Gender Genie and K-Bloggers

The newest weapon in the Gaywatch Korea Project's arsenal is the gender genie. This software, developed by linguists, can predict with 80% accuracy a person's gender simply by entering a sample of the person's writing (at least 500 words).

It should go without saying that the manhood of any male who scores "female" on this test is suspect. Now, I know, some of you PC brainwashed people out there will question this, but as I have clearly explained before the irrefutable logic behind this in my original Korean gaywatch post:

"... if a guy does anything like a girl , it means he
probably loves dick. That's just simple logic: Guy likes something that
usually only girls like, girls typically have sexual interest in male
penises, thus and ergo, that guy also likes penis (that is, a penis
other than his own, I mean, we all really love our own penises, there's
nothing gay about that)."

Some guy once made this claim that the above logic was "non-sequitur" or something like that. I'm not sure what that means, but I think any guy who uses French in an argument has just got to be gay.

So armed with this new technology, I decided to find out once and for all the true nature of my fellow bloggers here in Korea.

Prepare to be outted.

 

As a man of science, I feel in all fairness I must first apply this test on myself. My first choice was, naturally, to enter my "Gaywatch Korea" post. The results:

Female Score: 1308

    Male Score: 1664

The Gender Genie thinks the author of this passage is: male!

   

Hmm, a little too close for comfort. I hurriedly entered the text of one my manly fiskings (usacrime) and got the following:

 

Female Score: 856

    Male Score: 1356

Though I'd prefer the score to reflect more accurately my true raging hetero manliness, I guess I can live with that score.

I wondered what results Konglish would get, so I entered the text of my freebase 21 post a while back.

The results:

Female Score: 688

    Male Score: 1503

   
   

The Gender Genie thinks the author of this passage is: male!

   

Hmmm, Korea protestors with bad English are more male than I am? Despite quotes such as "Oh! see Jeong-son on the left with the pretty red manpurse? I am so envy!" and "Recognize the loveliness of our hats!!"?

Then I looked at the data realized that the word "this" was designated as a male word, and in the post I had all links to pictures titled "View this photo." I went through and deleted all of the links, and here is the new score:

Female Score: 688

    Male Score: 931

What a difference a word makes, huh? The male score dropped from 1503 to 931 just by taking out the link references. And yet nonetheless, the gender genie cannot be fooled.

Korbloggers on the hotseat

Next I turned my attention to the other members of the Korean blogging community who are nearly all white males between the ages of 25-40 (which, by the way, is also the general profile of serial killers in the US, but I digress).

Leone (or is it Simon?) from "Mincing with Myojung" was my first choice. Leone is out of the closet and doesn't hold back. If he gets a more manly score than I do, then I'm afraid to think of what that means. I put all of Leone's longer postings that are currently on his homepage (including the post on gay penguins), and here is what he scored:

Female Score: 646

    Male Score: 1168


   
   

The Gender Genie thinks the author of this passage is: male!

   

What the fuck? Leone is more manly than I? This can't be!

Rather than question the irrefutable validity of my claims about the predictive power of the gender genie and its implications on sexual preference, I'm just going to dismiss this as an aberration and continue on as if it didn't happen at all.

 

Next on the hot seat is Big Hominid. I first entered one of his more recent religious posts. The score?

Female Score: 1230

    Male Score: 1270

   
   

The Gender Genie thinks the author of this passage is: (barely) male!

Fag.

Well, perhaps I rush to judgment too quickly. I ran an entry of Kevin's that was non-religious and got the following manly score:

Female Score: 791

    Male Score: 1046

Interesting. The same author gets radically different scores just based on the topic of his writing. This also confirms a hypothesis first proposed by one Andy Galanis, one of my former rocker dirt-bag friends from high school, who said, and I quote, "Religion is so gay." (I'm quoting from memory, I'm sure the word "dude" was in the original quote there somewhere)

Ok, Kevin, the Gaywatch project will let you off the hook this time, but I suggest you  write more posts about lusting after your co-workers just to reassure us all that you are properly manly.

I now turn my attention to Cathartidae, one of them American hating liberals. I entered the texts from most of his recent posts (there wasn't one post that was long enough), and here's his score:

Female Score: 706

    Male Score: 490

   
   

The Gender Genie thinks the author of this passage is: female!

   

Well, I see Arnold Schwarzenegger's quote about "girly men democrats" now has some empirical support.

But what does this make me? A closet Republican? I am so confusion...

But wait! Flying Yangban, a true Republican, got the following score on this post.

Female Score: 880

    Male Score: 402

   
   

The Gender Genie thinks the author of this passage is: female!

Oh dude, you're even gayer than a liberal! President Bush should officially return your vote. Lady Yangban will be crushed.

I think we have also clearly shown that political ideology has no effect on gender preference. Another false stereotype exposed by the party pooper!  This site continues to be a light unto the world, just as I had prophesized long ago.

[yeah, you heard me language nazi...]

Let us continue...
 

Other bloggers:

Marmot (I entered his post on "comment crackdown")

Female Score: 840

    Male Score: 1154

Clearly, Marmot still wears the pants in the K-blogger community.

Lost Nomad (post entered: "pop goes the kneecap")

Female Score: 673

    Male Score: 868

Hmm, that gap's a little too narrow methinks. I think Nomad's problem is that he's the only man in the family. Being surrounded by women will do that to you. Before you know it, you're helping out in the kitchen and watching Korean soap operas with the ladies. I suggest you spend less time with your family by drinking and fishing more.

Oranckay (hard to find a long post from the "link whore" of the K-blogger community, so I had to enter writings from several current posts on his homepage).

Female Score: 701

    Male Score: 1293

Appropriately manly, I must say. Confirms our earlier finding that you don't have to be conservative to be a true male.

About joel (several posts from his current front page)

Female Score: 489

    Male Score: 1227

Wow, the most manly of the lot thus far. Joel, your sheer overpowering masculinity just makes me tingly all over!

[now some may suspect my own heterosexuality from that last remark, but I just ran those two sentences through the gender genie and got this oh so manly score:

 Female Score: 0

    Male Score: 34

Ha!]

Blinger (who I think is still pouting because the automated webpage reviewer
clearly gave my website a more raving review than his. )

Female Score: 756

    Male Score: 1169

Not bad blinger, especially considering that you always write about education, which my old high-school friend Andy once called, "gay as hell."

But the award for the manliest of all manly men goes to Joshua over at Katolic Shinja
(two most recent postings analyzed)

Female Score: 491

    Male Score: 1782

Joshua, I hereby declare you the alpha male of the Korbloggers. We all tremble before your mighty manhood.

 

Comments on original blog post



Not pouting, just in denial.

Posted by: Blinger | May 21, 2005 at 07:12 PM

Religion isn't gay; it's happy.

Loved the outing. You'll have to run Thich Nhat Hanh's writings through the tester to see how gay a famous Zen Buddhist comes off.


Kevin

Posted by: Kevin Kim | May 21, 2005 at 09:41 PM

I can do it myself, but you should include a few female Korea bloggers in your sample.

Posted by: kangmi | May 22, 2005 at 04:31 AM

Blinger: I told you, it's all in the URL length.

Kevin: To socially retarded adolescent misfits, anything happy is gay (it's like they've reverted back to the original meaning of the word in an ironic way, eh?).

Kangmi: Sorry, major oversight on my part. I put the contents of your latest posts into the gender genie and here is what came out:

Female Score: 515
Male Score: 835

Your secret is safe with us. ;)

Posted by: partypooper | May 22, 2005 at 06:13 AM

Yikes!

Posted by: kangmi | May 22, 2005 at 06:24 AM

Too late! I'm already helping out in the kitchen (minus the apron, of course - Mrs. Nomad won't share...).

LOL...

Posted by: Nomad | May 22, 2005 at 10:51 PM

My site has moved from blinger to EFL Geek (http://eflgeek.com) just incase anyone cares

Posted by: EFL Geek | May 23, 2005 at 10:17 PM

I did much better when I input text from my personal blog.

Still, it's a good thing I look like a girl.

Posted by: kangmi | May 24, 2005 at 04:50 PM

Blinger/EFL Geek: Updated the link. And now how might we address you? Mr. EFLgeek? Mr. EFLG? The artist formerly known as Blinger?

Kangmi-- It might be interesting to see what "male words" you tend to use. I suggest not using the word "this" anymore (it registers as a "male" word). When tempted to use the word "this," just substitute the phrase, "the object within my immediate proximity" instead, as in, "Would you like to use that pen or the pen which is within my immediate proximity?"

Very lady-like, don't you think?

Posted by: partypooper | May 25, 2005 at 05:20 AM

Yes, and I should avoid "something" in favor of "everything," "out" instead of "in," and "am" instead of "is."

It wouldn't be long until I was completely incomprehensible.

That would up my feminine quotient, wouldn't it?

Posted by: kangmi | May 25, 2005 at 07:34 AM

Scott,

all of the above? Actually one of my readers asked the exact same question in a comment. BTW, did you get my email about the KOrean blog? I haven't heard from you, so I'm guessing it ended up in your spam box. Basically register on my site, send me an email with your ID and then I'll change your permissions so you can post entries.

Posted by: EFL Geek | May 25, 2005 at 03:37 PM

I'm as gay as a goose but I'm a Male - Just!
Words: 537

Female Score: 915
Male Score: 1084

The Gender Genie thinks the author of this passage is: male!


Posted by: leone | May 26, 2005 at 07:23 AM

Monthly quota half-assed post for May

First off, I wish to say that reports of the Party Pooper's demise have been greatly misexaggerated.

I've been quite busy with my usual nefarious scheming to undermine Korean society, just like all us other expats. Lately, those meddling kids at CALEE are making it harder and harder to operate. Not to worry though, we already have a very successful counterattack underway. Basically, just helping these kids get laid does wonders for getting them to spend less time obsessing over the sexual habits of foreigners.

Now just so no one gets the impression that the 16,000 members over at CALEE are simply racist and xenophobic, they do point out that they plan to "work on improving the bad images of foreigners, tarnished by a few illegal foreign nationals." Just visit their site and you can see all the various projects they have to do just that. I mean, I haven't actually found any, but I've only looked through 30 or so of their latest postings. I'm sure there were many before that.

Korea TV
I've posted on this topic before, but I have a few things to add. I often watch Korean TV in the morning while on the treadmill and catch Morning Wide (think Good Morning America, just with about 50% more fluff pieces). Every show I've seen has a segment on the Korean Wave and I guess this is just a regular segment right along with the daily traffic and weather reports (which do a very good job at keeping me posted on the daily temperatures of Dokdo, by the way). It's usually covering the latest Korean 'World Star' who makes a trip to Japan to promote a new CD or movie or simply go for some organized 'fan event.' They always start with the arrival in the airport, where literally dozens of Japanese fans are waiting to see them. The World Star is whisked away to the event where there are from 50 to several hundred homely Japanese women waiting to scream out 'oppa'.

Every time I see this, I always wonder why Koreans think this is so impressive. I've seen scholars that no one outside of their particular field has ever heard about visit Asian countries and get these kinds of draws (with better looking women on average at that). Is this really the best they can do? Donnie and Marie Osmond get better draws than that in Japan and I don't think you could find 200 people even in Utah who would take time out of their busy day to see them.

Seriously, I wouldn't be surprised at all if at least half of all the attendees in these publicity events are just Korean expats in Japan attending out of a sense of patriotic duty to the motherland.

World Star Rain
Of course, the World Star of all World Stars in Korea is Rain. With the release of Speed Racer, I went to the film reviews to get an indication of how well he came off in the movie. Most reviews do not even mention him, but I found one that did. I'll let you all go and find out for yourselves what the reviewer had to say (hint: to save time, go to the article and do a key word search on 'Rain' or the word 'catastrophic').

Asian Bird Flu Hits Korea

The Asian bird flu has been running amok lately in Korea. A few years back a research team from SNU claimed to have come up with a kimchi based vaccine that supposedly elminated the disease in infected chickens. The Korean media was all over it and the news spread abroad, despite the fact that the study authors admitted that more research was necessary.

So now that the bird flu is sweeping through Korea, where is this supposed vaccine now?

No follow-up study to the pilot ever came (the pilot study was done in 2006), which is very odd considering the flu has continued to wreak havoc in Asia. What did come though was a deal with SNU to send some special 'kimchi-feed' to an Indonesian zoo and LG came out with the an air conditioner that emitted kimchi fumes. Why wait for verification when there is money to be made, right?

So where is the follow-up study? Are we to believe they really didn't conduct one? Or is it far more likely to believe that they did and could not come up with the desired results? If the results did not pan out, then shouldn't this be reported so people realize doubling up on kimchi won't do jack diddly to prevent becoming infected? Or would that be against the national religion to admit that kimchi doesn't cure everything from gastric cancer to bad breath? Or would it just put a dent in the kimchi air conditioner sales so they are keeping it quiet?

Another great moment in science for SNU.

Korean Ingenuity

Here is a 'Korean Comedian Magic Show' which came on some 'gag concert' type show.



I don't know how they find audience members for these shows, but somehow they round up a crowd that seems extremely easy to entertain and amaze. Really, when the camera cuts to the audience members, it's like watching children in the bodies of adults.

The above segment is far more interesting than what regularly comes out on those shows, but alas, it is a blatant rip off of an old Penn and Teller act, move per move.




Here is Penn's reaction to it. He takes it in stride.


I was in Singapore last year and heard what I had always thought was a Korean pop song (one of the few I found interesting) while I was in a shopping mall. "Ah-ha!" I thought, "Finally an actual run-in with this mighty Korean Wave that I've heard about on a daily basis from the Korean media." When the singer began singing, it was in Japanese. It turns out the song was, like many others, originally a Japanese song that was just given Korean lyrics and fed to whatever talentless but pretty pop idol singer was being marketed at that moment by the big recording companies in Korea.

The last hit Korean movie (other than D-War, of course) was 200 Pound Beauty. It was based on a Japanese Manga (as was Old Boy). The title song was also a hit. Like almost every famous soundtrack song from a Korean movie, it was a foreign song (a remake of theBlondie tune 'Maria', in this case).

When it comes to creativity, outsourcing seems to be the only option for the Korean entertainment industry. Judging by the Korean movies, songs, and TV shows I've seen over the past year, they aren't doing it often enough.

I'd like to propose some new Korean slogans:

Korea, Be the Rip Offs!

Korea, Regurgitating!

World Homeopathy Awareness Week

In case you didn't know, this week is officially World Homeopathy Awareness Week.


I would like to do all I can to help out this worthy cause, so I've cut and pasted below the page on their site which explains just what homeopathy is, along with some very minor editing and additions for clarity.

Let the awarification begin!


What is Homeopathy?


Photo: Samuel Hahnemann, founder of homeopathy (which cures everything from cancer to baldness, by the way)


In 1796 a German doctor, Samuel Hahnemann, discovered a different approach to the exploitation...er...I mean cure of the sick, which he called homeopathy (from the Greek words meaning ‘similar suffering’. It is also known as the slightly more accurate term, 'parateinopathy' from the Greek words meaning 'prolonged suffering'). Like Hippocrates two thousand years earlier he realized that there were two ways of treating ill health, the way of opposites and the way of similars. (And like P.T. Barnum who would come about a hundred years later, he realized that indeed, there is a sucker born every minute.)


Take for example, a case of insomnia. The way of opposites (referred to by homeopaths as 'allopathy', though more commonly known as conventional forms of medicine which require actual evidence of effectiveness), is to treat this by giving a drug to bring on an artificial sleep . This frequently involves the use of large or regular doses of drugs, which can sometimes cause side effects or addiction (and those are bad things, in case you didn't know).


The way of similars, the homeopathic way, is to give the patient a minute dose of a substance, such as coffee, which in large doses causes sleeplessness in a healthy person. Perhaps surprisingly, this will help the patient to sleep naturally (and perhaps even more surprisingly, a lot of people actually buy this theory).

Homeopathic remedies cannot cause side effects and you cannot become addicted to them. This is because only a very minute amount of the active ingredient is used in a specially prepared form (though this might also be because you are basically ingesting the equivalent of a sugar pill).

Your homeopath (don't call them 'homies' for short, by the way, unless you are black and that's just a part of your culture, then it's cool) will give you a homeopathic medicine or remedy that matches your symptoms as you experience them, as well as individual characteristics: emotional and physical. This is the great flexibility of homeopathy that those ignorant 'allopussies' in conventional medicine just can't compete with. The homeopathic system is so flexible, as a matter of fact, that you could go to ten different homeopaths for the same illness and get ten completely different treatments. That, of course, makes homeopathy potentially 10 times more effective than conventional medicine.

How it works

Homeopathic medicines work by stimulating the body’s immune system. This stimulus will assist your own system to clear itself of any expression of imbalance. (In medical terminology, we call this method a 'placebic response initiation'.)


What will happen once treatment starts

A number of changes may happen after taking your homeopathic remedy. Some patients experience a period of exceptional well being and optimism. Homeopaths are really happy when this happens and sometimes, for a brief moment, even wonder if all this shit really does work.

Occasionally symptoms appear to get worse for a short time. This makes homeopaths sad and sometimes, for a brief moment, realize they do not have clue fucking one about what they are doing.

But wait! Worsening symptoms are actually a good sign that the remedy is taking effect. Sometimes a cold, rash or some form of discharge may appear as a ‘spring cleaning’ effect which means your system is going through a cleaning stage. Yeah, that's it. And similarly, old symptoms can reappear, usually for a short period. These symptoms will pass, and must not be treated, as they are a very important part of the healing process. Some patients do not notice any changes at all in the beginning of their treatment. In this case a change in the dosage and or selection of remedy may be necessary.

So basically, after receiving homeopathic treatment you could either get better, worse or just stay the same, but regardless these are all signs that it is working. Only in the event that none of the above three results occur should you consider the homeopathic treatment a failure.

If any response to your treatment concerns you, contact your homeopath as soon as you can , as it is important to know what happens as treatment progresses. He also may need to contact his lawyers to make sure he isn't liable for anything.


How long the treatment takes

This depends very much on what sort of illness you have, as well as the other individual characteristics of your case (such as your levels of income and gullibility). Your homeopath will typically only be able to predict treatment time after observing your response to homeopathic medicines. After something does happen, however, you can expect the homeopath to say that he knew that would happen all along and there is no way you can prove that he didn't. A slowly developing complaint, or one that you've experienced for many years, may not disappear immediately although an initial response an early improvement often occur. [There's an interesting sentence. I wonder if there's a homeopathic remedy for bad grammar].

Homeopathy cures from the inside, and often outer symptoms such as a skin complaint, are the last to clear. Pretty convenient for us homeopaths, eh? Be patient (and keep the checks coming in)! In the long term it is much better for you to be cured of both the cause of the illness and its symptoms, rather than merely relieving or suppressing the symptoms. Remember that every case is different, and no two patients are alike. Hell, even the most seasoned homeopath has no idea what will happen with any given patient! Such are the mysteries of science!


What about seeing a General Practitioner?
We (and by 'we', I mean us homeopaths and our lawyers) recommend that you should maintain your relationship with your GP. Your GP will be able to arrange any tests or X-rays you may need (we're not really into all that technology and testing stuff, and don't even ask us about all those icky details of human physiology! BORING!). Homeopathy has an alternative philosophy but by working in this way with your GP the two systems of health care can provide complementary services . But if you do actually recover, keep in mind that you can't really prove that it wasn't the homeopathic treatment that made the difference, nor can you prove that you woudn't have DIED if you had only followed your GP's treatment. So there really isn't a logical reason why you shouldn't continue to use homeopathy in the future.


So there it is. Consider yourself all awareded up on the wonders of homeopathy. Spread the word.

Hub of Fraud

While Korea failed to make the top 50 financial hubs, one area it does excel in is bogus research papers. KAIST has recently suspended its 'star' Kim Tae-Kook for falsifying research data on two papers published in leading international journals (including Science, again, which already got a black eye from the Hwang Woo-suk scandal a few years back).

Kim's 2006 paper suggested ideas for increasing the human lifespan by ``reprogramming'' cells ― the research earned him much publicity. South Korea's President Roh Moo-hyun invited him to the Blue House and KAIST President Suh Nam-pyo praised him as one of the most likely Korean candidates to win the Nobel Prize.

There were already complaints that Koreans were having a harder time publishing in international journals after the Hwang scandal. This won't help matters much.

Two major scandals from Korea in the space of a few years. Coincidence? Or just a peak at the systematic corruption that seems to be behind every institution in this country?

Choi Hong-man--Man of dignity

Choi Hong-man's rap debut at the 2006 K1 Championship. Here's a few clips of Choi gettin his freak on.



Nothing awkward about that at all.



Hey, a man's got to pay his bills.



Getting love from Mighty Mo. The giggling of the girl who taped this was amusing.



Choi returning the love to Mo (the second of two such low blows in the fight).


Original Post (November 7, 2007)

Korean K1 fighter Choi "Techno-Goliath" Hong-man is making his debut as a rapper with model-turned-singer Kang Soo-hee.

Feast on the Hong-man's new flavah!

Can't wait to see their first music video. Should be good sport to see a guy on the dance floor grind on a girl whose height only comes up to his crotch. Other than some Michael Jackson home videos*, this should be a first.

I watched Choi's recent K1 match and his patented 'in your nuts face' fighting style against Mighty Mo. I'm not sure what was more painful to see: Mighty Mo getting kicked square in his nut suck or Choi's struggling against an opponent roughly half his size. Maybe this rap thing is not such a bad career move for Choi after all.

What gives the Goony Goliath the courage and motivation to 'challenge'** this respectable music genre? Really, it's not like ANYBODY can try to be a rapper, right? Let's run through the 'So you want to be a celebrity rapper?' checklist:

• Modicum of fame? Check
• Functioning speech organs? Check.
• Inability to maintain success in some area requiring actual talent? Check.
• The drive to do anything, regardless of how potentially humiliating, to stay in the spotlight? Check.
  

Considering the state of Korean music these days, his chances of making it big in the music scene actually aren't so bad.

Keep on keepin' it real, big guy.

*I'm just joking about this, of course. The record is clear that Michael Jackson likes little boys, not girls.
**For some reason, I find this Konglish use of 'challenge' really annoying.