Hi, Dokdo'. Can't get much more differently abled than that.

In the article, Kyoung-duk is referred to as an 'active Korea publicist'. I like that. It definitely sounds a lot better than 'a 34 year-old unemployed single man who still lives with his mother'.

A choice quote from the article

The Washington Post’s advertising department also contacted Seo, saying ads in that paper would also have a far-reaching effect. "Advertisers must queue up for a spot in a major daily like the Post. Why would they call me? I felt such a sense of accomplishment," Seo said.

I think Seo needs to answer his own question: Yes, why WOULD they call you? Is it really because they feel the Dokdo issue is that important? Or could it be that the print newspaper industry has been in a downward spiral for the last decade to the point that they have to go out and aggressively solicit advertising, especially from people willing to pay for entire page spreads? Sounds to me like they know a sucker when they see one.

Here is the Hi, Dokdo! website. Most of it is still under construction, but you can click here to learn the rich Korean history about Dokdo that sites like this try in vain to counter, constantly resorting to the low tactic of trying to confuse readers with a barrage of unillogical facts. Shameless.

The title of this piece (and the last paragraph) suggests that Koreans put up a new building every time Japan provokes them on the issue of the island's sovereignty. You can always count on the Chosun Ilbo to come out with the most batshit insane 'solution' in these types of 'national crises'.

Okay then.

Original Post

ROK Drop runs a regular 'Korea Finder' contest every now and then. I'd like to steal and improve on that idea by running a 'Name this Differently Abled Korean' competition.

The first person to name this differently abled Korean will have a US beef hamburger (or any other beef product) eaten in their name (by me) from the fast food restaurant of his or her choice (except McDonald's).

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Half-assed post for July: Why Jeolla Province Sucks

Jelly of the famous "I've Got Two Shoes; What the Hell do YOU got, Bitch?" blog (typed the blog name from memory; it may be "I Got" rather than "I've Got") has sent a comment demanding a new post and so here I am. By the way, be sure to see her recent post on pork rectum. You're my kind of girl, Jelly.

Currently I'm in the States so perhaps that is why Corea hasn't been on my mind so much. (mental note: write an extremely angry to Blogspot for having a spell checker which tells me 'Corea' is spelled incorrectly. Japanese dick-sucking Nazis...) I'm conducting research which basically consists of me sitting in a room eating roughly 20 pounds of American beef a day with the windows and door shut and a large fan running nonstop. It's Day 17 now and I'm still alive and relatively sane. The formal research question is, "Is a significant portion of Coreans really as dumb as we think?" I haven't run the statistics yet, but thus far, the empirical evidence seems to be suggest yes.

Jelly, as I recall, lives down in Busan. I've lived there before and I think it's a nice enough place. The weather is nice, no yellow dust, and the food is good. Gyeongsang Province men can sometimes be uncultured, obnoxious dicks, but usually in a good natured way. I'd rate the province a B+ overall.

And that's all I have to say about that.

Now let's talk about Jeolla Province.

What a hole.

Gyeongsang people detest Jeolla people (and vice-versa). One might question why this should be so, as on the surface they seem to be quite similar. Some researchers conclude that it is just a natural rivalry between neighboring provinces, while others point to recent Korean history in which most people in power in Korea were from the Gyeongsang Province and they neglected to develop Jeolla Province during Korea's economic buildup. However, the majority opinion among experts is that Jeolla people are just a huge collection of very low-self esteem, hot-headed dicks.

Jeolla has been a loser region for hundreds, if not thousands, of years. Way back the Korean peninsula was divided into three kingdoms: Goguryeo, Silla, and Baekje. For a time, Silla was the dominant region and controlled the peninsula, and then later Goguryeo achieved dominance. Baekje, located in the area where modern Jeolla can be found, never even came close to ruling the peninsula. Baekje thus was the weakest part of a country that itself was historically dominated at one time by every country in Eastern Asia. So basically one could think of the Baekje-Jeolla region as having the status of a prison bitch's bitch.

Jeolla Province: The Korea of Korea.

Nearly all of Korea's historical achievements were made by Koreans from somewhere other than Jeolla. Jeolla folk's propensity for fucking up is astounding. In the Korean War, they were the only people dumb enough to think that maybe communism was the way to go. Doopid.

Want something to do that will only take about 30 seconds? Make a list of famous Koreans who came from Jeolla Province.

Actually, if you took the whole 30 seconds, there's probably something wrong with you.

Want to see my list? Here it is.

1. Kim Dae Jung

2. Robert Kim.

That's it. A president best known for the disastrous Sunshine Policy which kept the North Korean despots in power for absolutely nothing in return, and a Korean-American caught selling military secrets back to Korea. That's the best they can do.

Just go to the wikipedia entry for Jeolla and read all of the people listed in 'Notable Personalities' .

Yeah, I'd never heard of that guy either.

Quick! Name all the top tourist sites in Korea!

See? Not one of the places on your list is anywhere near Jeolla (unless for some reason you put 'Someplace with a shitload of rice paddies and really angry protesters' on your list).

But to end on a positive note, I once went to Yeosu and we bought some pears and they were OK.

Now with this kind of well-researched post, I hereby formerly request that the good people at ROKdrop blog move my site link over to the 'Scholarly Korean' bloglist.

See y'all in August. I'll be sure and eat a juicy Black Angus steak for every one of you in the meantime.