Thursday, February 14, 2008

Korean Pedophiles Invade America!

Shocking news out of America: A Korean exchange student has been charged with molesting American children.

There's the dirty little pepper picker!

I'm a bit disappointed in the American media here. First off, why isn't this case being given national coverage? Why treat this like an isolated event that does not potentially represent the entire Korean population in the States?

The headline in the Boston Globe reads, 'Exchange student charged with molesting children.' Granted, it does give a bit of an indication that a dirty foreigner is involved, and I'm relieved to see at least that much, but why not just make the headline, "South Korean pervert charged with molesting children"? Or better yet, "Korean molests white American children". For the sake of accuracy, this is much better.

This should be followed up by editorial after editorial calling for action to keep all of these Koreans from coming to our country and molesting our children. All the talk shows should then pick up the story and every major network should run a special on these dangerous criminals lurking about in our society.

Clearly, our country's media could learn a lot from the Dynamic Korean Media on how to properly run with these kinds of stories.

And next we need the government to get involved and completely overhaul the visa process. How many more Koreans are doing the SAME THING in America to our children EVERY DAY? According to statistics I think I heard or read from somewhere*, over 80% of Koreans in America are sexual deviants or prostitutes. We need to do something NOW!

I want every single Korean male wishing to come to America to submit PROOF that he does NOT molest children. We'll start with a policy of submitting criminal records from Korea. And then we'll make it a policy to always reject the first submission of said criminal records because they are missing a key signature or 도장 or whatever (we can get creative on this) and force them to submit the records again. Naturally, we'll then reject those records again because we all know that the legal system in Korea is a pile of shit anyway.

So those who fail to provide conclusive evidence that they have never molested a child (and this will be all of them) will have to schedule an interview. First they will have to wait in line for at least 3 hours to schedule the interview, and then they'll have to wait about 6 months for the actual interview to take place.

Wait a minute, I think this already is the procedure for getting a visa to the States.

OK, make that a 5 hour wait to schedule and a 16 month wait for the actual interview.

Then in the interview we'll ask tough questions like the following:
  1. Why do so many Koreans molest children?
  2. If you go to America, do you think you will be more likely to molest a child like Korean national Park Hanse, or go on a killing spree like Korean national Seung-Hui Cho?
  3. What do you think about the Wondergirls? (As two members of the Wondergirls are only 15, which makes them minors, any positive response to this question will result in immediate rejection. )
  4. Do you or your parents have any pictures of a male baby with the penis prominently displayed? (this will get rid of about 95% of all applicants)
  5. Have you ever frequented a bathhouse known to allow naked children? Is it because you like to be around naked children?
  6. If you had to choose between touching a child's penis or giving Dokdo and Cheju island to Japan, which would you select?
Now I want to make it clear to all Koreans that there is nothing racist or xenophobic about this. One pedophile from a foreign country gets caught and so naturally we should suspect everyone from said foreign country and enact reasonable laws to protect our citizens. It's just common sense, isn't it? Come on, can't you at least imagine what you would want to do if the same thing happened in your country?


Hat tip to Brian in (God-forsaken) Chollanam-do.

*I can't remember the exact source for these statistics, but I do recall that they came from the exact same source that the Korea media used to come up with their "90% of all foreign teachers here illegally are violent criminals" statistic. (look at that, I just linked to my old blog that will be shut down in a few weeks. Derp!)

23 comments:

Anonymous said...

Valentine's Day Special?

Nomad said...

My research and statistics (based on random polls of savvy internet users) show that 2008 is your best year to date and if you were to start putting google ads all over your blog, you'd be a millionaire by August, at the latest. Other bloggers are whoring themselves out so why shouldn't you get a piece of the pie? Hmmm?

Richardson said...

Holy crap - I work with several Korean guys! What should I do?

partypooper said...

Anonymous: the pedophile-related post on Valentines day is just a coincidence, I assure you.

Nomad: I do get a lot of pressure (primarily from the viagra and penis-enlargement industries) to allow advertisements on the site, but I always resist in order to maintain my impressively high standard of journalistic integrity.

Richardson: Take the above questions in the post and try to ease them naturally into your next conversation and then judge from their responses. (I'm not sure what you usually talk about with your coworkers, but in my case it's not so difficult at all).

Nomad said...

"but I always resist in order to maintain my impressively high standard of journalistic integrity"

I can fully understand that because when in Rome...

Anonymous said...

Statistically wise, you have a poor analogy. One Korean student molesting students won't get you noticed. But let's say a hundred of them were caught molesting, then you would have a huge national spread in the US as to why Korean students tend to molest children. Case in point - Korean prostitutes. They made national headlines that influenced the decisions on visa free status for Koreans. Likewise, one American caught pushing drugs in Korea won't get you noticed. But when you have 10% of them as drug users and pushers, it's very noticeable.

partypooper said...

Anonymous: Great insight! So you are suggesting, for example, that one foreigner pedophile caught (or known to have existed) in Korea should also not cause much notice, right? Statistically speaking and such? And if for some reason Korea made a big issue about just one such isolated event, even to the point of changing laws, then that would be evidence that perhaps they were not acting rationally, right?

I just wish that somehow I could have read your comment before doing a post on something so completely different.

Otto Silver said...

He is not saying that we should ignore what is happening in Korea. The problem is the screwed representation of the media. If you have, percentage wise, more Koreans doing the same thing that foreigners are accused of doing, then why are WE in the headlines but not Koreans?

Drugs usage is a case in point. Double the percentage of Koreans use drugs compared to foreigners. How about the recent Itaewon abuse incident. Had that been a foreigner doing that...

Anonymous said...

You have been in Korea too long. You have become a Korean mentally; your thinking process is that of a typical Korean.

I feel sorry for you.

Leave before you do harm to yourself or to other Koreans.

Anonymous said...

hahaha. You are so mad about the new E2 visa restrictions aren't you? Too bad for you!

I'm laughing with my F4 visa here! hahaha.

Brian said...

Really surprised the original news story hasn't gotten much coverage at all.

By the way, Jeollanam-do isn't god-forsaken. There are a million reasons for that, but most importantly, I guess, is that we have less Korean men down here than you have in Seoul. My children are safe.

Anonymous said...

Oh, I'm getting confused. How many different anonymi are posting here? Who is who?

Anonymous said...

DO NOT SPEAK OF WHICH YOU OBVOUSLY KNOW NOTHING OF. COREA DOES NOT NEED YOUR UNSHAVEN WHITE FACE WITH YOUR DRUGS AND IMORAL WAYS. GET OUT OF MY COUNTRY. GO BACK TO YOUR BERGER FLIPPER JOB. YOU ARE RICH BEYOND YOUR WILDEST DREAMS, LIVING IN PARADISE IN COREA. YOUR "YELLOW WOMAN" FETISH IS MAKING OUR BEAUTIFUL AND PURE WOMEN IN SPOILING MILK.

IF NOT FOR JAP AND US TOADIE LIKE PARK CHUNG HEE, COREAN WOULD BE SPOKEN IN YOUR HOME. IT WOULD BE POWERFUL AND STRONG. IT IS THE MOST SCIENTIFICE LANGUGE AND ENGLISH IS GOOD ONLY TO ORDER BERGER.

DAEHANMINGOOK

Anonymous said...

Deahanmingook, you hide behind your anonymity and spout hate like many small penised korean man..
I am Mark Fachard, and i do not flip burgers.. I only flip over your girls who are soo appy to ave a true lover not suffering from soju shock..
In my many, varies and colorful experiences here, your girls are crazy about us frenchman. I think you are both jealous and ugerly, now go back to your computer game wimp...

Coal said...

It's funny because this could just as easily be written about Japanese "child molesters".

Anonymous said...

Most of you guys are all sad. Hate mongers creating more hate on a sad topic like this.

This is a sad incident and there are pervs in every country, it's a sad fact and something you guys/gals can write to your congressmen/women about.

Just work on solving the issue and not creating more idiotic statements.

Mike said...

Koreans are the worst Asian culture of them all. I don't care if Koreans want to visit my country, but I don't want them to stay. After a month they should be forced out. I'd welcome the Japanese, Chinese etc... any day over Koreans. Just a bunch of losers really, just look at their history

Anonymous said...

Amongst the pedophiles in Thailand there are a lot of Koreans. There numbers are growing. Korean media usually goes into denial about things like this, because they don't want to bring such shame to their cracked in the head culture,

The growing number of Korean pedophiles in thailand can be attributed to the confucian hierarchy mentality that they are all imbued with. The older they are the more able(by cultural thingy) they are to dominate and subjugate people younger than themselves.

That means they can do anything to young children if they feel so inclined.

Anonymous said...

i'm sorry but this article and the comments on this article is very close-minded and ignorant. open your mind people!! everything in life is a case by case situation. just because one korean guy molested children that doesn't mean all korean men molest children. the only reason why people are making a big deal about this is because the man was korean but you neglect the fact that we have a lot of american pedophiles here in our country. does that mean all americans are pedophiles too? and what about the foreign westerners that go to thailand, vietnam or any other asian nation just to sleep with asian prostitutes, does that mean all western men are like that. NO! stop thinking so one dimensional and look at the bigger picture. everyone has the right to their own opinion. so my opinion, is that you are very ignorant and need to go back to school to get a real education. america has the best education system, take advantage of that and learn something!

Anonymous said...

this is the most retarded thing i ever seen...do you really believe this fuckin dumb ass shit you are saying...you have to be fucking retarded...do you know how many white men are in prison for bein pedophiles...what the fuck about be korean has to do with bein a pedophile and...that shit about "what if this happens in ur country" bitch it does happen in ur country every day people driveing those big fuckin pedophile vans...someone is kidnapped and this shit happens...everyone got alittle dumber for reading this shit...ty

Anonymous said...

I hope these articles are parodies not meant to be taken seriously...

Anonymous said...

dsaf

Anonymous said...

Lololololololol if it wasn't so obviously written in such a comical manner this could be an offending stereotype