Korean Pedophiles Invade America!

Shocking news out of America: A Korean exchange student has been charged with molesting American children.

There's the dirty little pepper picker!

I'm a bit disappointed in the American media here. First off, why isn't this case being given national coverage? Why treat this like an isolated event that does not potentially represent the entire Korean population in the States?

The headline in the Boston Globe reads, 'Exchange student charged with molesting children.' Granted, it does give a bit of an indication that a dirty foreigner is involved, and I'm relieved to see at least that much, but why not just make the headline, "South Korean pervert charged with molesting children"? Or better yet, "Korean molests white American children". For the sake of accuracy, this is much better.

This should be followed up by editorial after editorial calling for action to keep all of these Koreans from coming to our country and molesting our children. All the talk shows should then pick up the story and every major network should run a special on these dangerous criminals lurking about in our society.

Clearly, our country's media could learn a lot from the Dynamic Korean Media on how to properly run with these kinds of stories.

And next we need the government to get involved and completely overhaul the visa process. How many more Koreans are doing the SAME THING in America to our children EVERY DAY? According to statistics I think I heard or read from somewhere*, over 80% of Koreans in America are sexual deviants or prostitutes. We need to do something NOW!

I want every single Korean male wishing to come to America to submit PROOF that he does NOT molest children. We'll start with a policy of submitting criminal records from Korea. And then we'll make it a policy to always reject the first submission of said criminal records because they are missing a key signature or 도장 or whatever (we can get creative on this) and force them to submit the records again. Naturally, we'll then reject those records again because we all know that the legal system in Korea is a pile of shit anyway.

So those who fail to provide conclusive evidence that they have never molested a child (and this will be all of them) will have to schedule an interview. First they will have to wait in line for at least 3 hours to schedule the interview, and then they'll have to wait about 6 months for the actual interview to take place.

Wait a minute, I think this already is the procedure for getting a visa to the States.

OK, make that a 5 hour wait to schedule and a 16 month wait for the actual interview.

Then in the interview we'll ask tough questions like the following:

1. Why do so many Koreans molest children?
2. If you go to America, do you think you will be more likely to molest a child like Korean national Park Hanse, or go on a killing spree like Korean national Seung-Hui Cho?
   
3. What do you think about the Wondergirls? (As two members of the Wondergirls are only 15, which makes them minors, any positive response to this question will result in immediate rejection. )
4. Do you or your parents have any pictures of a male baby with the penis prominently displayed? (this will get rid of about 95% of all applicants)
5. Have you ever frequented a bathhouse known to allow naked children? Is it because you like to be around naked children?
   
6. If you had to choose between touching a child's penis or giving Dokdo and Cheju island to Japan, which would you select?
   

Now I want to make it clear to all Koreans that there is nothing racist or xenophobic about this. One pedophile from a foreign country gets caught and so naturally we should suspect everyone from said foreign country and enact reasonable laws to protect our citizens. It's just common sense, isn't it? Come on, can't you at least imagine what you would want to do if the same thing happened in your country?


Hat tip to Brian in (God-forsaken) Chollanam-do.

*I can't remember the exact source for these statistics, but I do recall that they came from the exact same source that the Korea media used to come up with their "90% of all foreign teachers here illegally are violent criminals" statistic. (look at that, I just linked to my old blog that will be shut down in a few weeks. Derp!)