World Cup Draw

The World Cup draw was announced early this morning (Korea time).

The States finds itself in the same bracket with Italy, Ghana, and the Czech Republic. Korea will be going against France, Switzerland, and a mystical land called Togo (which I believe is next to Narnia).

Knowing as much about soccer as the next American does (read: almost nothing), I'll follow the sage advice of the bookies and  boldly claim that neither America nor Korea stand much of a chance of getting past the first round.

America will be thrashed by the obnoxious but good-looking Italians and will lose a close one to the obnoxious and less good-looking Czechs. They will get a measure of revenge against Ghana, but will still only win by one goal as it will take a while before they realize that black athletes outside the US tend to suck.

Korea will be thrashed by France to the delight of all Southern Europeans who want payback for World Cup 2002 'irregularities' in officiating. The Koreans will also fall to the peace-mongering Swiss, whom they played recently in Korea (it doesn't bode well if you only draw with a team in a 'must win' friendly game held on your home turf, IMHO). However, those Togons (Togoese? Togots? Togotons?) are going down hard!

Fearless Prediction:

Italy wins the World Cup!

I see Brazil falling to Italy in the final game. Brazil chokes when they play the big games in Europe (they got blanked by the French in 1998, for hell's sake). England chokes in the big games regardless of where they play. Germany is capable of choking on their home field (I'm going all the way back to the Munich Olympics on this one, so take that with a grain or two of salt), Argentina is, well, Argentina, and God is still punishing the French for being opposed to the Iraq war.

Wait a minute. On second thought, I'm going with France to take it all.

Fearless Prediction 2: Japan, who finds itself in the same division with Brazil, Croatia and Australia, will be outscored in their division 12 to 1 (the one goal coming from a ball accidently deflecting off an Australian defender's head into the the net).

Fearless Prediction #3: England will surpass the expectations of even the greatest cynics by drawing with Trinidad and Togago. Beckham will particularly suck in that game.

Fearless Prediction #4: Ronaldo will keep his World Cup streak alive as the ugliest player on the field.

Speaking of his Royally Ugly One, here are a few pictures to remind us that soccer is not a real sport played by real men.

Click to see them in all their fruity splendor!

The odds:

11-4 Brazil
13-2 England
7-1 Germany
8-1 Argentina, Italy
10-1 France
12-1 Spain
14-1 Netherland
18-1 Portugal
20-1 Czech Republic
28-1 Sweden
40-1 Mexico
50-1 Croatia, Ukraine
66-1 Ivory Coast, Poland
80-1 Switzerland
100-1 Serbia&Montenegro, U.S.
125-1 Australia, Ecuador
150-1 Japan, Paraguay
250-1 Ghana
300-1 South Korea, Tunisia
400-1 Angola, Togo
500-1 Costa Rica, Iran
750-1 Saudi Arabia
1,000 Trinidad&Tobago.

Comments from original post

You should mock black people in america.

Afraid that your be labeled as a racist?

I wonder what kind of responce you would get.

The white man putting other races down because of his inferiority complex.

Sad to see that such ignorance still exist.

Your all racist bigots.

Hail to the KKK!

Posted by: yourafunnyboy | December 10, 2005 at 11:06 PM

funnyboy, I can see you tried really hard to find something to criticize in this post. But you know that comment was no more racist than someone saying they liked the movie "White Men Can't Jump'.

I sense that there is something else about the post that bothered you, yet you just couldn't directly say it for some reason and had to find something else to criticize (normally posters like you will look for grammar or spelling errors when unable to come up with a real argument, but judging from your post, that probably wasn't an option).

So what's really bothering funnyboy? A little too tense about South Korea's chances in the World Cup? Talk to us, let us help. You're in a safe place.

Posted by: partypooper | December 11, 2005 at 02:36 AM

Pooper, stop beating up on poor 16-year-old kyopos. How would you feel if your entire sense of self-worth were dependent on a group of girly-men kicking balls into nets?

Otherwise, I just can't bring myself to comment on a post about soccer. Just how bored are you these days?

PS 2004 was a fluke. The Redsox suck.

Posted by: captainhowdy | December 11, 2005 at 03:48 PM

First game's against Togo--I predict the Togo-ites rout S. Korea because...shit happens. France 2-1, Swiss 1-1. Then the Koreans go home. "It was the American referee's fault we lost!" "He's Danish, not American." "Goddamn Americans! F*cking USA!"

Posted by: Gigantic Panda | December 11, 2005 at 03:58 PM

I will say it again.. korean cheated and bribed to get good calls in the world cup. You can see koran 'ethixx' by looking at hWang. Koreans will do anything to 'win'. Lie cheat steal bribe.. no problem..

Posted by: dingles | December 25, 2005 at 12:47 AM