The Host Conquers America

I'm surprised this story hasn't been carried by the Chosun Ilbo yet. Perhaps they've just been struggling to find the right spin angle to present it. Allow me to help them out (I grant full permission to the good people at Chosun Ilbo to reprint this article in its entirety).

It's official: The Korean Wave has finally roared across the Greater East Sea* and has engulfed the United States of America. The Korean blockbuster, The Host, in only its second week after being unleashed in the States, outperformed no less than 79 American movies in the box office this past week. The list of vanquished Hollywood movies includes such blockbusters as Charlotte's Web, Blood Diamond, and Wild Safari 3D: A South African Adventure.  Even Oscar nomination heavyweights such as The Departed and Letters from Iwo Jima received a sound spanking. Hollywood executives could not conceal their embarrassment, if not outright terror.

Says unbiased American movie analyst Jennifer Kim:

"During the first week of its release, when it conquered no less than 88  major Hollywood releases, many people just assumed that it was due to millions of Korean-Americans flocking to the movie to bump up the numbers. However, in the second week, only about 75% of the Korean-American community was able to make it out to the theaters for a second or third viewing. Clearly, someone else is watching this movie! The Host has now absolutely proved it is no fluke. There is no Hollywood."

On the music end of the Korean Wave, America is just barely recovering from the mass hysteria that accompanied the Rain tour, which saw an amazing 400% increase** in non Asian-American fans compared to previous estimates when Rain wowed audiences at two sold-out Madison Square Garden shows.

Photo: Hordes of American fans being 비'd on at Madison Square Garden. (the photo doesn't show it, but there really was a white girl in the audience. Lots of people saw her and will tell you it is absolutely true)
 

Continues unbiased American citizen Jennifer Kim,

"The effect of the Korean Wave in America is undeniable. It was just the other day when a Chinese-American friend of mine was mistakenly assumed to be Korean by someone on the street. How wild is that? And at a party the other day I was talking to this white guy, and when he found out I was Korean he noted that he knew that Old Boy won some European award recently. He hasn't actually seen the movie, but he agreed that it's probably pretty good."

Movie critics in the States have given The Host extremely high praise. Said one reviewer,

"The Host has all the necessary components of a great movie: It's from a foreign country, it has subtitles, and most of the actors aren't white. And those who are white play stereotypical evil characters completely lacking in depth. It's got all the makings of a classic."

The Host continues to play at 71 69 movie theaters across the United States. 

*Also referred to as the Pacific Ocean by the uneducated
**This percentage might actually be higher. In addition to confirmed sightings of 4 non-Asians at the concerts (one was even black!), there were several reports of at least 2 other individuals that may have been Hispanic, but then again, could just have been Korean girls who were going for a gang-banger look.

Comments from original blog entry

Fan-dingle-damn-tastic.

This post almost motivates me to see the movie.


Kevin

Posted by: Kevin Kim | March 19, 2007 at 11:33 PM

You forgot to mention the best part. For betraying their country the whiteys got deported from Korea.

Posted by: EFL Geek | March 20, 2007 at 01:48 AM

Bravo, sir, bravo.

Posted by: Nomad | March 20, 2007 at 08:26 PM

OHMYGOD OHMYGOD OHMYGOD r U ghey? Shin Bang wid Dong...oh, sorry, wrong thread :)

Another great piss take on the "Hub of Asia." Cheers.

Posted by: Awesome Iguana | March 22, 2007 at 10:56 PM

Gosh Darn it I am So Mad! When are you people going to get it? IT IS THE WEST CANADA OCEAN!!!!!

Posted by: kimchipig | March 23, 2007 at 03:17 PM

hey,I almost laugh myself to death
keep up the good work

Posted by: stannn | April 02, 2007 at 11:14 PM