The Party Pooper

Post of the Year

2011-09-12T05:48:00.000-07:00

"Post of the Year" as in, my only post of the year (not to be misunderstood as 'my best post of the year', though I think you'll find it hard to argue that it isn't).

The issues that have kept me away from this blog look to be nearing a welcome end.

I shall return in 2012.

Is my return what the Mayans foresaw?

Yes.

She wins

2010-08-04T07:02:00.001-07:00

Draw Muhammad Day

2010-05-20T09:24:00.000-07:00

The last picture is the Muh-man with his 9-year-old bride*. The next time you see an elementary school girl on the street, imagine marrying her and taking her to bed (if you're a guy, of course. Don't turn this into some sicko lesbian thing!). Picture it in as much detail as you can. If that looks pretty sweet to you, perhaps you too have what it takes to become a prophet of an all-knowing, loving deity. Look into it.

But perhaps I shouldn't have posted these pictures. Perhaps it is better to allow people from a medieval religion to tell me what I can and cannot do. Yeah, that's probably the better choice. If there is anything else we shouldn't be free to do, I hope our Muslim friends will kindly let us know.

All swiped from here. I did try to draw my own picture of Muhammad. He was eating cotton candy, and some of it was sticking in his beard! (Oh, how he hated when that happened!)

Anyway, it didn't come out so clearly, so I opted not to post it.Maybe next year.

*To be fair, there is some controversy over when Muhammad consummated the marriage. She might have been 10 at the time, not 9.

One more reason not to be a Mormon

2010-02-11T23:55:00.000-08:00

Beer boosts bones and fends off osteoporosis

Cleaning out the pic folder

2009-12-29T02:23:00.001-08:00

No, I'm not even close to blogging again regularly.

Boob job or no?

Regardless, I'm happy with the outcome.

I swiped this next picture from another Kblog. I'd link to it, but then, that would require more effort than I can currently summon. It's a Korean based blogger who takes a lot of pictures. Figure it out.

It just seemed weird that there were no comments on it. I love it.

It's good to be the photographer.

Read the caption at the bottom of the following picture (click to enlarge). Perhaps Lee Byung Hun's alleged fiancee should have looked into this before giving up the milk for free.

Korean girls or Japanese girls? Debate among yourselves, fellow hapless victims of le fièvre jaune. My studied take on the issue is that Korean girls are generally prettier, but I have heard recently from a friend that Japanese girls are more likely to give unsolicited rim jobs, so there's a factor I hadn't previously considered.

OK. maybe it would be best for everyone if I stopped typing now and went back into hibernation mode.

Mystery Girl

2009-12-14T04:57:00.000-08:00

I will resume my new homeopathy-inspired blogging approach promptly (every day I don't post actually strengthens the blog. I highly recommend it to certain other bloggers). It just seemed wrong that no one else has found a reason to post this picture.

She's a famous talent in Korea, but she's wearing sunglasses, so good luck trying to identify her.

Perhaps her hairstyle might give her away.

Big Boob Ringtones

2009-03-06T16:11:00.000-08:00

It reeks of quackery, but I like where this guy's head is at.

It's great how the Discovery Channel is open-minded enough to promote the kind of 'scientist' who, for some reason, never gets around to conducting a study to verify his theories, not to mention the commercial products they are based on.

Jeong Yang is happy to see you

2009-03-02T14:39:00.001-08:00

But I'm happier to see 고은아

Yu-na, Yuna, 김유나, and whatever else I can cram into this title to get more hits from searches on Naver

2009-02-12T18:56:00.000-08:00

A lengthy post on women's figure skating?

Dude...come on. Next you'll be ranting and raving over 'Forever the Moment', the true story of the Korean women's handball team's performance in the 2004 Olympics.

Guys just can't get excited about women's sports. It's not that we consciously try not to, it's just that we are genetically predisposed to not care. Seriously, what guy has ever watched a complete women's NBA game (and not just because you were doing it for a girl you hadn't slept with yet)? What guy has ever scheduled his weekend around the TV broadcast of an LPGA tournament? It just can't happen.

Speaking of Yu-na, she's now done a total of 1,457 commercials. You can't sit through a commercial break of any TV show on Korean TV without seeing at least 7 of them. Most just show her skating gracefully around the rink with quick shots of whatever product is being foisted on the Korean public, and that's fine. Athletes of all nations have always been happy to whore themselves out to whatever corporation is willing to shovel tons of cash their way. But can I suggest to whomever is managing Yu-na that they politely tell companies to fuck off if they want her to do something in the commercial which makes her look like a silly clown? Korea already has hundreds of gay boy band members who have that covered.

Happy Darwin Day

2009-02-12T13:11:00.000-08:00

And of course, in the interest of balance, here's one for those open minded enough to look for alternative views of the major science topics of the day.

-- --

Dokdo update

2009-02-11T19:06:00.000-08:00

It seems that Korea's campaign to promote Dokdo's absolute Coreanness has finally gotten global attention. Here's a picture of a bus I saw in England last week.

I am too pissed off for words.

The lightning rod returns!

2009-01-26T05:24:00.000-08:00

A great conversation (of sorts) going on in the comment section of a post at the 'Hub of Sparkle' blog (a great name for a blog, by the way, wish I had thought of it first...)

Kushibo is back!

But as some of you already know, with Kushibo you always get 2 for the price of 1. After Kushibo lets loose a few comments ripping on the K-blogosphere in general, one Nora Park shows up and leaves this comment:

I second bo’s comments. too many one note k-bloggers have fallen to the dark side. it is about time somebody stood up and said something. thanks bo, you rule.
i tried to fix things and clean things up, but i just got sick and tired of the sexism racism and homophobia. not to many of the male bloggers were ready for a lesbian who happens to be korean and not some demure submissive asian girl of their sexual fantisy.
i know korea is not perfect, and i pointed that out many times in my blog many times. its time we took a stand, i am with bo on this.

Well said! And look! She has a cute little nickname for kushibo ('bo')! It's almost like they know each other or something.

Of course, it's rude not to respond to a compliment, so 'bo' sends in the following comment a few hours later:

"thanks bo, you rule."
Yes. Yes, I do.

A bit later, Nora shows up again with the following gem of a comment:

after carefully considering what roboseyo and james said, i have to go with kushibo on this discussion. he offers the most balanced and fair perspective.
my vote for best k-blog of 2008. the one and only kushibo.blogspot.com, of course. now that oranckay is gone, he really is one of the lone voices that offer balance and honesty. also, his humour is very john stewart with a little bit of colbert. if you haven’t been reading kushibo.blogspot.com, it offers insight into korea that few k-blogs even come close to. kushibo, was the original “ask a korean” and as far as debunking myths about korea like rokdrop, kushibo has been doing that for years. he really sticks his neck out. now that i think about it, i am voting kushibo for the following.
Best Overall Korea Blog, 2008
Most Thought Provoking Korea Blog, 2008
Most Current and Timely Korea Blog, 2008
Most Helpful Blog to Expats in Korea, 2008
Funniest Korea Blog, 2008
Happiest Blogger, 2008
Best Pop Culture Blog, 2008
Best Culture Blog in General, 2008
its about time he got some recognition. i think kushibo would make an excellent additional writer for this blog. Less kimchi, more nunchi

Wow. The humor of john stewart AND colbert! (note that Nora doesn't capitalize much; it must be a Republican lesbian thing). And she's even going one step further by suggesting that Kushibo join the crack team of writers at the Sparkle.

Come on, what do you say Roboseyo?

A few comments later, some party pooper named 'Mark'* invokes the Nora Challenge.**

A few commenters, including Robo, are stunned by the revelation. Kushibo, however, boldly makes the following response to 'Nora' not long thereafter:

[in response to Nora's many generous nominations of Kushibo's blog]

If drafted, I will not run; if nominated, I will not accept; if elected, I will not serve.
I know you’re being a bit hyperbolic, but I was none of those in 2008.

[And in response to Kushibo being another writer for the Sparkle blog]

I have no interest in being a writer for this blog or any blog but my own. I don’t mind if people link to my blog, of course, but I’m not interested in writing for anyone else, not that anyone but Roboseyo has the power to ask anyway.

Damn, that is one humble SOB. I love the last part of the sentence though..."not that anyone but Roboseyo has the power to ask anyway."

Hint, hint...

And yet Roboseyo never strays from his Eternal Sunshine Policy and continues to thank Kushibo for contributing to the discussion, rather than telling him to fuck off and take his socks with him. He does make a response (directed at Kushibo) to 'Nora's' suggestion that Kushibo join the blog writing team:

Mike and I are co-admins, and we usually talk invitations over before we extend one.

Come on Robo, extend the invite! Can't you see how much it means to him? Do you have any idea how painful it was for Kushibo to see people like Shelton Baumgarner get invited to author posts for the popular Marmot's Hole while Kushibo was left stranded like a little Gilligan on Monster Island? Have a heart, man!

Is this Nora-Kushibo guy a character or what? Either he is completely delusional, or he has a really weird sense of humor. Either way, I like it, and am very happy, nay, honored to put his link back on my website now that it appears he has officially returned to us.

Now if only Shelton and Baduk would start posting again...

*Probably one of the Party Pooper's many, many socks that infest K-blogosphere. It's hard for me to keep track these days.
**Here was my own take on the Nora-Kushibo deal, by the by.

Merry Christmas with Yahoo Korea

2008-12-23T22:08:00.001-08:00

Tis the season for giving, so allow me to pass on the gift that I've been enjoying for several months now. I use a Yahoo account and, without warning, I was switched over to the Korean Yahoo site a while back. At first I was annoyed, but then I realized that the Korean Yahoo site is an excellent source of Asian soft porn.

If you click on the 연예 tab (apparently the Korean translation for 'cleavage') they provide daily slide shows of various Korean celebrities. Or to be more exact, Korean celebrities with big boobs.

Here's the slide show they had today. [Sorry, they've changed it. You'll just have to believe that it really was there.]It gets very Christmassy a few pictures in, though that dress looks to have been made with a much, much larger cup size in mind.

A nice feature is the 'play' function, which will scroll through the pictures automatically for you, leaving your hands free for whatever else you might need them to do (like, I don't know, knitting a sweater, or perhaps whittling). Those Yahoo guys at the Korean office have really thought of everything.

Enjoy...

The future

2008-11-17T21:16:00.000-08:00

Robert at the Hole has translated portions of a Chosun article on predictions for Korea.

I'm sure not even one of you has already been to the Hole lately. Please go over and have a look. Robert needs more visitors. You'll also find a great advertisement to help you meet Korean girls, and another for funny T-shirts, which I'm sure will also help you score with the ladies.

Cause God knows us white guys need all the help we can get over here.

Speaking of predictions, just in case any of you were wondering how the World's Greatest Psychic fared in her predictions for 2007, wonder no more.

Montel Williams gave this hag a forum for her unethical bullshit for years. Montel was a marine before becoming a media whore. He has sat through years and years of Sylvia giving wrong prediction after wrong prediction, but never hesitated having her back on the show. Hal Bidlack, a retired Lt. Colonel from the air force, wrote an open letter to Montel asking him what has happened to his honor as a marine.

I have two Korean female friends who regularly go to fortune tellers. Both know I am vocal about my disbelief in this crap, so every time they think they get some amazing results from their fortune tellers they come running to me to justify their superstition. I've asked them to record the conversation with the fortune teller rather than rely on their memory of what was (and especially of what actually wasn't) said, but they never seem to get around to it. Truth is, they just don't really want to know.

Poetry Corner: The Thing that Should Not Be

2008-10-26T22:52:00.000-07:00

"Bak Jun Koo stands stock still, he is a dead meat, he turns all the joy of his family frozen into horror..."

The Secret! A-ha!

2008-10-24T04:09:00.000-07:00

Funniest thing I've seen all month:

'You should visualize them back!"

A friend of mine read The Secret last February and gushed on and on about it. She said that now that she has The Secret, she KNEW that she should quit her company and try to get into law school (she hated her job).

A month later I heard from her again. She had a back injury that put her in a number of hospitals (including a famous acupuncture 'hospital', but we'll save that trip down quackery lane for a future post) and is still a big problem for her now. She was in too much pain to study for law school, so she gave up on it. She'll have to resign from her company if she isn't able to get back to work soon (about a year is all they will give her off from work). She started going back to work a week ago even though she is still in a lot of pain.

So clearly The Secret has worked out pretty well for her.

My theory is that the acupuncturists at the hospital she ended up going to were also reading The Secret, and visualized thousands of suckers suddenly having back problems and coming to their clinic for months and months of expensive therapy. Their visualization Kung Fu simply overrode that of my friend.

Something like that also might explain why Song Hye Kyo still hasn't slept with me, despite the fact that I've visualized such for several weeks now.

Perhaps too many other Secret readers have made this same "demand on the universe," and I just need to wait my turn patiently.

Oh, but she WILL be mine...

Second funniest thing I've seen all month:

"Gonna kick some ass with my own pipe wrench!"

Great vocals. I would love to see this same thing done with some cheesy heavy metal videos from the 80s.

Open Letter to Dokdoisours

2008-10-03T20:03:00.000-07:00

Link me you whore! Link me NOW!

And if you think you have HALF the zeal for Dokdo's absolute Coreanness as I do, you are seriously, if not fatally, mistaken. Have you ever asked yourself why I don't update so often these days? YOU try to type a post with only 3 working fingers and 7 bloody stumps! That's how we play on THIS side of the EAST Sea, mo fo!

PS. I keep getting the emails I wrote you (all 84 of them) returned to me. You might want to check your spelling on the 'suck_on_it@not_a_real_address.com' email address you posted.

Finally, this is a video that I made to show the softer side of my love for The Rocks. I played the piano for this piece also, which was no easy feat (see above).

Did you know that there's a mailbox on Dokdo?

Guns and Roses

2008-09-30T06:39:00.001-07:00

If you only watch one Guns and Roses video this year, let it be this one.

I never saw them live, but I did see one of their concerts on MTV. Axel Rose didn't sing quite as well as he did in the above video.

Seriously.

Still waiting for that new Axel Rose solo CD to come out. Should be any year now.

God Damns Jun-Koo BAK

2008-09-29T07:38:00.000-07:00

The people have a right to know.

Summary of Jun-Koo BAK

Birthday(Lunar): 24 Jul 1935
Height: 173 cm; 5'7"
Weight: 68kg; 150 lb

Skills: Make others suffer from him; Make others scare of him; Make others hate him; Make others angry with him; Put others glory on himself as if hiw own when he spoke of others success and wealth; He is keen on telling lies; keen on threating others; making others slave for him by force but he himself knows nothing and does nothing.

Residence: Busan, South Korea

Interests: Abuse, Alcohol, sex, violence

Hobbies: Threats relatives, beats close relatives, abuse maid, blame others always, never repent, never apology, never self-exam, do nothing at all but using the others to pay for his expenses

Attributes: Sin, mental disorder, horrible manner, disgusting behaviour, full of hatred in his blood & etc

Sloganizer

2008-08-15T16:49:00.000-07:00

Found this old post saved as a draft. After prayerful consideration, I decided to post it even though some of the blogs it mentions are now gone or transmogrified into something else.

Seouliva turned me on to the sloganizer. Type in your blog name and it comes up with a slogan. Here's the best I came up with for me bloog.

Pure Pooper, Pure Power

Better than 'Dynamic Wellbeing of Blog'? Maybe not, but not bad.

Typed in some other blogs around the 'hood. Some of the better results:

Big Hominid
'Don't play with fire, play with Big Hominid'
Go farther with Big Hominid
'I wish I was a Big Hominid'
[who doesn't?]

About Joel
Joel can do
You better get inside Joel
[Hey, I'm just reporting on what it said]
I quit smoking with Joel
[Nomad, take notice]

Lost Nomad

Lost Nomad: To hell with the rest
['nuff said]

Marmot's Hole
Marmot's Hole: You see this name, you think dirty
      [Again, I'm just reporting results here]
Feel good with Marmot's Hole
      [Not going to touch this one...]
I want Marmot's Hole and I want it now!
   [starting to realize why Robert wanted to change the name of his megablog a while back...]

Cathartidae
My way is Carthartidae
[good ring to that one]

igot2shoes
Call a friend, I got 2 shoes
The igot2shoes effect

Mayhaps in the near (if not extremely distant) future I'll find and post the missing link to the sloganizer and try a few more blog names that are dear to my heart. Being an even more half-assed post than my usual offerings of late, I might even throw in some random pictures of scantily-clad females, just to soothe the raging masses.

Name this Differently Abled Korean

2008-07-29T16:56:00.000-07:00

Update: And we have a winner of the first (and possibly last) Name this Differently Abled Korean contest. Joshua/iouse of The Western Confucian fame nailed it with the answer of Seo Kyoung-duk. A porterhouse steak will be promptly eaten on his behalf (medium-rare, unless otherwise requested).

Feeling generous, I've decided to give consolation prizes to the other two people who commented on this post: A Wendy's single with cheese for 'anonymous' who came very close to guessing at least the family name (the odds were with you, but that's how it goes sometimes), and finally, an Arby's beef and cheddar to the Nomad. True, he didn't even venture a guess, but hey, this is the Nomad we're talking about here and besides, Arby's is having a 4 beef and cheddars for $5 special right now.

As always, here at the Party Pooper everyone is a winner.

So back to the DAK of the day/month/year or whatever it will end up being. Seo Kyoung-duk is the 'Korea Publicist' who uses his own money to put ads in publications such as the New York Times informing all Americans of the Dokdo issue. He is now promoting a documentary on that Rock of All Rocks called, Hi, Dokdo, which he hopes to unleash on international film festivals.

Yes, the title is 'Hi, Dokdo'. Can't get much more differently abled than that.

In the article, Kyoung-duk is referred to as an 'active Korea publicist'. I like that. It definitely sounds a lot better than 'a 34 year-old unemployed single man who still lives with his mother'.

A choice quote from the article

The Washington Post’s advertising department also contacted Seo, saying ads in that paper would also have a far-reaching effect. "Advertisers must queue up for a spot in a major daily like the Post. Why would they call me? I felt such a sense of accomplishment," Seo said.

I think Seo needs to answer his own question: Yes, why WOULD they call you? Is it really because they feel the Dokdo issue is that important? Or could it be that the print newspaper industry has been in a downward spiral for the last decade to the point that they have to go out and aggressively solicit advertising, especially from people willing to pay for entire page spreads? Sounds to me like they know a sucker when they see one.

Here is the Hi, Dokdo! website. Most of it is still under construction, but you can click here to learn the rich Korean history about Dokdo that sites like this try in vain to counter, constantly resorting to the low tactic of trying to confuse readers with a barrage of unillogical facts. Shameless.

The title of this piece (and the last paragraph) suggests that Koreans put up a new building every time Japan provokes them on the issue of the island's sovereignty. You can always count on the Chosun Ilbo to come out with the most batshit insane 'solution' in these types of 'national crises'.

Okay then.

Original Post

ROK Drop runs a regular 'Korea Finder' contest every now and then. I'd like to steal and improve on that idea by running a 'Name this Differently Abled Korean' competition.

The first person to name this differently abled Korean will have a US beef hamburger (or any other beef product) eaten in their name (by me) from the fast food restaurant of his or her choice (except McDonald's).

Half-assed post for July: Why Jeolla Province Sucks

2008-07-17T12:30:00.000-07:00

Jelly of the famous "I've Got Two Shoes; What the Hell do YOU got, Bitch?" blog (typed the blog name from memory; it may be "I Got" rather than "I've Got") has sent a comment demanding a new post and so here I am. By the way, be sure to see her recent post on pork rectum. You're my kind of girl, Jelly.

Currently I'm in the States so perhaps that is why Corea hasn't been on my mind so much. (mental note: write an extremely angry to Blogspot for having a spell checker which tells me 'Corea' is spelled incorrectly. Japanese dick-sucking Nazis...) I'm conducting research which basically consists of me sitting in a room eating roughly 20 pounds of American beef a day with the windows and door shut and a large fan running nonstop. It's Day 17 now and I'm still alive and relatively sane. The formal research question is, "Is a significant portion of Coreans really as dumb as we think?" I haven't run the statistics yet, but thus far, the empirical evidence seems to be suggest yes.

Jelly, as I recall, lives down in Busan. I've lived there before and I think it's a nice enough place. The weather is nice, no yellow dust, and the food is good. Gyeongsang Province men can sometimes be uncultured, obnoxious dicks, but usually in a good natured way. I'd rate the province a B+ overall.

And that's all I have to say about that.

Now let's talk about Jeolla Province.

What a hole.

Gyeongsang people detest Jeolla people (and vice-versa). One might question why this should be so, as on the surface they seem to be quite similar. Some researchers conclude that it is just a natural rivalry between neighboring provinces, while others point to recent Korean history in which most people in power in Korea were from the Gyeongsang Province and they neglected to develop Jeolla Province during Korea's economic buildup. However, the majority opinion among experts is that Jeolla people are just a huge collection of very low-self esteem, hot-headed dicks.

Jeolla has been a loser region for hundreds, if not thousands, of years. Way back the Korean peninsula was divided into three kingdoms: Goguryeo, Silla, and Baekje. For a time, Silla was the dominant region and controlled the peninsula, and then later Goguryeo achieved dominance. Baekje, located in the area where modern Jeolla can be found, never even came close to ruling the peninsula. Baekje thus was the weakest part of a country that itself was historically dominated at one time by every country in Eastern Asia. So basically one could think of the Baekje-Jeolla region as having the status of a prison bitch's bitch.

Jeolla Province: The Korea of Korea.

Nearly all of Korea's historical achievements were made by Koreans from somewhere other than Jeolla. Jeolla folk's propensity for fucking up is astounding. In the Korean War, they were the only people dumb enough to think that maybe communism was the way to go. Doopid.

Want something to do that will only take about 30 seconds? Make a list of famous Koreans who came from Jeolla Province.

Actually, if you took the whole 30 seconds, there's probably something wrong with you.

Want to see my list? Here it is.

1. Kim Dae Jung

2. Robert Kim.

That's it. A president best known for the disastrous Sunshine Policy which kept the North Korean despots in power for absolutely nothing in return, and a Korean-American caught selling military secrets back to Korea. That's the best they can do.

Just go to the wikipedia entry for Jeolla and read all of the people listed in 'Notable Personalities' .

Yeah, I'd never heard of that guy either.

Quick! Name all the top tourist sites in Korea!

See? Not one of the places on your list is anywhere near Jeolla (unless for some reason you put 'Someplace with a shitload of rice paddies and really angry protesters' on your list).

But to end on a positive note, I once went to Yeosu and we bought some pears and they were OK.

Now with this kind of well-researched post, I hereby formerly request that the good people at ROKdrop blog move my site link over to the 'Scholarly Korean' bloglist.

See y'all in August. I'll be sure and eat a juicy Black Angus steak for every one of you in the meantime.

Mad Korean Disease Spreads to America!

2008-06-08T18:40:00.000-07:00

Big story here.

대한민국을 뜨겁게 달구었던 촛불의 함성이 뉴욕의 심장부에서도 힘차게 울려 퍼졌다.

Translation: "Korean's hot ramming candlelight battle cry is spreading through the heart of New York! "

Well it's about fucking time! Shake with fear Evil US Beef Industry! Shake!

Look! It's a white guy protesting as well! Vindication for Korea!

Again, we see the protocol of Korean photo-journalism properly followed: the smaller the demonstration, the more close-up the photo.

Naturally, they quoted the guy.

시위대에는 미국인들도 포함돼 시선을 끌었다. 델라웨어주에 사는 알렉스 뉴먼(32 컴퓨터 프로그래머)씨는 “한국친구를 통해 촛불시위가 맨해튼에서 열린다는 소식을 듣고 왔다. CNN을 통해 한국에서 광우병 쇠고기문제가 심각하다는 것을 잘 알고 있다. 촛불시위의 취지에 전적으로 공감한다”고 말했다.

Reliable Translation: "It was seen that Americans were included in the demonstration. Said Delaware resident Alex E. Neuman [Neuman!], "Through some Korean friends I heard that a candlelight demonstration was being held in Manhattan. Through CNN I know well that the mad cow disease beef issue is very serious. I totally sympathize with the goals of this demonstration. And besides, if this will help me finally get down Ji Hyun's pants, so much the better."

Got my daily dose of high quality Korean journalism on this 'hot ramming' issue this morning from Morning Wide on SBS. It gave about 15 minutes of coverage to the weekend protests, which consisted mostly of interviews with protesters. The issue was then carefully balanced with a few minutes of the Morning Wide hosts giving the other side of this story by saying such things as, "Gee, it really makes me proud to see so many young people active on this issue," and, "It hurts my heart to think of how much longer Korean citizens will have to suffer because of this."

Choi Hong Man Exempt from Military Duty

2008-06-03T18:33:00.000-07:00

Read all about it here.

The government office did not reveal the specific reason for his exemption, but it seems related with a tumor on his pituitary gland, which disallowed him to face Brock Lesnar last year.

Now, if the government doesn't reveal the specific reason, on what basis does the exemption 'seem' to be related to the pituitary gland problems?

In his first physical in 1999, he received a grade-4, which forces a draftee to be assigned to non-combat duty, and Choi, 27, reported to boot camp on April 21 of this year.

Are we to believe that Hong Man is not healthy enough to serve military duty even in a non-combat role, yet is OK to continue fighting in the ring? To me, the pituitary gland issue does not 'seem' to have anything to do with this at all.

Here's the picture that went with the piece. Nice hat. Good to see Choi is actively dispelling rumors that kicking opponents in the crotch is not the only physical contact he enjoys with the groins of other men.

He was supposed to undergo four weeks of basic military training at the camp but was ordered to return home three days later.

At that time, the administration office also declined to discuss his release, saying it should protect his private information.

Hmm...what could Choi have done that would get him sent home in just a few days that the administration felt it could not report? Don't ask, don't tell?

Paulina 쌩쑈

2008-06-01T15:18:00.000-07:00

미수다 star Paulina has joined the protests against the import of US beef.

They loaded her up with a sign and a candle, told her which end of the candle to hold and where the media cameras would be, and set her loose.

Her sign reads, "Citizen Judgment: Lee Myong Bak."

In an interview she acknowledged that she's not actually a Korean citizen herself, but would do so if citizenship came with a guarantee of lucrative CFs (Konglish for commercials). "Hell, I'd suck off a Korean bull on live TV just to get half of the CF action my co-stars are getting," she (might as well have) said in the interview with "Professor" Jin Joong-kwon, a professor from...oh, I guess he doesn't have an actual position in an actual university if the netizen comments following this piece are correct. But I guess there's no law saying he can't still call himself a professor.

Here's a screen shot of Paulina's 'homep'. Why don't other K-bloggers link to this blog? I"m sure it has a very intellectual defense of her position on this very meaningful issue, chock full of statistical analyses and expert quotes following weeks of rigorous research.

What are we afraid of, THE TRUTH?

The comments following this media release were brimming with compliments. Here are a few I pulled out completely at random.

야 개뇬아 한국말부터 배우고와 물타기 하지말고 인기얻을라고 별 쌩쑈를 다하네

요즘 연예인들 대통령까는 말만하면 인기얻는다고 물타기하는 거자나

미수다 그 씨벩프로나 나오는 미췬뇬이네

저년이 언제부터 한국국민이였냐? 저년이 들고 있는 국민심판? 웃기지안냐? 저년이 언제부터 한국인 이였냐고

I'm sure her popularity will skyrocket and soon she'll be on a commercial for a Screw Bar or whatever the PD she sleeps with can find her. I wish her the best of luck on her Korean dream.

Post with no particular point

2008-05-28T16:50:00.000-07:00

Three random photos I've collected over the past few days on Korea Yahoo.

Choi Jin-sil, Queen of all MILF

Kim Ye-jin: Breaking the Korean B Cup Barrier

Typical strong and independent western woman

Choi Hongman and his little buddy

2008-05-27T01:59:00.000-07:00

A cute story from Yahoo Korea. K-1 fighter Choi Hong-man has recently moved in with his best of all bestest friends, actor Kim Jeong-wook.

Photo: Choi Hong Man (the one with the flaming red hair) and his little "B-buddy" Kim Jeong-wook (the one resting his arm ever so snuggly in Choi Hong Man's crotch).

김정욱의 요리솜씨의 푹 빠진 최홍만이 배고플 때면 김정욱에게 "엄마~"라고 부르며 음식을 해달라고 애교를 부린다는 것이다.

[When hungry, Choi Hong Man, who has completely fallen for Kim Jeong-wook's cooking, charmingly calls out, "Mommy" to Jeong-wook and asks for food. ]

Now isn't that just the cutest thing you've heard all day?

The people who live around the happy couple say that the relationship between the two seems like 'mother and daughter.'

Not father and son, not like two frat boy beer drinkin' buddies, but like mother and daughter.

Perhaps someone with more imagination than I can tell us just what two guys have to do exactly to come across as having a 'mother and daughter' type relationship. Mincing about arm in arm on their way to the beauty parlor? Spending the day shopping for clothes together? Having 찌찌봉 놀리 tease fights? (saw this kind of exchange between a Korean mother and her daughter on a Korean sitcom a while back, wondered if it was a common mother-daughter bonding ritual over here).

It's just a culture thing, right? Don't all the Korean guys we know have these kinds of relationships with each other?

Gender Genie and K-Bloggers

2008-05-22T08:36:00.000-07:00

The newest weapon in the Gaywatch Korea Project's arsenal is the gender genie. This software, developed by linguists, can predict with 80% accuracy a person's gender simply by entering a sample of the person's writing (at least 500 words).

It should go without saying that the manhood of any male who scores "female" on this test is suspect. Now, I know, some of you PC brainwashed people out there will question this, but as I have clearly explained before the irrefutable logic behind this in my original Korean gaywatch post:

"... if a guy does anything like a girl , it means he
probably loves dick. That's just simple logic: Guy likes something that
usually only girls like, girls typically have sexual interest in male
penises, thus and ergo, that guy also likes penis (that is, a penis
other than his own, I mean, we all really love our own penises, there's
nothing gay about that)."

Some guy once made this claim that the above logic was "non-sequitur" or something like that. I'm not sure what that means, but I think any guy who uses French in an argument has just got to be gay.

So armed with this new technology, I decided to find out once and for all the true nature of my fellow bloggers here in Korea.

Prepare to be outted.

As a man of science, I feel in all fairness I must first apply this test on myself. My first choice was, naturally, to enter my "Gaywatch Korea" post. The results:

Female Score: 1308

Male Score: 1664

The Gender Genie thinks the author of this passage is: male!

Hmm, a little too close for comfort. I hurriedly entered the text of one my manly fiskings (usacrime) and got the following:

Female Score: 856

Male Score: 1356

Though I'd prefer the score to reflect more accurately my true raging hetero manliness, I guess I can live with that score.

I wondered what results Konglish would get, so I entered the text of my freebase 21 post a while back.

The results:

Female Score: 688

Male Score: 1503

The Gender Genie thinks the author of this passage is: male!

Hmmm, Korea protestors with bad English are more male than I am? Despite quotes such as "Oh! see Jeong-son on the left with the pretty red manpurse? I am so envy!" and "Recognize the loveliness of our hats!!"?

Then I looked at the data realized that the word "this" was designated as a male word, and in the post I had all links to pictures titled "View this photo." I went through and deleted all of the links, and here is the new score:

Female Score: 688

Male Score: 931

What a difference a word makes, huh? The male score dropped from 1503 to 931 just by taking out the link references. And yet nonetheless, the gender genie cannot be fooled.

Korbloggers on the hotseat

Next I turned my attention to the other members of the Korean blogging community who are nearly all white males between the ages of 25-40 (which, by the way, is also the general profile of serial killers in the US, but I digress).

Leone (or is it Simon?) from "Mincing with Myojung" was my first choice. Leone is out of the closet and doesn't hold back. If he gets a more manly score than I do, then I'm afraid to think of what that means. I put all of Leone's longer postings that are currently on his homepage (including the post on gay penguins), and here is what he scored:

Female Score: 646

Male Score: 1168

The Gender Genie thinks the author of this passage is: male!

What the fuck? Leone is more manly than I? This can't be!

Rather than question the irrefutable validity of my claims about the predictive power of the gender genie and its implications on sexual preference, I'm just going to dismiss this as an aberration and continue on as if it didn't happen at all.

Next on the hot seat is Big Hominid. I first entered one of his more recent religious posts. The score?

Female Score: 1230

Male Score: 1270

The Gender Genie thinks the author of this passage is: (barely) male!

Fag.

Well, perhaps I rush to judgment too quickly. I ran an entry of Kevin's that was non-religious and got the following manly score:

Female Score: 791

Male Score: 1046

Interesting. The same author gets radically different scores just based on the topic of his writing. This also confirms a hypothesis first proposed by one Andy Galanis, one of my former rocker dirt-bag friends from high school, who said, and I quote, "Religion is so gay." (I'm quoting from memory, I'm sure the word "dude" was in the original quote there somewhere)

Ok, Kevin, the Gaywatch project will let you off the hook this time, but I suggest you write more posts about lusting after your co-workers just to reassure us all that you are properly manly.

I now turn my attention to Cathartidae, one of them American hating liberals. I entered the texts from most of his recent posts (there wasn't one post that was long enough), and here's his score:

Female Score: 706

Male Score: 490

The Gender Genie thinks the author of this passage is: female!

Well, I see Arnold Schwarzenegger's quote about "girly men democrats" now has some empirical support.

But what does this make me? A closet Republican? I am so confusion...

But wait! Flying Yangban, a true Republican, got the following score on this post.

Female Score: 880

Male Score: 402

The Gender Genie thinks the author of this passage is: female!

Oh dude, you're even gayer than a liberal! President Bush should officially return your vote. Lady Yangban will be crushed.

I think we have also clearly shown that political ideology has no effect on gender preference. Another false stereotype exposed by the party pooper! This site continues to be a light unto the world, just as I had prophesized long ago.

[yeah, you heard me language nazi...]

Let us continue...

Other bloggers:

Marmot (I entered his post on "comment crackdown")

Female Score: 840

Male Score: 1154

Clearly, Marmot still wears the pants in the K-blogger community.

Lost Nomad (post entered: "pop goes the kneecap")

Female Score: 673

Male Score: 868

Hmm, that gap's a little too narrow methinks. I think Nomad's problem is that he's the only man in the family. Being surrounded by women will do that to you. Before you know it, you're helping out in the kitchen and watching Korean soap operas with the ladies. I suggest you spend less time with your family by drinking and fishing more.

Oranckay (hard to find a long post from the "link whore" of the K-blogger community, so I had to enter writings from several current posts on his homepage).

Female Score: 701

Male Score: 1293

Appropriately manly, I must say. Confirms our earlier finding that you don't have to be conservative to be a true male.

About joel (several posts from his current front page)

Female Score: 489

Male Score: 1227

Wow, the most manly of the lot thus far. Joel, your sheer overpowering masculinity just makes me tingly all over!

[now some may suspect my own heterosexuality from that last remark, but I just ran those two sentences through the gender genie and got this oh so manly score:

Female Score: 0

Male Score: 34

Ha!]

Blinger (who I think is still pouting because the automated webpage reviewer
clearly gave my website a more raving review than his. )

Female Score: 756

Male Score: 1169

Not bad blinger, especially considering that you always write about education, which my old high-school friend Andy once called, "gay as hell."

But the award for the manliest of all manly men goes to Joshua over at Katolic Shinja
(two most recent postings analyzed)

Female Score: 491

Male Score: 1782

Joshua, I hereby declare you the alpha male of the Korbloggers. We all tremble before your mighty manhood.

Comments on original blog post

Not pouting, just in denial.

Posted by: Blinger | May 21, 2005 at 07:12 PM

Religion isn't gay; it's happy.

Loved the outing. You'll have to run Thich Nhat Hanh's writings through the tester to see how gay a famous Zen Buddhist comes off.

Kevin

Posted by: Kevin Kim | May 21, 2005 at 09:41 PM

I can do it myself, but you should include a few female Korea bloggers in your sample.

Posted by: kangmi | May 22, 2005 at 04:31 AM

Blinger: I told you, it's all in the URL length.

Kevin: To socially retarded adolescent misfits, anything happy is gay (it's like they've reverted back to the original meaning of the word in an ironic way, eh?).

Kangmi: Sorry, major oversight on my part. I put the contents of your latest posts into the gender genie and here is what came out:

Female Score: 515
Male Score: 835

Your secret is safe with us. ;)

Posted by: partypooper | May 22, 2005 at 06:13 AM

Yikes!

Posted by: kangmi | May 22, 2005 at 06:24 AM

Too late! I'm already helping out in the kitchen (minus the apron, of course - Mrs. Nomad won't share...).

LOL...

Posted by: Nomad | May 22, 2005 at 10:51 PM

My site has moved from blinger to EFL Geek (http://eflgeek.com) just incase anyone cares

Posted by: EFL Geek | May 23, 2005 at 10:17 PM

I did much better when I input text from my personal blog.

Still, it's a good thing I look like a girl.

Posted by: kangmi | May 24, 2005 at 04:50 PM

Blinger/EFL Geek: Updated the link. And now how might we address you? Mr. EFLgeek? Mr. EFLG? The artist formerly known as Blinger?

Kangmi-- It might be interesting to see what "male words" you tend to use. I suggest not using the word "this" anymore (it registers as a "male" word). When tempted to use the word "this," just substitute the phrase, "the object within my immediate proximity" instead, as in, "Would you like to use that pen or the pen which is within my immediate proximity?"

Very lady-like, don't you think?

Posted by: partypooper | May 25, 2005 at 05:20 AM

Yes, and I should avoid "something" in favor of "everything," "out" instead of "in," and "am" instead of "is."

It wouldn't be long until I was completely incomprehensible.

That would up my feminine quotient, wouldn't it?

Posted by: kangmi | May 25, 2005 at 07:34 AM

Scott,

all of the above? Actually one of my readers asked the exact same question in a comment. BTW, did you get my email about the KOrean blog? I haven't heard from you, so I'm guessing it ended up in your spam box. Basically register on my site, send me an email with your ID and then I'll change your permissions so you can post entries.

Posted by: EFL Geek | May 25, 2005 at 03:37 PM

I'm as gay as a goose but I'm a Male - Just!
Words: 537

Female Score: 915
Male Score: 1084

The Gender Genie thinks the author of this passage is: male!

Posted by: leone | May 26, 2005 at 07:23 AM

Monthly quota half-assed post for May

2008-05-18T15:34:00.000-07:00

First off, I wish to say that reports of the Party Pooper's demise have been greatly misexaggerated.

I've been quite busy with my usual nefarious scheming to undermine Korean society, just like all us other expats. Lately, those meddling kids at CALEE are making it harder and harder to operate. Not to worry though, we already have a very successful counterattack underway. Basically, just helping these kids get laid does wonders for getting them to spend less time obsessing over the sexual habits of foreigners.

Now just so no one gets the impression that the 16,000 members over at CALEE are simply racist and xenophobic, they do point out that they plan to "work on improving the bad images of foreigners, tarnished by a few illegal foreign nationals." Just visit their site and you can see all the various projects they have to do just that. I mean, I haven't actually found any, but I've only looked through 30 or so of their latest postings. I'm sure there were many before that.

Korea TV
I've posted on this topic before, but I have a few things to add. I often watch Korean TV in the morning while on the treadmill and catch Morning Wide (think Good Morning America, just with about 50% more fluff pieces). Every show I've seen has a segment on the Korean Wave and I guess this is just a regular segment right along with the daily traffic and weather reports (which do a very good job at keeping me posted on the daily temperatures of Dokdo, by the way). It's usually covering the latest Korean 'World Star' who makes a trip to Japan to promote a new CD or movie or simply go for some organized 'fan event.' They always start with the arrival in the airport, where literally dozens of Japanese fans are waiting to see them. The World Star is whisked away to the event where there are from 50 to several hundred homely Japanese women waiting to scream out 'oppa'.

Every time I see this, I always wonder why Koreans think this is so impressive. I've seen scholars that no one outside of their particular field has ever heard about visit Asian countries and get these kinds of draws (with better looking women on average at that). Is this really the best they can do? Donnie and Marie Osmond get better draws than that in Japan and I don't think you could find 200 people even in Utah who would take time out of their busy day to see them.

Seriously, I wouldn't be surprised at all if at least half of all the attendees in these publicity events are just Korean expats in Japan attending out of a sense of patriotic duty to the motherland.

World Star Rain
Of course, the World Star of all World Stars in Korea is Rain. With the release of Speed Racer, I went to the film reviews to get an indication of how well he came off in the movie. Most reviews do not even mention him, but I found one that did. I'll let you all go and find out for yourselves what the reviewer had to say (hint: to save time, go to the article and do a key word search on 'Rain' or the word 'catastrophic').

Asian Bird Flu Hits Korea

2008-04-15T08:03:00.000-07:00

The Asian bird flu has been running amok lately in Korea. A few years back a research team from SNU claimed to have come up with a kimchi based vaccine that supposedly elminated the disease in infected chickens. The Korean media was all over it and the news spread abroad, despite the fact that the study authors admitted that more research was necessary.

So now that the bird flu is sweeping through Korea, where is this supposed vaccine now?

No follow-up study to the pilot ever came (the pilot study was done in 2006), which is very odd considering the flu has continued to wreak havoc in Asia. What did come though was a deal with SNU to send some special 'kimchi-feed' to an Indonesian zoo and LG came out with the an air conditioner that emitted kimchi fumes. Why wait for verification when there is money to be made, right?

So where is the follow-up study? Are we to believe they really didn't conduct one? Or is it far more likely to believe that they did and could not come up with the desired results? If the results did not pan out, then shouldn't this be reported so people realize doubling up on kimchi won't do jack diddly to prevent becoming infected? Or would that be against the national religion to admit that kimchi doesn't cure everything from gastric cancer to bad breath? Or would it just put a dent in the kimchi air conditioner sales so they are keeping it quiet?

Another great moment in science for SNU.

Korean Ingenuity

2008-04-14T17:24:00.000-07:00

Here is a 'Korean Comedian Magic Show' which came on some 'gag concert' type show.

I don't know how they find audience members for these shows, but somehow they round up a crowd that seems extremely easy to entertain and amaze. Really, when the camera cuts to the audience members, it's like watching children in the bodies of adults.

The above segment is far more interesting than what regularly comes out on those shows, but alas, it is a blatant rip off of an old Penn and Teller act, move per move.

Here is Penn's reaction to it. He takes it in stride.

I was in Singapore last year and heard what I had always thought was a Korean pop song (one of the few I found interesting) while I was in a shopping mall. "Ah-ha!" I thought, "Finally an actual run-in with this mighty Korean Wave that I've heard about on a daily basis from the Korean media." When the singer began singing, it was in Japanese. It turns out the song was, like many others, originally a Japanese song that was just given Korean lyrics and fed to whatever talentless but pretty pop idol singer was being marketed at that moment by the big recording companies in Korea.

The last hit Korean movie (other than D-War, of course) was 200 Pound Beauty. It was based on a Japanese Manga (as was Old Boy). The title song was also a hit. Like almost every famous soundtrack song from a Korean movie, it was a foreign song (a remake of theBlondie tune 'Maria', in this case).

When it comes to creativity, outsourcing seems to be the only option for the Korean entertainment industry. Judging by the Korean movies, songs, and TV shows I've seen over the past year, they aren't doing it often enough.

I'd like to propose some new Korean slogans:

Korea, Be the Rip Offs!

Korea, Regurgitating!

World Homeopathy Awareness Week

2008-04-11T16:44:00.000-07:00

In case you didn't know, this week is officially World Homeopathy Awareness Week.

I would like to do all I can to help out this worthy cause, so I've cut and pasted below the page on their site which explains just what homeopathy is, along with some very minor editing and additions for clarity.

Let the awarification begin!

What is Homeopathy?

Photo: Samuel Hahnemann, founder of homeopathy (which cures everything from cancer to baldness, by the way)

In 1796 a German doctor, Samuel Hahnemann, discovered a different approach to the exploitation...er...I mean cure of the sick, which he called homeopathy (from the Greek words meaning ‘similar suffering’. It is also known as the slightly more accurate term, 'parateinopathy' from the Greek words meaning 'prolonged suffering'). Like Hippocrates two thousand years earlier he realized that there were two ways of treating ill health, the way of opposites and the way of similars. (And like P.T. Barnum who would come about a hundred years later, he realized that indeed, there is a sucker born every minute.)

Take for example, a case of insomnia. The way of opposites (referred to by homeopaths as 'allopathy', though more commonly known as conventional forms of medicine which require actual evidence of effectiveness), is to treat this by giving a drug to bring on an artificial sleep . This frequently involves the use of large or regular doses of drugs, which can sometimes cause side effects or addiction (and those are bad things, in case you didn't know).

The way of similars, the homeopathic way, is to give the patient a minute dose of a substance, such as coffee, which in large doses causes sleeplessness in a healthy person. Perhaps surprisingly, this will help the patient to sleep naturally (and perhaps even more surprisingly, a lot of people actually buy this theory).

Homeopathic remedies cannot cause side effects and you cannot become addicted to them. This is because only a very minute amount of the active ingredient is used in a specially prepared form (though this might also be because you are basically ingesting the equivalent of a sugar pill).

Your homeopath (don't call them 'homies' for short, by the way, unless you are black and that's just a part of your culture, then it's cool) will give you a homeopathic medicine or remedy that matches your symptoms as you experience them, as well as individual characteristics: emotional and physical. This is the great flexibility of homeopathy that those ignorant 'allopussies' in conventional medicine just can't compete with. The homeopathic system is so flexible, as a matter of fact, that you could go to ten different homeopaths for the same illness and get ten completely different treatments. That, of course, makes homeopathy potentially 10 times more effective than conventional medicine.

How it works

Homeopathic medicines work by stimulating the body’s immune system. This stimulus will assist your own system to clear itself of any expression of imbalance. (In medical terminology, we call this method a 'placebic response initiation'.)

What will happen once treatment starts

A number of changes may happen after taking your homeopathic remedy. Some patients experience a period of exceptional well being and optimism. Homeopaths are really happy when this happens and sometimes, for a brief moment, even wonder if all this shit really does work.

Occasionally symptoms appear to get worse for a short time. This makes homeopaths sad and sometimes, for a brief moment, realize they do not have clue fucking one about what they are doing.

But wait! Worsening symptoms are actually a good sign that the remedy is taking effect. Sometimes a cold, rash or some form of discharge may appear as a ‘spring cleaning’ effect which means your system is going through a cleaning stage. Yeah, that's it. And similarly, old symptoms can reappear, usually for a short period. These symptoms will pass, and must not be treated, as they are a very important part of the healing process. Some patients do not notice any changes at all in the beginning of their treatment. In this case a change in the dosage and or selection of remedy may be necessary.

So basically, after receiving homeopathic treatment you could either get better, worse or just stay the same, but regardless these are all signs that it is working. Only in the event that none of the above three results occur should you consider the homeopathic treatment a failure.

If any response to your treatment concerns you, contact your homeopath as soon as you can , as it is important to know what happens as treatment progresses. He also may need to contact his lawyers to make sure he isn't liable for anything.

How long the treatment takes

This depends very much on what sort of illness you have, as well as the other individual characteristics of your case (such as your levels of income and gullibility). Your homeopath will typically only be able to predict treatment time after observing your response to homeopathic medicines. After something does happen, however, you can expect the homeopath to say that he knew that would happen all along and there is no way you can prove that he didn't. A slowly developing complaint, or one that you've experienced for many years, may not disappear immediately although an initial response an early improvement often occur. [There's an interesting sentence. I wonder if there's a homeopathic remedy for bad grammar].

Homeopathy cures from the inside, and often outer symptoms such as a skin complaint, are the last to clear. Pretty convenient for us homeopaths, eh? Be patient (and keep the checks coming in)! In the long term it is much better for you to be cured of both the cause of the illness and its symptoms, rather than merely relieving or suppressing the symptoms. Remember that every case is different, and no two patients are alike. Hell, even the most seasoned homeopath has no idea what will happen with any given patient! Such are the mysteries of science!

What about seeing a General Practitioner?
We (and by 'we', I mean us homeopaths and our lawyers) recommend that you should maintain your relationship with your GP. Your GP will be able to arrange any tests or X-rays you may need (we're not really into all that technology and testing stuff, and don't even ask us about all those icky details of human physiology! BORING!). Homeopathy has an alternative philosophy but by working in this way with your GP the two systems of health care can provide complementary services . But if you do actually recover, keep in mind that you can't really prove that it wasn't the homeopathic treatment that made the difference, nor can you prove that you woudn't have DIED if you had only followed your GP's treatment. So there really isn't a logical reason why you shouldn't continue to use homeopathy in the future.

So there it is. Consider yourself all awareded up on the wonders of homeopathy. Spread the word.

Hub of Fraud

2008-03-01T15:47:00.000-08:00

While Korea failed to make the top 50 financial hubs, one area it does excel in is bogus research papers. KAIST has recently suspended its 'star' Kim Tae-Kook for falsifying research data on two papers published in leading international journals (including Science, again, which already got a black eye from the Hwang Woo-suk scandal a few years back).

Kim's 2006 paper suggested ideas for increasing the human lifespan by ``reprogramming'' cells ― the research earned him much publicity. South Korea's President Roh Moo-hyun invited him to the Blue House and KAIST President Suh Nam-pyo praised him as one of the most likely Korean candidates to win the Nobel Prize.

There were already complaints that Koreans were having a harder time publishing in international journals after the Hwang scandal. This won't help matters much.

Two major scandals from Korea in the space of a few years. Coincidence? Or just a peak at the systematic corruption that seems to be behind every institution in this country?

Choi Hong-man--Man of dignity

2008-03-01T15:13:00.000-08:00

Choi Hong-man's rap debut at the 2006 K1 Championship. Here's a few clips of Choi gettin his freak on.

Nothing awkward about that at all.

Hey, a man's got to pay his bills.

Getting love from Mighty Mo. The giggling of the girl who taped this was amusing.

Choi returning the love to Mo (the second of two such low blows in the fight).

Original Post (November 7, 2007)

Korean K1 fighter Choi "Techno-Goliath" Hong-man is making his debut as a rapper with model-turned-singer Kang Soo-hee.

Feast on the Hong-man's new flavah!

Can't wait to see their first music video. Should be good sport to see a guy on the dance floor grind on a girl whose height only comes up to his crotch. Other than some Michael Jackson home videos*, this should be a first.

I watched Choi's recent K1 match and his patented 'in your ~~nuts~~ face' fighting style against Mighty Mo. I'm not sure what was more painful to see: Mighty Mo getting kicked square in his nut suck or Choi's struggling against an opponent roughly half his size. Maybe this rap thing is not such a bad career move for Choi after all.

What gives the Goony Goliath the courage and motivation to 'challenge'** this respectable music genre? Really, it's not like ANYBODY can try to be a rapper, right? Let's run through the 'So you want to be a celebrity rapper?' checklist:

Modicum of fame? Check
Functioning speech organs? Check.
Inability to maintain success in some area requiring actual talent? Check.
The drive to do anything, regardless of how potentially humiliating, to stay in the spotlight? Check.

Considering the state of Korean music these days, his chances of making it big in the music scene actually aren't so bad.

Keep on keepin' it real, big guy.

*I'm just joking about this, of course. The record is clear that Michael Jackson likes little boys, not girls.
**For some reason, I find this Konglish use of 'challenge' really annoying.

What does Feng Shui mean?

2008-02-23T20:56:00.000-08:00

Answer: It means people will believe anything.*

Update: Just a day after posting about the LA Zoo feng shui nonsense, I come across another article on feng shui being used in a Mcdonalds in California. When it comes to ridiculous (and costly) bullshit, I guess California has always been ahead of the curve.

Original Post

I caught this story quite late (it ran about a year ago): Zoo pays Feng Shui expert to aid monkeys.

The LA Zoo was at the time preparing a habitat for some golden monkeys on loan from the Chinese government and included in the budget was a $4,500 fee to a feng shui expert to make sure the monkey cages had good 'Qi'. Some excerpts from the article:

Feng shui is in demand among high-end architects and interior designers, but Beverly Hills-based feng shui expert Simona Mainini said the Los Angeles Zoo's effort may be a first in animal enclosure design.

Is feng shui really in demand in the States? I hope to god it is just among old Asian-Americans and a tiny minority of new age types (which might make up the majority of the Beverly Hills population, though). Aren't there enough stupid beliefs in the States already without having to import more from the East?

"It's very experimental," Mainini said. "We don't have any books on feng shui for monkeys. We just have to assume that Darwin is correct and that there is a connection and what is good for humans is good for monkeys."

Ah yes, just 'experimental'. This ever so rightly implies that feng shui is based on sound theory backed up by thousands of years of empirical evidence. What a pioneer this Mainini person must be.

So can we believe that this a real experiment then? Is she going to rate the quality of life for these monkeys and compare them with monkeys living in a Feng Shuiless environment? And how will she measure the quality of monkey life? Would monkeys living with good feng shui eat better? Would they be less likely to fling feces? (or should they be more likely to fling feces if they are happy? I can see that going both ways.)

Speaking of feces, has Mainini accounted for poo pile distribution when assessing the Qi energy flows within the cages? Maybe the zoo should pay another 5 grand and have her come back once they can account for the placement of these physical objects. If you don' t believe that a pile of shit can affect the feng shui in a room, just try dumping a load anywhere in your office and see how it affects the positive and negative energy flows of your workplace.

Here is one of the key texts on feng shui that I'm sure Mainini is referring to. (yes, it seems to be an actual book). The title seems a bit redundant.

Notice that two of the authors are 'masters'. Oooooooooooohhhhhhhh....

I wonder how many years, nay, decades of intensive study and research into this practice they must have labored through to achieve that title. Elizabeth Moran (last name pronounced with a stress on the first syllable) has yet to become a master, but they needed someone who knew how to read and type.OK, back to the Master Mainini and her wonderful work at the LA Zoo. I'd like to revisit her last quote in regards to the Darwin reference:

"We just have to assume that Darwin is correct and that there is a connection and what is good for humans is good for monkeys."

I’m sure Darwin would be very pleased to see his theories being applied in such scientific ways. Maybe evolutionary biologists should start investigating whether feng shui plays a big role in the evolutionary process? Maybe dinosaurs went extinct because the energy flows in their environment were just out of whack? Maybe it wasn't so much a meteor striking the earth, as it was the bad feng shui caused by the crater itself! Ever thought of that real possibility Mr. Smarty-pants Biologist? Maybe the spotted owls would adjust to the changing environment better if we just dug up and moved a few trees around? Obviously, there is a lot more work to be done for feng shui specialists!

Now I don't really know if what is good for humans is always good for monkeys, but I do know that electric shock therapy is good for getting naughty monkeys to stop doing stupid things, and if it works on monkeys, I'd be willing to give it an 'experimental' try on people like Mainini.

"The viewing building has a Chinese character," said principal architect Charles Mays, who hire Mainini. "We thought it would be more authentic if we went that extra step and made sure it was done with good feng shui."

Ok, include Mr. Charles May in the list of people needing experimental shock therapy. How can someone this idiotic be placed in the role of principal architect of a multi-million dollar project? If you want the building to really be more authentic in a "Chinese character" then just let some Chinese poachers break into the cage, slaughter the monkeys, and sell the body parts to oriental medicine witchdoctors and eat the rest. That's a pretty authentic view of how China has been handling its wildlife for the past few centuries, and would enable us in the West to see the monkeys in their truly natural habitat.

Mainini said she tweaked the plans to maximize the good qi (pronounced chee) [as in 'Cheesus Christ do you people really believe this shit?']. For example, she recommended moving a door on the observation tower or adding a fountain or water feature to "soften, with moisture, the harsh energy" in that area of the tower.

I really wonder just how much work she had to do for that $4,500. Are we to believe that she did anything more than just show up one sunny afternoon, walk around the cage for 5-10 minutes, pull a few of the usual feng shui lines out of her ass, and then rush off to the bank to cash her check? What a sweet scam this whole feng shui thing must be.

Here's another article on this event from csicop.org. Some members of the organization visited an open meeting held by the LA Zoo officials and were able to ask them directly about this bullshit.

Since science seemed to be escaping from the zoo, it was time for a visit from CFI. I was the first community speaker to be heard at the zoo’s March 20 Board of Commissioners meeting and was allowed three minutes to try to convince the commissioners that feng shui wasn’t worth forty-five cents, much less $4,500.

To her credit, one commissioner said she was surprised at hearing this had been approved. The zoo staff member who green-lighted the feng fee was not present to defend him or herself, but another staffer said it was an effort to replicate the cultural aspects of a rural Chinese village where these monkeys are from. “Why not just hire someone to recreate the look of a village,” I asked. “You don’t need all that ‘energy’ mumbo jumbo to make it look the same.”

They seemed to agree, and I got the distinct impression there was at least a hint of embarrassment over the whole affair. We can only hope. . . .

I seriously hope it was more than a hint of embarrassment. It would have been quite entertaining, though, if someone there had tried to defend the decision.

I’ve been working on a list for the most ridiculous superstitions that somehow survive in developed countries and I put Feng Shui right at the top. Note that this list is reserved only for beliefs that are just too incredibly stupid for normal people to believe, yet are accepted by a significant percentage of the population.

So yes, if one of your own beliefs is included in this list, it can be counted as empirical evidence that you may be retarded and you might want to look into it.

Here is what I have so far. Let me know if I’m missing anything or if the order should be changed.

Feng shui
Astrology/numerology
Fan death
Moxibustion**
Belief that the Star Wars Episode series didn't suck
ABO Blood type/personality theory (blood type is related to personality traits)
spirit 'readings' (communication with spirits, ala John Edward and Slyvia Browne)
Professional Wrestling is real
Scientology
All religions except for the good ones***

* Not sure where this joke originated. Anybody know?

**Although moxibustion works on the same principles as acupuncture, acupuncture is excluded from this list as it has been proven to be an effective placebo, which at least makes it semi-useful.

**The list of Good Religions includes Christianity, Buddhism and Judaism (Mormons and Seventh Day Adventists not yet included, but are encouraged to reapply for acceptance in a few decades. Jehovah Witnesses and Christian Scientists need not reapply)

This week in Korea

2008-02-19T15:06:00.000-08:00

비, “상 받을 때마다 어머니 생각난다”

(Every time Rain receives an award, he thinks about his mother.)

He is probably also reminded of his mother every time he uses that shade of lipstick.

Hollywood Calls for Rain

Rain has landed the lead role in a new Hollywood movie, Ninja Assassin.

If that isn't the face of a ninja assassin, I don't know what is.

On his website, Rain (26) had once stated that he was so dedicated to becoming the best singer and dancer that he could be, that he has never had time for a girlfriend.

What a sacrifice for one's craft, eh? It certainly takes a special kind of man who can spend day after day, month after month, and year after year among male dance choreographers, hair stylists and back up dancers without even a moment to spare for female companionship.

Shiny happy Japanese tourists posing in front of the smoldering remains of Sungnyemun.

Brought back some good memories, perhaps.

According to anonymous sources, the previous night these tourists stayed up late watching news reports on the fire while singing the lyrics to a Bloodhound Gang song ("the loop, the loop, the loop is on pieya")

And this is the funniest story I've read all month:

A 52-year-old man was caught for attempting to eat his landlady's pet dog.

The man, identified as Park, took the pet Chihuahua into his room, while his 69-year-old landlady Jeon was in the bathroom. He then killed the dog and attempted to cook it at the boarding house in Jongno, Seoul, Monday afternoon.

Park tried to scorch the dog before cooking it in his room, but his clothes in the room caught fire and emitted smoke. His neighbors called the firefighters and his attempt to cook the dog was detected by neighbors and firefighters, according to police.

Police quoted Park, drunk when apprehended, as saying, ``I did so because I was hungry.''

He was booked without physical detention on charges of theft.

Now this is the Korea that we all know and love.

Korean Pedophiles Invade America!

2008-02-14T16:11:00.000-08:00

Shocking news out of America: A Korean exchange student has been charged with molesting American children.

There's the dirty little pepper picker!

I'm a bit disappointed in the American media here. First off, why isn't this case being given national coverage? Why treat this like an isolated event that does not potentially represent the entire Korean population in the States?

The headline in the Boston Globe reads, 'Exchange student charged with molesting children.' Granted, it does give a bit of an indication that a dirty foreigner is involved, and I'm relieved to see at least that much, but why not just make the headline, "South Korean pervert charged with molesting children"? Or better yet, "Korean molests white American children". For the sake of accuracy, this is much better.

This should be followed up by editorial after editorial calling for action to keep all of these Koreans from coming to our country and molesting our children. All the talk shows should then pick up the story and every major network should run a special on these dangerous criminals lurking about in our society.

Clearly, our country's media could learn a lot from the Dynamic Korean Media on how to properly run with these kinds of stories.

And next we need the government to get involved and completely overhaul the visa process. How many more Koreans are doing the SAME THING in America to our children EVERY DAY? According to statistics I think I heard or read from somewhere*, over 80% of Koreans in America are sexual deviants or prostitutes. We need to do something NOW!

I want every single Korean male wishing to come to America to submit PROOF that he does NOT molest children. We'll start with a policy of submitting criminal records from Korea. And then we'll make it a policy to always reject the first submission of said criminal records because they are missing a key signature or 도장 or whatever (we can get creative on this) and force them to submit the records again. Naturally, we'll then reject those records again because we all know that the legal system in Korea is a pile of shit anyway.

So those who fail to provide conclusive evidence that they have never molested a child (and this will be all of them) will have to schedule an interview. First they will have to wait in line for at least 3 hours to schedule the interview, and then they'll have to wait about 6 months for the actual interview to take place.

Wait a minute, I think this already is the procedure for getting a visa to the States.

OK, make that a 5 hour wait to schedule and a 16 month wait for the actual interview.

Then in the interview we'll ask tough questions like the following:

Why do so many Koreans molest children?
If you go to America, do you think you will be more likely to molest a child like Korean national Park Hanse, or go on a killing spree like Korean national Seung-Hui Cho?
What do you think about the Wondergirls? (As two members of the Wondergirls are only 15, which makes them minors, any positive response to this question will result in immediate rejection. )
Do you or your parents have any pictures of a male baby with the penis prominently displayed? (this will get rid of about 95% of all applicants)
Have you ever frequented a bathhouse known to allow naked children? Is it because you like to be around naked children?
If you had to choose between touching a child's penis or giving Dokdo and Cheju island to Japan, which would you select?

Now I want to make it clear to all Koreans that there is nothing racist or xenophobic about this. One pedophile from a foreign country gets caught and so naturally we should suspect everyone from said foreign country and enact reasonable laws to protect our citizens. It's just common sense, isn't it? Come on, can't you at least imagine what you would want to do if the same thing happened in your country?

Hat tip to Brian in (God-forsaken) Chollanam-do.

*I can't remember the exact source for these statistics, but I do recall that they came from the exact same source that the Korea media used to come up with their "90% of all foreign teachers here illegally are violent criminals" statistic. (look at that, I just linked to my old blog that will be shut down in a few weeks. Derp!)

Ain't no sunshine when Roh's gone

2008-02-14T04:29:00.000-08:00

What anyone with half a brain already knew from the beginning, a good deal of food aid from South Korea went to feed the North Korean army. This on the heels of other revelations that the oil shipments and money for construction projects probably went to the military as well. Of course, this information was known to the South Korean government for some time.

Something tells me the paper shredders in the Blue House are seeing a lot of use these days.

I had a discussion a few months back with a Korean who was trying to argue that the Sunshine Policy needed to continue even after Noh was gone. It started off with the usual humanitarian appeal, but when pressed with the fact that the food aid doesn't go where it is supposed to go and that in the end the Sunshine Policy just ensured the survival of an evil regime, her only counter was to say, "Well, what responsibility does the American government have for this situation?"

To which I countered: "What responsibility does the Korean education system have for producing an entire generation of idiots?"

Or maybe I said something different; I can't really remember. Anyway, the discussion never really progressed in any meaningful way after that point.

Reprint of old post:
Speaking anti-Americanism in Korea, the following is a post from the old blog that somewhat fits this theme. Since there doesn't seem to be a way to import my old files from my typepad blog, mayhaps I'll be doing this kind of thing often. Within this post, I actually refer back to yet another old post on the original Partypooper blog I had on Blogcity (is that even still around?). Kind of ironic, don't you think? (In the Alanis Morissette definition of irony, that is)

USA: Korea's Most Important Ally (August 19, 2004)

Korean politicians from the left-leaning Uri party, voted America as Korea's most important country with which to maintain amicable ties (North Korea came in a distant second...)

This is a picture from a rally held last Sunday.

Damn, I'd hate to think what would happen if we slipped down to #2 ally.

Anyway, I'm sure South Korean President Noh will soon offer a heartfelt apology to the States for this defiling of our national symbol, just as he did when some activists burned a North Korean flag a year back. I mean, we are their most important ally and all.

In case you didn't know, last Sunday was a holiday to celebrate their independence from Japan.

Celebrating your independence from Japan by shredding the flag of the country directly responsible for your country gaining said independence: that makes sense...I think...

I can't wait for Iraq to become a free, productive, democratic nation after thousands of American lives have been sacrificed and billions of dollars of US aid has been poured into the country so they can be as grateful as the Koreans are today.

Anti-Americanism

I just happened to ride the subway last weekend in the same car with about 40 or so student protestors on their way to a rally (probably the one in the picture). About 12 of them were female and on a scale of 1-10...well, let's just say I don't think they were giving up any hot dating prospects that weekend by going out to the demonstration.

That reminded me of an old post I had about the causes of anti-Americanism. Allow me to repost:

Anti-Americanism in Korea:

It's hard to speak in generalities about such a complex issue, but that's never stopped me before! Here are the main causes:

20% of the time the "anti's" have valid points [Note: percentage can raise as high as 45% during Republican presidencies].

25% of the time they just need a scapegoat to take their attention off their own fucked-up country and lives [sexual frustration may be a key component here for some Korean students; Korean student protestors usually ain't so easy on the eyes and that frustration has got to go somewhere...]

25% of the time they actually don't know exactly what they are protesting, but are just going to the most recent demonstration because their boyfriend or club circle is going and they are deathly afraid of being left out of the group.

30% of the time it is just a case of impotent rage and blind jealousy OF THE MOST ASS-KICKINEST JUGGERNAUT OF AN EMPIRE THAT HAS EVER ROCKED THIS WORLD!!! YEEHAW!!!!!

[blog author pauses to get his guns and shoot several rounds in the air]

Ok then...

Note: Picture of flag shredding swiped from Corsair the Rational Pirate site. He may be a pirate, but at least he's one of the rational ones. The name of his blog gave me an idea for a killer punk band name: Irrational Butt Pirates. I'd definitely check out a band named Irrational Butt Pirates.

Incestuously Amplified

2008-02-03T15:23:00.000-08:00

[A comment left on this post deserving more attention. For those familiar with the 'old school' of K-bloggers, enjoy...]

The Artist Formerly Known as IA said...

Usually the guards only give us 15 minutes per week on the internets, but I provided special hand relief (my supreme wrist dexterity was developed through extensive chopstick usage) to my favorite guard Fat Jerry (nickname does not apply to genitalia), so I got half an hour this week...giving me the opportunity to thank the Pooper for a shout-out and a trip down memory lane.

Given my limited interwebs access and decision to prioritize midget porn, I haven't been able to keep up with all my old favorite Korean sports legends as much as I'd like to, but I’ve made numerous assumptions that I’m 99.73% must be accurate. For example, I'm sure Choi Hee-seop is bathing in the glory of a $150-million contract with the Yankees by now and must be married to Jessica Alba...because what 100-homer star isn't?

I also assume that my old pal Lee Seung-yeop has already led the LA Dodgers to 3 World Series titles, given his previous supreme confidence in a future of dominating MLB. My cell mate actually tried to tell me that Lee was languishing in the Japanese League for the last few years and had NOT attained Babe Ruth-level status in the Major Leagues, and I literally spit his balls out of my mouth (I'm not gay, I was merely practicing for my Super Junior audition) when I heard that, because it was so ridiculous and unfathomable that the Home Run King of Asia would not have added Home Run King of the world to his title by now. I mean, he was the Home Run KING. Not the Home Run Prince.

And surely Lee Chun-soo and his gay haircut must be lounging in a hot tub in Madrid, stroking his FIFA Footballer of the year trophy while simultaneously masturbating to Wonder Girls videos. Last thing I heard from the Korean media before I was sentenced, he was well on his way to destroying the Spanish League and planting the Taeguki on European soil just like Rain planted it on American soil with his 10-times platinum debut album “It’s Raining Jizz On My Tongue.”

But enough about homosexual Korean athletes and their felatio-obsessed cheerleaders at the Suh-poach papers. Let’s talk about the Korean Tiger Woods. I will say that Choi Kyung-ju gets much respect for being a pretty humble and likeable guy. As far as I know he hasn't fallen into the trap of believing the sycophantic hero-worshipping horseshit that gets served up on a daily basis by Korean media fluff-boys. He’s that rare breed of Korean athlete that seems to understand that most of his fellow countrymen are functionally retarded when it comes to comparative analysis involving a fellow member of the master race. I assume it’s because he’s actually in the arena with Tiger Woods on a regular basis and he knows how large the gap is between them. As opposed to the pseudo-legends like Lee who rack up meaningless stats in domestic leagues and just extrapolate those results onto a higher level of competition like magic.

On a different note, you appear to be the Luke Skywalker of the Korean blogosphere...you're the only hope in providing the kind of sarcasm and wit that it so desperately needs. I cringe every time I hear about another deeply contemplative K-blog popping up that takes itself (and Korea) far more seriously than it deserves. Honestly, is it even possible to pretend to write in earnest about Korean politics when the politicians are pulling each other’s hair and throwing shoes? Come on, it’s Korea for fuck’s sake. It begs not to be taken seriously, and any sane person must comply.

Thanks for the time Pooper, and perhaps you’ll allow me to guest-blog upon my release, assuming my anus has contracted back to its normal size and is again capable of holding a pen tightly enough to write with.

Sincerely,

[Assuming your release, guest-blogs always welcome--even posts that aren't related to midget porn]

You love me! You reallly love me!

2008-01-29T16:11:00.001-08:00

Noh Mu-hyun has just been awarded the Order of National Service Merit, the highest honor given in Korea. (go to the editorials to see the article; can't seem to get a direct link to it). I don't have time to go into all the many, many reasons why he was given this esteemed award, but it should suffice to say that he deserved it just as much as Kim Dae-jung deserved his Nobel Peace Prize.

However, unlike DJ Kim's Nobel Prize, which he purchased for about 500 million bucks*, Noh Mu-hyun just had to take his cabinet (which awarded him the prize) out for galbi, whiskey and whores after the ceremony (total price: $6,000). So this is good news for taxpayers.

This award is going to look bitchin on Noh's resume. I suggest he make up a couple of more awards and give them to himself before he's kicked out of office. They should sound a bit grander than 'National Service Merit' though. Create something like 'Leader of the Millennium Award' (and claim it for the current millennium to keep Lee Myoung Park from giving it to himself later) or the 'Bigger than Jesus' award. I also like 'All that and Bag of Dried Squid' award too.

By sheer coincidence, it seems that this humble ol' blogger has just received a slew of awards as well. I've gone ahead and posted them on my side bar [now on this post below]. Now normally I shy away from these kinds of things, as I didn't get into blogging for all the fame and the money that come with it (I'm in it for the groupies), but if a humble man of the people like Noh Mu-hyun can give himself the highest honor in Korea, then I suppose I can indulge myself just this once.

The first prize you see listed is from some feminist group. This award for my blog was actually given to me in 2006, but it took those ditzy broads a long time to figure out how to scan the picture onto a computer. Chicks and computers just don't mix, I always say. Anyway, I was honored to receive the recognition.

The next one is self-explanatory, except for the fact that I'm not exactly Irish, nor care much for Ireland ('the Corea of Europe').

Here is a picture of me receiving the award. I'm the one who does not look like a complete loser dork.

Next is my 'Master Blogger' award which basically means I'm the Michael Jordan of Bloggers (take that Robert!).

"Ray Bolger only looks out for Ray Bolger." 'nuff said.

Finally, the 100 Top Mom Blog award was actually awarded to a MILF-themed blog I used to run. I guess that organization appreciated the attention and mad props that us dedicated MILFers have given over the years. You still got it, ladies.

* This was the amount DJ Kim illegally gave Kim Jeong-il to hold the summit, which was the reason for DJ Kim getting the Nobel prize. Jeong-il was able to use that much needed cash to keep his million-plus man army fed (while his citizens starved) and also revive his nuclear weapon program, so it was money well spent all around.

Oops, they did it again

2008-01-25T23:32:00.001-08:00

News alert to the planet: Choi Kyoung-ju is one of the three best golfers in the world.

Or at least that's the latest out of the mystical land of FantAsia where Korean sports writers dwell. This article here does its damnedest to make Choi look like the man all the world is waiting for to take down Tiger Woods.

This is the chart they put in the article of the 'Big Three' golfers at the next PGA tournament.

I guess they were hoping nobody would actually read the numbers given in the chart. Looks to me like it's the Big Two and some random golfer pulled out of the middle of the pack.

Choi is a respectable golfer, of course, and certainly deserves praise for what he's accomplished. But why the Korean sports media feels the need to spin it so he appears to be threatening to 'conquer' the world of golf is a mystery that perhaps only psychologists can answer.

I'll go way out on a limb here and say that Choi Kyoung-ja does not finish in the top 3 at Buick.

The Korean sports media has a long and storied history of over-hyping Korean athletes. Speaking of athletes named Choi, this article here on former Major League baseball player Choi Hee-seop is perhaps the worst of the worst (published in the English language papers anyway. I'm sure this is standard fare in the Korean sports news publications).

'Big Choi' got off to a hot start in the 2004 season and had 5 home runs in the first 9 games. The hype that sportswriter Kim Sang-soo is classic stuff.

Given that his current homerun average is 0.625 per game, we can expect that he will break the historic home run record of Barry Bonds (San Francisco Giants), with 73 home runs per game, which is the highest home run figure for a single season. Further, we may witness him hitting 100 home runs this season as the first player in Major League history.
...

He is tied for second in home runs in the National League. However, he has hit five homeruns in 25 at-bats, which means one home run per five at-bats. No other hitter in the Major Leagues can match Choi.

Pretty damn amazing stuff, eh? On target to hit 100 home runs in one season! Holy Shit!

What's that? You don't recall Choi breaking any of those records back then? You're asking, "Isn't Choi the baseball player who got sent down to the minor leagues and finally came back to play in the Korea league last year?" Well, obviously despite sports writer Sang soo's math skills, somehow things didn't work out. Incestuous Amplification used to rip regularly on the so-called sports writers in Korea. He had a follow-up to the above article I will take the liberty of posting here:

9 + 9 = 101

I'm still waiting for the follow-up from my pal Kim Sang-soo. You know, the follow-up article that shows the following stat comparison for Choi Hee-seop:
9 games before the article: 5 HR, 9 RBI
9 games after the article: 0 HR, 0 RBI
Season projection then: 101 HR
Season projection now: 45 HR and dropping faster than Enron.
Then: Towering over Barry Bonds as one of the all-time greats.
Now: Platooning with Wil Cordero. He of the .192 batting average.
Then: Headed for the All-Star game, single-season HR record, and Cooperstown.
Now: Headed for the batting cage to break a slump.
All that change in only 10 days.Who'd a thunk it?
Oh right, I did.

God I miss that blog.

You'd think after every athlete the sports media build up to be bigger than Michael Jordan falls flat they'd learn, but I guess you gotta give the people what they crave.

Update: The first few rounds of the Buick tournament are over and Choi of the 'Big Three' failed to make the top 66 golfers and thus was cut after the second round. Here's the scoreboard thus far. Scroll down about 100 golfers and you can find Choi's scores.

Star Wars Lego Rap

2008-01-23T15:56:00.000-08:00

I found this video over at Naver, of all places. It's another version of the youttube video below, but is about a minute longer.

Here's the original version.

Here's another video on the same theme.

So many geeks with too much time on their hands...

Korean word of the day

2008-01-23T07:42:00.000-08:00

풍선 젖탱이

As always, the link is completely work safe.

Hat tip to Korea.blogs.com, a site that made its last post way back in 2003 and would have continued to be completely unnoticed by the world had the good people at the MIC not recently blocked it (shutting down many other blogs in the process).

Fine work, fellas. I look forward to seeing what sites you block in the future.

Korea Music Awards and other things that stink

2008-01-21T13:34:00.000-08:00

I watched the 'golden disk' awards a few weeks back to celebrate another fine year of Korean pop music. With very few exceptions, all the performers who showed up were under the age of 20, making the whole affair look more like a Nickelodeon production.

It all starts with the red carpet, of course (where did they get that idea from?). Of note, a new record was set for the shortest miniskirt by Han Hyo-ju. She wore this outfit on the red carpet despite freezing temperatures.

Peekaboo!

It's nice to see female entertainers returning to their kisaeng roots. They obviously don't become famous around here for having any measurable talent, so younger, prettier and sluttier every year, I says.

The highlight of the show was when they had members of the ROK army, the police force and some Tae Kwon Do group, all in their usual uniforms, get on stage and show their mastery of the 'Tell Me' dance.

So am I to understand that all these 'men' decided to do this on their own? There were some Korean soldiers sitting around the barracks one day, saw the Wondergirls perform on TV, and then decided that they would learn the dance as a group? Perhaps the conversation went like this:

Sergeant Lee: Hey men, whaddaya say we spend all of our precious off time learning that little girlie dance? Wouldn't that be something to show the other troops?

Private Kim: Oh, can we sarge? That would be so super if we could learn the Wonder Girls dance!

Private Choi: Don't you mean that would be so 'wonder'ful to learn the Wonder Girls dance?

[Everyone laughs]

Private Kim: Oh Private Choi. You're so witty; you should be on Gag Concert for sure!

Sergeant Lee: That's enough messing around boys, now everyone strip down to your underwear and let's start dancing!

Is this what happens to the men an entire country when they entrust their national defense to a foreign power for more than half of a century?

So after these supposed men showed off their little girl dance moves at the awards ceremony, the Wonder Girls themselves came out to show us how it's done. Check out the above clip to see it all.

They sang live. It was not pretty, but at least the girl who holds out the final note on the last line of the song was only slightly off key (someone's been practicing!).

Noticeably absent at the ceremony was Rain, who was dumped by producer Park Jin Young just before Park's Wonder Girls hit it big. Rain reportedly spent the evening at home drinking Wineaid and alternating between screaming at the TV and sobbing into his Hello Kitty pillows.

There has been some controversy over the Wonder Girls and how they are marketed. The chestless one on the far right is only 15 and seems to be the new heartthrob of the 30-40 year old pedophile market. But the only thing thing really noteworthy here to me is that such a talentless act with such a mediocre song could garner so much attention. Park Jin Young may not have much talent in developing good performers, but he certainly knows how to work the media hype machine.

Speaking of hype, I read somewhat that D-Wars was voted the biggest Korean movie of 2007. How a smelly turd like D-War could possibly be considered a good movie is testament to how far the average Korean's ability to reason will drop once Korean Pride enters the equation.

So to recap Korean exports in the entertainment industry in 2007, we have D-War as the only movie to go abroad (excluding the few Korean movies that end up in international film festivals), H.O.T. clone 'boy' bands like Super Junior and Dong Bang Shin Gi, and the usual cookie cutter Korean dramas that haven't had a new idea in 20 years ('What? Your mother is opposing our marriage because I come from humble circumstances AND you've also developed leukemia? Oh gloom, despair and agony on us!).

I humbly submit that the "Korean Wave" should now officially be known as the Korean Backed-up Toilet.

OK, I'm going to float out a theory here. During any other year, crap like D-War and the Wondergirls wouldn't have gained much attention at all. What we saw in 2007 is the resulting desperation of an entire country that realizes their brief time in the entertainment spotlight more or less ended 2-3 years ago.

American movies were dominating the Korean boxoffice with hits like Transformers and Spiderman 3 last summer(two movies I just can't summon up the energy to want to see, by the way) and Koreans were just hoping for any Korean movie to come along to restore the myth they named the Korean Wave. Director Shim Hyung Rae played the nationalism card like a pro and suddenly it became the patriotic duty of every Korean to support the movie. Critics who spoke out against the movie were cyber-terrorized and the next thing you know it became the highest grossing domestic movie of all time in Korea. Online forums and polls in the States became targets for Koreans to bombard with praise for the film. It was like the collective conscience of an entire nation believed that through blind patriotic faith and willpower alone they could make this movie into something it was not. The movie flopped in the States despite opening on a large number of screens, though you wouldn't have known it from the Korean media that played along with the charade. Unless the Wikipedia entry on Dragon Wars is wrong (as if it could be!), the movie lost 20 million dollars overall, yet ask the average Korean about the movie and they'll say it succeeded in every possible way.

As for music, 2007 was not such a good year for the Korean Wave. Rain's world tour could not have died more miserably with concert after concert being cancelled for various excuses. Korean music was dominated by increasingly ridiculous teen bands that made music for pre-teens (or those of a similar mentality). No new BoAs were coming out to 'conquer' Asia. So a band like the Wondergirls has a semi-catchy hit performed by girls whose only talent is being very young and suddenly every media outlet is scrambling to promote it.

An entire society has allowed itself to be puffed up by a media that has told them again and again for the past 7 years that the world cannot get enough of Korean 'talent', which of course really meant the superior Korean culture. Now with the passing of the Wave all this feel-good propaganda is coming back to bite them in the ass. If you define the worth of your culture by how successfully it can be exported abroad, then what does it mean when no one wants it?

It's a sad spectacle.

I look forward to even more in 2008.

Kang Seung Hyeon

2008-01-20T06:57:00.000-08:00

The Yellow Fever rages through my veins as much as the next expat out here in Korea, but I'm not sure why this girl won the model contest. Maybe it's her freaky upper-arm length.

Albert Einstein's message to Korea

2008-01-14T15:44:00.000-08:00

The image of Albert Einstein is quite commonly used to promote educational products in Korea, a country absolutely insane over getting their kids to spend every minute of the day studying. Naturally, the image of a genius like Einstein is a very positive association that companies would like to make with their (usually pedagogically questionable) products.

What most Koreans fail to realize is that people like Einstein are almost never the results of these kinds of products or an education system which demands excessive study. Here are some quotes of Einstein I stumbled on this morning that I think the whole educational system in Korea (including obsessive parents) should think about:

. . I worked most of the time in the physical laboratory [at the Polytechnic Institute of Zurich], fascinated by the direct contact with experience. The hitch in this was, of course, the fact that one had to cram all this stuff into one's mind for the examinations, whether one liked it or not. This coercion had such a deterring effect [upon me] that, after I had passed the final examination, I found the consideration of any scientific problems distasteful to me for an entire year.

It is nothing short of a miracle that the modern methods of instruction have not yet entirely strangled the holy curiosity of inquiry; for this delicate little plant, aside from stimulation, stands mainly in need of freedom; without this it goes to wreck and ruin without fail. It is a very grave mistake to think that the enjoyment of seeing and searching can be promoted by means of coercion and a sense of duty. To the contrary, I believe it would be possible to rob even a healthy beast of prey of its voraciousness, if it were possible, with the aid of a whip, to force the beast to devour continuously, even when not hungry, especially if the food, handed out under such coercion, were to be selected accordingly.

"Autobiographical Notes," in Albert Einstein:
Philosopher-Scientist, Paul Schilpp, ed. (1951), pp.
17-19 ? 1951 by the Library of Living Philosophers,
Inc.

I was talking about the education system with a Korean friend the other day (yes, despite all evidence to the contrary, the Party Pooper has Korean friends).I said that I was deeply unimpressed with the results here. When one considers how many thousands of extra hours of study Korean kids get in comparison with those in the west, and how so very little knowledge is retained by the time they graduate from a university, it's clearly a monumental waste of time. Considering what Einstein says above, perhaps I was being overly optimistic about the Korean education system.

Dragon Wars

2008-01-12T07:20:00.000-08:00

Dragon War is about to come out on OCN. I really can't wait to love hating this movie without feeling like a tool for paying money to see it. I saw Yongary, the previous effort from the same director, and walked out of the theater after 30 minutes. I'm more optimistic about Dragon War, though, and I'm sure I'll make it at least 45 minutes, go watch some soft porn on the J Channel, and then maybe come back to catch the final battle.

To get me in the spirit, I found these youtube reviews. It took a while for me to catch the point of the kid in the video above, but after he repeated every sentence he said a 7th time, I finally got it.

Here's one that is a little less critical (1 out of 5) from a guy who will never have a girlfriend.

These kids loved it. It reminded me that I shouldn't be so harsh on 10-year-old kyopos and their tastes in entertainment. All 10-year-olds are obviously pretty damned retarded.

A homeless-looking guy giving a rave review to what sounds like a Korean interviewer. "Is it funny? Really? Just tell me truth!" I'm thinking this interviewer probably went through quite a few people before he found someone drunk enough to think the movie was good.

Brian over at Markandeya is the only K-blogger I know of who actually seemed to like movie. He also liked the Star Wars Episode movies, as I recall. Brian, your politics and tastes in music very much match my own, but when it comes to movies, you just gotta raise that bar a little.

床床

2008-01-10T23:42:00.000-08:00

An article from Yahoo news: China offers unproven medical treatments

Clinics in China are offering unproven (and almost assuredly bullshit) treatments for a range of incurable diseases. A part of it is the usual Chinese medicine nonsense, but they also involve untested practices such as injections of fetal tissue and stem cells into the brain and spinal cord. Like everything else connected with medicine and health practices that come out of China, despite the fact there is no a shred of evidence of any of these practices being effective, they have no qualms about taking thousands of dollars from desperate patients.

The hospital says its stem cell injections are combined with daily, three-hour
doses of intravenous drugs designed to stimulate production of the patient's own
stem cells. Physical rehabilitation and Chinese medicine are also part of the
plan. A standard two-month course of treatment costs $30,000 to $35,000.

Kaching! So basically they're just cramming everything they can think of into patients hoping something will take, or, more likely, patients can fool themselves into believing their health condition has improved in some way ('placebo-based medicine', one could say). Lot of money to be had in offering hope to the desperate.

Some of those meddling Western doctors have tried to investigate the practices though. Here is what they have found:

Noting the lack of evidence, three Western doctors undertook their own
limited study. It involved seven patients with spinal cord injuries who chose to
get fetal brain tissue injections at one hospital in China. The study reported
"no clinically useful improvements" — even though most patients believed they
were better. Five developed complications such as meningitis.

Cute. Not only did those involved not get any better, the majority developed more health problems. Welcome to the Chinese Century.

Thought of the day

2008-01-10T01:22:00.001-08:00

In order to post more often, I've decided to do a daily 10 minute bloggering session. Everyone can find a spare 'just one 10 minutes' a day, right?

So, I hereby start my daily bloggering today.

Judging from my past history on my previous site, this most likely means you can expect about one blog post every 2-3 weeks.

OK, I've got a cozy 8 minutes left (it took me about 45 seconds to decide how to spell 'bloggering'. Damn, now I just second-guessed myself and it cost another 30 seconds. OK, now I just reread that last sentence and I'm wondering if 'second-guessed' is acceptable. I think it is.)

Right. Seven more minutes to go.

I found this picture on Daum today. Apparently after the conclusion of a professional volleyball game this team came back onto the floor with their cheerleaders and did a 'Tell Me' victory dance.

What the hell is wrong with men in Korea who spend time learning this kind of shit?

And who is the guy in the red shirt who seems to really be getting into it? It looks like he's from the opposing (and thus losing) team. Is he so giggidy giggidy gay that he just couldn't restrain himself from joining the opposing team for a dance? If his team just lost, maybe he should spend more time practicing his sport rather than learning little girly dances.

OK then.

2007 Predictions revisited, or, Pooper Pwns Baduk.

2008-01-08T07:27:00.000-08:00

Early this year I posted (on my original site) a set of predictions for 2007. Allow me to repost the original, along with some new comments within the text.

Prepare to be shocked and awed at the amazing accuracy of my predictions.

Original post:

The legendary Baduk over at KoreanAmerican blog has graced the K-blogosphere with his predictions for 2007. Baduk was, as some of you may recall, declared a Prophet of Blog by this humble blogger for his revelations concerning Hwang Woo Suck (spelling?) before his deceptions became public.
Being a trained and certified psychic myself, and having an amazing 100% accuracy in my former predictions posted here on this blog, I feel a need to remind the K-blogosphere that I am still the reigning psychic in these here parts. For those who doubt, I will hereby post Baduk's predictions, and then offer the actual events that will happen. Let the people see for themselves whose psychic kung-fu reigns supreme! Baduk's 'predictions' are italicized, my prophecies are in confident bold.

1) Korean real estate bubble will burst. All apartments will depreciate to 50% of present price.
No! The real estate bubble will not burst for another 2 years. It is fueled by collective insanity which will defy all predictions based on logical analysis.

[Score 1 for the Pooper. Though the real estate market has cooled a bit, no bubbles have burst.]

2) President Rho will resign, naming Gohgun as the intrim acting president.

Wrong again. Noh will threaten to resign exactly 26 more times in the next 12 months, but will not actually do it.

[Score another for the Pooper, though I should admit that the number of threats to resign actually ended up totaling 31.]

3) Korea will stop "sunshine policy" and all forms of contact with Kim Jongil's regime.

No. The Sunshine Policy will continue throughout the year. And I'm sorry to say, but even if the conservatives take over the presidency, South Korea will still do what it can to keep Jong-il in business. It's all about the Sae Jong's, people.

[This is starting to turn ugly. No wonder Baduk doesn't come around the K-blogosphere much these days.]

4) The US will go to war with Iran. Korean soldiers will fight side-by-side with American troops to topple Iranian regime.

No and hell no. Although many say the surge in troops is just a pretext for an invasion of Iran, I just can't see Bush being that stupid. An air strike here and there...maybe, followed by a lot of loud but empty threats out of Iran (the only thing short ugly dictators are really good at, it seems). And the idea of Korean troops fighting in Iran or anywhere in the world is just drunk talk. It's a military that's lost its confidence and balls after 10 years of Sunshine Policy.

[Yup. That's the Pooper 4 and Baduk -1--this last prediction was so silly that I just have to give an additional penalty]

5) South Korea and Japan will announce mutual defense treaty aimed at China-NK coalition.

Maybe in 2008, but not while the 386 Generation are driving this crazy train.

[PP 5, Baduk -1]

6) Economic hardship (lost 20 years) will start.

Not really. Korea will somehow manage to stay where they are for a while, before slowly receding in economic power as it just gets too hard to compete with China and their population bust starts to kick in.

[The spanking continues]

7) NK will attack SK in limited scale on sea and near DMZ. Korean people will learn to hate NK to the max. China will be hated as well for helping KJI regime.

More wishful thinking on Baduk's part. Jong-il and the Sunshine Boys will do the opposite, having a second summit in the spring to show Koreans that the engagement/appeasement policy is indeed working (exact costs of the summit to be released later in 2008). North Korea will even PROMISE to dismantle the nuclear program and let in inspectors in select areas. After the elections are over, regardless of who wins, the Norcs will return to form and kick out the inspectors and everything will return to normal by this time next year.

[OK, I was a bit off on the timing of the summit, but the rest still works.]

8) FTA with the US will not pass.

The 20 Sided Die of Destiny concurs. This will be a big factor in the next elections, as the Woori boys will successfully paint themselves as noble patriots who are doing all they can to prevent Korea from being raped by the Imperialists. The U.S. will just wait, hoping that a new administration will come into power in 2008.

[In a way, we're both right, but the agreement really hasn't had to go through Congress yet anyway. PP 7, Baduk's score gets back to zero]

9) American troop withdrawal from Korea will accelerate. Koreans will be scared and many will flee the country. Laws will be passed to block Korean nationals from leaving the country.

Again, the Die concurs on troop withdrawal, though nothing dramatic. The numbers of Koreans fleeing Korea, however, will continue at the same pace as usual.

[There is no way to prove I am wrong on this one. The exact data on troop presence is not available to anyone, not even the military itself. If they do claim that they know, that is just to save face. I stand by the accuracy of this prediction.]

10) Foreign investments will plunge. Stock market and real estate will dive with no bottom. Korea will go down from its peak (2006) as many countries in Asia and South America have done in history. The miracle of Han river will end and Korea will deteriorate into a third world country. All because so-called liberals(=Commies) played the anti-American card and that accelerated the US withdrawal from Korea. Koreans brought this to themselves. No one to blame.

A big no to all of these, at least for 2007. The government here may be incompetent, but they know what lines can't be crossed.

[I could go through the trouble to check the data on this one in regards to foreign investments, but I'm getting a psychic message that is confirming my prediction so that should settle it.]

You're through, Baduk.

All recognize my power!

Korean TV

2008-01-08T06:38:00.000-08:00

Sucks.

Listen

2008-01-08T04:45:00.000-08:00

Listen.  Understand.  That Party Pooper is out there.
It can't be reasoned with, it can't be bargained with...
it doesn't feel pity or remorse or fear...and it
absolutely will not stop. Ever.

Until you are dead.

Random Updates

2007-10-16T12:34:00.000-07:00

A few updates just to let the world know that the poop goes on.

Michelle Wie Still Sucks

In the Samsung World Championship, Michelle Wie was once again allowed to play with real golfers due to another sponsor's exemption (not sure how many tournaments she has now entered on this exemption, but I'm sure it has to be an unbreakable LPGA record by now). She placed 19th of 20 golfers, only 13 strokes away from 18th place and a mere 36 strokes off from the lead. It's nice to see she consistently chokes regardless of which gender she is going up against.

Her agent has dropped her, saying "After careful consideration for my future, I have resigned effective immediately."

One less rat on that sinking ship.

Photo: Michelle Wie's father skulking around the golf course. Creepy little fuck, ain't he?

My advice to Michelle is to take the 20 million dollars you conned out of your sponsors last year and declare independence from your idiotic father. This guy has ignored the advice of agents and professional golfers such as Tiger Woods and pushed you too hard and too fast. She can't go anywhere without his domineering presence. He doesn't know golf. He doesn't know shit.

Dragon Wars Conquers Hollywood
In only its 5th week in hundreds of theaters across America, Dragon Wars continued to wow hundreds of Korean-Americans (and a dozen or so Caucasian boyfriends of Korean-Americans) in theaters across America, raking in over $71,000 at the box office last week. This brings the total earnings in American theaters up to nearly 11 million dollars, which almost puts it in the same league as other sci-fi greats such as Battlefield Earth and Howard the Duck. Hollywood has now officially become director Shim Hyung-rae's playground.

Racing Model Billiard Championship 2
The first Racing Model Billiard Championship 1 ended a month or so ago. I can't remember all the details, but the girl with the outstanding rack completely dominated the girl with the great legs to take the championship.

So one might think that we'll just have to wait until next year before we can see prime cleavage shots of models bending over pool tables in the next Championship, right?

Wrong, my friend. The second Racing Model Billiards Championship has already begun, with the first rounds played on the 16th of October. The girls seem to be all new and the outfits are a bit skimpier this time around. For those wondering if the quality of play has improved at all since the first championship, please reread the previous sentence and stop asking stupid questions.

The only down side is that they show the games late at night around the same time that the J Channel from Japan shows the 'Golden Bikini' competition (Japanese girls in bikinis compete in games such as 'breast wrestling' to see which girl will win the golden bikini prize). On top of that, the channel from China quite often shows porn movies after hours as well.

Now you all see why I haven't been blogging so much lately.

More updates to come...eventually

Racing Model Billiard Championship

2007-08-12T12:37:00.000-07:00

This is a sport I really would like to see catch on. Some geniuses over
at the Xports channel have rounded up the hottest racing models, put
them in their usual skimpy outfits and got them bending over pool
tables in a billiards tournament.

As for how well the girls play pool, let's just say the quality varies much like the movies of director Shim Hyung Rae.

I expect the Xports channel to be running this competition frequently
and replaying some of the more classic matches for the next 11 months.

This is a big turning point for women's sports. For years we've seen female athletes with a lot of potential like Michelle Wie and Anna Kournikova subject to extreme discrimination in the sports world simply because they have no actual talent. In the backwards world of current women's sports, for every Maria Sharapova, there are ten Christina Kims. This is so wrong I don't even know where to begin.

But now the tide is turning against this prejudice. I hope to see the racing models move into other sports in the very near future.

Super Junior's Supper Happy Gay Video

2007-07-27T12:39:00.000-07:00

Update:

Perhaps I was too quick to pronounce Dong Bang Shin Gi as the brightest flamers in the K-pop world. An alert reader made me aware of this you tube video. Watch it with someone you love.

Original Post

Since there doesn't seem to be much in the news these days over here in Korea, I thought it would be a good time to update my loyal viewers on the latest happenings in the Korean Pop world.

The new single from Super Junior that you all have been waiting for is finally out. It's called 행복. The obvious English translation for that word is 'happiness', but of all the English words that share that meaning, the word 'gay' might have been a better choice to capture all the major themes in the video.

This video (click here to see it) is great because it just shows the Super Juniors as real people, not some big shot egotistical music stars. Just like your normal Korean male teenagers, they wake up in the morning, put on their hot pink pants one leg at a time, spend several hours getting their hair primped and their lipstick, eye-liner and rouge just right, go to the gym and play all sorts of giggly-fun games with each other and sneak in a little kiss on the cheek every now and then if they feel a bit saucy. See here for more Super Junior fun.

Yeah, the kids are alright.

For those of you who read this blog who are not familiar with Korea, this is a very fair representation of the average male Korean teenager. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Oh sure, they all wear their school uniforms in public, but when they get home they all head straight for their pink shirts and make up and take turns doing each other's hair. Every single one of them. No exceptions. Not one.

If by chance you think the Super Juniors have what it takes to replace Dong Bang Shin Gi as the Big Kahuna's of the Korean Gay Wave, I present this video from the Dong Bangers for your consideration. Warning: not work safe, nor is it particularly 'home safe' either (not the kind of video you want your family or friends to catch you watching).

The real entertainment begins when you read the comments below the clip and see their fans try to deny that there is anything gay about that video. Ah, got to love the cute little innocents.

A question for all of you to ponder. Why is that Asian girls get off on gay guy love while their western counterparts would vomit profusely if forced to watch these kinds of videos? What are the long term ramifications of a whole generation of young Asian girls attracted to boys who look more feminine than they do? Are these not questions that demand answers?

Selected Comments from Previous Blog

Comments

Whackin' that gay hornet's nest again, I see.

Posted by: jag | July 27, 2007 at 04:50 AM

Ryan Seacrest just said "Holy shit that's gay!"

Posted by: iheartblueballs | July 29, 2007 at 02:29 AM

I wish SES made videos like that. I'd be all over Bada and Eugene touching each other and making goo-goo eyes at one another.

Posted by: Brian | July 30, 2007 at 01:51 AM

More Crudder! More Cru...oh wait. Wrong blog.

Posted by: Hugh | July 30, 2007 at 07:41 PM

Blueballs: Ryan Seacrest is not gay. It was Simon Cowell who sucked off Ryan, not the other way around, so stop with the slander.

PS. Get a blog already. I'm tired of having to scroll down for your comments over at Marmot's Hole. Otherwise, I'm considering cutting and pasting your comments over at Marmot's on to my blog and claiming them as my own.

Brian: Considering the levels of slutitude female Korean pop singers are already lowering themselves to, your wish may soon be granted.

Hugh: To be confused, even temporarily, with the great Ed Crudder is indeed an honor. The man is a model for all expats in Korea.

Posted by: partypooper | August 01, 2007 at 01:05 AM

I correctly predicted that the guy shaving would kiss the other guy and leave some shaving cream on his cheek. Do I get a prize?

Posted by: Brian | August 01, 2007 at 05:20 AM

That video is fag-tastic.

Bum-suk: "I'm going to shower"

So-hung: "You wanna me to wash your back?"

Bum-suk: "No, I wanna you to do a dirty sanchez, felch, teabag, and rusty trombone on me. Then we lucky pierre with Yu-suk."

Posted by: Yes, It's a Gigantic Panda | August 02, 2007 at 05:58 AM

Even the fat guy is gay-pretty now.

Posted by: Paul | August 02, 2007 at 08:49 AM

I often read your blog and am entertained by your hilarious exaagerations, but then I ran across this. You are not exaagerating one bit here nad it scares me.

Those guys do not qualify for penises. I want to find them and use a machete to do their transgender surgery. I would just be worried they would try to hit on me.

The danger of having an entire generation of girls grow up in love with guys gayer than them, is that they will enter college, realize that they want a real man and find someone outside of Asia. Sorry all you Korean men.

No wonder these male she-bands are so scared and try everything to get out of military duty. I can only imagine the ass-whipping they get from real men in the military. Imagine if one of these fags was your tae-kwon-do partner. You would bust him up.

I can only say amen to the commenter above who wrote: "I wish SES made videos like that. I'd be all over Bada and Eugene touching each other and making goo-goo eyes at one another." I loved SES before they broke up. This producer needs to get SES together and produce their videos again. I would go for a free hug from Eugene or Pada.

Posted by: Faggots Gather Here! | August 02, 2007 at 05:53 PM

"Imagine if one of these fags was your tae-kwon-do partner. You would bust him up."

Just so you know 2 members of Super Junior - Sungmin and Hankyung know martial arts. lol It'll be sad day when a gay man beats -your- ass.

Posted by: Huzzah | August 02, 2007 at 07:30 PM

OMFG !!!!
ARE YOU HUMANS ???
OH NO !!
YOU PEOPLE MUST
GO TO HELL !!!!
OMFG !!!!
ARE YOU HUMANS ???
OH NO !!
YOU PEOPLE MUST
GO TO HELL !!!!

[original comment repeats the same message about 50 times. That's just how angry little polly is]

Posted by: polly | August 03, 2007 at 05:06 AM

On a more serious note, I find this whole "jupki" gay-joke thing to be pretty offensive in light of the fact that if any one of those guys actually did come out and say he was gay the same fans who laugh and giggle at his gay-streak now would no doubt toss him aside like a bad piece of meat.

Just like Hong Suk-chon, it's OK to act gay for laughs... but hell comes down on anyone who actually is gay.

Posted by: Brian | August 03, 2007 at 06:06 PM

Polly, Polly, Polly. Although I'm not human (I'm a Giant Panda) I could still split you like cordwood and make you squeal for more. So don't swear at us if we make fun of fairy Korean guys with too much makeup.

Posted by: Ultra-Suave Panda | August 04, 2007 at 03:14 AM

I'm TVXQ and SuJu fan but I'm deeply amused with your writing :D ... Lol actually I'm one of the fan that ........really hopes that they're really gay ahahahaha~ XDDDDDDD

Please write more. Wanna see those immature fans react about this things... LOL

Posted by: Amused | August 07, 2007 at 08:32 AM

i think you have a death wish.

Posted by: sheesh | September 01, 2007 at 01:58 AM

First of all, Asia has a very different outlook on life than the West. They value delicacy and feminism in all genders. What is right and normal? It depends on the person who views it. Just because most people in America do not view it in the same way because of their upcoming does not mean this type of outlook is wrong. Is getting steroid-pumped muscles the right perspective? Why can't people respect each other's cultures? Why is there a need to force our opinions on others?

Posted by: Why? | September 04, 2007 at 06:11 PM

What you see in these videos is NOT how are Asian men and culture. These boy bands are simply gay. I don't know what's wrong with their fans that they can't see that.

Posted by: sentosa | September 05, 2007 at 09:41 PM

Don't you know? Gay guys are the new 'in' thing. Don't bash them just because they get more than you.

Posted by: lol | September 08, 2007 at 03:54 PM

These videos are parodies on their own fame. Artists like TVXQ and SuJu know how they're portrayed to the general public and play up to it because the fans like it.

Posted by: idek | September 08, 2007 at 04:00 PM

I am so glad I found this lol You are very very wise. That video was gay in so many ways...It seemed like the song didn't quite match up so I made this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I10GyYzawss

Posted by: Anrui | September 16, 2007 at 09:47 PM

Stop! Stop! You're making me horny........................

Posted by: Leone | October 02, 2007 at 02:02 PM

People, you're missing something extremely key here: these guys don't control their own images. They didn't form a band to express any kind of identity. They are treated like marketable products, trained and owned by their management companies. These groups are chosen when they are teenagers and their images are dictated to them by their management company, SM. Everything they do is overseen by their company, which is specifically packaging them for a female audience.

Now let's think of girls (and women) in Korea and the kinds of men they are used to seeing. Times may be changing, but there are still a lot of misogynist men in Korea. These "pretty boys" are the polar opposite of the militarized, soju-drinking, room-salon-frequenting men who spit all over the streets. Girls are drawn to them for this reason, and that is why SM portrays the boys this way. These guys may hate doing these things, for all we know. But they have no control over it. We need to recognize that their images may not reflect who they really are at all.

The DBSK video comes from a 1-hour drama in which part of the plot involves Jaejoong mistakenly thinking that Yunho likes him. Jaejoong freaks out every time Yunho touches him. And of course the writers put in lots of moments of them touching each other partly because it's funny to watch Jaejoong squirm and partly because the fans go crazy over it. At the end of the drama, it turns out that it's all a misunderstanding and everyone is straight. But this means that the fans get to watch the boys touch each other for an hour. It's called fanservice. So this video doesn't indicate anything about whether there are gay people in Korea. (Although I'm sure there are gay guys who enjoy it.) These boy bands are marketed to girls, so if it says anything, it is about what SM thinks will attract girls. And it seems to be working.

Now, about the difference between Asian girls' attraction to this gay image and Western girls' repulsion to it, I think it's because of the idea (from Japanese manga) that gay relationships are more "pure" because they are loving each other despite societal pressures, not because of them. Whereas in the West (and I think in actual Japanese gay culture), gay culture has developed to be overtly sexual, these portrayals of male-male relationships, which are marketed to women, focus more on love. That's a big difference from common Western portrayals of gay men.

Don't quote me on this; I'm not an expert yet. But this is my perception given what I know so far.

Posted by: huncamunca | November 19, 2007 at 09:40 PM

^ Yes, it's called "fan service" in short. The idea is that some gay time on screen gets the girls to go crazy, and it ought to be familiar to those who watch stuff like anime.

DBSK aren't gay. Some of them, in truth, are more muscular, and taller too, than the average expat calling them flamers.

Posted by: bluesblue | November 20, 2007 at 10:26 AM

So if being tall and muscular can be seen as evidence that a band isn't flamingly gay, then where does that leave the Village People?

Posted by: fanservice | November 20, 2007 at 12:30 PM

I'm a little upset about the insinuated gay-bashing present throughout both the youtube comments of the videos and in this discussion. What's wrong with acting gay? Or being gay? It doesn't make you any less of a man. And acting like a girl doesn't equal being gay. And being gay doesn't mean it's all about sex. I'm gay and I love emotional gay love stories.

I echo what Brian had to say, the real sad thing is that it's alright to pretend to be gay but not to be really gay. Thankfully those attitudes are changing though.

Posted by: Terhi | December 27, 2007 at 03:53 AM

Super Junior's Super Gay Video

2007-07-27T06:26:00.000-07:00

Update:

Perhaps I was too quick to pronounce Dong Bang Shin Gi as the brightest flamers in the K-pop world. An alert reader made me aware of this you tube video. Watch it with someone you love.

Original Post

Since there doesn't seem to be much in the news these days over here in Korea, I thought it would be a good time to update my loyal viewers on the latest happenings in the Korean Pop world.

The new single from Super Junior that you all have been waiting for is finally out. It's called 행복. The obvious English translation for that word is 'happiness', but of all the English words that share that meaning, the word 'gay' might have been a better choice to capture all the major themes in the video.

Girlsdayout

This video (click here to see it) is great because it just shows the Super Juniors as real people, not some big shot egotistical music stars. Just like your normal Korean male teenagers, they wake up in the morning, put on their hot pink pants one leg at a time, spend several hours getting their hair primped and their lipstick, eye-liner and rouge just right, go to the gym and play all sorts of giggly-fun games with each other and sneak in a little kiss on the cheek every now and then if they feel a bit saucy. See here for more Super Junior fun.

Yeah, the kids are alright.

For those of you who read this blog who are not familiar with Korea, this is a very fair representation of the average male Korean teenager. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Oh sure, they all wear their school uniforms in public, but when they get home they all head straight for their pink shirts and make up and take turns doing each other's hair. Every single one of them. No exceptions. Not one.

LuvyduvyIf by chance you think the Super Juniors have what it takes to replace Dong Bang Shin Gi as the Big Kahuna's of the Korean Gay Wave, I present this video from the Dong Bangers for your consideration. Warning: not work safe, nor is it particularly 'home safe' either (not the kind of video you want your family or friends to catch you watching).

The real entertainment begins when you read the comments below the clip and see their fans try to deny that there is anything gay about that video. Ah, got to love the cute little innocents.

A question for all of you to ponder. Why is that Asian girls get off on gay guy love while their western counterparts would vomit profusely if forced to watch these kinds of videos? What are the long term ramifications of a whole generation of young Asian girls attracted to boys who look more feminine than they do? Are these not questions that demand answers?

Rain US Tour Cancelled

2007-07-02T12:45:00.000-07:00

A bit of mysterious trouble for our favorite 'World Star' Rain. Several weeks ago his Honolulu concert was canceled just a few days before scheduled date. Rain didn't show up to a press meeting, which ended up being used by his promoters to announce that the concert was off. No reason was given for the cancellation and ticket holders were told they could get refunds for their tickets.

The final sentence in that article:

Promoters would not say how many tickets were sold. The venue would have been set up to hold a crowd of 20,000 to 25,000.

Oh what a mystery! The concert is abruptly canceled without any reason
and promoters are not willing to say how many tickets were sold. Local promoters have apparently filed a lawsuit.

A Rain concert in Toronto which was to be held a few months ago was also canceled, and promoters were unable to give refunds. This is from the first link above:

Jay
Lee, South Korean representative for the promoter of a Toronto concert
that was also canceled, said at the press conference that he has not
been able to refund money to Canadian ticket-buyers, since he has not
yet been reimbursed for his $250,000 deposit.

"And it's been 40 days since the cancellation," said Lee.

Translation: You've all been screwed. Thanks for participating in the Korean Wave.

And why was the Toronto show canceled so suddenly? Apparently there was no official explanation given. Five minutes of intensive Internet searching didn't come up with any solid information, but I did stumble on a blog which claims that Rain canceled the show because the stage was too small. I guess they didn't figure this out until after the venue had been booked and tickets were sold. That could happen...I guess...

The San Francisco, New York and Atlanta concerts were canceled because they faced a copyright challenge in Nevada (There is another band in the States called Rain). However, that was thrown out of court last month and there isn't any word on rescheduling those concerts.

And now the LA concert has been canceled as well just a few days before the scheduled event. The reason this time?

The Saturday night show at the Staples Center
was called off "due to issues related to the show's production,"
according to a statement from Rain's promoter, V2B Global, posted on
the Staples Center Web site.

'Issues related to the show's production'...what could that possibly mean? Why so vague?

So basically the entire North American tour has been canceled for various ~~excuses~~ reasons.

Hey, and didn't Rain's manager just quit suddenly about a month ago without giving any specific reasons? Hmmm.......

That's just a bit too much coincidence. I've come up with several theories that could possibly explain this strange series of events.

A. Rain's management is profoundly incompetent.

B. 'World Star' Rain isn't even popular enough among Asian-Americans to sell enough tickets to have a concert outside of Asia.

C. Rain injured his wrist in a jogging accident several months ago, but will be back to his full strength sometime...soon...

D. This is all a part of a greater conspiracy to keep the Korean super-mega star down.

I don't even have to check the Naver discussion boards for this, the answer is clearly D. What would happen to the North American music industry if it got out that there is an Asian singer who can imitate such legendary acts as Justin Timberlake and Usher? How could the West handle the painful truth that no matter what kinds of acts we produce, 1-3 years later Asians can come up with their own version that is kind of almost as good (sort of)?

Comments from previous blog

Comments

Hey! You wouldn't make fun of Bi if he was an American performer like Carrot Top or Wayne Newton, you racist! You ex-pat ESL burger flippers are just jealous of Bi's talents! Like wearing one glove and walking backward! Name one U.S. performer who ever did that!

Posted by: Pawi Komerican Super Han Man | July 02, 2007 at 10:20 PM

I wore one glove and walked backward many times. But I'm not going to tell you my name, because you might be a stalker.

Posted by: One U.S. Performer | July 03, 2007 at 12:52 AM

"Hey! You wouldn't make fun of Bi if he was an American performer like Carrot Top or Wayne Newton, you racist! You ex-pat ESL burger flippers are just jealous of Bi's talents! Like wearing one glove and walking backward! Name one U.S. performer who ever did that!"

LMAO!

Posted by: littlebrownasian | July 04, 2007 at 04:29 AM

Toronto promoter's statement of how they got ripped is here, Hawaii tells a similar story:
http://rainscoming.ca

In L.A. the concert was actually canceled just before show time with fans waiting outside the Staples Center.
http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/la-et-rain3jul03,1,317437.story?ctrack=3&cset=true

Lots of good reading here in the comments section:
http://popseoul.com/2007/07/01/rains-la-concert-cancelled/

Posted by: rainedout | July 05, 2007 at 03:34 PM

I live in Hawaii (leeward Oahu) and the local talk radio station covered this for a few minutes, er seconds. According to the station (AM830) only about 1,500 to 2,000 tickets were sold. Not sure how many were the $300 (for crying out loud!) variety.

Posted by: Matt | July 07, 2007 at 09:48 PM

I sat next to a guy on the plan last week who was one of the guys who picked Rain up from the airport in Los Angeles and had something to do with his entourage.
The fans were told that he was sick. Truth was that the venue was less than half sold-out, and he didn't want to perform to a small audience.

Posted by: joe | July 09, 2007 at 03:49 AM

The fans were told the L.A. Fire Marshal or some inspector shut down the show at the Staples Center because some of his stage equipment wasn't certified under U.S. safety standards.

Basically Rain's tour promoters from Korea have been running this schtick on the North American tour of getting paid the fee from the local promoters, then right before the concert they complain that the local promoters' are not doing an adequate job of getting the staging just right etc. Then they cancel out and refuse to refund the fee to the local promoter.

Posted by: rainedout | July 09, 2007 at 01:14 PM

Sweet. Bi will remain the thousands of miles away from me the way he should be.

Posted by: Angel Wings | July 09, 2007 at 04:57 PM

Carrot Top, Wayne Newton, and Rain: the Bi-list.

Posted by: Brat | July 12, 2007 at 07:54 AM

haha.
people remember,
just becuz you dont like them doesnt mean asia doesnt like him.
if you hate him so much then stop reading about him.
sheesh.

Posted by: park hae man | May 01, 2008 at 10:09 AM

FUCK RAIN! i bought 3 tickets for the toronto show, and its been more than a year now, i still havent got my money back!! he is nothing but a son of a bitch that robs money! i want my money back, my money doesnt fall outta the sky! fuck him!

Posted by: k | May 20, 2008 at 10:16 PM

I didn't get my refund back either! I'm so mad! And I cannot find the promoters anywhere. I'm sure they are lurking around somewhere in Toronto. They totally ditched their office and the site is down too. I would never buy from these promoters or from Rain again! It may not be his fault but I'm sure he should know how bad the concert management has been.

Posted by: A | June 01, 2008 at 09:19 AM

Foreign English Teachers = Criminals

2007-06-17T12:50:00.000-07:00

According to the investigate TV show Pandora's Box, more than 45% of ALL foreigners teaching in Korea are drug users or violent criminals.

Some choice selections from the transcript:

불법 외국인 강사, 그 실태는?
국내 4만여명의 원어민
강사 중 절반 정도가 불법이라면 믿을 수 있겠는가. 그 중 90퍼센트 이상이 마약이나 폭행 등의 범죄자들이라고 한다.

[We can believe that half of the 40,000 foreign teachers in Korea are here illegally. Of that over 90% are said to be drug users or violent criminals.]

No sources for those statistics, but I'm sure they are right that someone at some time probably did say something like that, so that's good enough for me.

Here's another statistic for which I can't be bothered to provide a source: 80% of all Koreans will happily slurp down any anti-foreigner bullshit the Korean media dishes out, no matter how ridiculous.

Let's read on...
.

위험! 그들의 접근 방식

이들은 주로 감언이설로 순진한
외국어를 배우러 온 한국 여성들에게 접근한다...처음에는 남자친구인양 행세를 하지만 곧 이들이 원하는 것은 성관계라는 것을 알게된다.

Danger! Their method of approach

With seductive language they approach Korean women who innocently just want to learn a foreign language...At first they just act as a friend, but soon you will realize they want a sexual relationship.

Oh. My. God. Many foreigners are men who want to make girlfriends and have sex? What a bunch of filthy criminals! Poor little helpless naive Korean girls. They never ever see it coming...

I didn't get a chance to see the program, but it will soon be up on the Pandora site. I'm sure there are a lot of scenes of foreign men with their faces digitally distorted preying on young wide-eyed ponytailed Korean maidens in long white dresses on their way to church.

Just reading over the transcript to this point made me so enraged that I just had to run out into the street and kick the first two white men that I saw squarely in their ridiculously large and hairy nut sacks. Odds are pretty good at least one of them was a violent drug-using sexual predator, so I think the ends justified the means. I encourage all of my readership to take similar measures to drive these evil barbarians out of our country.

OK, now I am calm enough to read on...

불법 외국인 강사를 경계하라!

외국인 강사가 의심스러울
경우 그의 이력서나 학위증, 성적 증명서를 확인하는 방법이 있다. 하지만 위조된 경우가 많고, 서류상으로 범법 사실이나 질병의 유무를 판단할 수
없다는 한계가 있다. 직접 피해를 입었을 경우 민사적으로 손해배상을 청구해서 피해를 보상받을 수 있지만 이 역시 외국인이라 절차상으로 복잡하다.
당분간은 당국의 조치가 취해지 않는 한 스스로 조심하는 것과 분명한 선을 긋는 것 밖에 없을 것이다.

Translation: In situations where you doubt foreign teachers [which after viewers watch this program should be EVERY non-Korean one ever is unfortunate enough to encounter] there are methods of checking their employment records and degrees. However, there are cases of forgeries and there is the limit that one cannot judge whether or not they have a criminal record or disease just through documentation.

That's very true. How can one ever be certain that the foreigner sitting next to them on the subway isn't crawling with disease? Damn, I now wish that before finishing this article I hadn't gone out and kicked those icky foreigners in their filthy crotches. Lord knows how many different diseases I could have picked up just by going within a meter of them.

That's it. I just can't read any more. And to think all this time I allowed the links to blogs of English teachers here in Korea. I count at least 12 on my side bar, which means roughly 3 of them are violent criminals, three are drug dealers, and the rest are probably just sexual predators. I might just have to take down all the links (except Baduk over at Koreanamerican, of course).

Comments from original blog entry:

Where did you get that 2nd pic ("Return of the...") from? Is it an actual album cover?

Posted by: Hugh | June 17, 2007 at 06:46 AM

So *that's* why I can't get laid. Damn.

Posted by: 작업맨 | June 17, 2007 at 07:47 PM

Wow, what a disgraceful race we are, being non-Koreans! I guess now I should start wearing a brown paper bag over my head before I walk out the door. Shame shame shame on us!

Posted by: littlebrownasian | June 18, 2007 at 03:10 AM

For sure, I bet your criminal kicky-shoe is disease ridden now. I'd burn it. Or send it to prison.

Posted by: Jenn | June 18, 2007 at 10:08 AM

To the PARTYPOOPERS:

You are advising the Koreans on the foreigners, the crime actions. We are thanking you. Even if you are foreigner you are help keep other foreigner away. Thank you.

Please to stay in Korea if you wanna stay, only no touch Korea women. You can go to a place, it has a barber pole, two of them, for the 'handjob' if you wanna. But no touch the girl.

So very much thank for you understand.

Very much really,
Official Podori Dept. of Police

Posted by: Podori | June 18, 2007 at 10:23 PM

LOL!! You're hilarious! :)

Posted by: Jen | June 19, 2007 at 06:59 AM

That's what I'm talking about :)

Posted by: Nomad | June 21, 2007 at 02:50 AM

Hey, I recently added a news widget from http://www.widgetmate.com to my blog. It shows the latest news, and just took a copy and paste to implement. Might interest you too.

Posted by: Mark Vane | June 26, 2007 at 05:24 AM

"They never ever see it coming..."

Not only does Korea have four seasons, it has two phases to the day, every day; night and day. It's dark at night, so of course the never see it...

Posted by: Richardson | June 26, 2007 at 05:43 AM

In case you missed it, the full Pandora's Box anti-foreigner video can be viewed without a Korean ID at this forum: http://www.mongdori.com/forums/read.php?2,232

Posted by: Daniel | August 30, 2007 at 08:33 PM

Sorry guys, but i kinda agree with them. north americans come over there and act so disrespectful, spend all their time trying to get laid and just partying . . . i'm not saying it's wrong, i'm not saying it's not the korean way of life, but it reflects really poorly on foreigners and it only takes ten or twenty percent for people to start to think that's the norm and not the exception . . . personally, aside from the teachers i met at my second school, all the foreigners i met where recovering drunks and drug addicts--the others are just military and come'on, i come from oceanside, california (think camp pendleton, biggest marine base in the west coast) . . . even americans hate the marines . . . i can't blame them . . . i wouldn't want foreigners like this in america . . . and i really do think most koreans give americans the benefit of the doubt except for the college-age korean girls, and that's pretty understandable considering the reputation we've (probably a lot because of the G.I.'s) built for ourself.

Posted by: t-diddy | September 08, 2007 at 04:51 PM

"Danger! Their method of approach

"With seductive language they approach Korean women who innocently just want to learn a foreign language...At first they just act as a friend, but soon you will realize they want a sexual relationship."

Funny...as one of the few non-white, non-male, non sexually-active people who were teachers in Korea, the same thing happened to me except by Korean guys who claimed they wanted to learn English. Deja vu!

Posted by: Adrienne | October 24, 2007 at 08:13 PM

I can't wait to go back to Canada and start slagging Korean newcomers with allegations like this: they're perverts, they're xenophobic to a fault, they're chronic liars and they only employ English teachers because they have no friends among their own kind.

(Google "A Country of liars" for an article written by a Korean that gives STATISTICAL PROOF that Koreans do nothing but lie...but then, you knew that).

Posted by: blunderbuss | December 24, 2007 at 08:34 AM

ummmm.... I'm Korean... and if you read what you are saying... lol you are being a total hypocrit...

before you go calling Americans racist, listen to the things your saying. You sound pretty racist to me.

There are bad people everywhere... EVEN IN KOREA...

You guys are making korean's look bad.... you cant even come up with true statistics... yet alone write in a way that Americans can understand.

quit putting useless information into people's head.

there is racism everywhere. grow up and deal with it. i did. i was made fun of... but you just gotta learn to FUCK WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK. You gotta live for yourself not them. if you let those people bring you down... then thats just you being weak. what about the black people?? mexicans? and in this case Americans. racism will always be apart of this world. and there isnt shit we can do about it.

Posted by: Lisa | January 27, 2008 at 01:58 AM

I agree.

Foreigners in Korea are mostly a lousy, lousy bunch, making bux teaching English and contributing little to the country as a whole.

That being said, Korean women are amazingly naive and stupid.

Who wouldn't take advantage of them?

Posted by: Carioca | June 08, 2008 at 06:28 AM

Kim Yun Jin Cries Discrimination; Sells More Books

2007-05-18T12:53:00.000-07:00

Kim Yun-Jin, one of the stars of Lost, is coming out with a book telling her Hollywood story. Yun-Jin, dubbed the 'Julia Roberts of Korea', ( by the Korean public relations department in charge of finding an American counterpart for everything Korean that is even remotely famous) has made the news recently when details of her book describing the discrimination she experienced in America were accidentally revealed to all of the Korean media agencies.

In the Korean papers the discrimination charges made the headlines. The Chosun Ilbo softens it up a bit, but still shows the ugly truth of racism in Amerikkka.

Some choice clips from the article along with some righteously angry commentary.

Despite her ascent to top stardom in Korea’s Chungmuro, Kim decided to
try her luck as an unknown in Hollywood. But the L.A film scene was an
unfamiliar world, where the star of “Swiri,” Korea’s first blockbuster,
was just another aspiring Asian actress.

Wow. She decided to try her luck in Hollywood despite her mega-massive stardom in Korea's Chungmuro (there's an ajoshi who sells both ice cream and bondegi there on the street by the way--vanilla ice cream and boiled silkworm larvae together at last!). Why would anyone who made it on Chungmuro feel a need to go anywhere else?

And how could she just be another aspiring Asian actress when her work in Swiri was so well known from Seoul all the way down to Cheju island? Arrogant American bastards. This is just the same irrational disrespect for Korea that was shown to Korea's baseball star Lee Seung Yeop back in 2003 when the Major Leagues refused to let him enter the league as a starter (Lee's batting a solid .243 in the Japan league thus far this season, by the by, but I digress...)

Back to the trials of poor Yun-Jin. Let's get to the awful details of all that awful discrimination she faced in awful America:

she landed what was initially a marginal part
in "Lost." In fact, her audition persuaded the production team to
create the character Sun, who was not in the script in the first place.

See that? They purposely changed the entire script just to...wait a minute, let me reread that...

Ok, so that's not exactly the discrimination part yet. As a matter of fact, just forget that part of the article. Let's get right to the discrimination charge:

Kim recalls an incident of racial discrimination while taking pictures
for the poster of "Lost," when all non-Caucasian actors were put in the
back row.

There it is! See? Forced to stand in the back row! Back of the bus, back row in the picture...what the hell is the difference?

I went to Google images to see these racist poster images for myself. Here are all the images I found on the first 12 pages of image results (click on the photos to enlarge, but only if you are sure you can handle the ugly racism contained therein!)

Notice how Yun-Jin is almost somewhat on the back row if you look at it in the right angle. Also note how cruelly she is placed slightly off-center. Despite this foul treatment, she keeps her composure like the professional that she is. Hang tough little warrior!

As if the promotional poster above wasn't bad enough,
here she is WAY off center and with the exception of about 9 people,
is clearly the furthest in the background. You can just hear the white
photographers giggling as they put her in this demeaning position.

How many people are behind Yun-Jin on this one? Forget
about Yun-Jin being the 'Julia Roberts of Korea', the 'Rosa Parks of
Korea' is more like it!

Sure, maybe she's in the front here, but they are making her sit on the dirty ground! What, no one has any newspapers that can't be spread out for them to sit on? Really?!!? And look at that white girl on the right mocking the 'coloreds' by sitting down next to them. This one really turns my stomach.

Notice how close they have her standing next the trees. What are they saying? That she is some kind of monkey?

What? Where is Yun-Jin on this one? I bet they forced her to go to Starbucks and get coffee for everyone just before they were called up to get the awards. Yeah, really funny you racist bastards!

I never did find the poster where Yun-Jin was relegated to the back row along with the other non-whitey types, but does that really matter? Clearly the point here is that among the hundreds of publicity shots they took of the Lost crew, one of them had her and the black actors in the back row.

And that, my friends, is just one too many.

America, when you will stop be so damned racist? WHEN!!!

While we're on the subject of Yun-Jin, here are some other links about her on the Chosun site which continue to show her struggle against racist hate in America. Read them only if you are sure you can stomach all the harsh treatment she is receiving in the U.S. and the nasty, racist things Americans are constantly saying about her.

Yun-Jin makes MSN's list of world class beauties

Yun-Jin among U.S. magazine's 100 sexiest women

Comments from original post

omg, American racism

Posted by: James | May 18, 2007 at 01:28 AM

clearly they were saying something by having the unwed white trash single mother on the beach next to her as well.

Posted by: EFL Geek | May 18, 2007 at 01:36 AM

I did the same image search of the Lost cast after reading that comment, and found nothing. I actually liked her and she seemed like a decent person in the interviews I'd seen on Letterman and a couple other talk shows.

What a disappointment to see her jumping on the victim bus with the rest of the Han-inflicted. Funny I didn't see her mention all the racism when she was chatting it up with Dave. Chickenshit.

Posted by: iheartblueballs | May 18, 2007 at 06:57 PM

[What a disappointment to see her jumping on the victim bus with the rest of the Han-inflicted. Funny I didn't see her mention all the racism when she was chatting it up with Dave. Chickenshit.]

Exactamundo. I hope the producers of the show get their hands on this, fire and sue her for slander. I can't wait to see the net-plebs attack a major TV network, that will really draw attention to their terrorist tactics.

Posted by: Peter Pan | May 18, 2007 at 07:53 PM

She didn't write that book. It was written for her. I'd not be surprised to learn that Kim Yun-Jin discovered the content of the book the same way we did -- reading it in the paper.

Posted by: Brendon Carr | May 19, 2007 at 07:02 AM

I am also curious as to just how much of the book really focuses on discrimination. Wouldn't be out of character for the Korean media to blow something like that out of proportion. I saw this on Korean TV the other day and the discrimination claim was the only thing they were talking about.

If she didn't write the book, I certainly hope she would at least read it and give it her approval. She's probably operating on the idea that these claims will boost sales of the book in Korea and it will never get back to the cast and crew of Lost. Pretty dumb that...

Posted by: partypooper | May 19, 2007 at 07:33 AM

I am surprised you didn't talk about StarCraft 2 today. News of the new StarCraft must be sending shockwaves across South Korea and more good news now that they reopned some railroads to their Nork brothers.

This is a godsend after the demise of StarCraft: Ghost, which was a disaster on part with the Gwangju massacre on 5.18...

Posted by: MarkMilton | May 19, 2007 at 09:07 PM

I am surprised you didn't talk about StarCraft 2 today. News of the new StarCraft must be sending shockwaves across South Korea and more good news now that they reopned some railroads to their Nork brothers.

This is a godsend after the demise of StarCraft: Ghost, which was a disaster on par with the Gwangju massacre on 5.18...

Posted by: MarkMilton | May 19, 2007 at 09:07 PM

Well pooped, Pooper.

I'd still do her, though, despite the fact that we share the Kim name and might therefore be distant relatives. Hell, I'd do her because we might be distant relatives! "Cousins taste better" and all that.

Kevin

Posted by: Kevin Kim | May 20, 2007 at 05:58 AM

Damn... I keep forgetting that HTML tags don't work in these comment threads. "Because" was supposed to be in italics.

Kevin

Posted by: Kevin Kim | May 20, 2007 at 06:01 AM

Sorry to get off topic but, Kevin, would you do Bobby Kim because you might be distant relatives?

Posted by: Iceberg | May 21, 2007 at 02:37 PM

No tits or ass. Where is the "Jenna Jameson of Korea"?

Posted by: Giant Panda | May 21, 2007 at 10:33 PM

No tits or ass. Where is the "Jenna Jameson of Korea"?

On the way, just made a quick stop at your nearest friendly Korean cosmetic surgery facility. :)

Posted by: littlebrownasian | May 24, 2007 at 01:23 AM

Encore!

Posted by: Nomad | May 24, 2007 at 02:39 AM

Remember all the "discrimination" that Park Chan-Ho endured in his rookie when Mike Piazza would motioned Park to come TO HIM.

Gosh!

Posted by: a-letheia | May 24, 2007 at 03:06 AM

Iceberg,

Maybe I'd do a "Bobbie Kim," but not a Bobby Kim.

Kevin

Posted by: Kevin Kim | May 24, 2007 at 04:05 AM

She is a cunt. Koreans are cunts.

Posted by: yunnycunty | May 27, 2007 at 01:44 AM

Discrimination my ass. what about discrimination against blacks in korea. There is this one Black korean actress that was scorned for years. I hope she included her in her book as well.
The supposed book that she wrote/didnt write has to be some sort of a practical joke.

Posted by: common26 | September 19, 2007 at 04:20 AM

Yunjin kim is very lucky to have the opportunity to
establish wealth and fame in America.
She should be grateful for all instead of offending
people who gave her chance to become what she is now.
Money is good but that's no way to sell her book with nothing but lies.

Posted by: Tailor Kim | October 11, 2007 at 02:55 PM

America's entertainment media including many others
supported her with great exposure through top talk shows that others only dream about once in a life time..
Yunjin Kim only criticized ,complained and accused that she was discriminated to the people who gave support instead.
This is wrong!

Posted by: Mary Smith | October 11, 2007 at 03:09 PM

Lost star Yunjin Kim lied about her being " Julia Robert of Korea".
None of Korean in korea recognize her as such.

Posted by: Bill so min | October 11, 2007 at 03:18 PM

Lost star "Yunjin Kim" own aplolgy to America for
stating a such false discrimination story which is nothing but lies and cursing.
She should officialy apologize to American people who given her
increadible support.
It's a crime to become a gold digger such way

Posted by: Fair S Sue | October 11, 2007 at 03:32 PM

I do have real true sympathy for the ones who gave
Kim Yunjin lost star chance to grow and becaome successful in America.
Lost TV show made and built foundation for Yunjin kim to become
who and where she is now.
I don't believe the story THAT Yunjin Kim is Great " Julia Roberts of Korea".
and her story claiming America's discriminaion by working with LostTV...all is totally
absurd.
I heard and seen nothing but praise and support by people in America for her Lost stardon.
She should be thankful instead of back stabbing american people who shared with only kindness.

Posted by: Mary Kim | October 11, 2007 at 04:09 PM

Who The Hell Is Yunjin Kim? - The BastardlyBastardly Hot or Not: Yunjin Kim @ Disney ABC All Star Party; Yunjin Kim ... I had 6 years time to find this out. Friday, July 14, 2006 at 8:13 am; didier ...
www.bastardly.com/archives/2006/07/13/who-the-hell-is-yunjin-kim/ - 32k -

Posted by: Cho M. | October 29, 2007 at 07:35 PM

K-netizen Come-uppance

2007-04-24T12:55:00.000-07:00

In the previous post I discussed the ongoing Time Magazine Internet Poll allowing people to vote their choice for the 'most influential person of the year.'

Predictably, the Korean Netizens responded to such polls they way they always do and Rain zoomed to the top. With the poll still open, the Korean media jumped on the story to see to it that all good citizens rallied for this noble cause. 'Is Rain more famous than Bill Gates?' the good reporters ask. 'The World Recognizes Rain's Global Stardom' was the headline of this morning's 'Focus' paper (one of those free papers they give out on the subways).

Barf bag, please.

However, the story took a turn when Thailand citizens realized their own good king Bhumibal was in the running and they responded with their own Internet ballot box-stuffing campaign and soon Bhumibal was atop the poll (that's about where my updates stopped in the previous post).

The Korean netizens, refusing to be beaten at their own game, realized that the only way to kill the king's popularity and put Rain back on top was to bombard Bhumibal with low ratings. Soon his average rating plummeted from 91 to the low 80s, a feat which must have taken 10s of thousands of voters to accomplish.

However, when the Thais realized what the Korean netizens were doing they returned the favor and sent Rain down to 23rd place (below Bill Gates, by the by, and George Bush for that matter). Enraged, even more Koreans plagued Bhumibal with low ratings and now His Majesty sits at about 50th place.

And so both seem fucked at this point. There is justice sometimes in cyberspace.

We all owe the Thai people a enormous debt of gratitude for saving us from what surely would have been another onslaught of 'Gee, ain't we grand?' reporting from the Korean media which thrives on these farces.

But mayhaps I am being premature in thinking the K-netizens so easily defeated? If they organize even greater numbers and get EVERYONE'S ratings in the low 70's, then their man (for lack of a better of word) is back in the running! Sounds difficult, but an entire nation's sense of self-worth is on the line here, is it not?

'Backlash' seems to be a popular word lately. I think the antics of the Korean netizens and media are starting to get well known throughout Asia and perhaps even beyond and not in the way they'd like. The Thais will probably not take kindly to their King being trashed online and realize that with Korea it's all 'Please love us but we don't give a shit about you' (which, as we all know, is something only America has the right to demand). Don't be surprised if events like this leads to an even bigger decline in the 'Korean wave' than there was last year.

Update

Never underestimate the power of the K-netizens. They've managed to get Rain back up to #11 by systematically bombarding the person in the next higher ranking with low ratings while continuing to try to push Rain's rating higher (getting a few hundred votes every minute, according to my half-assed calculations). American Idol clown Sanjaya is the latest victim, suddenly getting about a hundred votes per minute while all other candidates ranked ahead and behind are just getting a few. Scary to think of how many Netizens have given up their evenings for this matter of national honor.

Comments on original post

Hey, Koreans can't earn their self-esteem so they fake it, just like "Pi" has no talent so they run his voice through a computer and slap makeup on the girlieman and teach him a couple basic Michael Jackson moves from 25 years ago, and they have a "star."

Posted by: Ultimate Iguana | April 25, 2007 at 05:43 PM

Sanjaya vs. Rain. How ironic.

Posted by: SomeguyinKorea | April 25, 2007 at 05:44 PM

Hi Poops
Have you heard of this blog 'tagging' lark? I've just 'tagged' you - pop over to my place if you're interested.

Have a great weekend!

Leone xx

Posted by: Leone | April 27, 2007 at 07:32 AM

Wow - Rain is #3 now!

Posted by: Jenn | April 28, 2007 at 04:11 AM

The whole story is pretty sad... I've always hated this kind of polls.
But you don't have to thanks Thai people. Colbert's supporters worked with their VoteBots to decrease Rain's position and, of course, increase Colbert's. You can see it yourself in ColbertNation forum.

btw... who is that Colbert guy?

Posted by: m | April 28, 2007 at 10:38 PM

The Digital Assclown Brigade (Korean division) has pushed Rain to #1 as of 2 May. Let the cultural masturbation--oh...sorry...um..."We're Number 1" articles begin!

Posted by: Kkachi | May 02, 2007 at 02:16 AM

Rain doesn't have full eyebrows

Posted by: hardyandtiny | May 02, 2007 at 05:06 AM

Rain says he's not even included in the final list, because he was only invited as an alumnus and not as an awardee.

Anyway, it wasn't just Korea voting, it was the whole of Rain's fanbase voting a hundred thousand times a day. I'm talking large-scale here: Hong Kong, Singapore, USA, Philippines, Thailand, Malaysia, Indonesia. It's all over the comments page; only a small percentage of those who participate in this ridiculous poll is from Korea, mostly are from all over the world. Quite pathetic, yes, but these boppers have so much time in their hands they don't know what to do with it.

Time should have never introduced the poll in the first place. Fans go crazy when they think their idols have to be number one. Rain's fans are scarier. It's amazing how they can all unite from different places to get him to the top. And although there could be cheating involved (ie rating other people 0), fans of other candidates undoubtedly did it to the others in the list at one time or another.

And by the way, Korea is not the only one saying 'Rain Number One' here. Articles of Miyamoto in the top 5 also run out and about in Japanese newspapers. Steve Jobs leading the race was also featured in a business magazine.

Posted by: Mister | May 02, 2007 at 05:24 AM

I hear that this rain guy is "bi". whatever. anyway, I hope rain gets top votes for everything. Dumb koreans.

Posted by: NorhKorean | May 04, 2007 at 05:27 AM

It's all pretty funny. Rain, the worlds #1 most influential person. Haha.. btw man, you dont need an apostrophe when you write "10s" or "Thais". It really killed your article for me. ^^

Posted by: Qinella | May 05, 2007 at 11:37 AM

The offending little monster's we're taken out. Thank's for the head's up. And rest assured, no error's in you're comment had any adverse affects on me.

Posted by: partypooper | May 06, 2007 at 04:22 AM

Hey guys, leave Ji-Hoon alone will you! I'd just like to bend him over and roger him senseless and what's wrong with that? He's got that kind of talent........

Posted by: Leone | May 06, 2007 at 05:50 AM

I love how it says his albums have "topped the charts in Japan" when they struggle even to make it into the top 20

Posted by: Angel Wings | May 06, 2007 at 08:29 AM

Rain: The Light Drizzle Tour

2007-04-14T12:57:00.000-07:00

IMPORTANT UPDATE!

Time Magazine is currently conducting an Internet poll to let the people decide who is the most influential person in the world. Naturally, Rain is in the lead, proving once again his amazing global domination.

As of 10:20 AM (Corea Time), Rain had 57,290 votes. Apparently Thai netizens have been alerted about the poll as well, as that Giant of Global Affairs Bhumibol Adulyadej is vying for the lead. He was leading Rain at 9 AM, but the Korean Netizens have dutifully responded. For you ignoramuses (ignorami? can I get a spellcheck here?) who do not know who Bhumibol is (or 'Bhumiboy', as he is affectionately called by sarcastic expats in Thailand), he is the king of Thailand. In his write up on the Time site, you find this little blurb:

"Not much known or thought about outside Thailand. But inside Thailand
it remains a crime to insult or merely criticize him in any way."

Now that's not true! There are 10's of thousands of Thais outside of Thailand who occasionally think about him.

The poll has a column for 'total votes' and another for 'ranking'. They kindly, yet vaguely, explain how the rating system works:

The Average Rating is the mean of all Influence Meter submission for
a candidate and Total Votes represent the number of people that have
voted for each candidate.

Probably what is going on is that Korean and Thai netizens are repeatedly giving their boy 100% ratings and then giving his closest opponent 0% ratings. Since it is illegal to criticize the King of Thailand, I hope the proper authorities are tracking everyone who gives the Beloved King a score less than 90% and arrests them the moment they set foot in Thailand. Then naturally they should be brutally tortured in prison (I'd say 1 week for every percentile point below 90% that the voters gave him would be about right).

The Korea media has already jumped on the story. The headline of this piece reads, rather prematurely, "Singer Rain Selected First Place by Time Magazine". The first sentence reads, "Who is more famous, the singer Rain or Bill Gates?" It goes on to list all the big names around the world that Rain is 'more famous' than according to this highly scientific poll. I don't think they understand that the vote is ongoing and has clearly just turned into a competition between nationalistic robots submitting vote after vote for the representative of their country, but have these kinds of little technicalities ever stopped the Korea media before?

Update 2:

At 10:40 we have some dramatic changes in this very important poll!

Stephen Colbert of Comedy Central fame is now #1! Rowlings comes in at #2, the Boomdi-boomdi-boy of Thailand is at #3, and Rain has fallen to #4. What the fuck is wrong with you Korean netizens? Are you really going to let an American take the number one spot? Stop playing Starcraft and vote, damnit!

More updates to come. Stay tuned!

Update #3
I have officially quit my job in order to better stay on top of this very important event and spend every minute voting for Andy Samberg (of Lazy Sunday and 'Dick in a Box' fame, I'd say the latter alone has had slightly more influence on the world than Rain). My 200 votes (and counting!) have got him into the top 40. I will continue to give updates every hour on the hour.

At precisely 11 AM J.K. Rowlings has taken the top place with a mere 19,000+ votes. BhoomerBoy is at #2 with 62,000 votes and Pee is at 3rd place with 60,000 votes.

This really isn't right. Rowlings has the unfair advantage of actually being known outside of her country. Once again, the Wicked West is setting up poor Corea for failure with this very undemocratic system of rating.

Why? WHY?!!!!

Update 4
Bhumbully is pulling away with the lead, now at over 67,000 votes. Can there really be another country that is even more insecure and nationalistic than Corea, or is this just a fluke?

Sydney Crosby is at #6 with about 6000 votes.

Yeah, I had never heard of him before either. I guess he is Canada's representive in this poll, which I suppose I should know because according to hundreds of angry kyopo girls I am a Canadian English teacher of children in Korea. Now that I just quit my job, I'll have a lot more time to teach illegal private English lessons, pick up Korean girls in bars, criticize everything American and smoke pot, like all my other Canadian brethren here.

Update 5

Sorry about missing the last two updates. A friend of mine just in from Vancouver had some really good BC Hydro. We lit it up a few hours ago and I totally spaced on this. I'll be sure to hit that again before my privates tonight; I've got to teach/entertain 2 middle school kids who despise studying English and I just couldn't make it through that if all my senses were intact.

Anyway, what the
hell was this post about again? Oh yeah, the online poll thingy. Well,
the Once and Future Nerd King of Thailand is really running away with
this thing. He's got over 80,000 votes, about 15,000 over Rain. I guess these Thai kids just want it more. They remind me of Korea about back in 2002. Either Korea's going soft or Rain is just too lame to motivate the masses to vote.

Or maybe this is part of that backlash we've all been waiting for over the Cho massacre. Yeah, I like that theory. Maybe it's just the hydro talking, but it makes perfect sense to me.

Update 6:

Oh my fucking heck! A shocking turn of events in the poll. This is clearly becoming the ~~biggest~~ second biggest story of this month. It deserves its own post.

Make it so...

Original highly popular post

Yet another article on Rain from the Chosun Ilbo (also commonly known in certain scholarly circles as the Chosun Dildo, due to its ability to self-stimulate feel-good nationalism like no other rag in Korea, though the good people at Chosun prefer to be referred to as "the Fox News of Korea").

Photo: Rain, sporting his new 'effeminate-nerd' look sure to drive all the Sheilas Down Under wild.

The article in its entirety, with the occasional comment here and there in bold.

The Stamford Plaza Hotel in Sydney on Wednesday was bustling with about
100 reporters and photographers from all over Asia and Australia. [with the total number of non-Asians estimated nearly in the double digits] They
were there for a press conference with Rain who had arrived a few days
ahead of his Saturday concert, his first show in Australia and part of
his "Rain's Coming" world tour.

Journalists from the Sydney Morning Herald, ABC TV, Rueters TV and
other local and international news outlets turned their attention to
the Korean pop singer who is rapidly becoming a global star. [actual statistics proving this to come later, I'm sure. Maybe much later. Until then...just believe...]

Rain, in both one-on-one morning interviews and at the press
conference, talked confidently about his feelings preparing for the
show, the results of the tour so far and his future plans.

Rain arrived in Australia on Tuesday to find a crowd of 150 fans
waiting for him at Sydney Airport. [Too bad they don't have a picture of that massive swell so we could see what Koreans living in Australia look like. If any of you have trouble trying to picture a crowd of 150, just recall the crowd of people waiting in Arrivals the last time you flew on a plane and add about 10 people to that.] Despite a hiccup in the tour date --
the concert was postponed a week because of a venue change [the original venue decided it would be more profitable to go with the All Stars of Polka World Tour] -- ticket
sales have been going well. [No, there are no figures to back up that claim, but rest assured if it had sold out then that information would have been included in the headline of this piece]. Even the Easter holidays didn't slow down
the weekend bookings. [Not that it should make any difference anyway, but hey, you try to come up with a better spin if you think it's so easy]

Rain will take to the stage on Saturday at Acer Arena, where
other top international acts such as the Red Hot Chili Peppers and
Beyonce Knowles have performed. [Which obviously means Rain is on an equal footing with such acts. Simple logic, that. On a completely unrelated subject, by the way, I once participated in a local basketball tournament back in the States and we played the final games in an arena where NBA teams used to play regularly. So basically there isn't much difference between me and the likes of Michael Jordan, Larry Bird and Magic Johnson.]

Be sure to keep reading the Chosun Ilbo for more '비 on their Backs and Tell 'em It's Raining' articles.

Comments on original post

Oh, c'mon, no comments on this yet!? Then I'll just post a quick note to say that I found this post up to your usual high standards.

I'd like to find an official count on the number of products that this effeminate nerd endorses.

By the way, have you seen the "Not You Again: Do You Endorse Everything?" stickers around Seoul? I may know where you can get some, if you are interested.

Posted by: Whitey | April 20, 2007 at 07:30 AM

OK here's a comment: "Pi" is a talentless little girlieman.

Posted by: Ultralarge Octopus | April 23, 2007 at 03:37 AM

being a rain fan myself i shouldn't be happy about your post, but... hehehe... i have to admit, it's hilarious :)

Posted by: m | April 27, 2007 at 11:09 PM

Nice to see the occaisonal K-pop fan with a sense of humor.

Posted by: partypooper | April 28, 2007 at 02:08 AM

King of thailand sucks donkey cock.

Posted by: thai | May 04, 2007 at 05:34 AM

[url=http://www.tagametpill.fora.pl/]tagamet[/url]

Posted by: acomplia rimonabant | August 07, 2007 at 06:35 AM

This photo of Rain isn't doing much to dispel my suspicion that Rain is a retard.

Posted by: Brendon Carr | August 12, 2007 at 06:10 AM

Photo Fun, Spring 2007

2007-04-11T15:57:00.000-07:00

Kept these photos for a while waiting for a good chance to use them. But methinks now's the time just to clear out out my picture file. I hope you find them as sparkling as I have.

The Party Pooper heartily endorses any English language product touted by either of these language education ~~whor~~ professionals.
Learn English AND laugh at silly foreigners at the same time; what could be better?

Isaac Durst, bold pioneer in the field of edutainment, has a new book out which is sure to be super good. I hear it has lots of pictures of him in gorilla suits and whatnot, so you know a whole lotta good learnin's goin' on here. So funny!

Robert has an even more super program that promises students will speak English as well as Robert speaks Korean in only 90 days (Yes, he's fluent). The secret is to have students memorize 1000+ English sentences. Who'd uv thunk it?! Simply amazing! He's been running this ~~scam~~ program for several years now; I'm sure you all have run into the thousands of his satisfied customers who now speaking English so good.

I was surprised that this photo didn't get more coverage in the press. It may appear that George is taking advantage of Jong-il, but I think it's clear that Jong-il is loving every minute of it. You have to understand that it's Korean culture not to appear to be giving it away too easily.

Update: I have just received word that this image might not be authentic. I'll look into it.

This is a picture I took recently that I brought to my photography class for peer review. Generally the feedback was good: lighting was appropriate, the main object was slightly off center, and the general ambiance and mood of the event was well captured. My instructor still thinks I have a long way to go, but he says my work shows substantial progress in comparison to my bukkake photos from last week.

Dog Meat: Fact from Fiction (or, How Would you Like your Dog Penis?

2007-04-10T20:18:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since Oriental medicine got a good pooping upon.

An article at the Joongang daily (hat tip to fellow dog-eater Marmot). Is dog meat more healthy than other meat? Does it really cool your body in the summer? Does it really make your weener sit up and beg for biscuits?

Two 'experts,' one an Oriental medicine doctor and the other some far less entertaining person who actually knows something about human physiology, tackle this controversial issue.

Some portions of the article along with a snarky comment or two.

Professor Ann Yong-geun of Chungcheong University waded into the controversy last month when he said that there is a nutritious property of dog meat that cannot be proven by Western medical science.

Cannot be proven by 'Western medical science.' Of course, this means the empirical method. What exactly, good professor, is the 'non-Western' way to prove something? Proof based on blind faith in superstition? Proof based on anecdotal evidence (which of course, could simultaneously prove and disprove every theory ever produced)? Proof based on how good a theory sounds after the 3rd bottle of soju?

He said in a CBS radio program that although dog meat has less protein and fewer minerals than pork, chicken or beef, eating dishes like gaejangguk and boshintang (dog stew) mysteriously allow more energy to enter the body.

Dog meat has less protein and fewer minerals than other meat, yet somehow it gives people more energy! What a mystery! And how do we know it gives us more energy? That's yet another mystery! Don't try to prove it by your silly Western tests. Obviously physiological tests can't show it! Just believe!

But what if we take three groups of people and put them on a diet identical in every way except one group gets a dog meat supplement, the other chicken, and the other tofu. Prepare the dish in a way that it is very difficult to detect a difference in taste (perhaps just tell them the dog meat is really ostrich meat, or some other meat they probably haven't tried). Then allow them to self-report their energy levels.

If that kind of study came up with consistent results in favor of dog meat, perhaps then we would have proof of this extra energy?

But no! That is yet another 'Western' way of trying to prove something. Dog meat is so beyond that! Even though the people who eat dog meat might not feel or realize they have more energy, and no other test can physically show it, they DO have more energy! What a big ass muther-fucking mystery it is!

Perhaps the good people of Chungcheong university might want to check this guy's diplomas.

Drawing on folklore, others say that dog meat is good for stamina, the liver and the stomach, as mentioned in the Donguibogam, a medical text written by the physician Heo Jun in the Joseon Dynasty.

In unrelated news, Koreans are much more likely to get stomach and liver cancer compared to other races but I digress...

To sort out fact from fiction Bai Young-hee, a food and nutrition professor from Osan College, and Joo Jeong-ju, an Oriental herbal doctor, agreed to analyze the claims behind Korea's dog-eating customs.

Excellent! Please enlighten us, oh mighty sages!

Why is dog meat recommended during summer?

Joo: In traditional herbal medicine, people have four types of temperaments: han, naeng, on and yeol. Han is the coldest and yeol, the hottest. Our ancestors ate food that best suited their temperament or nature and their environment. Ancient Koreans would categorize the temperament of grain, for example, depending on when it is harvested and what kind of soil or climate it was grown in. Barley is grown during fall and winter, so it would be categorized as having a cool temperament.

Our ancestors believed dog meat has a warm temperament. The blood circulates within the body and during the summer, most body heat gravitates to the outer layer of the body. This makes the body core cool and reduces stamina. Ancestors believed that dog meat warms the inside of the stomach, restoring strength.

Did you get all that? The han and the yeol? The part about body heat gravitating and such? Warming of stomachs? Make sense to you?

To date, of all that Joo just spewed out about eating dog meat in the summer, "the blood circulates within the body" is the only thing thus far proven by Western science.

Can Osan University professor Bai Young-hee possibly top that answer?

Why is dog meat recommended during summer?
It is a tradition. Some people say that eating dog meat actually prevents sweating because dogs themselves donât sweat through their skin but through their tongues. In reality there is very little difference between the temperature of the stomach in the winter and that found in the summer.

That's it? Come on Prof Bai, can't you do better than just spout out facts? Where's the entertainment value in that?

Interesting that some people believe that because dogs don't sweat, eating dog meat will likewise prevent you from sweating. By a similar line of reasoning, could we not conclude that since dogs can lick their own balls, eating dog meat would bestow this ability as well? Has anyone out there experimented with this and would like to share? Of course, we won't ask you to prove it because it is probably unprovable anyway (and I think I'd rather not see it anyway, thank you).

Let's continue learning! My comments are included within the text.

How nutritious is dog meat?

Joo: In Oriental medicine we say it's nutritious for those who lack heat in their body [that would be called 'clinically dead', in Western terminology]. In the past, dog meat was used as a medical treatment and not a delicacy. Ancestors believed that dog meat protects the body as a whole. In fact, many animals including goats, pigs, sparrows and crows were all used in Oriental remedies. It is hard to say which part of the dog is most nutritious or best for the body, [yeah, really hard for someone who doesn't even know the fundamentals of human physiology] although in olden times this claim was made for the genitalia. It is not a matter of how much protein or fat dog meat contains [like they would even know that anyway], Oriental medicine is based on ancestors' observations and experiences in nature. [not to mention more than a little credulity, see here for more information on the wonderful phenomenon which is Oriental medicine]

I see, so your answer to that question is...what? This kind of answer makes me very curious as to exactly what Oriental 'doctors' actually study in school.

Bai: One hundred grams of raw dog meat contains 60.1 percent water, 19 grams of protein, 20.2 grams of fat and 44.4 milligrams of cholesterol. It also contains vitamins, potassium, ash, phosphorous, iron and sodium. Compared to other meats or ingredients, dog meat has less cholesterol. There are 1,280 milligrams of cholesterol in an egg yolk, 82.4 in tuna and 65.2 in pork. Compared to beef, pork and chicken, dog meat is not high in protein. But it is true that its amino acid content is superior to other meats.

Thank you for answering the question, Professor Bai. Nice to know you actually did more for your study than just sit around drinking dong-dong ju talking about meta-physical mysteries.

Is dog meat really good for stamina?
Joo: Yes, it is, especially gaesoju, or dog wine. Gaesoju is a fermented drink that is distilled by cooking the dog in a double boiler. Moreover, our ancestors used the dog's penis in the gaesoju and as a medicine to supplement energy. But I repeat, most treatments of Oriental medicine were derived from nature and people's experience.

Bonus points to the Jooster for saying the word 'penis.'

Some Questions:

Is the dog penis placed in the bottle of soju much like the worm can be found at the bottom of a bottle of tequilla?
Would a true man swallow the penis?
Does this dog penis medicine have to be taken orally, or are there other methods (which are probably illegal in most countries)?
How do you prefer your man to take his dog penis medicine, and do you find it stimulating to watch?

Photo Caption: "No, no! I said I wanted my dog well hung!"

Same question to you, Professor Bai (same original question about dog food being good for stamina, that is, you don't have to answer the other questions about dog penis treatments, unless you want to, that is).

Bai: All the ingredients of gaesoju are healthy to some extent. But the influence differs from person to person. For some, dog meat is good for stamina or post-operative recovery. Depending on an individual's body structure, it can supplement nutrition.

Effects vary from person to person...it works for some, not for others...no research studies mentioned to support any of this...

Or to put it another way, dog penis soju can be as good as any other placebo that is out there on the market.

Dog meat eaters say it is easy to digest.

Joo: According to Oriental medicine, dogs and chickens both have a warm temperament. Pork is cool and beef is both. Beef is good for all types of people but it cannot be used as a medical treatment because it does not balance warm or cold. On the other hand, dog meat is used to supplement body warmth. For example, for those who have a stomach disorder, gaesoju is recommended to balance their circulation and to help build up the digestive system.

Bai: Boiled dog meat is similar to beef but softer, making it easy to digest. This is why people in their 50s and 60s prefer eating the dish to beef.

Once again, same planet, different worlds. I don't think Joo even understood the question.

Would you recommend dog meat for the body's nutritional balance?

Joo: Personally, I don't recommend dog meat or gaesoju to my patients. I have religious reasons as well as spiritual reasons. I recognize dogs as pets that share emotions with people. Theyâre different from cows and pigs, which are domestic animals.
But from time to time, I do offer a gaesoju herb remedy to those who have really weak stomachs who cannot even digest thin gruel. Oriental medicine is an experience-oriented science. Believing is more important than asking why.

Joo, thank you for those last two sentences. That's a very good summary of your entire profession. I have nothing further to add.

Bai: Dog meat is not an essential food; we don't have to eat it in order to survive. In the past people believed they could benefit from eating dog meat. It is up to each individual whether or not to eat it. With changes in living patterns and eating habits, people suffer from different maladies. With such changes, concentrated treatments (Western medicine) are more effective than the so-called balanced ones used by Oriental medicine.

And a big thank you to you as well, Professor Bai, for at least implying one of the obvious truths that most Asians just don't want to face.

And to all you followers of the Oriental medicine religion, may you enjoy the penises of many a dog this summer.

And now some random puppy photo fun!

Now this is what I'm talking about!

GET IN MY BELLY!

Yay! Master is taking us out for a drive in the country!

An ad by a vegetarian group trying to convince people not to eat meat. I understand it didn't have quite the intended effect on Koreans and Chinese. Or expats in Korea named Robert, for that matter.

Idiots. Nobody eats dog with a knife and fork.

This is 'Mary' (the dog, that is). She was rescued from a dog farm by Sun-an (read the moving story here).

You may have won this round, 'Mary', but Sun-an can't be watching you all the time...

Revenant Dog: It has returned from the dead seeking vengeance on all eaters of dogs.

This legend scares the shit out of every Korean and Chinese man alive.

Damn, that picture is the scariest thing I've seen all week.

Check that. This video the Iceberg links here is the scariest thing I've seen all week.

Random Splats: April

2007-03-24T16:01:00.000-07:00

Gettin' Wiki wid it

Not sure if some other K-blogger has already mentioned this, but fan death has reached wikipedia. The wiki boys seem to think it's all bunk, but I'll wait until conservapedia comes out and tells us God's Honest Truth about it before I even think of buying a fan.

Chi power!
A youtube video of a 'kiai master' whose power of chi/ki/The Force or whatever is so strong he can knock people over without touching them. The first half is hilarious, the second half...I don't know. Kind of felt sorry for the old guy. I really wonder how he let himself get into that position. Maybe after you run a scam for so long you start to actually believe in it yourself? (found the link through the James Randi site)

Random link generator: #1

This link was found by a new search tool I discovered recently, the random link generator. Decided I'd just try it out and see what happens. Hope it leads to something interesting.

Life, it turns out, may not actually be fair after all
The famous anti 'ex-patriot' piece from the Korea Times has already made the rounds in the k-blogosphere. The gist of the piece is that life is tough for a kyopo in Korea, so white 'ex-patriots' (probably referring to America-hating Democrats) should shut up.

As a female Bangladeshi factory worker in Korea (there, I've finally revealed my true identity, Allah be praised), I'd like to tell him to shut the fuck up. I'm tired of all these spoiled little kyopos who have it so easy here in Korea (relative to people like me) whining about how 'unfair' life is.

Random Link Generator #2
Again, this link was randomly generated. It does not necessarily reflect my exact opinion on whatever topic it happens to discuss.

KGW Update
I guess we can keep this guy on our files after all.

Funny how the recent generation of Korean singers keep their romances out of the public eye so well. You hear about Eric from Shinhwa scoring with the babes every now and then, but that's about it...

86% (hat tip to koreaspondent)

The Host Conquers America

2007-03-19T16:03:00.000-07:00

I'm surprised this story hasn't been carried by the Chosun Ilbo yet. Perhaps they've just been struggling to find the right ~~spin~~ angle to present it. Allow me to help them out (I grant full permission to the good people at Chosun Ilbo to reprint this article in its entirety).

It's official: The Korean Wave has finally roared across the Greater East Sea* and has engulfed the United States of America. The Korean blockbuster, The Host, in only its second week after being unleashed in the States, outperformed no less than 79 American movies in the box office this past week. The list of vanquished Hollywood movies includes such blockbusters as Charlotte's Web, Blood Diamond, and Wild Safari 3D: A South African Adventure. Even Oscar nomination heavyweights such as The Departed and Letters from Iwo Jima received a sound spanking. Hollywood executives could not conceal their embarrassment, if not outright terror.

Says unbiased American movie analyst Jennifer Kim:

"During the first week of its release, when it conquered no less than 88 major Hollywood releases, many people just assumed that it was due to millions of Korean-Americans flocking to the movie to bump up the numbers. However, in the second week, only about 75% of the Korean-American community was able to make it out to the theaters for a second or third viewing. Clearly, someone else is watching this movie! The Host has now absolutely proved it is no fluke. There is no Hollywood."

On the music end of the Korean Wave, America is just barely recovering from the mass hysteria that accompanied the Rain tour, which saw an amazing 400% increase** in non Asian-American fans compared to previous estimates when Rain wowed audiences at two sold-out Madison Square Garden shows.

Photo: Hordes of American fans being 비'd on at Madison Square Garden. (the photo doesn't show it, but there really was a white girl in the audience. Lots of people saw her and will tell you it is absolutely true)

Continues unbiased American citizen Jennifer Kim,

"The effect of the Korean Wave in America is undeniable. It was just the other day when a Chinese-American friend of mine was mistakenly assumed to be Korean by someone on the street. How wild is that? And at a party the other day I was talking to this white guy, and when he found out I was Korean he noted that he knew that Old Boy won some European award recently. He hasn't actually seen the movie, but he agreed that it's probably pretty good."

Movie critics in the States have given The Host extremely high praise. Said one reviewer,

"The Host has all the necessary components of a great movie: It's from a foreign country, it has subtitles, and most of the actors aren't white. And those who are white play stereotypical evil characters completely lacking in depth. It's got all the makings of a classic."

The Host continues to play at 71 69 movie theaters across the United States.

*Also referred to as the Pacific Ocean by the uneducated
**This percentage might actually be higher. In addition to confirmed sightings of 4 non-Asians at the concerts (one was even black!), there were several reports of at least 2 other individuals that may have been Hispanic, but then again, could just have been Korean girls who were going for a gang-banger look.

Comments from original blog entry

Fan-dingle-damn-tastic.

This post almost motivates me to see the movie.

Kevin

Posted by: Kevin Kim | March 19, 2007 at 11:33 PM

You forgot to mention the best part. For betraying their country the whiteys got deported from Korea.

Posted by: EFL Geek | March 20, 2007 at 01:48 AM

Bravo, sir, bravo.

Posted by: Nomad | March 20, 2007 at 08:26 PM

OHMYGOD OHMYGOD OHMYGOD r U ghey? Shin Bang wid Dong...oh, sorry, wrong thread :)

Another great piss take on the "Hub of Asia." Cheers.

Posted by: Awesome Iguana | March 22, 2007 at 10:56 PM

Gosh Darn it I am So Mad! When are you people going to get it? IT IS THE WEST CANADA OCEAN!!!!!

Posted by: kimchipig | March 23, 2007 at 03:17 PM

hey,I almost laugh myself to death
keep up the good work

Posted by: stannn | April 02, 2007 at 11:14 PM

Randi in Korea Part 2

2007-02-16T16:06:00.000-08:00

As promised, I wanted to do a follow up post when Randi returned to Korea and did a number of shows on SBS a few years back in which he had a field day with various Korean psychics and fortune tellers.

Unfortunately, I couldn't find much information on it on Randi's web site. This link gives some information (scroll down near the end), but not much.

I happened to see one of the shows purely by chance. As I recall, the program had rounded up about 12 or so of Korea's 'top fortunetellers' and they were tested on their ability to ~~wildly guess~~ predict a certain location in Seoul where something had been hidden (they had to guess the district only, not the exact location). By chance alone at least one of the psychics should have been right, but they all failed. The camera showed these fortunetellers with embarrassed sheepish smiles as the results were presented. Randi then said to the fortune tellers, 'write down your predictions of what I will do in one minute', and then 60 seconds later dropped his pants and mooned them all, while shouting 'kiss my big white bright ass you fucking frauds!' You could tell by the shocked expressions of the fortune tellers that they had all failed to see that coming.

Note, it was a few years since I saw that show, so my memory of certain details of that show might be a little off, but you get the gist.

I was not surprised that EBS allowed Randi to expose frauds from other Asian countries on the show, but it was jaw-dropping to see them allow Randi to show up Korean fortunetellers. The experience for Randi was the opposite of what he had to go through with the KBS clowns some 7-8 years earlier.

A few Randi fan club Internet communities popped up afterwards, but that was about the extent of his impact here. I haven't heard of any such shows like that since.

On that same link above Randi talks about some Korean magicians. I've seen
the guy on the left on TV, but not the happy sprite on the right whom Randi describes as 'winsome'. (the proper authorities have been notified).

By the way, here's another good clip of Randi doing an old experiment on horoscopes/astrology with a university class. If you have the stomach for it, scroll down the comments to those arguing for astrology.

Oh, and while we're on the subject of idiotic beliefs, if you believe the 'Blood type-personality theory' (the idea that your ABO blood type dictates your personality traits), you should know that it's been scientifically proven that you are at best border-line retarded. We forgive you just so long as you promise not to breed (especially if you happen to be blood type B, you selfish pricks!).

I hope this comes as no surprise to anyone that psychics and
fortunetellers have a long track record of dismal failure. Top American
psychic, Sylvia Browne (her last name has an extra 'e' on it, how
mysterious!) annually makes a host of predictions each year that not
only fail miserably, but often even defy the odds of her being right occasionally just by
chance alone. Here's an article on
her most recent failures. On Montell Williams back in 2000 she predicted Gore would win the presidency, by the way. But don't lose hope fellow democrats, she later said that her 'vision' was just off time-wise, and that Gore would later become our President. Bank on it!

And yet her many public failures don't seem to matter at all. The money
keeps rolling in from idiots who are 'open-minded' enough to believe
her despite all the evidence screaming to the contrary.

Now I already know what some of you will say; 'Sure Pooper, there are dishonest people like Syvia Brownee (notice that the additional 'e' added to 'Browne' no longer has a positive impact on the perception of the name. Linguists, take note). But that doesn't mean ALL fortune tellers are wrong. Once I went to a fortune teller and she correctly predicted blah blah blah and even blah blah blah...'

To which I say the following: the next time you feel compelled to go to a fortune teller, get a reading for both you and a friend who is similar to you in general categories such as gender, marital status, etc.. Take along a tape recorder and transcribe everything he/she says for both of your readings. Put the transcriptions in a safe place and then take a look at them 6 or so months later and see just how accurate they really are. Most likely you'll be surprised by the discrepency of what your reading actually says (and doesn't say) and what you remembered (such are the limitations of human memory).

Next, count up the number of 'predictions' that seem close to being accurate and the number of those which seem inaccurate. Now look over the predictions for your friend and see how well they apply to YOU. Odds are, you'll find BOTH sets of predictions either more or less equally accurate for you, even though one wasn't supposed to be about you at all.

Finally, after going through all these steps, make an effort not to be a moron by going to a fortune teller ever again. Otherwise, you're no different than the Slyvia Browne followers.

Comments on the original blog entry

Great post. I had to wonder why the hell Drudge saw fit to throw up a link to this article on fortune-telling. THIS counts as news?

URL to the article in question:
http://tinyurl.com/38wtu2

By the way, not far behind "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" is a book called "We Are Their Heaven," which sits in the Top 5 on Amazon.com. At the moment I'm writing this, the book occupies the #3 and #4 spots. Check out the link and see what "We Are Their Heaven" is about. This'll put your finger on the pulse of American public consciousness.

URL to Amazon:
http://tinyurl.com/22ho3o

Kevin

PS: Is there a reason why HTML is not enabled in comments? Have there been spam issues? I see that hyperlinks appear automatically when I write a full URL, but I was unable to code an anchored link. I was also unable to italicize certain words in this comment. When I hit "preview," I saw that all italics had disappeared. Most disconcerting.

Posted by: Kevin Kim | February 16, 2007 at 09:21 AM

If you want to see something really depressing, go to the link below, fill out the 5 question poll, and check out the results.

http://www.oprah.com/tows/intheworks/tows_works_belief.jhtml

50k plus responses from housewives across America, and the tally would make James Randi cry in his beer. My own Cass-uh has already been watered down with sorrow.

I haven't seen the Oprah episode in question (and I hope that phrase doesn't put me on the Pooper's Gaywatch), but the fact that she gave notorious douchebag John Edward a platform to promote his grief-whoring racket is a goddamn fucking shame.

Posted by: iheartblueballs | February 17, 2007 at 02:26 AM

Here's something for your wall:

http://tinyurl.com/2mulhc

Posted by: ders | February 17, 2007 at 10:47 PM

I suspect that if not for Randi's support of them, you'd note and mock the gayness of the Korean magicians. At least, I'm suspending any judgment given Randi's words on the matter.

Posted by: Shawn | February 24, 2007 at 07:27 AM

Party Pooper needs an update soon or else we will all migrate to Occidentalism to get our daily amusement from Korean-bashing, revisionist, Japanese-worshiping bloggers and their followers

Posted by: MarkMilton | February 27, 2007 at 10:06 PM

Randi in Korea Part 1

2007-01-25T16:10:00.000-08:00

p>I stumbled upon this while over at James Randi's site. Randi is a former stage magician who has spent the last few decades debunking psychics and other con men who prey on the gullible.

It is a recount of his trip to Korea in 1995 to take part in a TV show. For almost everyone who has spent some time working in Korea, regardless of the kind of work they do, this story will sound all too familiar.

Some of the choicer bits that took place once he arrived:

Nothing, but nothing, took place as planned. People would call, arrange to

meet me, and never show up. There was little, if any, understanding of what

I was there to do, though I'd gone into exquisite detail on the faxes. It

took us two days to discover that the Big Producer, Mr. Kim*, had been

misinformed; he thought I was a genuine psychic!

Well, that posed a major problem. I'd outlined 16 tricks-of-the-psychics I

would do, along with explanations. And I did them all at the production

meetings, to establish that they'd work. Everyone oooohed and ahhhhed, but

Kim was quite troubled. He finally announced that I would wear a silver

robe and hat, and declare it all to be the real thing. I counter-announced

that I'd do no such thing, and he could only get that costume onto my

corpse. [Would like to have heard the interpreters handle that one]. Kim suggested that I say that some of what I did was fake, but most

of it was real. I said no. He told me I could say that most of what I did

was fake, but some was real. Nyet, nein, no, non. We were not at all happy

with each other, and Kim kept saying that the Korean people like to believe

that psychic stuff is real, and they would expect me to say that it is.

"A silver robe and hat", that's just classic. It reminded me of the last time I saw local celebrity Isaac Durst on his latest TV show teaching English to kids. He was wearing a jester's suit, complete with the jingle-bell hat for no apparent reason whatsoever. I can just see his own Mr Kim: PD' coming up with this grand idea and Isaac, basically completely bereft of whatever dignity he once had when he first came to Korea, just went along with it.

And Big Producer Kim was right; most people watching these kinds of shows on TV want to oooh and aaah at the supposed supernatural, rather than have some party pooper come along and tell them that its all bullshit that can be done anyone. That's not just Korea, but the sad state of affairs in all of the supposedly enlightened first world countries. Even the Discovery channel stoops to this kind of nonsense repeatedly.

Back to Randi's misadventures in Korea

Note: Mr. Kim wasn't at all interested in the truth of the matter, but only

in what the Korean public wanted to hear. His lack of respect for their

dignity really annoyed me. And his confident declarations of psychic powers

that were, he said, part of the lives of Koreans, really depressed me. When

he ran on about a Korean girl who could read sealed envelopes -- and had

been "tested by scientists!" -- I offered to give her my fee for the

engagement if she could do it for me, just ONCE, but he waved away that

suggestion. We have an exprssion that involves putting up or shutting up,

but I think it would have been lost on the man.

Be sure to read the rest, especially about how they tried to get around paying Randi his fee. Par for the course in these parts, Randi. Welcome to the Hub of Asia.

Randi did return to Korea in 2003 and did a series of shows for SBS. This experience went a whole lot better and the shows actually did let Randi expose Korean psychics for the frauds they were. Not many shows in the West have the decency to do the same thing, so mad props to SBS for this moment, however brief, of sanity. More on that in Part 2 of Randi in Korea, coming (relatively) soon...

Comments on original blog post

Great Post, sounds about par for the course.

Posted by: EFL Geek | January 25, 2007 at 02:51 AM

Too bad I have not looked through Randi's site enough to find the gem. Thanks for the sharp eyes.

As a counterpoint, if anybody wants to find the Skeptic's Guide podcast of a few weeks ago Randi has some very complementary things to say about Korea as well.

His whole dilemma reminds me of trying to serve cilantro at my old restaurant. Korean's expect not to like it, so you should never serve it. Or so the told me while eagerly shoveling homemade cilantro laced salsa down their gullet.

Posted by: Dram_man | January 25, 2007 at 05:09 AM

Korean TV producers exclusively use the Ooooooh-meter when making programming choices. Frauds and con artists (read: psychics and fortune tellers) get plenty of airtime, not only because Koreans are eternal suckers for the supernatural, but because the entire culture is inundated with crap of a similar vein like blood-type bullshit, golden pigs, street psychics, lucky grave sites, CHINESE MEDICINE and on and on. Authoritarian culture + general lack of skepticism + inherent "trust" in your seniors/parents/authority figures + inability to differentiate science from pseudo-science = Absolutely Gullible.

I would have to disagree, Pooper, with your assessment that not many shows in the West have the decency to expose psychics. Of course the dipshit talk shows (with Larry King, Montel, Maury Povich, etc. being the worst offenders) tend to book asshats like John Edwards, Sylvia Browne, and Something Van Something and give them free reign to talk with the dead without much skepticism. But the news magazines (20/20, Dateline, Primetime) do a solid job of digging deeper and exposing the manipulation and bullshit behind the entire industry.

Watch James Randi's account of how he and Johnny Carson exposed famous (at the time) spoon-bending douchebag Uri Geller on the Tonight Show. It's a classic. Carson part starts at 5:42. There's also a sweet healing-preacher he exposes at the end of the vid.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M9w7jHYriFo

Randi for Preznit.

Posted by: iheartblueballs | January 26, 2007 at 11:19 PM

partypooper is pooping everywhere here!!! iIt rocks!..... yeah..... u really need to go pro with this! ;)

Posted by: partypooperwannabe | March 05, 2007 at 09:06 PM

Michelle Wie's Ass Kicked by Japanese-American Punk

2007-01-11T16:13:00.000-08:00

After the first round at the Sony Open, 17-year-old former golf phenomenon Michelle Wie finds herself second to last in the qualifier in a field of 144.

Playing the Sony Open for the fourth straight
year, Wie hit into the water twice, the bunker twice, clipped two palm
trees and didn't hit a fairway until the 15th hole. Headed for her
worst score ever, the 17-year-old kept battling and played the back
nine in even par for a 78.

That's one stroke better than her opening round a year ago at Waialae.

But it still leaves her chances of making the cut about the same as the second round being postponed by snow.

This continues her string of failures in qualifiers, finishing either dead last or second to last in all last year's events. This one looks to be a bit worse, as a younger (and much shorter) teenager is doing much better.

"The best score by a Hawaii teen belonged to 16-year-old Tadd Fujikawa,
one year younger and a foot shorter than Wie. Fujikawa, who qualified
for the U.S. Open last year, opened with a 1-over 71 at Waialae."

Schooled by a short 16-year-old Japanese American punk; will Korean pride ever recover?

Now some of you may question why I gloat over Michelle Wie's dramatic failures. To tell the truth, I had never had anything against Michelle Wie until her father opened up his mouth to Korean reporters about how 'the only thing American about Michelle Wie is her passport'. He basically played the Korean nationalism card to get some sweet advertising contracts for his daughter and did his little part to set back Korean-American relations in the States just that much further. Honestly, if Korean-Americans are to become fully accepted into American society (as most should be), idiots like this need to shut up and keep their nationalism (and implied racism) to themselves. I can't imagine Robert Holley being able to say 'the only thing Korean about me is my passport' and getting away with it in Korea, and neither should this clown be able to do the same.

So, for the sins of the father, I will relish each dramatic loss my Michelle as she continues to compete with the men (solely for marketing purposes). Let her first actually win a few women's competitions and build up her skills before she wastes everyone's time competing against the men. Someday she might deserve to be there, but until then, she should stop embarrassing herself.

Comments on original blog post

Bonus: Move the mouse over her boobs and see what pops up. On the screen, I mean.

All chick photos should have this feature.

Posted by: nobody | January 12, 2007 at 08:30 AM

In this day and age, the separation of men and women in sports competition strikes me as silly. People who want to ignore biological realities should be allowed to compete together, I say.

While I'm at it: I advocate the elimination of weight classes, too.

Kevin "There Can Be Only One" Kim

Posted by: Kevin Kim | January 13, 2007 at 07:43 AM

Even if this occurs, Kevin will always remain the undisputed champion at cat bowling.

Posted by: Rhesus | January 14, 2007 at 12:01 PM

I agree with all of your points, but at the same time, I might say the same things as her father if it meant I would have many more millions of dollars to add to my bank account (notice I say my, because there is now way pops is nice enough to give it all to her. He will have some screwed up Korean logic of all mine will be hers, so I might as well have control of it right now).

Posted by: koreaspondent | January 14, 2007 at 08:35 PM

Nice blog facelift!

Too much Corean Pryde is bad for the stomach; just like KimChi

Posted by: Mark Milton | January 15, 2007 at 08:34 PM

"I can't imagine Robert Holley being able to say 'the only thing Korean about me is my passport' and getting away with it in Korea,"

Really? I can imagine him saying it, and Koreans nodding in agreement with him.

Posted by: Hugh | January 16, 2007 at 07:55 PM

It has always amazed me how Korea and Koreans can raise an absolute nobody, like Michele Wie, into Godlike Stardom without that person ever actually accomplishing anything but being cute.

Posted by: kimchipig | January 18, 2007 at 08:03 PM

Koreans generally want it both ways. Whilst honouring the 5000 years of culture etc etc and thrusting every artefact of absolutely no interest at all under our noses,they also revere the USA and aspire to that ideal.

The sad reality is that the ones that make it there just turn their backs on the homeland as the Samsung crowd turn their backs on old school mates. Despite what certain sources will have us believe - Korean 'collective' consciousness only really applies in a 'fair weather friend' context.

Koreans are a very selfish breed with a good deal of ambition coupled with self-loathing and an overwhelming sense of inferiority which displays itself as an overwhelming attitude of completely unfounded superiority - and that's just the Kindergaarten students.

Oh well - it's great to see them overseas huddled in groups without the comfort blankets afforded to them by the family and years of the likes of President / Father Park mk 1 /2 etc.

Yes guys when you leave this place - you too are way-gooks but unlike us - you haven't got a fuckin clue!

Posted by: Leone | January 20, 2007 at 06:21 AM

Sometimes Koreans overcompensate their Corean pryde by making up fake history, promoting racism against non-Koreans, and hyping achievements such as Dr Hwang's faked cloning, etc.

Ironically, this type of KCrean pryde is actually fueling anti-Korean sentiment. Japan doesn't need to work that hard in promoting anti-Korean sentiment at the rate Corean Pryde is achieving.

Posted by: Mark Milton | January 20, 2007 at 10:47 PM

Smackdown!

2007-01-03T16:16:00.000-08:00

A 'Hallyuwood Couple' I've never heard of is all over the news these days with allegations of domestic violence.

"On Tuesday, Lee Min-young spoke to reporters from her hospital bed for
20 minutes, having undergone reconstructive surgery on her nose. The
actress alleged she miscarried after being kicked in the stomach by Lee
Chan, who had beaten her several times even before their marriage. Lee
said she believed he would become a different man after marriage but
was bitterly disappointed."

Lee Chan denies such violence, saying that they only engaged in slapping matches.

Lee Chan immediately denied the claim, saying
that although he slapped the actress on her cheek eight times, he had
nothing to do with her miscarriage and broken nose.

See that? Two sides to every story. He may only be guilty of nothing more than just slapping a pregnant woman eight times (and quite a nice job of counting as well. I always lose my place on the slap count after 5 or 6). And honestly, haven't we all, from time to time, roughed up our pregnant girlfriends and/or wives a little? Ok, so we haven't, but nonetheless the point still stands that Lee Chan might actually be the victim here. Come on, isn't it possible that in a little hissy-fit after some trivial spat, Min-young decided to get petty revenge on her husband by hiring a gangster to come over and beat the shit out of her, putting her in the hospital for reconstructive surgery on her nose and causing the miscarriage? Can you really say something like this isn't possible?

Ok, I guess you can. But does that mean we have a right to condemn this man without a fair trial? And obviously when the question is put this way, I think we would all have to agree that the answer is 'probably, yeah.'

And finally, my advice to Lee Min Young is that after a few weeks have passed and Lee Chan shows up on your doorstep begging for forgiveness, telling you how this whole public episode has finally shown him the error of his ways and that he is seeking counseling, try to find it in your heart of hearts to understand his 'special situation' and give him just one more chance. Even if the odds are only one in a thousand that he really has changed and won't beat you even worse next time, isn't this what people are talking about when they say that love is worth taking a risk? Maybe if you could just learn to duck and weave a little bit better, then you could manage to bring the next pregnancy to term and then you'll bring a wonderful, innocent child into Lee Chan's world. Maybe he'll finally change then, won't he? Seriously, he still wouldn't beat you (and possibly the child) then, would he?

Probably, yeah.

Comments on original blog entry

I like his hat.

Posted by: James | January 03, 2007 at 07:53 PM

Lee Chan makes Ike Turner look like a masculine feminist

Posted by: Mark Milton | January 03, 2007 at 08:39 PM

"Maybe if you could just learn to duck and weave a little bit better"

Oh man, I just spit coffee all over my keyboard.

Posted by: Nomad | January 04, 2007 at 12:11 AM

Some misunderstanding about the phrase "beat your meat"...

Posted by: Kevin Kim | January 06, 2007 at 02:30 AM

she has pretty good eyebrows

Posted by: hardyandtiny | May 02, 2007 at 05:12 AM

Mission Statement

2006-12-16T16:19:00.000-08:00

A recent post over at Marmot's Hole, my main rival as the King of Korean Blogs, has inspired me to clarify what this humble blog is all about. This post reminded me that some people might be taking this blog for
something that it is not. This is in large part my fault, as the About
page probably makes this blog seem less than it is.

So with this in mind, I ~~plagiarize and edit~~ write the following.

The Party Pooper is in every way, shape and form a fair representation
of Korea. Korea—at least that part that is not a communist shithole—is a modern
nation and formerly growing regional and world power with, depending on who you
ask, some 15,000 years of history behind it. It’s home to over 23
million human beings and 17 million humanoid-like creatures called 'ajoshis' who go about their days living their lives like
people in other normal countries. It also happens to be a great place
to live (assuming you are white, that is). Yeah, it has its quirks, but which nation doesn’t (other than Switzerland. Killer chocolate, dudes!), and at
least Koreans aren’t smoking tons of pot (though it probably might actually improve their society, considering this).

It would be very difficult to fully represent a nation as diverse and Dynamic as Korea on one website. And yet somehow I manage to pull it off.

This website is certainly full of stuff—~~3,693~~ 186 posts (not even including this
one!) and 53,205 comments and counting (give or take 52,000). Many of the posts are astonishingly free of personal bias and simply tell Korea how it really is. Every post goes through a strict editing process for fairness and accuracy and has the complete approval of both the ~~Nazi~~ Chosun Youth over at VANK and Kushibo (now that guy's fair!).

In other words, it’s a model blog.

There are, however, few expat-related stories
that I post because, as you probably have guessed, I am actually a
16-year-old Korean girl in a PC room who just makes posts when
I'm not chatting online with my friends about gay Korean singers or
making my Cyworld HomeP super cute by cramming in even more animation
art of puppies and dancing mushroom people (by the way, I just put up a
picture of the spaghetti I ate last night when me and Young-ah went to
TGIF yesterday, check it out!). And I don't put many pictures of boobs
on my blog like other K-bloggers because it makes me feel inadequate. (Grow you little feckless bastards! Grow!)

If you’re using this blog as your primary window on Korea—-then you made the right choice. [Note, by the way, how I used 'you're' and 'your' correctly in the sentence above. This alone makes me the second most literate blog in the whole English speaking world.] This blog is often listed among the primary study materials in Korean Study programs in the finest universities in the world, and has been praised by many a scholar as being no less fair and balanced than any Bruce Cumming's book.

Likewise, if you know nothing about Korea, you probably should be studying this blog religiously. Don't go to the propaganda sites like Korea. net, and for God's sake don't bother actually coming to Korea. It's all fun and games when we see you on Korean TV eating kimchi and being prompted to say nice things about our country, but frankly speaking, when we actually see you in person on the streets or on the subway, you all kind of creep us out. Especially you fat, smelly ones.

Comments on original blog entry

I of course have had this blog set as my homepage since it's inception and have benefited from the font of wisdom you bestow upon your readers.

All hail the glorious party pooper king of bloggers.

Posted by: EFL Geek | December 16, 2006 at 03:30 PM

Insightful stuff Party Pooper. You and Iceberg are the cream of Korean weblogs. BTW who is this Marmot that you mention?

Posted by: capt_kimchi | December 16, 2006 at 07:24 PM

This is why you're blog is a great read!

Posted by: Mark Milton | December 16, 2006 at 09:26 PM

Your much better then the Marmot, and I sit in front of the monitor each and every day for hours, hitting the refresh button in the hope you've posted something new. At least once a month I'm rewarded for my efforts.

Posted by: Nomad | December 16, 2006 at 10:23 PM

there is no greater gift than sarcasm. likewise, there is no country which suffers a greater shortage of it than korea.

please, keep on giving. for the children.

Posted by: iheartblueballs | December 16, 2006 at 11:44 PM

Well, Kushibo insinuated that you and I are the same person, so I'll just congratulate myself for this fine, fine post.

Kevin

Posted by: Kevin Kim | December 18, 2006 at 10:30 AM

Hey, you forgot one another mission statement.

To expose all the Korean fags and out them all out.

Are you really a fag too?

Posted by: Mac | December 18, 2006 at 07:00 PM

I knew it! I knew you were a little schoolgirl posting from the PC room! That's why all of your stuff is so accurate. None of those fat, white americans would have that much insight into the Korean culture. We are too pure and superior for them to understand.

Posted by: kimchilover | December 18, 2006 at 10:44 PM

The Great Leader tells you to shut up:

http://chunkydonkey.blogspot.com/

Posted by: kim | December 19, 2006 at 08:06 AM

World Cup Draw

2006-12-10T08:09:00.000-08:00

The World Cup draw was announced early this morning (Korea time).

The States finds itself in the same bracket with Italy, Ghana, and the Czech Republic. Korea will be going against France, Switzerland, and a mystical land called Togo (which I believe is next to Narnia).

Knowing as much about soccer as the next American does (read: almost nothing), I'll follow the sage advice of the bookies and boldly claim that neither America nor Korea stand much of a chance of getting past the first round.

America will be thrashed by the obnoxious but good-looking Italians and will lose a close one to the obnoxious and less good-looking Czechs. They will get a measure of revenge against Ghana, but will still only win by one goal as it will take a while before they realize that black athletes outside the US tend to suck.

Korea will be thrashed by France to the delight of all Southern Europeans who want payback for World Cup 2002 'irregularities' in officiating. The Koreans will also fall to the peace-mongering Swiss, whom they played recently in Korea (it doesn't bode well if you only draw with a team in a 'must win' friendly game held on your home turf, IMHO). However, those Togons (Togoese? Togots? Togotons?) are going down hard!

Fearless Prediction:

Italy wins the World Cup!

I see Brazil falling to Italy in the final game. Brazil chokes when they play the big games in Europe (they got blanked by the French in 1998, for hell's sake). England chokes in the big games regardless of where they play. Germany is capable of choking on their home field (I'm going all the way back to the Munich Olympics on this one, so take that with a grain or two of salt), Argentina is, well, Argentina, and God is still punishing the French for being opposed to the Iraq war.

Wait a minute. On second thought, I'm going with France to take it all.

Fearless Prediction 2: Japan, who finds itself in the same division with Brazil, Croatia and Australia, will be outscored in their division 12 to 1 (the one goal coming from a ball accidently deflecting off an Australian defender's head into the the net).

Fearless Prediction #3: England will surpass the expectations of even the greatest cynics by drawing with Trinidad and Togago. Beckham will particularly suck in that game.

Fearless Prediction #4: Ronaldo will keep his World Cup streak alive as the ugliest player on the field.

Speaking of his Royally Ugly One, here are a few pictures to remind us that soccer is not a real sport played by real men.

Click to see them in all their fruity splendor!

The odds:

11-4 Brazil
13-2 England
7-1 Germany
8-1 Argentina, Italy
10-1 France
12-1 Spain
14-1 Netherland
18-1 Portugal
20-1 Czech Republic
28-1 Sweden
40-1 Mexico
50-1 Croatia, Ukraine
66-1 Ivory Coast, Poland
80-1 Switzerland
100-1 Serbia&Montenegro, U.S.
125-1 Australia, Ecuador
150-1 Japan, Paraguay
250-1 Ghana
300-1 South Korea, Tunisia
400-1 Angola, Togo
500-1 Costa Rica, Iran
750-1 Saudi Arabia
1,000 Trinidad&Tobago.

Comments from original post

You should mock black people in america.

Afraid that your be labeled as a racist?

I wonder what kind of responce you would get.

The white man putting other races down because of his inferiority complex.

Sad to see that such ignorance still exist.

Your all racist bigots.

Hail to the KKK!

Posted by: yourafunnyboy | December 10, 2005 at 11:06 PM

funnyboy, I can see you tried really hard to find something to criticize in this post. But you know that comment was no more racist than someone saying they liked the movie "White Men Can't Jump'.

I sense that there is something else about the post that bothered you, yet you just couldn't directly say it for some reason and had to find something else to criticize (normally posters like you will look for grammar or spelling errors when unable to come up with a real argument, but judging from your post, that probably wasn't an option).

So what's really bothering funnyboy? A little too tense about South Korea's chances in the World Cup? Talk to us, let us help. You're in a safe place.

Posted by: partypooper | December 11, 2005 at 02:36 AM

Pooper, stop beating up on poor 16-year-old kyopos. How would you feel if your entire sense of self-worth were dependent on a group of girly-men kicking balls into nets?

Otherwise, I just can't bring myself to comment on a post about soccer. Just how bored are you these days?

PS 2004 was a fluke. The Redsox suck.

Posted by: captainhowdy | December 11, 2005 at 03:48 PM

First game's against Togo--I predict the Togo-ites rout S. Korea because...shit happens. France 2-1, Swiss 1-1. Then the Koreans go home. "It was the American referee's fault we lost!" "He's Danish, not American." "Goddamn Americans! F*cking USA!"

Posted by: Gigantic Panda | December 11, 2005 at 03:58 PM

I will say it again.. korean cheated and bribed to get good calls in the world cup. You can see koran 'ethixx' by looking at hWang. Koreans will do anything to 'win'. Lie cheat steal bribe.. no problem..

Posted by: dingles | December 25, 2005 at 12:47 AM

Naver Again

2006-12-02T16:24:00.000-08:00

Took a little trip over to Naver for blogging inspiration. Here's what I found:

1.Condoleezza Rice admits the Iraq War was a mistake!

Or so reads a Naver article (the number one source of news for the young generation of Koreans!). I read the English version and realized that Naver still seems to be outsourcing its translations to Korean middle school students.

2. Poor little Moon Geun-young

문근영 "나는 돌멩이인데, 세상은 날 보석으로 본다"

"Moon Geun-young: I'm just a stone, but the world sees me as a gem."

"부족한 내게 모두 칭찬뿐.. 그게 가장 슬프고 무서워"

"Everyone is just praising me even though I am lacking ...that is what makes me the saddest and most scared."

Well, not everyone is praising her, as some of them sneaky Chinese criticized
her performance in some recent movie or the other (I guess she finally
tried to play a role other than that of a dopey 13 year old).

이 신문은 "한국영화가 기존의 멜로와 깡패이야기의 두 틀에서 벗어나지 못하고 있다'" "창의력 고갈이 한국영화의 장애로 부상하고 있다"는 내용을 문근영 인신공격에 덧붙여 전했다.

"The paper included in its attack on Moon Keun-yeong, 'Korean films
cannot break away of the basic melodramatic and gangster stories' and
'The lack of originality is damaging Korean films."

What? Unoriginal gangster movies and shameless tear-jerking dramas from Korea? Inconceivable!

Rest assured that the Netizen response was very mature and balanced,
taking the criticism as constructive (by the way, what does '짱깨' mean
exactly?).

As for Moon Geun-young, true, the ride is almost over. Though certain
key measurements may still be equal to your average 11-year-old Korean
girl, the little innocent starry-eyed bobble-headed little girl act
could only last for so long before she outgrew it. My advice? Move as
much money as you can into your own bank account (learn from previous
child actors and never trust your parents with that much cash) and
start studying.

Comments from original blog entry

"Moon Geun-young: I'm just a stone, but the world sees me as a gem."

Going from that photo she looks more like a potato with big eyebrows.

China saying Korea has a "lack of originality"? That's too funny. The Chinese taught Koreans everything they know about copying.

Posted by: Righteous Snake | December 11, 2006 at 09:08 PM

Isn't it about time we had a posting about fan death??

Posted by: Leone | December 13, 2006 at 06:08 PM

Condoleeza Rice is an Arrogant Stupid Bitch with a PhD.

I've made a lot of mistakes. But never anything so colossal as advocating the invasion of a sovereign nation because a bunch of religious fanatics from a Totally Different Place blew up the Twin Towers!

Maybe I can get a PhD too!

Posted by: Yankabroad | December 15, 2006 at 06:20 AM

Yankabroad, one by one, they're getting off the bandwagon. It's funny as hell, but sad. Think, all that waste in human lives and resources, and for what? And people wonder why the world distrusts America so much. Well folks, here's one good example why.

Posted by: Melody | December 17, 2006 at 05:09 AM

I don't get it. What's Condoleeza Rice and the war in Iraq have to do with Moon Geun-young?

Posted by: BesottedTom | December 18, 2006 at 06:44 AM

I'm not sure if you were serious about the 짱깨 question, but if you were, its slang for 자장면. If you knew that already, well, just trying to be helpful.

Posted by: DL | December 28, 2006 at 05:07 AM

bad eyebrows

Posted by: hardyandtiny | May 02, 2007 at 05:13 AM

Dong Bang Shin Gi: Gay Asia Rising

2006-11-26T16:32:00.000-08:00

Update 3
Finally moved this post over to the new blog. It finished with 730 comments on the original site, every one a winner.

I'm a winner too.

Update 2: Happy 300!

This post has now amassed over 300 comments, a record for expat blogs in Korea!

All recognize my power to infuriate hordes of 10-year-old Asian girls!

Photo: A still from the epic movie 300 to comemorate the new milestone for this humble post. I chose this photo because it matches the general theme of the post (and is reportedly what Hero from Dong Bang Sin Gi uses for his computer desktop wallpaper, replacing his former picture of Ricky Martin).

I deeply apologize for not responding to all of the comments. I hope that not for even one moment do any of you commenters think that I might not be reading your comments, especially the long ones that must have taken you a long time to compose. I most certainly do read all of them. I print them out and thoughtfully consider each and every word you write, regardless of how hideously misspelled each may be. Please don't think that in any way you are just wasting your time.

So keep those comments coming! If this post doesn't reach 400 comments and soon, I'll begin to doubt your true love for this fine group of pseudo-performers!

In the meantime, here's a youtube video of the Dong ~~Seong~~ Bang Shin Gi 'boys' which might in some remote way be applicable to this post.

Not that there's anything wrong with that...

Update: Happy 200!

Just a quick shout out and big thanks to all who helped this post reach the 200 comment milestone. The last time I googled Dong Bang Shin Gi, the post was listed 6th! With a little luck (and few hundred more angry pre-teens who go completely apeshit when some random stranger on the Internet jokes about their idols), it will soon be the first site that pops up when anyone is curious to learn more about the Pride of Korea which is Dong Bang Shin Gi.

Fighting!

Original Post:

Cathartidae somehow finds the worst of the worst as far as Korean femboybands go. This is Dong Bang Shin Gi, the current Big Kahuna's of the Korean Gay Wave that Korea would probably be better off having the West NOT know about.

Dong Bang Shin Gi, by the way, translates into 'Gods (in pink tutus and bunny rabbit outfits) Rising in the East.'

Although not as consistently ridiculous as the above video, this one here hits gay factor 9.5 when it shows the 'boys' around a dining table near the beach doing 'love shots' and feeding each other cake (near the end of the song). This is probably the first song in the history of pop that is filmed on a beach without a single hot babe in a bikini. The world just doesn't make sense anymore...

As far as the sexual orientation of these guys, far be it from me to rush to any conclusions, as you all well know by now. I'll just leave you with some selections from a posting on one of their fan sites and let you come to your conclusions.

22 facts about DBSK Members

3.Changmin is a crybaby (he is)

4.a lady threw a bad finger at Yunho and he cried backstage (aww >.< don't cry!!)

6.they watch korean dramas when they can/have tym

16.hero is the "mom" because he knows how to cook

18.Hero
and Xiah share in one bed and Micky and Max share in one bed too,
u-know gets his own bed not because he's the oldest but because he won [lost?] a game of rock paper siscors!! [What, one of the most popular bands in Korea and they can't afford more than 3 beds in their little luv shack? Right...]
19.a fan broke in to DBSG's apartment and stole changmin's USED underwear [of course, it could have been Hero, see next]

21.Hero
stole Changmin's first kiss, he was waking changmin up but Changmin
didn't wanna get up so he kissed him, Changmin cried after that.

Credit. AsianFanatics Forum

Bleh...

Note: Comments are certainly welcome and encouraged, but note that ever so occasionally some are slightly edited for language and entertainment value.

[610 comments on original posting--too many to post here. Rest assured that they were profoundly entertaining. Perhaps someday I'll include the best of the best]

Two strikes, no balls.

2006-11-26T16:28:00.000-08:00

Lee Seung-yeop, Home Run King of FantAsia*, has opted to stay in the Japan league rather than field offers from MLB teams.

Korean slugger Lee
Seung-yeop re-signed with
the Yomiuri Giants to a
four-year extension
through 2010, the Giants
Web site announced on
Sunday. The value of the
contract, however, is still
yet to be disclosed.

But, Lee, 30, is still keeping
the door open to the
U.S. as his contract has
clauses allowing him to
leave the team “if Yomiuri
becomes Japan’s No.1
team.”

Allow me to be the first to state the glaring obvious that the Korean media doesn't want to say; he's avoiding (again) going to the MLB because he's chickenshit. Here's what I said back in the summer:

Seung Yeop will come very close not to signing with the MLB, citing
the above 'insult' [refering to offered salary]. What's really behind the hesitation, however, is a
fundamental fear of failure at the highest level of the game. Seung
Yeop has the goods physically, but mentally he can be inconsistent, as
evidenced by his failure in the first year of Japanese baseball ( and
this after complaining that he should have been given a starting
position in the Majors).

He'll eventually take the offer though. It's just too blatantly chickenshit to stay in Japan.

Despite my psychic powers and keen insight into the human condition, even I was unable to see the depths of Lee's cowardice.

Lee is in a perfect position to go the Big Leagues, following a strong season in Japan and a good showing in the WBC. If he can do as well as he has against Japanese pitchers, he has a legitimate shot at doing well in the MLB. Yet rather than even see what teams such as the Yankees might have to offer, he rushed into resigning with Yomiuri.

His stated reasoning for staying with the Giants is to see them win a championship. What a load of bullshit. He's only been with the team for one season, so why would he care about helping them get a title? What, a Korean with a sudden love for a Japanese baseball team that before this year he had absolutely no connection with? Who really buys this shit? It's a lame excuse, but I guess it beats telling the truth.

*FantAsia is a mystical wonderous land in an alternate reality in which Korea is properly the center of the universe and everything the Korea media tells you is true. It does not follow the usual laws of logic that burdens those in the 'real world.' See any Korean media story on 'fan death', kimchi folklore, or the Korean Wave for a glimpse into this magical realm.

Comments on original post

Awesome.

Yes, I'm familiar with this land of Fantasia. It's a land where each food has special healing and redemptive properties, and where it is impossible to eat a meal without a resident of Fantasia extolling the health benefits thereof.

Posted by: Whitey | November 26, 2006 at 10:23 PM

All this raving ranting anger over a baseball player.

Typical angry expat in Korea.

Get a life, move on, and get some therapy.

Posted by: hmmm.. | December 05, 2006 at 05:02 PM

All this raving ranting anger over some stranger with a blog.

Typical Angry Kyopo stalking me from another site. Get some therapy and move on with your life (I like the way I said that better).

[By the way, can I take your lack of criticism to the post content itself to mean that you agree with it?]

Posted by: partypooper | December 06, 2006 at 12:19 AM

you are chiken not lee dont write it, say it directly to lee! Giants nearly become champion not if not only their losing streaks that put them to 5th place thats why he wanted to stay to give kyojin a champion

Posted by: npb | December 26, 2006 at 09:45 PM

i REALLY dont geddit. i read your other blogs and one of your hobbies seem to be dissing korean people. well. you have a very loud mouth sitting behind a computer screen. hm.. and you seem to think that the korean way of displaying affection [to the same-sex friends, not to be taken sexually] means that they are gays or lesbians. wow. you really have problems.

laterr.

Posted by: kristinaa | January 12, 2007 at 06:28 PM

The Party Pooper

Post of the Year

She wins

Draw Muhammad Day

One more reason not to be a Mormon

Cleaning out the pic folder

Mystery Girl

Big Boob Ringtones

Jeong Yang is happy to see you

Yu-na, Yuna, 김유나, and whatever else I can cram into this title to get more hits from searches on Naver

Happy Darwin Day

Dokdo update

The lightning rod returns!

Merry Christmas with Yahoo Korea

The future

Poetry Corner: The Thing that Should Not Be

The Secret! A-ha!

Open Letter to Dokdoisours

Guns and Roses

God Damns Jun-Koo BAK

Sloganizer

Name this Differently Abled Korean

Half-assed post for July: Why Jeolla Province Sucks

Mad Korean Disease Spreads to America!

Choi Hong Man Exempt from Military Duty

Paulina 쌩쑈

Post with no particular point

Choi Hongman and his little buddy

Gender Genie and K-Bloggers

Monthly quota half-assed post for May

Asian Bird Flu Hits Korea

Korean Ingenuity

World Homeopathy Awareness Week

Hub of Fraud

Choi Hong-man--Man of dignity

What does Feng Shui mean?

This week in Korea

Korean Pedophiles Invade America!

Ain't no sunshine when Roh's gone

Incestuously Amplified

You love me! You reallly love me!

Oops, they did it again

Star Wars Lego Rap

Korean word of the day

Korea Music Awards and other things that stink

Kang Seung Hyeon

Albert Einstein's message to Korea

Dragon Wars

床 床

Thought of the day

2007 Predictions revisited, or, Pooper Pwns Baduk.

Korean TV

Listen

Random Updates

Racing Model Billiard Championship

Super Junior's Supper Happy Gay Video

Super Junior's Super Gay Video

Rain US Tour Cancelled

Foreign English Teachers = Criminals

Kim Yun Jin Cries Discrimination; Sells More Books

K-netizen Come-uppance

Rain: The Light Drizzle Tour

Photo Fun, Spring 2007

Dog Meat: Fact from Fiction (or, How Would you Like your Dog Penis?

Random Splats: April

The Host Conquers America

Randi in Korea Part 2

Randi in Korea Part 1

Michelle Wie's Ass Kicked by Japanese-American Punk

Smackdown!

Mission Statement

World Cup Draw

Naver Again

Dong Bang Shin Gi: Gay Asia Rising

Two strikes, no balls.

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