Yu-na, Yuna, 김유나, and whatever else I can cram into this title to get more hits from searches on Naver

A lengthy post on women's figure skating?

Dude...come on. Next you'll be ranting and raving over 'Forever the Moment', the true story of the Korean women's handball team's performance in the 2004 Olympics.



Guys just can't get excited about women's sports. It's not that we consciously try not to, it's just that we are genetically predisposed to not care. Seriously, what guy has ever watched a complete women's NBA game (and not just because you were doing it for a girl you hadn't slept with yet)? What guy has ever scheduled his weekend around the TV broadcast of an LPGA tournament? It just can't happen.

Speaking of Yu-na, she's now done a total of 1,457 commercials. You can't sit through a commercial break of any TV show on Korean TV without seeing at least 7 of them. Most just show her skating gracefully around the rink with quick shots of whatever product is being foisted on the Korean public, and that's fine. Athletes of all nations have always been happy to whore themselves out to whatever corporation is willing to shovel tons of cash their way. But can I suggest to whomever is managing Yu-na that they politely tell companies to fuck off if they want her to do something in the commercial which makes her look like a silly clown? Korea already has hundreds of gay boy band members who have that covered.

Incestuously Amplified

[A comment left on this post deserving more attention. For those familiar with the 'old school' of K-bloggers, enjoy...]

The Artist Formerly Known as IA said...

Usually the guards only give us 15 minutes per week on the internets, but I provided special hand relief (my supreme wrist dexterity was developed through extensive chopstick usage) to my favorite guard Fat Jerry (nickname does not apply to genitalia), so I got half an hour this week...giving me the opportunity to thank the Pooper for a shout-out and a trip down memory lane.

Given my limited interwebs access and decision to prioritize midget porn, I haven't been able to keep up with all my old favorite Korean sports legends as much as I'd like to, but I’ve made numerous assumptions that I’m 99.73% must be accurate. For example, I'm sure Choi Hee-seop is bathing in the glory of a $150-million contract with the Yankees by now and must be married to Jessica Alba...because what 100-homer star isn't?

I also assume that my old pal Lee Seung-yeop has already led the LA Dodgers to 3 World Series titles, given his previous supreme confidence in a future of dominating MLB. My cell mate actually tried to tell me that Lee was languishing in the Japanese League for the last few years and had NOT attained Babe Ruth-level status in the Major Leagues, and I literally spit his balls out of my mouth (I'm not gay, I was merely practicing for my Super Junior audition) when I heard that, because it was so ridiculous and unfathomable that the Home Run King of Asia would not have added Home Run King of the world to his title by now. I mean, he was the Home Run KING. Not the Home Run Prince.

And surely Lee Chun-soo and his gay haircut must be lounging in a hot tub in Madrid, stroking his FIFA Footballer of the year trophy while simultaneously masturbating to Wonder Girls videos. Last thing I heard from the Korean media before I was sentenced, he was well on his way to destroying the Spanish League and planting the Taeguki on European soil just like Rain planted it on American soil with his 10-times platinum debut album “It’s Raining Jizz On My Tongue.”

But enough about homosexual Korean athletes and their felatio-obsessed cheerleaders at the Suh-poach papers. Let’s talk about the Korean Tiger Woods. I will say that Choi Kyung-ju gets much respect for being a pretty humble and likeable guy. As far as I know he hasn't fallen into the trap of believing the sycophantic hero-worshipping horseshit that gets served up on a daily basis by Korean media fluff-boys. He’s that rare breed of Korean athlete that seems to understand that most of his fellow countrymen are functionally retarded when it comes to comparative analysis involving a fellow member of the master race. I assume it’s because he’s actually in the arena with Tiger Woods on a regular basis and he knows how large the gap is between them. As opposed to the pseudo-legends like Lee who rack up meaningless stats in domestic leagues and just extrapolate those results onto a higher level of competition like magic.

On a different note, you appear to be the Luke Skywalker of the Korean blogosphere...you're the only hope in providing the kind of sarcasm and wit that it so desperately needs. I cringe every time I hear about another deeply contemplative K-blog popping up that takes itself (and Korea) far more seriously than it deserves. Honestly, is it even possible to pretend to write in earnest about Korean politics when the politicians are pulling each other’s hair and throwing shoes? Come on, it’s Korea for fuck’s sake. It begs not to be taken seriously, and any sane person must comply.

Thanks for the time Pooper, and perhaps you’ll allow me to guest-blog upon my release, assuming my anus has contracted back to its normal size and is again capable of holding a pen tightly enough to write with.

Sincerely,

[Assuming your release, guest-blogs always welcome--even posts that aren't related to midget porn]

Random Updates

A few updates just to let the world know that the poop goes on.

Michelle Wie Still Sucks


In the Samsung World Championship, Michelle Wie was once again allowed to play with real golfers due to another sponsor's exemption (not sure how many tournaments she has now entered on this exemption, but I'm sure it has to be an unbreakable LPGA record by now). She placed 19th of 20 golfers, only 13 strokes away from 18th place and a mere 36 strokes off from the lead. It's nice to see she consistently chokes regardless of which gender she is going up against.

Her agent has dropped her, saying "After careful consideration for my future, I have resigned effective immediately."

One less rat on that sinking ship.

Photo: Michelle Wie's father skulking around the golf course. Creepy little fuck, ain't he?

My advice to Michelle is to take the 20 million dollars you conned out of your sponsors last year and declare independence from your idiotic father. This guy has ignored the advice of agents and professional golfers such as Tiger Woods and pushed you too hard and too fast. She can't go anywhere without his domineering presence. He doesn't know golf. He doesn't know shit.

Dragon Wars Conquers Hollywood
  In only its 5th week in hundreds of theaters across America, Dragon Wars continued to wow hundreds of Korean-Americans (and a dozen or so Caucasian boyfriends of Korean-Americans) in theaters across America, raking in over $71,000 at the box office last week. This brings the total earnings in American theaters up to nearly 11 million dollars, which almost puts it in the same league as other sci-fi greats such as Battlefield Earth and Howard the Duck. Hollywood has now officially become director Shim Hyung-rae's playground. 

Racing Model Billiard Championship 2
The first Racing Model Billiard Championship 1 ended a month or so ago. I can't remember all the details, but the girl with the outstanding rack completely dominated the girl with the great legs to take the championship.

So one might think that we'll just have to wait until next year before we can see prime cleavage shots of models bending over pool tables in the next Championship, right?

Wrong, my friend.  The  second Racing Model Billiards  Championship has already begun, with the first rounds played  on the 16th of October. The girls seem to be all new and the outfits are a bit skimpier this time around. For those wondering if the quality of play has improved at all since the first championship, please reread the previous sentence and stop asking stupid questions.

The only down side is that they show the games late at night around the same time that the J Channel from Japan shows the 'Golden Bikini' competition (Japanese girls in bikinis compete in games such as 'breast wrestling' to see which girl will win the golden bikini prize). On top of that, the channel from China quite often shows porn movies after hours as well. 

Now you all see why I haven't been blogging so much lately.

More updates to come...eventually


 

Racing Model Billiard Championship

This is a sport I really would like to see catch on. Some geniuses over
at the Xports channel have rounded up the hottest racing models, put
them in their usual skimpy outfits and got them bending over pool
tables in a billiards tournament.

As for how well the girls play pool, let's just say the quality varies much like the movies of director Shim Hyung Rae.

I expect the Xports channel to be running this competition frequently
and replaying some of the more classic matches for the next 11 months.

  This is a big turning point for women's sports. For years we've seen female athletes with a lot of potential like Michelle Wie and Anna Kournikova subject to extreme discrimination in the sports world simply because they have no actual talent. In the backwards world of current women's sports, for every Maria Sharapova, there are ten Christina Kims. This is so wrong I don't even know where to begin.

But now the tide is turning against this prejudice.  I hope to see the racing models move into other sports in the very near future.

Michelle Wie's Ass Kicked by Japanese-American Punk

After the first round at the Sony Open, 17-year-old former golf phenomenon Michelle Wie finds herself second to last in the qualifier in a field of 144.

Playing the Sony Open for the fourth straight
year, Wie hit into the water twice, the bunker twice, clipped two palm
trees and didn't hit a fairway until the 15th hole. Headed for her
worst score ever, the 17-year-old kept battling and played the back
nine in even par for a 78.

That's one stroke better than her opening round a year ago at Waialae.

But it still leaves her chances of making the cut about the same as the second round being postponed by snow.

This continues her string of failures in qualifiers, finishing either dead last or second to last in all last year's events.  This one looks to be a bit worse, as a younger (and much shorter)  teenager is doing much better. 

"The best score by a Hawaii teen belonged to 16-year-old    Tadd Fujikawa,
one year younger and a foot shorter than Wie. Fujikawa, who qualified
for the U.S. Open last year, opened with a 1-over 71 at Waialae."

Schooled by a short 16-year-old Japanese American punk; will Korean pride ever recover?

Now some of you may question why I gloat over Michelle Wie's dramatic failures. To tell the truth, I had never had anything against Michelle Wie until her father opened up his mouth to Korean reporters about how 'the only thing American about Michelle Wie is her passport'. He basically played the Korean nationalism card to get some sweet advertising contracts for his daughter and did his little part to set back Korean-American relations in the States just that much further. Honestly, if Korean-Americans are to become fully accepted into American society (as most should be), idiots like this need to shut up and keep their nationalism (and implied racism) to themselves. I can't imagine Robert Holley being able to say 'the only thing Korean about me is my passport' and getting away with it in Korea, and neither should this clown be able to do the same.

So, for the sins of the father, I will relish each dramatic loss my Michelle as she continues to compete with the men (solely for marketing purposes). Let her first actually win a few women's competitions and build up her skills before she wastes everyone's time competing against the men. Someday she might deserve to be there, but until then, she should stop embarrassing herself.

Comments on original blog post

Bonus: Move the mouse over her boobs and see what pops up. On the screen, I mean.

All chick photos should have this feature.

Posted by: nobody | January 12, 2007 at 08:30 AM

In this day and age, the separation of men and women in sports competition strikes me as silly. People who want to ignore biological realities should be allowed to compete together, I say.

While I'm at it: I advocate the elimination of weight classes, too.


Kevin "There Can Be Only One" Kim

Posted by: Kevin Kim | January 13, 2007 at 07:43 AM

Even if this occurs, Kevin will always remain the undisputed champion at cat bowling.

Posted by: Rhesus | January 14, 2007 at 12:01 PM

I agree with all of your points, but at the same time, I might say the same things as her father if it meant I would have many more millions of dollars to add to my bank account (notice I say my, because there is now way pops is nice enough to give it all to her. He will have some screwed up Korean logic of all mine will be hers, so I might as well have control of it right now).

Posted by: koreaspondent | January 14, 2007 at 08:35 PM

Nice blog facelift!

Too much Corean Pryde is bad for the stomach; just like KimChi

Posted by: Mark Milton | January 15, 2007 at 08:34 PM

"I can't imagine Robert Holley being able to say 'the only thing Korean about me is my passport' and getting away with it in Korea,"

Really? I can imagine him saying it, and Koreans nodding in agreement with him.

Posted by: Hugh | January 16, 2007 at 07:55 PM

It has always amazed me how Korea and Koreans can raise an absolute nobody, like Michele Wie, into Godlike Stardom without that person ever actually accomplishing anything but being cute.

Posted by: kimchipig | January 18, 2007 at 08:03 PM

Koreans generally want it both ways. Whilst honouring the 5000 years of culture etc etc and thrusting every artefact of absolutely no interest at all under our noses,they also revere the USA and aspire to that ideal.

The sad reality is that the ones that make it there just turn their backs on the homeland as the Samsung crowd turn their backs on old school mates. Despite what certain sources will have us believe - Korean 'collective' consciousness only really applies in a 'fair weather friend' context.

Koreans are a very selfish breed with a good deal of ambition coupled with self-loathing and an overwhelming sense of inferiority which displays itself as an overwhelming attitude of completely unfounded superiority - and that's just the Kindergaarten students.

Oh well - it's great to see them overseas huddled in groups without the comfort blankets afforded to them by the family and years of the likes of President / Father Park mk 1 /2 etc.

Yes guys when you leave this place - you too are way-gooks but unlike us - you haven't got a fuckin clue!

Posted by: Leone | January 20, 2007 at 06:21 AM

Sometimes Koreans overcompensate their Corean pryde by making up fake history, promoting racism against non-Koreans, and hyping achievements such as Dr Hwang's faked cloning, etc.

Ironically, this type of KCrean pryde is actually fueling anti-Korean sentiment. Japan doesn't need to work that hard in promoting anti-Korean sentiment at the rate Corean Pryde is achieving.

Posted by: Mark Milton | January 20, 2007 at 10:47 PM

World Cup Draw

The World Cup draw was announced early this morning (Korea time).

The States finds itself in the same bracket with Italy, Ghana, and the Czech Republic. Korea will be going against France, Switzerland, and a mystical land called Togo (which I believe is next to Narnia).

Knowing as much about soccer as the next American does (read: almost nothing), I'll follow the sage advice of the bookies and  boldly claim that neither America nor Korea stand much of a chance of getting past the first round.

America will be thrashed by the obnoxious but good-looking Italians and will lose a close one to the obnoxious and less good-looking Czechs. They will get a measure of revenge against Ghana, but will still only win by one goal as it will take a while before they realize that black athletes outside the US tend to suck.

Korea will be thrashed by France to the delight of all Southern Europeans who want payback for World Cup 2002 'irregularities' in officiating. The Koreans will also fall to the peace-mongering Swiss, whom they played recently in Korea (it doesn't bode well if you only draw with a team in a 'must win' friendly game held on your home turf, IMHO). However, those Togons (Togoese? Togots? Togotons?) are going down hard!

Fearless Prediction:

Italy wins the World Cup!

I see Brazil falling to Italy in the final game. Brazil chokes when they play the big games in Europe (they got blanked by the French in 1998, for hell's sake). England chokes in the big games regardless of where they play. Germany is capable of choking on their home field (I'm going all the way back to the Munich Olympics on this one, so take that with a grain or two of salt), Argentina is, well, Argentina, and God is still punishing the French for being opposed to the Iraq war.

Wait a minute. On second thought, I'm going with France to take it all.

Fearless Prediction 2: Japan, who finds itself in the same division with Brazil, Croatia and Australia, will be outscored in their division 12 to 1 (the one goal coming from a ball accidently deflecting off an Australian defender's head into the the net).

Fearless Prediction #3: England will surpass the expectations of even the greatest cynics by drawing with Trinidad and Togago. Beckham will particularly suck in that game.

Fearless Prediction #4: Ronaldo will keep his World Cup streak alive as the ugliest player on the field.

Speaking of his Royally Ugly One, here are a few pictures to remind us that soccer is not a real sport played by real men.

Click to see them in all their fruity splendor!

The odds:

11-4 Brazil
13-2 England
7-1 Germany
8-1 Argentina, Italy
10-1 France
12-1 Spain
14-1 Netherland
18-1 Portugal
20-1 Czech Republic
28-1 Sweden
40-1 Mexico
50-1 Croatia, Ukraine
66-1 Ivory Coast, Poland
80-1 Switzerland
100-1 Serbia&Montenegro, U.S.
125-1 Australia, Ecuador
150-1 Japan, Paraguay
250-1 Ghana
300-1 South Korea, Tunisia
400-1 Angola, Togo
500-1 Costa Rica, Iran
750-1 Saudi Arabia
1,000 Trinidad&Tobago.

Comments from original post

You should mock black people in america.

Afraid that your be labeled as a racist?

I wonder what kind of responce you would get.

The white man putting other races down because of his inferiority complex.

Sad to see that such ignorance still exist.

Your all racist bigots.

Hail to the KKK!

Posted by: yourafunnyboy | December 10, 2005 at 11:06 PM

funnyboy, I can see you tried really hard to find something to criticize in this post. But you know that comment was no more racist than someone saying they liked the movie "White Men Can't Jump'.

I sense that there is something else about the post that bothered you, yet you just couldn't directly say it for some reason and had to find something else to criticize (normally posters like you will look for grammar or spelling errors when unable to come up with a real argument, but judging from your post, that probably wasn't an option).

So what's really bothering funnyboy? A little too tense about South Korea's chances in the World Cup? Talk to us, let us help. You're in a safe place.

Posted by: partypooper | December 11, 2005 at 02:36 AM

Pooper, stop beating up on poor 16-year-old kyopos. How would you feel if your entire sense of self-worth were dependent on a group of girly-men kicking balls into nets?

Otherwise, I just can't bring myself to comment on a post about soccer. Just how bored are you these days?

PS 2004 was a fluke. The Redsox suck.

Posted by: captainhowdy | December 11, 2005 at 03:48 PM

First game's against Togo--I predict the Togo-ites rout S. Korea because...shit happens. France 2-1, Swiss 1-1. Then the Koreans go home. "It was the American referee's fault we lost!" "He's Danish, not American." "Goddamn Americans! F*cking USA!"

Posted by: Gigantic Panda | December 11, 2005 at 03:58 PM

I will say it again.. korean cheated and bribed to get good calls in the world cup. You can see koran 'ethixx' by looking at hWang. Koreans will do anything to 'win'. Lie cheat steal bribe.. no problem..

Posted by: dingles | December 25, 2005 at 12:47 AM

Two strikes, no balls.

Lee Seung-yeop, Home Run King of FantAsia*, has opted to stay in the Japan league rather than field offers from MLB teams.

            

Korean slugger Lee
Seung-yeop re-signed with
the Yomiuri Giants to a
four-year extension
through 2010, the Giants
Web site announced on
Sunday. The value of the
contract, however, is still
yet to be disclosed.

But, Lee, 30, is still keeping
the door open to the
U.S. as his contract has
clauses allowing him to
leave the team “if Yomiuri
becomes Japan’s No.1
team.”
            

Allow me to be the first to state the glaring obvious that the Korean media doesn't want to say; he's avoiding (again) going to the MLB because he's chickenshit. Here's what I said back in the summer:

Seung Yeop will come very close not to signing with the MLB, citing
the above 'insult' [refering to offered salary]. What's really behind the hesitation, however, is a
fundamental fear of failure at the highest level of the game. Seung
Yeop has the goods physically, but mentally he can be inconsistent, as
evidenced by his failure in the first year of Japanese baseball ( and
this after complaining that he should have been given a starting
position in the Majors).

He'll eventually take the offer though. It's just too blatantly chickenshit to stay in Japan.

Despite my psychic powers and keen insight into the human condition, even I was unable to see the depths of Lee's cowardice.

Lee is in a perfect position to go the Big Leagues, following a strong season in Japan and a good showing in the WBC. If he can do as well as he has against Japanese pitchers, he has a legitimate shot at doing well in the MLB. Yet rather than even see what teams such as the Yankees might have to offer, he rushed into resigning with Yomiuri. 

His stated reasoning for staying with the Giants is to see them win a championship. What a load of bullshit. He's only been with the team for one season, so why would he care about helping them get a title? What, a Korean with a sudden love for a Japanese baseball team that before this year he had absolutely no connection with? Who really buys this shit? It's a lame excuse, but I guess it beats telling the truth.

*FantAsia is a mystical wonderous land in an alternate reality in which Korea is properly the center of the universe and everything the Korea media tells you is true. It does not follow the usual laws of  logic that burdens those in the 'real world.' See any Korean media story on 'fan death', kimchi folklore, or the Korean Wave for a glimpse into this magical realm.

Comments on original post

Awesome.

Yes, I'm familiar with this land of Fantasia. It's a land where each food has special healing and redemptive properties, and where it is impossible to eat a meal without a resident of Fantasia extolling the health benefits thereof.

Posted by: Whitey | November 26, 2006 at 10:23 PM


All this raving ranting anger over a baseball player.

Typical angry expat in Korea.

Get a life, move on, and get some therapy.

Posted by: hmmm.. | December 05, 2006 at 05:02 PM

All this raving ranting anger over some stranger with a blog.

Typical Angry Kyopo stalking me from another site. Get some therapy and move on with your life (I like the way I said that better).

[By the way, can I take your lack of criticism to the post content itself to mean that you agree with it?]

Posted by: partypooper | December 06, 2006 at 12:19 AM

you are chiken not lee dont write it, say it directly to lee! Giants nearly become champion not if not only their losing streaks that put them to 5th place thats why he wanted to stay to give kyojin a champion

Posted by: npb | December 26, 2006 at 09:45 PM

i REALLY dont geddit. i read your other blogs and one of your hobbies seem to be dissing korean people. well. you have a very loud mouth sitting behind a computer screen. hm.. and you seem to think that the korean way of displaying affection [to the same-sex friends, not to be taken sexually] means that they are gays or lesbians. wow. you really have problems.

laterr.

Posted by: kristinaa | January 12, 2007 at 06:28 PM

Lee Seung-yeop Outrage!

The 'Homerun King of Asia' was robbed of a hit by foul Japanese umpires for the second time this season. In the ninth inning Lee's hit to left field was ruled a fly out, but instant replays showed that it bounced before being caught.

After an appeal failed, Lee's outrage could not be held back:

Returning to the dugout, Lee kicked an advertising board with anger three times and shouted toward the ground.

Hear the Lion King's roar!

The 'hit' would have been, by the way, meaningless, as the team had already secured a large lead and won 8-4. But it just wouldn't be Korean for Lee not to freak out (and all the Korean news agencies to run a story on it).

Seung-yeop has ruled the Japan league this year though. Only Fukudome (the player who, incidentally, was key to Japan's victory over Korea in the World Baseball Classic) has the stats to match him. It will be very interesting to see how the MVP award goes. Fukodome leads the league in batting average (354) with Seung Yeop no slouch at 323. Seung Yeop leads in homeruns and Fukodome leads in production. Very close call, though Fukodome's team is leading their division and sometimes that can be a deciding factor. Perhaps this is why Lee was so upset over one otherwise meaningless hit.

Anyway, I'm sure it was good fodder for the Japanese media to support their favorite Korean stereotypes. They don't like foreigners coming in and doing too well in their league, and that probably goes double for Koreans. Some say that the Japanese media and public in general are more mature about these kinds of things than their counterparts in Korea. Perhaps, to some extent, but I suspect they're mostly just better at hiding it.

What would be most interesting is to see Lee clearly have the stats to take MVP and see what the Japan league does about it. The Japanese can be no less racist when it comes to these things as Korea, who notoriously denied dirty foreigner Cliff Brumbaugh the MVP and even a starting spot on its All Star roster, despite clearly dominating the Korean league a few years back.

Fukodome will probably take the honor one way or another. It will be fun to watch the fireworks when this 'scandal' takes place.

As for Seung-yeop, it's seems a lock that he'll be in the Majors next year. A good showing in the Baseball Classic and a very strong season in Japan have sealed it.

Time for some Fearless Predictions.

Seung yeop does not get as good a deal as he (read: the Korean media) thinks he should get from the MLB clubs. They'll compare it with what some other Japanese stars like Ichiro got in the past and if its a penny less, they'll bitch.

Seung Yeop will come very close not to signing with the MLB, citing the above 'insult'. What's really behind the hesitation, however, is a fundamental fear of failure at the highest level of the game. Seung Yeop has the goods physically, but mentally he can be inconsistent, as evidenced by his failure in the first year of Japanese baseball ( and this after complaining that he should have been given a starting position in the Majors).

He'll eventually take the offer though. It's just too blatantly chickenshit to stay in Japan.

He'll start the season off somewhat well, and the Korean media will be all over it, predicting all sorts of exaggerated achievements like they always do. Great blogging material will abound. Kevin from Incestuous Amplification fame will come out of retirement as the bullshit will just be too stinky to ignore.

Seung-yeop will then go into a slump and be taken off the starting lineup. The first year will basically be written off as a 'learning period', just like his first year in Japan. The Korean sports media will somehow manage once again to learn nothing from the whole experience, despite being burned in this way time and time again.

In the second year, Seung-yeop will go to another team and have a chance to start again. He'll do ok, with occasional flashes of greatness. He'll earn a spot in the line up around 5 or 6 and finish out his career as a decent player, probably the best Korean hitter in the Bigs overall for the time being. In short, he won't be great, but he'll do well enough eventually and despite the Korean sports media desperation for their own Ichiro,  it will be a very respectable achievement.

As it is written, so shall it come to pass.

Comments from original blog post

I hate baseball with a passion. I wish there were something I could do to get you to stop talking about it. I think I'll sue you.

Posted by: Joel | August 10, 2006 at 04:47 PM

hehe, on what grounds?

Posted by: littlebrownasian | August 10, 2006 at 05:58 PM

"I wish there were something I could do to get you to stop talking about it."

Try putting on a suit and knocking on the pooper's door with a goofy smile on your face and a bible in hand. Those Latter Day Saints are so damned convincing, they could sell me my own balls.

Posted by: iheartblueballs | August 10, 2006 at 09:06 PM

Hmmm...I think I'd prefer to be sued.

Posted by: partypooper | August 10, 2006 at 09:23 PM

"Those Latter Day Saints are so damned convincing, they could sell me my own balls."

Aaah, those LDSes......anyone watch Orgazmo? =D

Posted by: littlebrownasian | August 10, 2006 at 10:08 PM

True Prophet of Blog

Once again, I need to remind the public that my predictions for the 2006 World Cup have come true with amazing 100% accuracy*.  I foresaw the fall of America, Japan and Korea in the 2006 World Cup years ago**.

Now some of the more close-minded among you may bicker over certain predictions that may seem (to the ignorant eye) not to have come to pass (Japan being outscored 12-1 in the first round, England drawing with Trinidad and Tobagawhatever).

However, I should point out that in that particular post I was quoted by myself out of context (hate when I do that) and also there are some apparent mistranslations from the original source. I receive my prophecies from the spirit world in an advanced form of computer language (zeros, ones and the occasional three) and sometimes things get lost in translation to English. If you were able to see the original source, you would see that my predictions were actually slightly more than 100% correct.***

Another of my Fearless Predictions which is being challenged is that Ronaldo continues to be the ugliest soccer player on the field. Some say that Lee Chun-soo has taken that honor. However, this poll was conducted on a Brazilian website, so obviously it is biased.  In a truly international poll, I'm sure Ronaldo would stay on top. Chun-soo would be in second, or possibly even third.

Nah, second.

And speaking of ugly, I in no way meant to imply that I thought Park Ji-sung was anything less than 'Gangta-esque' handsome when I made the comment: 'Park Ji-sung: A face only a mother could..."

The completed sentence I had in mind when I wrote that would actually read "Park Ji-sung, a face only a mother could pick out in an auditorium full of awkward-looking acne-ridden high school boys."

My apologies to Park Ji-sung, his mother and the hordes of middle
school kyopo girls who for some reason freak out if anyone makes a silly
joke about one of their idols.

I imagine they probably wouldn't appreciate this much either.

And finally, to those who think I take any joy in the Corea team's poor showing in the World Cup, I assure you that I take no more pleasure in the Corea soccer team's failure than your average Corean does in the America team's early exit. It's all about sharing the love.

*100% accuracy in the figurative sense of the expression
**This statement is absolutely correct, as I made the prediction at the end of 2005, and the 's' in the word 'years' is just a typo.
*** These calculations rely on an advanced form of mathematics known only to a handful of scholars and certain athletes who are cabable of giving '110% to the team.'

Viva Hula

I'm looking for a piece of exercise equipment that will not only delude me into thinking it will actually help me firm my stomach, but also make me look completely ridiculous in the process. I've narrowed it down to these two candidates.

I'm leaning towards the 'viva hula'. It's a bit more expensive ($50), which means it must be better, and it also seems like it might have other possible uses besides just losing weight.

Park Ji-sung: The Anton Ohno of Korea

Park Ji-sung receives great praise for his 'hollywood action' that brings out the yellow cards.

Park Ji-sung: The face only a mother could...

"Park’s flying act is already well known in the U.K.’s Premier League.
Fans once thought, Is he just falling over like that because he's a
little Asian guy who doesn't eat very much? Now they are praising the
maneuver as the perfect way to bring out yellow cards for the opposing
team. Park has been fouled 55 times: the team's undisputed leader."

Anton Ohno would be proud.

Comments from original post



Ah, he falls down on purpose! I thought it was just a Special Olympics kind of thing.

Posted by: Giant Panda | June 14, 2006 at 11:07 PM

He must be watching too many Italian games. Serie A players make his theatrics pale into insignificance.......viva Italia (quite cute too)...

Posted by: leone | June 16, 2006 at 09:53 PM

Hahaha, "Park Ji-sung: The face only a mother could...", could what? Could love? Yes, he's got a face that maybe only a mother would love. But then what would YOUR face be? A face that no one, not even your mother, would love. Your mother, in fact, would be hideously ashamed of your face. Please drown. Thank you.

PS I emailed you some pictures of myself again. Please write me back this time.

Posted by: Christine | June 17, 2006 at 06:27 PM

My Drowned in Life blog has been replaced with the present version. Keep writing, I enjoy stories about Corea.

kekeke

Posted by: Mark | June 18, 2006 at 02:13 PM

You have no right to be making fun of Korean people. I'm sorry that you feel jealous of us because we have become one of the most successful countries in the world. But let me tell you this: I suggest you watch yourself very carefully because many people are becoming very angry at you and your words. Unless you'd like your site and yourself to be sued, you should perhaps tone down a bit on your wording and phrasings. Like it says in the Bible, "Pride goeth before a fall." You may think you're full of intelligence and wit, but actually, it just seems like something a small child would do, seeking attention. If you'd truly like attention, you should go and try out for American Idol or something. You MIGHT receive some attention with your bashing on Korea there. (Perhaps negatively, but it's attention nonetheless, no?) P.S. I think you're just upset at Park Ji-sung because he's a world famous soccer player while you're a writer of ridiculous little stories. I pity you, honestly.

Posted by: Danbee | June 20, 2006 at 05:20 PM

Wow! And I thought folks like Danbee were just fictional!

Posted by: Alcoholic | June 21, 2006 at 12:50 AM

Now let me get this straight. I point out some obvious hypocrisy (Ohno doing some 'acting' to get a referee's call against Korea is evil, but Ji-seung doing the same thing for Korea is good), and the only thing you can do is respond with threats? If the claim is not true, then why don't you argue against it rather than just throw out childish insults? You seem to be a Christian, but is that really something that Jesus would do?

Please stop making Koreans look bad by supporting the stereotype that Koreans cannot take criticism rationally. Any more of this, and I just might have to sue your ass on behalf of all good Koreans.


Posted by: partypooper | June 21, 2006 at 06:50 AM

I really think you should tone it down a bit. You may think this is all fun and games. But people take this seriously. It's rude bashing on a country that has been through so much. Seriously, please stop. It's really bothering me and other Koreans.

And you're the only one making Koreans look bad by writing all of this bologna about us. Why won't you just make fun of your own race? Don't you think Korean people, or Asians in general, already have it bad enough? Calling us "chinks" & what not. So please, stop.

Posted by: Ashley | June 21, 2006 at 12:24 PM

Interesting little debate you got here. I'll sum up:

Argument: Koreans are hypocrites for condemning Ohno for getting referees to make foul calls, but praising Ji-sung when he does the same thing.

Counter-arguments:

#1. The author is uglier than Park Ji-sung

#2. The author is just jealous of successful Korea.

#3. Korea is a poor country, therefore no one should ever criticize it.

Impressive and profoundly logical counter-arguments, one and all. Clearly the fruits of an excellent education system (American and/or Korean, I would guess).

Can't we all get along? How about we all agree that Park Ji-sung is ok for doing what he does, and all the Koreans agree that Anton Ohno is ok as well.

To quote one of the greatest movies of all time:
"I'm OK, your OK: that there's how it is."


Posted by: captainhowdy | June 21, 2006 at 10:12 PM

Christine, Ashby and Danbee...

Perhaps you should head over to the Naver boards and read the unrestrained "hate white people/hate japanese/hate non-koreans" that is on thousands of comments daily.

They you come here and make ridiculous threats your little high school butts can't back up.

Note: I have never read the word "chinks" on this blog. Hell, on any waygook in Korea blogs. We're rather aware we're in Korea, not China, for one and we don't actually have to go for crude name-calling. Why? The ridiculous self-righteousness and huffing&puffing nonsense of the average over-emoted Korean - like you! - is comedy enough for us!

Thank you for your letters, you are a hilarious example of Korean non-rational bluster and empty threats.

Pshaw!

Posted by: Hugh | July 06, 2006 at 06:18 PM

damn man.... wth you guys problem? park ji sung is doing a great job and hes doing great at contributing the team. guys your sitting on your asses writing stupid shit. admire the guy. hes freaking better than all you guys by 10x better. stop criticizing him becuase hes famous and all you guys are not. and what does the bible and jesus got to do with it? its fucking soccer? not freakking hallelujah soccer praise shit? its Soccer~ joga bonito.

Posted by: steven lim | April 07, 2007 at 05:54 PM

oh also. park ji sung . well im playing soccer in auburndale fusion in america. and im jus saying that im really proud of you hyung. you started in japan and everybody let you down. but you still keep on practicing and practicing. and now your like one of the best midfielders in the world. i hope you will live in this soccer genereration as long as possible hyung.

형! 화팅!! 형은짱이애요!!!
형!힘내새요!!
영표형!! 사랑해요...

my name is 임준혁...646 393 6886 this is my number call me hyung

Posted by: steven lim | April 07, 2007 at 05:59 PM

Bae Yong Jun: Cry for me

In Chosunilbo you can read an article about how South Koreans ignore LINK protestors trying to raise awareness about the plight of their brothers to the North, but if you want some true trajedy then go here:

Bae Yong-joon Laments the Price of Fame

Look at that pained expression. Oh why is life so hard for our little Yonsama?

"The interviewer says it looks as if Bae is unable to enjoy any
semblance of a normal life. "There can be nothing like that for me,"
the star replies. "The house, the office, the gym: my sphere of
activity is pretty limited. There's a coffee shop at a hotel that our
company manages, but even there I have to go in through the back door."
He admits to despairing sometimes when he thinks that this is how he
has to live the rest of his life."

My recommendation to Mr. Bae is to move to the United States where he can easily find the sweet oblivion that he so desperately desires. And also allow me to extend this invitation to International Mega-Superstar 'Rain' as well. If you ever want to go somewhere where no one knows nor cares who the hell you are, your own American Dream awaits you.

Speaking of the 'crying game,' transgender Ha Ri Su has made public the identity of her boyfriend.
Here is the lucky guy right here, Woo Seung-woo.

Woo-woo, mad props for being open-minded enough to date a transgender and having the courage to come public. You're more of a man than I could ever be (so to speak).

If the newest ads by Lee Joongi do not cause violent retching, perhaps you should consider getting some help.

They say that Joongi/junki/whatever is going to take on a more 'manly' role in his next acting effort. Good idea. I say he should get a fake girlfriend while he's at it. Joongi, your 15 minutes are about up on this whole girly-boy thing and though your gender-confused budding-lesbian fan-base may hold steady, I think you'll find the rest of Korean society is already getting bored (if not physically ill) with this whole 'aren't I just the cutest little princess?' act.

And finally, from an anonymous COF member I received a link to this photo.
It's a picture of the Korean soccer team in training. It seems that they were having a split-squad relay race and this is the winning team.

Question 1:
When having split-squad relay races, is it a requirement to form a 'love train' formation while watching other members race?

Question 2: In soccer, is it an acceptable act of celebration to reach around another player and grab his crotch? Or is this just a Korean guy thing?

Question 3: When another guy does grab your crotch, do you have to enjoy it as much as Kim Dong-jin (front-left) seems to be? Or is it just sports etiquette to refrain from the natural impulse to elbow the pepper-picker in the gut?

Comments on original post



The public wrap around is just too much. Have you seen The Yangpas take on Korean Gaydar (http://theyangpa.wordpress.com/2006/06/01/korean-gaydar-technology-lags-behind-international-standards/). It's pretty funny, but not nearly as good as your posts.

hmm.. no html on your comments.

Posted by: EFL Geek | June 01, 2006 at 04:17 PM

Allow me if I may to address each of these topics.

Photo 1. Yonsama is obviously despairing that his lipstick has dried up.

Photo 2. Which one is Harisu?

Photo 3. Word on the street is that Junki's "manlier" role will be the part of Harisu in the Harisu epic biography.

Photo 4. Use of the hands is apparently okay in soccer as long as you don't touch the ball(s).

Posted by: Iceberg | June 02, 2006 at 01:22 AM

Nice. Thank ya!

Posted by: Hugh | June 02, 2006 at 09:52 AM

Now those Korean footie boys are hot! I hope you don't mind Scott but I've reproduced it with credits of course!

Posted by: Leone | June 02, 2006 at 07:44 PM

Yeah baby, this is what I'm talking about. You really need to quit your day job so you can blog more. Or, do what countless other bloggers do and blog from work.

Posted by: Nomad | June 02, 2006 at 10:00 PM

Grabbing the crotch? I think it's just a Korean guy thing.

Posted by: yankabroad | June 03, 2006 at 07:08 PM

My god, that new Lee Jun-gi is just horrible. Truely retch-enducing.

The celebrity "woe is me" piece is a common tactic designed to engender a stronger sense of devotion among the fans. Reading about the sacrifices their favorite star has to make, the fans feel a stronger obligation to support their idol.

Of course, as you said, if he is really tired of the attention he can always just move to North Dakota and slip quietly into society there. But really... his management agency just isn't having that.

Posted by: Brian | June 07, 2006 at 09:24 PM

in english please..

Posted by: Joe brown | June 16, 2006 at 09:57 PM

"In soccer, is it an acceptable act of celebration to reach around another player and grab his crotch?" Yeah, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Sicko.

Posted by: Christine | June 17, 2006 at 06:29 PM

do you REALLY have nothing better to do than write all this crap?

Posted by: Yvonne | August 08, 2006 at 05:19 PM

Yvonne, this isn't the Chosun Ilbo or the daily news. It's a blog. If you can't take the heat, get out of the pan.

Posted by: littlebrownasian | August 08, 2006 at 05:37 PM

No Idea for a Title

A few quick notes:

Party Pooper Foresaw Japan's WBC Crown

First off, I feel the need to remind everyone that my fearless prediction of Japan taking the WBC crown did indeed come true. In the tradition of psychics everywhere, I expect everyone to ignore the multitude of other predictions I made that were something less than accurate and recognize my obvious psychic powers.

Iceberg also covers the Lee Hyo-ri 'alleged' plagiarism of a Brittany Spears song. When I first heard the Hyo-ri song, I thought it was a Korean language semi-cover of the song at first. I say semi-cover, as it is a Korean custom among their "songwriters" to take existing western or Japanese songs and just add new lyrics, without pretending that it is a totally new song. Apparently they were hoping no one was paying attention when they tried to pawn this song of as an original. While clearly it is plagiarized, the most important thing to keep in mind in this debate is that I think we'd all rather sleep with Lee Hyo-ri than Brittany, and in the end, that's all that really matters when it comes to pop music.

Call out the VANKers!

"Is ``East Sea’’ losing out to ``Sea of Japan’’ in news publications in the United States?", an article in the Korea Times asks. To which the U.S. responds (if I am reading between the lines correctly here), grow the fuck up already.

Well ok, maybe that's a stretch. Here's the actual response:

The BGN [Board for Geographic Names] has determined that `Sea of Japan’ is the
most appropriate name, conforming to the policies used in determining
the conventional English-language name for high seas features. This
issue has been recently discussed and no change in policy is
anticipated.’’

Amen. Of all the issues in the world for people to exert energy on, this has got to be the silliest and most childish thing I've ever heard of. If Koreans tried to get the sea renamed something which was truly neutral then it wouldn't be so bad. But then I guess that would be the mature, adult thing to do. The whole thing is just an attempt to try to get some childish revenge on Japan.

When it comes to Japan issues, this entire country needs some serious psychotherapy.


And Finally

I was desperately trying to find another reason to post Kevin's "It Makes a Difference to the Sheep" picture, and I think I finally found it.

South Korea 'expressed regret' on behalf of Press Corps who tried to resist their reports on North-South family reunions being censored by North Korea.

The South Korean press gathered at the reunions on Tuesday reported
that a fisherman who was reunited with his family there had been
“kidnapped” by North Korea, as indeed he had been. Incensed North
Korean security forces barged into the satellite van of the press corps
and confiscated SBS footage as well as issuing threats to deal with a
reporter “under North Korean law” unless he left immediately.

The state-run Korean Central News Agency on Thursday night
said authorities “took into consideration that the head of the South
Koreans admitted their wrongdoings and expressed regret for the South
Korean journalists’ provocative actions against us, and decided to let
the second round of meeting of the families proceed as scheduled.”

Bravo, Roh Mu-hyun, bravo.

If I had photoshop skills, I'd add a speech bubble to this picture with the sheep Roh Mu-hyun squealing out in pain, "The Sunshine (OW!) Policy (Ooh!) is (Ugh!)working!"

Way to take it hard and deep for the team.

This makes it three posts in a row now that I have used this picture. That's a record in the Korbloggosphere I hope will stand for years to come.

Two Koreans Classy in Victory (the rest of the country not)

An Hyun Su took gold in the 1000 and Lee Ho-Suk (always fun to hear American sports announcers say that one) took silver. Ohno got the bronze in a close race. How did the Korean skaters relish their victory over the most hated man in Korea?

If any hard feelings remained from 2002, they
disappeared during the bouquet presentation. Wearing a blue USA
T-shirt, a blue bandanna and a large gold chain, Ohno stepped on the
podium to receive his flowers.

Ahn then invited Lee and Ohno to share the top
spot with him. The three put their arms around each other, and Ohno
shook hands with both his rivals.

The Korean skaters' attitude towards Ohno has always been under-reported in the Korean media. Just didn't match their agenda, I suppose. Certainly the skaters were disappointed over the results in 2002, but for the most part they were complimentary about Ohno (scroll to the bottom of the post) in general and showed no hard feelings.

I couldn't find any picture of Ohno up on the podium embracing the other Korean skaters (though there is no shortage of pictures of the Korean skaters holding the Korean flag in victory). Found this one over at ESPN.

The Korean media, which went far and beyond the call of duty to stir up rage against Ohno in 2002, never hesitates to put words in the mouths of the athletes that further their agenda. The Naver site has a picture of An with the supposed 'quote' 오노를 꺾었습니다!' ,('I have defeated/crushed Ohno!') even though he never said anything like that. Here's another good picture and 'quote' showing the maturity of the Korean media. The childish gloating, just like the childish outrage of 2002, belongs solely to the people who pass themselves off as professional journalists (and the public they influence).

Ohno also showed good sportsmanship, much as he always has:

Ohno was hot on Ahn's trail in the closing laps,
with Lee in third. Lee darted out near the padded wall to get a better
angle on Ohno, cutting in on the American to take second on the
next-to-last turn.

As Ohno crossed the line third, he threw up his
hands. Known as one of the toughest skaters to pass, Ohno seemed to
say, "Oh well, he beat me."

You can find that pic and more of the race here.

Naver Daily Hate Reminder

Ohno Does it Again!

Found this on the front page of Naver portal site a few days ago. A few kyopos in America 'discovered' that US speedskater Anton Apollo Ohno was in some fast food ad and they felt it was their patriotic duty to alert the 'reporters' at Naver.

Here are the offensive photos that the kyopos sent to Naver.

I suppose to help out the slower Korean Netizens, Naver reporter (patriot Kim Sang gi) circled the parts of the photos that are particularly offensive.

The title is typical of the usual Naver 'reporting'

오노 미국 유명 패스트푸드 광고…네티즌 분노

"Ohno's famous American fast food ad...Netizen fury"

We'll get back to just how accurate that title is a little later.

Some excerpts from the article:

아폴로 안톤 오노를 향한 때아닌 분노가 다시 일렁이고 있다. 한 목소리로 대동단결한 우리 네티즌들은 국내에도 진출한 유명 패스트푸드 업체를 겨냥한 불매운동까지 벌일 태세다.

'The wrath for Appollo Anton Ohno is raging again. In one voice our united Netizens are setting their sites on boycotting as punishment the famous fast food enterprise that has made inroads into our country.'

'In one voice our united Netizens blah blah blah" Has a bit of North Korean rhetoric ring, don't you think? They report this as if the streets are already full of angry protestors in front of every McDonald's in the country, but as you read the rest of the article you realize this isn't the case. This is not a news report of what his happening; it's a call to arms in the guise of objective reporting.

What is this fast food company? The article doesn't say (refering to it as fast food chain "A"), but I'll give you a cryptic hint: '...and on that farm they had an evil Japanese-American speed skater, EIEIOhNO.'

The article goes on to give all the awful details of this insulting ad:

사진에는 금메달을 목에 걸고 활짝 웃는 오노의 모습이 선명하다. 또 ‘나는 얼음 위에선 최강의 선수다. 쓰러져도 다시 우뚝 설 것이다. 나는 아폴로 안톤 오노다’라는 문구도 적혀 있다.

"In the picture the bright laughing appearance of Ohno with the gold medal around his neck is clear. Furthermore, 'I am the best athlete on ice.' 'Even if a fall I get right back up.' 'I am Appolo Anton Ohno.' are all written.

My God, what an evil bastard.

Said the poor Korean who had to see this horrible sight:

그는 “우리 일행이 봉투를 확인하고 깜짝 놀랐더니 매장에 있던 외국인들이 우리를 비웃었다”면서 불쾌했던 기억도 떠올렸다.

The bitter memory rose up again; "Our group checked the bag and was shocked: The foreigners in the store were mocking us."

Yeah. Every person in the store was secretly laughing his or her Big-Mac eating American ass off at you at that very moment. That's all we really think about, you see, is how we can torment the poor Koreans. That's just how important you really are to us.

Now back to the title of this article, other than this Korean quoted above, there is no Netizen wrath...yet. This is just another case of Naver doing all it can to make sure Koreans hate Americans (and Canadians and other foreigners as well) as much as they should. Daum also gets in on the fun from time to time as well. These are very popular portal sites where many (if not most) young Koreans get their 'news' (now with 40% less objectivity and journalist standards!). 

There are some 1500 replies to this article. Be sure to read and savor each and every one of them. Netizens do say the darnedest things...

I hate to pee on the hate parade, but I dug this up from an interview with Ohno years back.

AS: Are you aware of the poll taken in South Korea saying the South

Koreans hate Apolo Ohno more than Osama bin Laden?

Ohno: Yeah, I saw that, but I don't know about that. How do I take

that? Because this year, at competitions, the whole Korean team has

come up to me and told me how they loved the way I skate and how

they actually have no problems with me and how they were just sad

and disappointed that their main man didn't perform like they wanted

him to.

Lies. LIES I SAY! The Korean ice skaters would never have the maturity and class disrespect the true Corean patriotic spirit to ever say such a thing.

Keep hating Coreans, keep hating...

MVP?

Cliff Brumbaugh was by far the most dominant batter in the Korean league this year. He led the league in batting average and slugging percentage. Was number two in homeruns (one less than the leader), and third in total number of hits. For those who do not follow baseball, nearly leading in all major batting categories is somewhat of a rarity.

So naturally he was a candidate for the all-star team and MVP.

How did the fans vote?

"he was excluded from the starting lineup in the all-star fan voting in June. Despite leading the league in most batting categories Brumbaugh placed 10th out of the 11 outfielder candidates and only joined the West squad just by managers’ recommendation."

It's sure nice to see that Korean fans were fair enough to vote him ahead of at least one player (I wonder if the 11th candidate was another foreigner...). Yes, very kind indeed.

Well, what about the Korean sports journalists? Certainly they would be objective  enough to recognize Brumbaughs dominance, right? These are professionals, right?

Well...

In the MVP vote, Brumbaugh got 13 votes to pitcher Bae Young-soo's 84.

Not even close.

Bae Young-soo did have a good year, but was not really a standout. He tied for the lead in wins, but that is certainly easier to do that when backed up by a team capable of scoring a lot of runs. Bae Young-soo tied in number of wins with two other 'imports' (read: dirty stinkin mercenary foreigners) Gary Rath and Daniel Rios (guess how many votes they got for MVP...) 

Pitcher Park Myong Hwan led in perhaps the two most important categories: ERA and strikeouts which much more clearly show an individual pitcher's ability. So basically Young-soo didn't clearly lead in any category, and was behind others in the ones that counted the most. Bae Young-soo was good, but I wouldn't even pick him for the best pitcher this year, let alone MVP.

Here is Bae Young-soo and his award for MVP. The first words of his acceptance speech were, and I quote:

"I first want to thank my parents for not being foreigners. I wouldn't be here tonight if it weren't for them. Seriously. I will do my best to be even more Korean in the future."

The article, written by Kim Hyeon-Cheol, states the obvious:

"Thus, taking all this into account, there seems to be only one answer to the exceptional gap of votes between Bae and Brumbaugh _ he’s not a Korean. Take out the name Brumbaugh and replace it with Shim with the same record and under the same circumstances. Do you think anyone would have denied him the MVP?"

Well put. I suppose what surprised me most about this story was not that Korean fans and sports journalists are generally racist, but that a Korean journalist would have the balls to call them out on it.

I've looked around and haven't found any other sotires covering this blatant discrimination. Korea desperately needs more people like Kim Hyeon-Cheol.

Be the Reds 2: The Disappointment

The Olympics are coming up and with the Korean soccer team qualifying we’ll soon be treated to a rehash of Be The Reds hysteria back from the World Cup 2002 days.




Seoul: City Hall during the 2002 World Cup.

By the way, I'm the guy at the bottom-left hand side of the screen wearing a red shirt and eating dried squid.


[Warning: Irrelevant Side Rant]
First of all, a few words about soccer. This is not a real sport. Real sports are all symbolic reenactments of warfare. They require rough, physical contact and displays of brute strength, not just speed and finesse. I’m talking sports like football (“American” football), rugby, boxing and hockey.

Now, some say hockey is just a variant of soccer. This is true in the same way that dodge ball is a different form of playing tag: Same basic concepts but one is played by sissies who cry like 9-year-old girls when they fall down and the other is played by real men who feel the game really hasn’t started until someone is bleeding or spitting out a tooth.


Soccer players in action! Now click on this picture and try to tell me that soccer athletes are real men!



What in the hell is up with that hopping up and down while holding your wiener during a free kick? Is that a rule? If someone doesn’t hold their wieny are they penalized? Do the coaches run drills to make sure they are holding their weenies properly? What do women soccer players do? I’m seriously considering putting all soccer players on the Gaywatch files just for this embarrassing display alone.

[And now back to the main point of this post]

So anyway, back to soccer in Korea. Expect to see “Be the Red” nationalism again at its zaniest. There will be one key difference this time, no home field advantage. That means all the highly questionable calls that went Korea’s way probably just won’t happen again. In short: expect disappointment on a grand scale.




Hey, somebody get this guy a spellchecker before Scott at Mediasin (scroll down a bit)starts throwing candy at him.

The subject came up here with some of my English mates (“mates,” that’s England talk. I’m trying to pick up the lingo) and their view of Korea’s success in the World Cup was, as you might expect, on the negative side. They didn’t mind that Portugal, Spain and Italy were sent home crying, make no mistake, but they still thought the officiating was suspicious as bloody hell (there’s that lingo again).



"Miss World Cup"

Of course, there are some good things that will come out of all this hysteria. As the legendary Forgotit over at the Korean Herald forum once said, "She'd make the Pope stand up and beg for milk and hot biscuits" (whatever that means).




Even Fifa apparently admitted that the officiating was poor (not widely reported in the Korean media, I’d wager). I found a BBC Sport site that reviewed the World Cup. Now this is from a country that has no particular love for Souther European soccer teams so I think it's about as unbiased as you can hope for. Their assessment of those particular games went from questionable to criminal. Here's a sampling:

South Korea 2-1 Italy
Referee: Byron Moreno
• Totti is sent off for diving.
With the match in extra-time, Italian golden boy Francesco Totti goes down in the South Korean penalty box after a challenge from Song Chong-Gug.
His appeals for a penalty are not only turned down but referee Byron Moreno awards Totti a second yellow card for diving, reducing Italy to 10 men.

How bad? Pre-determined and provocative

_____

Tommasi's winner doesn't stand.
Damiano Tommasi latches on to a superbly angled through ball and slips the ball home for a golden goal winner.
But the linesman incorrectly flags for off-side.
Italy eventually lose on the golden goal and riots break out back home.

How bad? Just plain wrong

_____

Spain 0-0 South Korea (South Korea win 5-3 on penalties)
Referee: Gamal Ghandour
• Shoving accounts for Helguera's opener

Egyptian referee disallows Helguera's goal for pushing.
No Spanish player seems obviously guilty of the offence and Helguera is incensed.
At the end of the game Helguera is restrained as he charges at the referee.

How bad? Awful.

_______

Morientes is denied a glorious winner.
Fernando Morientes heads home Joaquin's cross to score Spain's golden goal winner.
But the referee's assistant Michael Ragoonath incredibly rules out the goal after he decides the ball had gone out of play before Joaquin crossed from the byeline.
An atrocious decision that costs Spain dearly. Coach Jose Antonio Camacho brands the match 'a scandal.'

How bad? Outrageous.

_____

Conclusion?

So far we think that Morientes' disallowed golden goal for Spain against South Korea is the worst of a bad bunch of decisions by the referees and their assistants.

Sorry to all you conspiracy-mongers out there, but you’ll notice that in each lousy call there was a different referee. Now sure, some Korean could have bribed all of them, but that’s not highly likely. For whatever reason, the refs just blew it. Maybe it was the odd cadence of the “Taehan Mingook” chant that threw them off.


I went through the reader’s comments on this article. The Korean entries were particularly interesting, especially when you consider how outraged Koreans were by the “Ono scandal” in the Salt Lake Olympics in which a ref made a controversial call that took the medal away from a Korean skater (can't recall the name nor summon the energy to look it up). I’ve collected some of the more choice comments below.

Although there were some mistakes made by the referees, if the whistle wasn't blown, the Korean goalkeeper would have definitely caught the ball. I'm sure the Korean team didn't want to win the match either if they knew that the whole world would be thinking the referees played a big role in our win.
In our point of view, we played a fair match. The whistle was clearly blown before the Spanish team had a kick on the ball. Also, nothing had been done in the Olympics when we lost our Gold medal through such poor judgment. Compared to that, this is nothing. Don't attack us because we're weaker than other countries. The world finding only our match as "injustice" is injustice itself.
SJ, South Korea

Ah yes, all countries in the world will agree that one gold medal in speed-skating is much more valuable than winning in the World Cup.
Oh, wait a minute, what planet are you on? Here on Earth speed skating is just slightly more important to the average person than badminton.

Classic quote: “Don’t attack us because we’re weaker than other countries.”
Victim mentality raises its ugly head. We’re not wrong, we are just innocent weak victims suffering from such Big Dick World Superpowers as Portugal, Spain and Italy. I guess some Koreans are so accustomed to using the “we’re just the powerless victim” line that they just can’t come up with new material.

“The world finding only our match as “injustice” is injustice itself.” How poetic. Too bad it’s also retarded.

The problem is that people no longer respect the refs, and rather trust TV broadcasters and ill-angled TV replays. Then why don't we start making the World Cup like stupid American Football? Maybe people will shut up about the refs if World Cup have timeouts, quarters, and commercial TV break in every three minutes.
Young Woo Park, S. Korea & USA

Poor Young Woo, life in the USA must not be going so well. Though this issue has absolutely nothing to do with the US, he can’t keep from taking out his frustration and impotent rage on evil America.

Tip to Young Woo: The “woo” thing doesn’t really work in English. Ever wonder why people always say, “Woo hoo!!” when they first hear your name? It has the same meaning as “Yahoo" and reminds us of a happy Homer Simpson. Get a nickname.

Back up to the first sentence: “The problem is that people no longer respect the refs, and rather trust TV broadcasters and ill-angled TV replays.”

Excellent quote. Naturally, that can be applied to the Ono incident as well, right? Right?

We don't feel we deserve to reach the semi-finals, not because our team is not good enough but because of Italy's childish blame over referees. I know there were mistakes, but Europeans blow up the excitement of the World Cup. I just hope we don't win next time. I don't want to hear German whining!
Sungjae,Korea

Sungjae! Wish granted!! Unfortunately, in the German-Korea game the referees were unable to actually kick in a goal for the Korean team and thus the march to the finals was cut short. Sucks when you have to play with the good referees, huh?

Newspapers and broadcaster have spoiled the World Cup. Have you seen the red card on Rivaldinho or Mexico's disallowed goal? Italy and Spain's negative broadcasting has led people to complain.
Y.J.Kim, Korea

Great analysis Y.J., hmmm…you don’t think that would apply to South Korea broadcasting and the Ono “scandal?” Naaaaa!!!

Absolutely not! I don't think FIFA should review the referee's decision.
However, I do suggest FIFA should consider adopting high-tech assistance like video clip reviews at all the matches.
As a matter of fact, quite a lot of Koreans are admitting that there were a couple of dubious refereeing decisions during the match, but I don't think they dictated the outcome.
Jo, Younghee,South Korea

But, didn’t you hear what Young "Woo-Hoo!" said earlier? Having replays like those stupid Americans would be terrible! Anyway, I'm sure Younghee also said the same thing about whether or not the Olympic committee should have reviewed the Ono skating event.

Oh yeah, disqualifying goals never really has much of an effect on the outcomes of games. Sure.
I mean, the refs could have disqualified 5 or 6 goals in the Germany versus Saudi Arabia game and the outcome would have been the same, right? However, for games that do NOT have scores of 8-0, perhaps the disqualification of a goal or two could have a just a teensy weensy little effect on the outcome? Especially considering that Korea only won one game in the whole tournament by more than one goal?

The level of the European team's game was not better than Korea's. Italy and Spain did not have their goals disallowed by referees, they kicked the ball after referees blew the whistle and the Korean team stopped playing.
Sang, Korea

Sorry Sang, but those goals were one-on-one with the goal-keeper (who didn’t stop playing). The other Korean players stopped (actually, most didn't) because they were already beaten. You see Sang "sung Blue," these things happen pretty damn fast and by the time the ref blew the whistle and it registered with the players the ball was already in the net. Good try though.

It's very sad but true. The referee was wrong, and Spain lost two great chances to win the game. Condolences to Spain - Sorry. I hope the game does not destroy the relationship between South Korea and Spain. Eddy Park, S Korea

Nice “Eddy.” Naturally, you need to be hauled back to Corea and given some “reeducation” on how to think appropriately. You have obviously been brainwashed by foreigners as further evidenced by the fact that you have disgraced the mother country by assuming a name of the enemy.

Anyway, As for the relationship between Spain and Korea, I’m sure that dozens of Spaniard tourists will continue to flock to your country each year, don’t worry. And of course, THIS guy will always be there to keep up relations between Spain and Corea (the true Corea, that is).

Fearless Prediction? Miserable showing by the Korean soccer team in the Olympics (one win, tops), to the endless glee of millions of taunting Portugese, Spaniards and Italians. It won't be pretty...

Brumbaugh: Korea Killer

Cliff Brumbaugh plays for the Hyundae Unicorns. He's one of our own making it big in Korea, having already smacked out 8 homeruns, nearly twice what Lee Seung Yeop has done so far in Japan! So why don't Americans make a big deal out of Brumbaugh like Koreans do when one of theirs makes it big abroad?

Now, Sports papers in the US are rather amateur when it comes to splashy headlines that capture our true patriotic spirit. In order to help them out, I've suggested a few headlines here.


Lee Seung-Who? Brumbaugh on HR Record Shattering Pace!!!



Brumbaugh: Korea Killer!!



Move Over Lee Seung Yeop! Brumbaugh is the New King of Korea!!



Brumbaugh Konquers Korea!!



Now wouldn't it make you feel proud to be an American if you could see headlines like that every morning?