Dokdo update

It seems that Korea's campaign to promote Dokdo's absolute Coreanness has finally gotten global attention. Here's a picture of a bus I saw in England last week.

I am too pissed off for words.

The future

Robert at the Hole has translated portions of a Chosun article on predictions for Korea.

I'm sure not even one of you has already been to the Hole lately. Please go over and have a look. Robert needs more visitors. You'll also find a great advertisement to help you meet Korean girls, and another for funny T-shirts, which I'm sure will also help you score with the ladies.

Cause God knows us white guys need all the help we can get over here.

Speaking of predictions, just in case any of you were wondering how the World's Greatest Psychic fared in her predictions for 2007, wonder no more.



Montel Williams gave this hag a forum for her unethical bullshit for years. Montel was a marine before becoming a media whore. He has sat through years and years of Sylvia giving wrong prediction after wrong prediction, but never hesitated having her back on the show. Hal Bidlack, a retired Lt. Colonel from the air force, wrote an open letter to Montel asking him what has happened to his honor as a marine.

I have two Korean female friends who regularly go to fortune tellers. Both know I am vocal about my disbelief in this crap, so every time they think they get some amazing results from their fortune tellers they come running to me to justify their superstition. I've asked them to record the conversation with the fortune teller rather than rely on their memory of what was (and especially of what actually wasn't) said, but they never seem to get around to it. Truth is, they just don't really want to know.

The Secret! A-ha!

Funniest thing I've seen all month:



'You should visualize them back!"


A friend of mine read The Secret last February and gushed on and on about it. She said that now that she has The Secret, she KNEW that she should quit her company and try to get into law school (she hated her job).

A month later I heard from her again. She had a back injury that put her in a number of hospitals (including a famous acupuncture 'hospital', but we'll save that trip down quackery lane for a future post) and is still a big problem for her now. She was in too much pain to study for law school, so she gave up on it. She'll have to resign from her company if she isn't able to get back to work soon (about a year is all they will give her off from work). She started going back to work a week ago even though she is still in a lot of pain.

So clearly The Secret has worked out pretty well for her.

My theory is that the acupuncturists at the hospital she ended up going to were also reading The Secret, and visualized thousands of suckers suddenly having back problems and coming to their clinic for months and months of expensive therapy. Their visualization Kung Fu simply overrode that of my friend.




Something like that also might explain why Song Hye Kyo still hasn't slept with me, despite the fact that I've visualized such for several weeks now.


Perhaps too many other Secret readers have made this same "demand on the universe," and I just need to wait my turn patiently.

Oh, but she WILL be mine...



Second funniest thing I've seen all month:



"Gonna kick some ass with my own pipe wrench!"

Great vocals. I would love to see this same thing done with some cheesy heavy metal videos from the 80s.

They're here for our cows...

Get to this site now and watch the video. Get informed.

Enjoy your burgers while you can, stupid earthlings...

I am reminded (for no particular reason) of a conversation I once had with an English textbook writer who stated proudly that her textbooks made no reference whatsoever to any fast food such as hamburgers or pizza. I asked her if beef itself was unhealthy, and if she also excluded mention of steak, kalbi, etc. as well. She said no, beef is fine in moderation. I then asked her if bread was unhealthy, or ketchup, tomatoes, or lettuce, with my voice rising in volume and pitch with each further hamburger ingredient until finally I was screaming at the top of my lungs, "THEN WHAT THE FUCK IS SO HIDEOUSLY WRONG WITH LETTING KIDS EAT A FUCKING HAMBURGER EVERY NOW AND THEN!" And she ran off weeping.

Every few months I catch a news report or documentary on Korean TV about the skin disease atopy. It shows some poor kids who are almost completely covered with a nasty looking itchy rash. Without fail, they mention fast food as one of the main culprits. Having not heard of this in the States, where more burgers and fries are consumed per capita than anywhere else in the world, I looked up as many sites on atopy and eczema that I could find and soon realized that this is a Korean myth right up there with fan death. The Korean response to the fact that fast food doesn't cause high levels of atopy in the States is that our bodies must be different. So what about Korean Americans, I ask, who grow up on a western diet of fast food? And that's usually where the conversation ends.

Enjoy your burgers, people. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You don't see aliens coming millions of light years across the universe to steal our kimchi, do you? Think about it...

Comments on original blog entry

Moshi moshi oishi ushi! (Hello delicious cow!)
I kept thinking about you making that woman weep over hamburgers yesterday. It made me laugh all day!

Posted by: Jenn | October 02, 2006 at 08:45 PM

All lies by the Party Pooper.

Fan death is real and so is Miguk-hanburger-engendered atopy -- which is short for "a topping," meaning the toppings on a hanburger.

A little-known FACT is that hanburger is ground by fan blades, which accounts for the deadly deadliness of hanburgers ... especially Miguk hanburgers.

Hanguk hanburgers are not so bad because they are HANGUK.

I hope that I have persuaded you to reject the FTA, which is a plot to introduce more Miguk hanburgers into Uri Nara and weaken the Korean SPIRIT until the Miguks take over.

Resist.

Gypsy 'Hanguk' Scholar

* * *

Posted by: Horace Jeffery Hodges | October 04, 2006 at 02:52 AM

Why the hell isn't my trackback showing up?

""THEN WHAT THE FUCK IS SO HIDEOUSLY WRONG WITH LETTING KIDS EAT A FUCKING HAMBURGER EVERY NOW AND THEN!""

Too funny.

Jeffery,

Hanburgers? I'm surprised no one like Lotteria has thought of that yet...

Posted by: Nomad | October 04, 2006 at 03:23 AM

Nomad,

I realize you're joshing, but I'll be a geek, anyway:

Why no han-burgers at Lotteria? Probably because "han" all by itself means something along the lines of "bitterness." Koreans want to "untie" their han, not eat more of it!

Imagine something called the Spleenburger in the West. It might be a hit among angry nebbishes, but that's about it.


Kevin

Posted by: Kevin Kim | October 04, 2006 at 04:39 AM

Damn, Kevin. And all this time I thought that Koreans wanted to "unite" their han.

I guess that was just my dyslexia...

Jeffery Hodges

* * *

Posted by: Horace Jeffery Hodges | October 04, 2006 at 12:17 PM

Kevin,

But by eating it, wouldn't that, in a weird way, be one way of getting rid of it? Something about swallowing a bitter pill?
A spleenburger...that's pretty funny too.

Posted by: Nomad | October 04, 2006 at 03:59 PM

The whole argument that Korean bodies are different from those of foreigners is the same that North Korea uses to sell its domestically produced herbal remedies to its citizen s and discourage med students from wanting to study abroad.

Posted by: SomeguyinKorea | October 04, 2006 at 04:43 PM

The whole argument that Korean bodies are different from those of foreigners is the same that North Korea uses to sell its domestically produced herbal remedies to its citizen s and discourage med students from wanting to study abroad.

Posted by: SomeguyinKorea | October 04, 2006 at 04:43 PM

I can imagine Lotteria's first commercial:

DAE-HAN-BUR-GER!!

dunh dunh dunh dunh dunh

Posted by: Iceberg | October 04, 2006 at 04:51 PM

Iceberg, that's pretty funny!

I see that I'd better copyright my coinage of "Hanburger" right now.

Everybody, don't forget that I came up the the word before anyone else!

Though I suppose that somebody, somewhere might have already coined it...

Jeffery Hodges

* * *

Posted by: Horace Jeffery Hodges | October 04, 2006 at 08:49 PM

Master of Sock Puppets

Got back in Korea today. Was in the UK doing all manner of mysterious things in Oxford. Nice little place, lots of old buildings. Spent a day in London as well. Big place, also had lots of old buildings. Saw Parliament (Kevin? Can you give me a spell check on that? I know there's a superfluous 'a' in there somewhere, 'paraliment'? 'paarliment'?). I had just seen it gettin' blowed up real good in the movie 'V for Vendetta' while flying over from Korea/Singapore. It wasn't so bad seeing it in the non-blowed up form as well though, so yeah, I recommend it.

And that's all I have to say about that.

Over at Occidentalism Matt has 'outed' Kushibo and Nora (of Nora knows Nada) as one in the same person. (is that one t or two t's on the past tense of 'out'? Joel, feel free to jump in as well, I still remember the time you helped me figure out the plural form of 'penis' way back when--though I still prefer 'peni').

From what I recall, the main evidence is that once Nora accidentally posted a comment as Kushibo on Marmot's Hole, then came back in the next comment to say s/he accidentally used a computer that Kushibo had previously logged in on and didn't realize it at first. I guess that could happen if they work together and happen to share the same computer and Kushibo logs in to Marmot's hole all day long. I guess... Funny they never spoke as if they were familiar with each other before though.

Another piece of evidence is that Nora gave out an email address that happened to be one for Democrats Abroad, which Kushibo is supposedly affiliated with (the President? I can't remember), which is also odd since Nora claims to be a Republican (and a lesbian one to boot).

Kushibo/Nora have yet to respond, and have been suspiciously absent from the blogosphere, even over at the Marmot's (a man and a sock puppet were seen driving slowly towards the Mexican border in a white Ford Bronco though, if that means anything)

Having never been one who hesitates to rush to judgment, I thought these three pictures were the most appropriate for the occasion. It probably goes without saying, but the sock puppet on the far right is a lesbian Republican.

In case you were like me and didn't catch the 'sock puppet' reference, get yourself learned up on it here.

So anyway, there is a slight Party Pooper connection here, ergo this post (well, I  really had been looking for an excuse to show off one of my sock puppet creations as well...)

As some of you may recall, several weeks ago I had a short post that suggested I had previously posted something I came to regret and deleted it. The post I deleted was critical of Kushibo for a comment he made about Nomad that I thought was a cheap shot. Anyway, the post came out a little meaner than it needed to be and when I woke up 7 hours later I saw that Kushibo had already responded to it and explained his intent with what he said about Nomad. I decided to just delete the whole thing and let both of us go back to just ignoring each other.

Well...going through the thread on Matt's Kushibo/Nora post, it was brought to my attention that Kushibo had posted on that entry. Nothing wrong in the Kushibo's response itself necessarily, though I do wonder why he reprinted my post in its entirety rather than just link to it. But anyway, what he said was fine and perhaps even admirable in that he didn't sink to my level and start hurling back insults.

But in the comments section is a short dialog between 'Nora' and Kushibo:

        At Thursday, July 06, 2006 12:35:52 PM,
        nora sumi park said...
      

       

"I
don't think half of the comments this guy makes on other people's blogs
(and he certainly makes a lot of them) are really about adding to the
issue so much as he just really needs to know that he's being paid
attention to."

ouch! when a guy who writes things like this says that you
are a shameless attention seeker, you know you've been burned. by a
black pot. calling the kettle black. you know what expression i'm
talking about.

   
      

        At Monday, July 10, 2006 6:48:40 PM,
        Kushibo said...
      

       

Nora, are Kevin Kim and Party Pooper the same person? I thought they were two separate people, not one person with two blogs.

The 'this' link from Nora connects with Kevin Kim of Big Hominid fame, making a poetic argument for the liberal use of profanity. Thus, Kushibo comes on later and asks why she implies that Kevin Kim and the Party Pooper are the same person. Nora does not respond...

So if indeed Nora and Kushibo turn out to be the same person, then what is going on here is Kushibo making it seem that he is taking the high road in response to yet another angry blogger who assails him (he is a lightning rod, you know. Nora refers to herself as one too), while his lesbian-Republican sock puppet can come on and make the  accusations/insults for him. Classy. Now that IS my level!

Note: In no way do I mean to imply anything negative about lesbians in the above comments.
Although I can't say some of my best friends are lesbians, I would
really, really like to make some.

So if Kushbio and Nora are indeed the same person and this is how Kushibo 'rolls,' then yes Kushibo, you are a dick and its probably best that you just scrap both blogs and try this whole experiment all over again. I think the blog name 'Seoul of Kimchi ' is still available, though 'This is Seoul Aim' might be more fitting.

If Matt is mistaken and there's a logical explanation for everything and you and 'Nora' prove it by showing up together in Itaewon, then it will be all apologies and group hugs. However, we'll also need to see proof that Nora is indeed a Republican (we'll bring a hippie along for her to beat up) and a lesbian (it's Itaewon, we'll figure something out).

Also, I will promptly delete this post (though not before you have a chance to copy it and add it to your ever-growing list of people's comments about you on your blog, you little hot sparkin' lightning rod you!).

Now, some of you may be asking, are the Big Hominid and I indeed the same person as Nora knows Nada suggests? Of course we are, ya idjits! Just look at all the evidence:

1. Both blogs make continuous scatological references.

2. Have you seen any other blog display as many of Kevin's (MY) drawings from the Big Hominid site? For Gods sake, I posted the 'It makes a difference to the sheep' pic alone three posts in a row a few months back!

Look, here it is again! Seriously, who the hell other than Kevin (ME!) would keep showing this picture over and over again? Oranckay? Jodi? I don't think so...

3. We both claim to be American and yet did not support the Iraq war from the very beginning. Come on! What are the odds of that? (oh, I guess I may have given it away now, but Cathartidae is my blog too.

So next the question is 'why'?

Well, I invented the Party Pooper primarily for two reasons:

1. Because I have always wanted to vent my true feelings about Korea anonymously without getting fired from my job or disowned by my parents. Really, posts like  'Song Hye Kyo, you Whore!' just wouldn't be understood by my students and being a single man going into my thirties, my mother would get more than a little nervous if she knew I had started a 'Gaywatch' project or even referred to someone like Lee Junki in passing.

2. I would have the Partypooper purposely mispell words and then I could come along and grandly correct them for all to see (just look at the comments section in a day or two and you'll see an example of this from these very sentences!).

So anyway, there it all is out in the open and damn if it just doesn't feel great. No more lies!

And by the way, if you'd all like to buy one of Kevin's my books (you know, the 'scary spasm chasm' thing and that 'skull in the water' or whatever book)  just go ahead and send your money through this site and you'll get a 40% discount. Yeah, do it soon.

Comments on original post

Comments

No corrections from me. Outed is the correct spelling. But perhaps you don't know because I never mentioned it on my blog, but I too am an American who opposed the war from its onset. Does that mean that we are the same person? And what does that say about how crazy I am seeing as I've met both you and the Big Ho in person? I'm certifiable.

Posted by: Joel | August 03, 2006 at 01:12 PM

OMG...One of your best posts to date. And just when I was going to start sending you nasty stalker-type emails for not posting more often like you said you would.
And lest's see if I can add this all up. Both Kevin and I like Peanut Butter Cups (not sure what that means, but I thought I'd throw it in there). Kevin claims to be my father (My mom still hasn't gotten back to me about that one, btw).
You and Kevin are the same person....oh boy.

Posted by: Nomad | August 03, 2006 at 07:10 PM

Truly brilliant. I'm not entirely sold on the Kushibo/Nora thing, but looks compelling. Methinks I'll hold for a response from either site before deciding for sure.

What amuses me more is this whole K-blog subculture that everyone knows everyone (at least via comments and trackbacks). The true beneficiary? Anonymous but faithful readers like me.

Posted by: Shawn Lee | August 03, 2006 at 09:23 PM

Excellent post, Me. I found this post via Lost Nomad, who is also Me. As should be obvious by now, I am everyone. And everywhere. The entire K-blogosphere is just me talking to myself.

(Whoa-- forgot to capitalize "me" and "myself" there.)


Kevin

Posted by: Kevin Kim | August 03, 2006 at 10:35 PM

There's a lot of that going around it seems. Now if anyone can prove Mizs and Magoo are one in the same I'll feel vindicated knowing I was right. In fact, Kushibo and Mizs always seem to show up together now that I think about it.... hmm.

Posted by: Gar | August 03, 2006 at 10:43 PM

You forgot to add your experince on the grassy knoll in Daley Plaza.

Posted by: Drambuie_man | August 03, 2006 at 11:05 PM

my plan to create a sock to complement my own posts is now on hiatus. probably for the better, as i was told that my choice of "iloverottencrotch" as my sock handle was too transparent.

Posted by: iheartblueballs | August 04, 2006 at 12:12 AM

Dammit, why can't Kev be a hot mixed-race lesbian, too?

Posted by: Justin | August 04, 2006 at 02:44 AM

Justin,

I'm mixed-race and get hot when I hike up the mountain, but it's gonna take a few days with the pocketknife before I can even begin to resemble a lesbian.


Kevin

Posted by: Kevin Kim | August 04, 2006 at 06:54 AM

I think a few days is a generous estimate. It could take you a lot longer than that just to find the thing.

Posted by: Joel | August 04, 2006 at 09:12 AM

Yeah; call me Fats Pimpledick.


Kevin

Posted by: Kevin Kim | August 04, 2006 at 09:30 AM

Man, aren't you sensitive? I was saying you have a small penis. I wasn't trying to imply you were fat. ^^

Posted by: Joel | August 04, 2006 at 12:13 PM

"sock puppet"? Well the Wiki definition was new to me too; the one I new about involved the hollywood/film world practice of clothing "peni" of male actors with socks when they are appearing in nude scenes where said peni won't be called on actually to make an appearance.Doesn't apply in porn, obviously, even when the main charater isn;t in "in action", since it's usally then getting "fluffed".

Posted by: Sperwer | August 04, 2006 at 05:46 PM

Joel,

Well, THANK GOD it was only THAT!

Me, I interpreted the joke as "combing through rolls of fat for Teenie Weenie," hence Fats Pimpledick.

Now, alas, our jokes have been spoiled through overanalysis and overexplanation, and I still haven't found my dick. Does Emmanuelle Chriqui have it?


Kevin

Posted by: Kevin Kim | August 04, 2006 at 09:06 PM

This post is getting funnier all the time.

"Fats Pimpledick"

Oh man.

Posted by: Nomad | August 04, 2006 at 09:26 PM

It occurs to me that it is going to cost Kushibo a lot of money to find a Korean-American girl willing to pretend to be Nora.

Posted by: Matt | August 06, 2006 at 09:25 AM

It occurs to me that it is going to cost Kushibo a lot of money to find a Korean-American girl willing to pretend to be Nora.

Too bad Lee Joon-gi's English isn't up to snuff. Otherwise he could pull it off easily.

Posted by: Iceberg | August 06, 2006 at 08:17 PM

Ice> Nah thats not going to go well since the "Nora" is going to have to prove an intrest in girls.

Posted by: Drambuie Man | August 06, 2006 at 10:24 PM

Dram-Man,

When you say 'nora' will have to prove an interest in girls, do you mean the 'Kushibo' nora pretending to like girls? Or the woman Kushibo will pay to pretend to be Nora to prove an interest in girls. I think it will be easier for the paid fake nora to prove she likes girls.

However I am sure Kushibo will be happy to show off his lance bass sticker collection.

Posted by: kramer | August 07, 2006 at 12:40 AM

Kramer>Can I get a diagram before I awnser that one?

Posted by: Drambuie_man | August 07, 2006 at 11:07 PM

I like sheep --- in that way....

Posted by: usinkorea | August 08, 2006 at 07:15 AM

"hike up the mountain"?

It's been awhile since I was on a college campus with the young folk.

What kind of gay/lesbian sex act was that a reference to?

Posted by: usinkorea | August 08, 2006 at 07:18 AM

Is Kushibo OK? Does he have any friends that can find out if he is alive.

Posted by: HopSinger | August 19, 2006 at 08:36 PM

Check out Occidentalism, Kushibo is alive living in Hawai`i and made an appearance on t.v.!

http://www.occidentalism.org/?p=362

Posted by: kealii | September 22, 2006 at 01:28 AM

Fear of a Crumply Brown Hat

I should have learned my lesson yesterday, but I didn't and here's another post that I'll probably regret putting up. Oh well, gotta be me.

While looking for information on early English education, a series of unfortunate links led me to the ELT News site and this article in their 'ELT Thinktank' section.

This is Chris Hunt: EFL kindergarten teacher extraordinaire in Japan. If you can look past the hat (I know, it isn't easy), you'll see that he is holding something that looks like some kind of wind instrument (be sure to click on the picture to make it even harder to see) Or maybe it's a 'love stick' he uses on his children and/or himself? I dare not speculate.

The point in this 'thinktank forum' is just to share a good idea you’ve had that other teachers might find useful. The other entries all seem more or less fine, but Chris, like his appearance, proves to be unique.

Either missing the
point entirely or just seeking desperately to be clever, this is part of his initial
response to the topic:

Somewhere in King Lear there’s a discussion about the worst. For better or for worse the argument
goes as follows ­ so long as we can say this is the worst, then it is not the
worst. But how does the argument stand up the other way around? Let’s try it out. As long as we can say this is the best, it is not the
best! What is best can be bested. Something better this way bends. I guess
whether you find this a cause for celebration or a cause for concern depends
upon your point of view. Or perhaps it is both? Or perhaps it is neither?

Perhaps you can get to some sort of logical point?

Can you imagine having to sit in a meeting with this guy?
It’s late, you’ve got things to do and just want whatever is on the agenda to
be resolved and then this guy opens his mouth and starts babbling out this kind
of nonsense ad nauseum. Knuckles whiten as you clutch your Parker pen tightly
and stare down at your daily planner. Maybe if everyone avoids eye contact he’ll
eventually get the hint and stop?  You begin to doodle cartoons of a little stick
figure with a big hat dying in various, gruesome ways. The babbling continues…

Why is it that human beings get so wrapped up in what is
best? Is it a facet of what has been termed the ‘human condition’ or just a
function of social conditioning? Is it the pursuit of excellence or merely the
expression of ego? Is the source a love of life or a fear of it? Does it spring
from an abundance of self esteem or from a lack of it? Don’t expect much of an
answer from me ­ at the moment I fear I am not in my perfect mind. Perhaps I
need a drink; but first an aside.

I'm sorry, an 'aside'? You mean you are going to go even further away from the topic than you already have been for several paragraphs? You look around the meeting room desperately at the other teachers forced to endure this bullshit. Your heart sinks as you see nothing but helpless despair in all of their eyes. And Chris mercilessly rambles on...

Where do ideas come from? When I sat down to write this
piece I began with just one idea in mind, a feeble joke. It went like this. Ah
yes, my best idea of the year ­ I’m still waiting for it. But now thoughts are
swirling around me and through me like so many phantoms. Which ones can I give
shape and substance to? Which ones will allow me to?

 Yeah, at this point, sitting in our hypothetical meeting with Chris babbling away, you’ve got your own phantom-like
thoughts swirling around your head. Which to give shape and substance to? The
ones impelling you to try to knock off that ridiculous hat by angrily hurling your
daily planner across the room? Or the ones compelling you to scream and hurl
yourself out the window and fall to your death?

I don’t mean this as a blanket condemnation of everyone in education, but
I just have a hard time thinking of where else this guy would be able to hold a
job, let alone be allowed to speak in a public forum. Nothing comes to mind, but an IMAO “In my world” type scenario just popped
into my head with our beloved Chris as a member of the Bush cabinet.

Bush: So people, what’s the best way to get out of this Iraq quicksand…mirey thing?

Chris: Well, I don’t really like to think about things in terms of ‘best’. I mean, what exactly does ‘best’ mean? And when we agree to
label something ‘best’, are we really saying it could not bested? What if something better this way bends…ACK!..AARRGH, GASP!

Bush: Cheney, stop enstrangling the guy. I
like when he talks. Gives me a chance to look out the window and clear my head,
think about ranch stuff I’d like to do come this month’s 2-week vacation.

Cheney: Sorry, Mr President. I was just
going to straighten out his tie and I tripped. Let me make it up to you Chris
by taking you out on a hunting trip.

Chris: Can I wear my hat? It makes me look
taller!

Cheney: [flashing that classic
heart-warming Cheney smile] Oh yes. Please do wear the hat. Yes...

Ok, back to Hunt’s deep dish of philsophical goodness.

Suddenly I’m reminded of an old Monty Python skit where
John Cleese (I think) dressed as a middle aged woman recites his theory about
dinosaurs, “Dinosaurs are thin at one end, fat in the middle and thin at the
other. This is my theory and mine alone.” Yet how many of us have had an idea
that we can honestly lay claim to alone? Can ideas really be born in isolation?
And if this is not the case, what price copyright?

Back to my drink. Okay, who’s been drinking from my glass?
Just look at it! I could say that it is half empty. I could say that it is half
full. I could say it’s just a glass. After all, it’s just imagination.

For some reason, this picture (swiped from the Big Ho's gallery) comes to mind after reading the above.

Seriously, does he even remember the original question at this
point? And I am the only person masochistic enough to continue reading?

Well, apparently Chris does look back to
the original question and finally gets around to answering. It’s some reward system he worked out to get his kindergarten kids to
speak in English. If for whatever reason you kind of feel down on your life, I
encourage you to read this. Might make your life seem a whole lot better in comparison.  

And I think Chris himself starts to reflect a little too much on the meaning (or lack thereof) of his life. After talking about his classroom for a few paragraphs, this is what he
writes next:

Lately I haven’t been sleeping so well. I’m
wondering about whether to renew my contract.

Then he goes right back into discussing his
kindergarten class without missing a beat. A beautiful little glimpse into a
troubled mind. I can’t help but start to pity him
at this point. He begins to criticize his ideas and I seriously wonder if he is
about to completly lose it. I’m not up on my psychology,
but I think that the day he decided to start wearing that hat was one of the
first warning signs that he needs help. Is it too late for Chris?

I’ve
described my best idea of the year as garbage. It is working well as a control
system but is undemocratic. Yet it offers a reference point for me to move away
from. Something is not always better than nothing, but then nothing comes of
nothing ­ so create again.

Yes, I…uh, what?

A reference point to move away from. I do
like that quote. English teachers everywhere in Asia, here is a reference point
that I hope you all can move away from.

A little quality control could do wonders for the reputation of the English teaching industry in Asia.

Comments from original post

That dude's la-la musings remind me of the classic creation hymn found in the Rig Veda (10.129):

There were begetters, there were mighty forces,
free action here and energy up yonder
Who verily knows and who can here declare it,
whence it was born and whence comes this creation?
The Gods are later
than this world's production.
Who knows then whence
it first came into being?
He, the first origin of this creation,
whether he formed it all
or did not form it,
Whose eye controls this world
in highest heaven,
he verily knows it
...or perhaps he knows not.

Posted by: Kevin Kim | July 01, 2006 at 06:11 AM

I've been feeling a bit down of late but that - what can I say? Funny as fuck...ha ha. Thanks - x

Posted by: Leone | July 01, 2006 at 06:57 AM

How much do you want to bet he speaks like that to his kindergarten students too? Some of these dudes get off on talking over people's heads.

And on an aside what exactly is "getting off?" Is it merely an abstract concept that we have created to define a chemical reaction occurring in the medial forebrain bundles? Or is there an actual "getting off process" that can be quantitatively measured? And how do such measurements relate to erections? What is an erection and why did we start calling it a boner? And how come there is a word for boner backwards, renob, but not for erection? Wouldn't a word like noitcere be more conducive to experiencing this getting off?

Posted by: Joel | July 02, 2006 at 06:13 PM

Very deep Joel. And would said boner be best described as half-erect? Or half-limp?

And by the way Pooper, what's with your unnecessary slanderations of the President? Why do you hate America so much?

Posted by: captainhowdy | July 02, 2006 at 10:49 PM

I have always enjoyed the term "semi-flacid," but maybe that's just me.

Posted by: Joel | July 03, 2006 at 06:59 AM

Where do ideas come from? Do they fall from the sky? Are they innate in the mind? No, they come from practice and reflection on this practice.

Mao Tse-tungjavascript:void(0)

Posted by: Tony | July 04, 2006 at 01:21 AM

Is he wearing a pink bunny suit?

Posted by: Hugh | July 10, 2006 at 04:59 PM

Viva Hula

I'm looking for a piece of exercise equipment that will not only delude me into thinking it will actually help me firm my stomach, but also make me look completely ridiculous in the process. I've narrowed it down to these two candidates.

I'm leaning towards the 'viva hula'. It's a bit more expensive ($50), which means it must be better, and it also seems like it might have other possible uses besides just losing weight.

December Dokdo Post

By Korean law, I have to post something about Dokdo every month and proclaim my belief, nay, unquestionable knowledge that those rocks do indeed belong to Korea.

Here is a picture I swiped from the Kushibo site which I find appropriate for the occasion.

By the way,I wouldn't know about this kind of thing, but I hear that if a foreigner wears a "Dokdo Belongs to Korea" T-shirt, he has to fight off the women with a stick.

Unfortunately, these kind of women usually look like this (you might want to keep that stick handy). These dainty little lasses are protesting the statue of Macarthur, that Yankee bastard who prevented the Koreas from unifying under the divine lordship of Kim Il-sun. I'm sure they have enough hate and loathing in their hearts for Dokdo protests as well.

Contrast, if you will, with the LINK dancers; activists who are protesting for something actually worthwhile (human rights for North Koreans).

I'll leave you all to draw your own conclusions.

KTU Sunshine

All photos and captions swiped from Korea Times, which, by the by, is now 17.4% less shitty since Lee Kyoung Hee stopped writing editorials (or whatever the hell you called what she did).

"This is a part of a controversial video posted on the Web site of the
Korean Teachers’ and Education Workers’ Union. The video criticizes the Asia-Pacific
Economic Cooperation (APEC) forum, the U.S.-led Iraq war, and the free
trade agreements."

It's nice to see that the good people at KTU are working hard to bring Korea into the world of globalization. I'm not sure exactly what the Iraq war has to do with free trade and APEC, but then I guess I wasn't properly educatified.

If you wonder where this fine group of educators gets their marching orders inspiration, check out this wonderful curriculum from other fine examples of teachers in Korea.

Now who says that Chung Dong Young should be criticized for protecting a patriotic regime like that?

"Members of a civic coalition, including a
students’ parents group, call on unionized teachers to accept a new
teacher evaluation system during a press conference in central Seoul,
Tuesday. The system will allow students and their parents to evaluate
teachers’ performance at 48 schools nationwide on a trial basis."
  /Yonhap

Naturally, the KTU is threatening to go on a mass strike to thwart this attempt to actually make them accountable for what they do in the classroom.

"However, the Ministry of Education and Human
Resources Development said that it will take strong action against any
attempt by the union to walk out during their working days to
participate in the demonstration."

Hmm, could 'strong action' possibly indicate a good beatin'? Please? Come on Roh, look how they ridicule your noble image. Doesn't that make you want to see some heads cracked open? At least just a few?

Where do these KTU people come from? Unless I am mistaken (and honestly, what are the odds of that happening?) most hail from Cholla province. Here's another guy who originally hails from Cholla (me thinks, I should probably look that up rather than just assume he hails from the same place as where his father is buried, but folks, this is just a fuckin blog and I ain't exactly paid by the hour here...)

What is this, you say? A Korean-American originally from Cholla province stabbing the good ol' USA in the back? Unpossible!

A little tip to US immigration officials: When considering whether or not to grant citizenship or a visa to a South Korean and you see the word "Cholla" anywhere on his* personal documents, just veto it right there and send him back to the "We Hate Everyone and We Don't Even Think Much of Ourselves!" demo he just recently came from.

*Yes, I intentionally use the male pronoun here. If the applicant is female, the authorities should follow standard protocol by only letting her into the country if she's hot.

Asiana Strike Day 5

The Asiana pilot strike continues with both sides nowhere nearer an agreement. 3,000 hospital workers are also going on strike, but since I'm not sick I'll just ignore that story.

Here's the latest news I found in the Korea Times. To reflect my heightened state of raginess, I will print my commentary in red.

Since they went into the strike on 12 a.m. Sunday, the pilots have been demanding a total of 78 measures including a cut in flight hours from 1,200 hours per year to 1,000 hours, the extension of the retirement age to 58 from the current 55 and guarantee of 120 holidays in a year.

1,200 hours/year works out to a 25 hour work week (Hah! Didn't even need a calculator for that one!). That's bullshit. Especially considering that most of the time they are in the air they just take turns with the co-pilot flirting with flight attendants and napping.

Now they want to reduce it to...shit, let me get my calculator...ok about 21 hours/week. What other high paid professionals get off working such few hours?

120 holidays a year? Who the hell do they think they are? English language professors in Korean universities?

However, as the public outcry against some of their claims like scrapping of alcohol and drug tests for pilots are growing, the union said it would come to the negotiation table in more flexible stance on 58 issues.

Scrapping alcohol and drug tests? WTF?!?

Does anybody know where I can get more details on these rest of these 58 (fifty-fuggin--eight!) other issues on which the union just maybe might become more flexible?

Here's more from an editorial in the Korea Herald.

A case in point is the union of Asiana pilots. The public is not misguided when it believes that pilots, one of the highest paid groups, are the last to stage a strike. Indeed, a copilot placed on the payroll after two years of training is paid as much as 83.3 million won a year.

That's over 80 grand US.

But if they are as conscious of passenger safety as they claim, how can they demand an end to pre-flight drug and alcohol tests? They also impudently demand that a copilot applying for promotion to the post of pilot be exempted from a test of English proficiency, which Asiana rightly says is necessary for communications with air-traffic controllers.

Great. Future pilots may not be able to understand directions from air-traffic controllers around the world. Criminal.

Come on Roh, spank these crybabies. During the the next meeting with union officials, bring a special group of black-garbed, baton-wielding negotiators prepared with 78 specific responses to all of their 78 requests, each response beginning with the word WHACK! Finish by telling them the only thing they are going to get is an extra bag of peanuts during trans-Pacific flights.

And then after negotiations end, the Union heads can be rushed off to the nearest hospital where they can properly reflect on the responses of the Airline negotiators, only to find the doors of the hospital are closed because 3,000+ other professionals are too selfish to do their damn jobs.

That, my friends, would be justice.

Comments from original post





I blame you for flying with Asiana. :)

Posted by: Joel | July 20, 2005 at 07:28 AM

Remind me to never fly asiana. No pre-flight drug or alcohol tests - that's just nuts. So basically the pilots want the right to endanger hundreds of lives. That's just fucked up.

Posted by: EFL Geek | July 20, 2005 at 05:26 PM

They will get everything they want and more.

Posted by: kimchipig | July 23, 2005 at 09:55 AM

I like the idea of the baton-wielding guys in black; that's just classic. I remember when Reagan fired the Air-contollers in the U.S. when they went on strike. The U.S. has pilots going to prison for F.W.I.(Flying While Intoxicated) convictions, they should start that with Asiana. That would be a great wake-up call for those greedy so-and-so's. :D

Posted by: Jenifer D. | July 25, 2005 at 12:26 AM

You've left out another classic Asian strikers demand:

"We demand that our foreign co-worker pilots be fired"

No kidding! Yessir, that's some real classic union solidarity there - fire those bignoses whose sobriety might make us feel guilty when we enter the cockpit half-soju'd after the strike...

Posted by: Hugh | August 08, 2005 at 06:15 PM

Flying hours are block hours. Duty time would work out much much more. 1,000 hours is way too high considering the ungodly hours/time zones/curtailed rest pilots have to work. Even 800 are way too much.
Random alcohol/drugs tests are ok but daily checks? Are these pilots a bunch of immature school kids not to be trusted one inch? If they are then they shouldn't be flying in the first place......even as passengers!
Extremely costly to train pilots. Shouldn't their salary reflect this. Consider also 6 monthly medicals, where a pilot could be grounded permanently. Sheesh it's OK to pay mega bucks to Tiger Schumacher, but shouldn't a guy reponsable for 500 lives earn a wee bit more than your friendly lawyer? And when was doc last hijacked/shot/blown up?
Foreign pilots=strike breakers? Figger it out for yesself.

Posted by: Jim | August 08, 2005 at 11:32 PM

I have flown Asiana Airlines twice, and will be flying them a third time in Feb to Bangkok, they are an extreemly safe, and professional airline, I would never hesitate to fly with them.

Why do Americans allways get involved in foriegn politics, when they have no bussiness doing so?

Posted by: Brent Hendricks | December 28, 2005 at 04:45 PM

Hi Brent,

Address any of the issues I brought up in the post and we'll have a nice discussion. Read my other post on the demands of Asiana pilots and tell me which you agree with.

The final sentence didn't make much sense. I'm just a guy bitching about things on a blog (look around, people from every nationality in this great world of ours are doing it as well). If you were aware of this whole issue, you'd realize that the majority of Koreans feel the same way I do, so could you clarify how this boils down to my nationality? I suppose you have some sort of obsession with America or inferiority complex and you just couldn't help but try to squeeze in some anti-Americanism. But anyway, I guess that's your problem to work out and I shouldn't interfere in your business. :)

Posted by: partypooper | December 31, 2005 at 03:02 AM

The relationship between the asses of Asiana pilots and my steel-toed work boots

Asiana Airline pilots have decided to go on strike.

Now normally I don't give a flying fook when selfish union workers in Korea go on strike (a yearly event for most unions). Hey, you want to cripple your country's economy just so you can get a little bit of extra drinking money then that's your business. However, this time I have a flight out of here on Asiana Airlines next week so I AM NOT FINDING THIS FUNNY AT ALL!

And what are they striking for, pray tell? From a Korea Times Editiorial a while back:

Let’s take a look at the demands of the unionized pilots of Asiana Airlines. Basically, they are asking for better working conditions and greater job security. But among their demands were ``14 free round air tickets to our families staying abroad for study or other purposes for a year,’’ and ``provide four golf clubs or more at hotels we lodge at abroad.’’

First, what is up with 14 free round air tickets? How many snot-nosed brats does the average pilot have studying abroad? Let's be generous and say 2. Now let's say these spoiled little shits want to come home twice a year during the school breaks. Get out me trusty calculator...ok. I got 4 round trip tickets. Let's throw in two for the mother (though in all likelihood she is living there with the kid(s) anyway) and that makes...7. No wait, 6. Now lets throw one in for grandmother because when they leave her alone at the house she runs up the heating bill and now we have 7.

What the hell are the other 7 free tickets for? Are they flying over the entire extended family every year?

'How dare you deny my second cousin's entire family and poodle from flying to the US at least once a year! It is inhumane to force the people we love to stay in this country! And besides, my younger sister is about to give birth and...well, you know.'

[Pain, Kick, Mangle, Crush....]

And what the hell is this? 'Four golf clubs or more at hotels we lodge at abroad'? Someone please tell me they mangled up the English in that sentence cause that just doesn't make sense. But anyway, obviously they are bitching about not being able to play golf as conveniently as they'd like. Boo Fucking Hoo. How do they keep a straight face when demanding that? Why stop there? Why not demand huge bar tabs and free big boobed call girls at every hotel they 'lodge at'? God I feel like running over to that demo right now and kicking some doughy flyboy ass.

'How dare the capitalist fat cats deny us our rights to play at the best golf courses whenever we want! Just last week I had to suffer the indignity of taking a taxi across town in Orlando to play golf. And then I had to wait 20 minutes before I could even tee off! My whole afternoon was ruined! How can Asiana force us to work in these inhuman conditions!'

Um, yes. Good point. May I ask a question? How good are you flying a plane WITH ALL OF YOUR GOLF CLUBS WEDGED TWO FEET UP YOUR ASS!!!!

Hurt, Stomp, Throttle, Gouge...

Come Wednesday, if there is no resolution to the strike, here is the only kind of pictures I want to see. If my pilot isn't sporting a nice shiner then I'll be very disappointed.

WWW.USAcrime.norc

Another post from my old blog I wish to have preserved for posterity. I sent their site an email asking some specific questions that I raise in this post (What kinds of crimes are included in their statistics, Is the crime rate of GIs in Korea higher than that of the average Korean male, etc.) and asked why they neglected to include such crucial information (or point out on their site where I can find it).

Surprise, surprise, there was no reply.

Anyway, here's the original post:

This site, USAcrime, is perhaps the worst of the worst as far as blindly anti-American NGOs go. I've copied their English introduction page here and added a few innocent comments of my own.

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"The USFK (United States Forces in Korea) has been stationed in South Korea since 1945. Presently there are 96 bases of 74 million pyong (one pyong = 6 sq feet) occupied by 37,000 U.S. troops in South Korea

--

[Informative statistics and facts. Good research.

Question: How long do you think they can keep this up?]

The long history of the USFK in South Korea has greatly influenced our society.

Yes, I've noticed that too. You no longer are forced to learn Japanese, nor are you eating grass and living in constant fear of the Dear Leader. Do go on...

Statistically, people bound by SOFA (soldiers, civilian components, their families and their relatives) have committed 2-3 crimes against Korean citizens a day.   Hence there have been over 100,000 cases of criminal acts since 1945. Nevertheless, Korean courts have only judged around 4% of these crimes (confined to US soldiers). In most other cases, U.S. soldiers who have committed crimes against the Korean people, have been released without punishment or due compensation to the victims.

Answer of earlier question: Not very long.

Playing with statistics looks fun! Can I play too?

Ok, according to your numbers (100,000+ cases over the past 59 years) that's about 1,700 "criminal acts" per year from a population of 37,000 (actually, it should be more than that even now that the numbers have been reduced, because their statistics include soldier's families, relatives, and all others covered by the SOFA).

Thus about 4% of GIs are committing crimes each year (actually less, since there would certainly be some repeat offenders doing more than their share).

So at worst, only 4% of the soldiers are bad guys and the other 96% are more or less law-abiding people doing nothing more than serving their country and protecting Korean democracy at your nation's request.

Wow! 33,600 soldiers every year just minding their own business and doing nothing more than making sure Korea stays safe. Thank you so much for bringing this to my attention. I never realized just how well they were doing.

Also, what percentage of these "crimes" are traffic violations? What percentage is just brawls between GIs or fights in which both parties (GI and Korean) were at fault? Come on, drunken Korean men never bait GIs or start pushing first?

The average Korean's image of the typical USsoldier.

Oh my God! He's even got a tattoo! Those animals!

--

Not to excuse all of the above actions, but I sense that this site is trying to give the faulty impression that all of these "crimes" are on the level of murder and rape. If these figures for "crimes" include all of the above, however, then that 4% Bad GI percentage goes down even further. Hell, that makes them even more law-abiding than peace-loving Canadian English teachers!!!

Here is some information on the US Embassy site.

The Korean Government has also chosen not to exercise its jurisdiction in minor cases, the bulk of which are minor traffic infractions. Some confusion has arisen because statistics in Korea include these minor infractions in the total of crimes committed. The number of serious crimes, as defined by the Korean Government, committed by USFK personnel has remained constant over the past decade -- between zero and ten cases per year. I am not minimizing the victims' loss and pain when I say that the number of serious crimes committed by USFK members is low. Of course, even a single crime is one too many, but I want to underline the fact that the SOFA does not encourage crime, and the overall USFK crime rate is very low. 

0-10 per year from a population of 37,000. Yes, clearly this is a huge problem that terrorizes Koreans day and night. Just imagine, each year, of every 3,700 GIs you run into on the street, one of them could be a violent criminal and there is a 1 in 365 chance that the day you meet him (or her!) is just the day he strikes! Lock your doors, hide your daughters. My God, I've been in Korea for almost 5 years now and I've probably encountered nearly 3,000 already. I'm lucky to be alive.

By the way, what is the crime rate among average Koreans? Isn't it about the same? Well, perhaps I'm jumping the gun here. I'm sure later this site will let me know that kind of crucial information and thus prove crime by GIs in Korea is indeed a serious matter (beginning to hold breath while waiting for this to happen right........now]: back to the noble NGO site.

Moreover, the USFK has polluted our environment and undermined our culture. 

[exhaling...] Well, I see we are changing the topic somewhat. Ok, yes, the USFK has polluted your environment. One person dumped 120 liters of diluted formaldehyde into the drains that lead to two water treatment facilities before emptying in the Han which, as we all have seen many times before, is where all Seoulites daily fill their water jugs and carry back to their mud huts to provide their families with their water drinking needs.

 

Woe be us!

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Pop Quiz: How many people in this picture have real jobs?

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First of all, simulated tests showed that it was not toxic by the time it reached the water supply and it does not even begin to compete with the HUNDREDS OF TONS of similar waste poured DIRECTLY into the Han by Korean companies. Read more about it here (picture swiped from same site).

What else...they undermined your culture? Hard to refute such a vague, baseless generalization as that except with this less vague and baseless generalization: You're organization is full of clueless, racist, morons.

They have introduced the AIDS virus to Korea, brought recreational drugs, and started a black market for the illegal trafficking of PX goods.

Introduced AIDS to Korea? Where the hell did that come from? Some links? Some evidence to back that up? Anything? No?

I'll tell you where the real danger of AIDS in Korea is from; it's those many "business trips" Korean ajushi's are taking to Thailand.

And how about them "recreational drugs?" How many soldiers bring them to Korea? How many drug-related arrests per year? Do they sell them to Koreans? If so, why isn’t it all over the news?

And what's the big problem anyway? Did you think "Korean drugs" (alcohol and tobacco) are any less harmful? Trust me (and my Canadian English teacher friends will back me up on this one), Korea wouldn't have HALF of its current social ills if they would just put down their soju bottles and pick up a joint.

US soldiers started the black market? That comes as quite a shock. I've been to several "black markets" in Korea and it’s funny how all those “black marketers” look exactly like Korean ajoshis and ajummas. And how is this exactly a crime against Korea again? I just don't get it, but maybe I'm just not viewing this whole think "emotionally" enough.

Confiscated booze stolen from the Yongsan US base by Korean employees.

Damn you American GIs!!!

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There is also the issue of Korean-American (Amerasian) children abandoned by their U.S.GI fathers and the problems related to the stunted development of the "Keejichon" ("military base towns")surrounding the U.S. bases. These problems are a direct result of the unequal Status of Forces Agreement (SOFA), which has affected our society severely. As a result of the lack of discipline those affiliated with the U.S. army act arrogantly towards Koreans. 

True, GI fathers abandoning children is an awful thing. But how widespread is it in this day and age? What percentages of GIs leave behind pregnant Korean women? Since you guys seem a little too busy to research these issues, is it ok if I just assume it is something less than .05%? I know that estimate is probably too high, but I just want to be on the safe side.

As for the Keejichon, it was always my understanding that those towns get a lot of money pumped into them (among other things...) from the soldiers. I mean, they sure do bitch and moan whenever word gets out that the bases might move.

As for "stunted growth," can you compare those towns to other Korean towns without military bases that have experienced "non-stunted" growth? The entire population of Korea has been flocking to the big cities for the past 30+ years for economic opportunities, so I don't think you'll have much luck proving this. Ooops, I forgot! You apparently have no intention of proving anything.

Thus, we are not only referring to the victims of crimes by U.S. troops against Koreans, but we are also talking about the human rights of all Korean citizens and our autonomy as a nation. This is a national issue that can no longer be pushed aside. In order to regain our genuine independence, after over 50 years of enduring damage and injury directly inflicted by the

U.S. military, we are taking a small first step. This very step is "The National Campaign for Eradication of Crime by U.S. Troops in  Korea." 

After reflecting on the above, may I suggest a slightly different approach to regaining your "genuine independence?" Increase your military spending to the level of other developed countries and take care of yourself!!! You'll be surprised how just little resistance you get from Americans on this one. Don't worry, you'll still have Japan around to direct your racism and hate towards.

Anyway, check out the site. I especially recommend the "Data" link. One might think it would be chock-full of statistics, surveys, government reports, etc., but I guess they didn't need any of that (good luck finding any links that work). 

So I'd like to finish by saying, "Good work NGO guys!!!! Sure, everyone looked down on you for not being able to get a real job in a company or even as a middle-school teacher after you graduated with a 2.1 GPA (hey, it's hard to study when there is so much noble protesting to do), but now you've shown them all the true extent of your intellectual abilities. Be proud!