Jesus returns in 2033

I didn't intend to post until later in the year, but I received a revelation after reading an article and realized I needed to go public on this before someone else beats me to it.

Jesus will return April 3rd, 2033, exactly 2000 years after he was crucified according to this news story.

Naturally, as the earth is 6000 years old, we are getting close to the time of Jesus 2.0. Even a three-year old can see that April 3rd, 2033 has three 3s, which is 333--'coincidentally' half of 666, which is the number of the beast and is the sign of the end of times. Duh!

[Unhappy with the images that came up with a google search for '666', this is what I found with '666 boobs'.  Inspiration has struck again!]

Need more proof? The scripture quoted in the linked article is Mathew Chapter 27. What is 2+7? 9. And what is 9 divided by three? 3. And how would you explain how you arrived at that number via multiplication to the above-mentioned three-year old, who, not being Asian, hasn't memorized the multiplication tables yet? By writing out 3+3+3, of course.

So there's 333 again! It's getting a bit spooky, no?


And there's more: 

How old was Jesus when he died? 33!

How many days was Jesus dead? 3!!     [722335 or so and counting might also be the right answer, though]

How many thingamajigs in the trinity? 3!!!

How many examples of the number 3 appearing in the bible did I just give before this one?  3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


So suck on that, Harold Camping. Your prediction for the return of Jesus (May 21, 2011) didn't even have ONE 3 in it! Idiot! 

Camping's answer to my last question above. Who listened to this fucking moron?

I found the above image by typing 'Harold Camping Boobs' in google search, by the way.

Meh...


Here's what I found with 'Harold Camping Asian Boobs', though.

                     
                            
So, now that math, which I think Einstein once said was the language of God, or something, has shown me the Truth, I hereby renounce my atheism (for the next 21 years, anyway) and will use this blog to spread the New and Improved Good News (Like the Bible, but better!). I'll need some funds to get the Word out, so I'll probably add a tip jar or pay pal thingy soon, and maybe get some of those Korea Cupid.com ads on the site because I'm sure they bring in a lot of revenue.

(I imagine this girl has committted suicide by now.)


In closing, I'll let you guess what keywords I used to find these pictures.

Draw Muhammad Day

The last picture is the Muh-man with his 9-year-old bride*. The next time you see an elementary school girl on the street, imagine marrying her and taking her to bed (if you're a guy, of course. Don't turn this into some sicko lesbian thing!). Picture it in as much detail as you can. If that looks pretty sweet to you, perhaps you too have what it takes to become a prophet of an all-knowing, loving deity. Look into it.

But perhaps I shouldn't have posted these pictures. Perhaps it is better to allow people from a medieval religion to tell me what I can and cannot do. Yeah, that's probably the better choice. If there is anything else we shouldn't be free to do, I hope our Muslim friends will kindly let us know.

All swiped from here. I did try to draw my own picture of Muhammad. He was eating cotton candy, and some of it was sticking in his beard! (Oh, how he hated when that happened!)

Anyway, it didn't come out so clearly, so I opted not to post it.Maybe next year.

*To be fair, there is some controversy over when Muhammad consummated the marriage.  She might have been 10 at the time, not 9.

Big Boob Ringtones

It reeks of quackery, but I like where this guy's head is at.



It's great how the Discovery Channel is open-minded enough to promote the kind of 'scientist' who, for some reason, never gets around to conducting a study to verify his theories, not to mention the commercial products they are based on.

Happy Darwin Day

And of course, in the interest of balance, here's one for those open minded enough to look for alternative views of the major science topics of the day.


-- --

The Secret! A-ha!

Funniest thing I've seen all month:



'You should visualize them back!"


A friend of mine read The Secret last February and gushed on and on about it. She said that now that she has The Secret, she KNEW that she should quit her company and try to get into law school (she hated her job).

A month later I heard from her again. She had a back injury that put her in a number of hospitals (including a famous acupuncture 'hospital', but we'll save that trip down quackery lane for a future post) and is still a big problem for her now. She was in too much pain to study for law school, so she gave up on it. She'll have to resign from her company if she isn't able to get back to work soon (about a year is all they will give her off from work). She started going back to work a week ago even though she is still in a lot of pain.

So clearly The Secret has worked out pretty well for her.

My theory is that the acupuncturists at the hospital she ended up going to were also reading The Secret, and visualized thousands of suckers suddenly having back problems and coming to their clinic for months and months of expensive therapy. Their visualization Kung Fu simply overrode that of my friend.




Something like that also might explain why Song Hye Kyo still hasn't slept with me, despite the fact that I've visualized such for several weeks now.


Perhaps too many other Secret readers have made this same "demand on the universe," and I just need to wait my turn patiently.

Oh, but she WILL be mine...



Second funniest thing I've seen all month:



"Gonna kick some ass with my own pipe wrench!"

Great vocals. I would love to see this same thing done with some cheesy heavy metal videos from the 80s.

Trust the Computer

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Top Brits

This makes two of us. The BBC ran a '100 Greatest Britons'
poll and had Diana mentioned along with names like Churchill, Darwin,
Lennon, Shakespeare and Newton (Diana placed third, by the way).   It was
a WTF Moment that wasn't surpassed until I heard that 'Bi' was rated the second most influential entertainer in the world by Time magazine (I guess he influenced a lot of other singers around the world to poorly imitate the sound and style of American singers?).

What exactly did Diana do that was so great anyway? Is sleeping with Charles that incredible of an effort? If she never really loved him, wasn't she just marrying him for the money and prestige?  That's funny, because when normal women do that kind of thing we tend to call them gold-digging whores.

Other WTF Moments from the Greatest Briton's poll: Boy George was
ranked 12 places higher than Freddie Mercury from Queen. Personally, I
blame the homosexual community in general for having such awful taste in
music (I offer the Scissor Sisters
success in the UK as evidence of that). Freddie Mercury will always be the true Queen of England in my book. All the Beatles were in the top 100, save poor Ringo
who I understand was ranked 467, just behind Yoko Ono. Bob Geldof and
Bono, who are actually Irish, placed 75 and 86 respectively. And the
greatest shocker of all is that Ozzy Osbourne, the Elvis Presley of
heavy metal, was not included. Be ashamed Britain. Be very ashamed.

Comments on original blog entry

No Ozzy? A travesty, that's what it is.

Posted by: Nomad | September 03, 2006 at 04:17 PM

Diana's a poofter. So is Geldof and the gang. As for the Gang of Four, a bunch of wankers.

However, Adrian Mole Rules!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: yankabroad | September 07, 2006 at 06:00 AM

Hmmm, interesting, personally i think the world was doing a fine job of imitating the Americans without Bi... but i could be wrong... i mean i always kind of thought that working out the laws of the universe was SLIGHTLY more important than giving birth to princes...

Posted by: Crazyfrog | September 08, 2006 at 03:31 AM

if you met any english people. Its no wonder a whore like diana placed 3rd/

Posted by: Do | September 08, 2006 at 09:18 AM

Actualy I don't personaly call her a gold-digging whore, I prefer the more neutral term "ex-wife"

Posted by: Drambuie_man | September 08, 2006 at 09:29 AM

Ohhh Betty. How the hell did Michael Crawford get in there at no 17?

Since it is wikipedia, you could always edit it to suit yourself :)
Alan Turing got in quite high

Posted by: Jon Allen | September 19, 2006 at 03:59 AM

Lap Dances Included?

This is a new one for me: China cracks down on striptease funerals.

Strip shows have been commonly used to attract more mourners to
funerals, as villagers believe a crowded send-off brings more honor to
the deceased, Xinhua news agency said.

But police took action after state television exposed the "obscene
performances" at a funeral in Donghai county, Jiangsu province, with
200 people including children in attendance, it said.

Suddenly Korea seems a helluva lot more normal.

Interesting though.  I was of the opinion that naked girls dry humping a casket would probably bring a little less honor to the deceased, but then that's probably just little old prudish me. I can just see the sobbing widow now forcing a smile as she stuffs some bills down a stripper's g-string, while the first son negotiates for a private dance in a back room, 'cause that's what Daddy would have wanted.'

Got this pic from a blogger based in Taiwan, where I suspect this kind of thing is old news. Not sure if she's working a wedding or a funeral, but it's nice to see the ajummas enjoying her performance.

Comments from original post


That's what I want at my funeral.

Posted by: Joel | August 26, 2006 at 11:08 PM

If my view of the world had not already become too cynical, I'd have thought this was a fake story.

But, If it were possible, I'd be pissed if my wife had to hire strippers to get people to come to my funeral. Not that I'd care if few came otherwise. But, pissed because I couldn't enjoy it....

Posted by: usinkorea | August 27, 2006 at 02:08 AM

The author of this blog seems extremely pervert in conjuring up disparagement of Koreans. Are you crippled in mind or... born with head below your feet or...?

Posted by: EB | September 04, 2006 at 10:22 AM

The commenter above seems unable to realize this is a post about China. Or perhaps he thinks China and Korea are the same country? Is he crippled in mind? Pervert in the lacking English? Born with head up the ass?

Posted by: scott | September 04, 2006 at 04:09 PM

'Scott'. The word 'Ajumma' doesn't apply to Chinese. So, what do you say now?

Posted by: Yunie | September 19, 2006 at 09:37 PM

Yunie, are you saying that in China there are no middle aged married women?

Or do you find it offensive if someone refers to a Chinese person using Korean terminology? Do you think the English language is degraded if Korean words are borrowed by native English speakers?

Posted by: partypooper | September 21, 2006 at 01:24 AM

What I'm trying to imply is that, if you're Korean youself, (maybe) why disgrace your own country?

Posted by: Yunie | September 23, 2006 at 10:11 AM

I believe the picture comes from a wedding, not a funeral.

Posted by: Mike | October 31, 2006 at 07:11 PM

History Reeking with Reality

Got this in an email from a friend, a collection of history essays from Canadian college students. Funny stuff. Maybe Leno should do some Jaywalking up north of the border if he ever runs out of idiots on the streets of LA (won't happen anytime soon).

"History,"
*declared Henry Ford,* "is bunk." *And yet, to paraphrase George Santayana,
those who forget history and the English language are condemned to mangle
them.Historian Anders Henriksson, a
five-year veteran of the university
classroom, has faithfully recorded, from papers submitted by
freshmen at McMaster University and the university of Alberta, his
students' more striking insights into Europeam history  from the Middle
Ages to the present.
Possibly as an act of vengeance, Professor Henriksson has now assembled
these individual fragments into a chronological narrative which we present
here.*
 
 

During the
Middle Ages, everybody was middle aged. Church and state were
co-operatic. Middle Evil society was made up of monks, lords, and surfs. [Ruled by the Dark Lord Sauron perhaps?]  It is
unfortunate that we do not have a medievel European laid out on a table before
us, ready for dissection. After a revival of infantile commerce slowly creeped into Europe, merchants appeared. Some were sitters and some were
drifters. They roamed from town to town exposing themselves and organized
big fairies in the countryside. Mideval people were violent.Murder
during this period was nothing. Everybody killed someone.England fought numerously for land in France
and ended up winning and losing.

In the 1400
hundreds most Englishmen were perpendicular. A class of yeowls arose.
Finally, Europe caught the Black Death.The
bubonic plague is a social
disease in the sense that it can be transmitted by intercourse and other
etceteras. It was spread from port to port by inflected rats. Victims of the
Black Death grew boobs on their necks. The plague also helped the emergance
of the English language as the national language of England, France,
and Italy  . 

    The Middle
Ages slimpared to a halt.[slimpared? Is that from the Jabberwocky story?] The renasence bolted in from the blue. Life
reeked with joy. [May all our lives reek with joy!] Italy 
became robust, and more individuals felt the value of
their human beings.Italy,
of course, was much closer to the rest of the
world, thanks to nothern Europe. Man was
determined to civilise
himself and his brothers, even if heads had to roll! It became
sheik to be educated. Art was on a more associated level Europe
was full of incredible
churches with great art bulging out their doors. Renaissance merchants were beautiful
and almost lifelike. .

     The
Reformnation happened when German nobles resented the idea that tithes were
going to Papal France or the Pope thus enriching Catholic coiffures.Traditions
had become oppressive so they too were crushed in the wake of man's quest for
resurrection above the not-just-social beast he had become. An angry
Martin Luther nailed 95 theocrats to a church door [must have been a damn big door] Theologically,
Luthar was into reorientation mutation. [Big Ho? A little help with religious terminology here?] Calvinism was the most convenient
religion since the days of the ancients. Anabaptist services tended to be
migratory. The Popes, of course, were usually Catholic.[I looked this up and it is true, by the way] Monks went right on seeing
themselves as worms. The last Jesuit priest died in the 19th century. [Shocking news for some professors at Sogang University, I'm sure]

   After the
refirmation were wars both foreign and infernal. If the Spanish could
gain the Netherlands
they would have a stronghold throughout northern Europe
which would include their posetions in Italy, Burgangy, central
Europe and India thus
serrounding France. The German Emperor's
lower passage was blocked by the French for years and years. [Just like the French to do something like that, isn't it?]

Louis XIV
became King of the Sun. He gave people food and artillery. If he
didn't like someone, he sent them to the gallows to row for the rest of their
lives. Vauban was the royal minister of flirtation. In Russia
the 17^th century was known as the time of the bounding of the serfs.
Russian nobles wore
clothes only to humour Peter the Great. Peter filled his government with
accidental people and built a new capital near the European boarder.
Orthodox priests became government antennae.

[mighty kind of the Russian nobles to go all out for Peter like that.]

The
enlightenment was a reasonable time. Voltare wrote a book called Candy that got
him into trouble withFrederick
the Great. Philosophers were unknown
yet, and the fundamental stake was one of religious toleration
slightly confused with defeatism.France was in a very serious state.Taxation
was a great drain on the state budget. The French revolution was
accomplished before it happened. [how's that for efficiency?] The revolution evolved through monarchial,
republican and tolarian phases until it catapulted into Napolean.Napoleonwas ill
with bladder problems and was very tense and unrestrained.

[Napolean wets himself and decides to take it out on the rest of Europe. Unlike the Emperor of Germany, there's a man who could have used some blocking of his lower passages]

History, a
record of things left behind by past generations, started in 1815.
[for us North Americans, it might as well have] Throughout the comparatively radical years 1815-1870 the western
European continent was undergoing a Rampant period of economic
modification. Industrialization was precipitating in England. Problems were so complexicated
that in Paris,
out of a city population of one million people,
two million able bodies were on the loose.

['complexicated'...if this guy ever immigrated to the States, maybe we'd make him our next president]

Great
Brittian, the USA
and other European countrys had demicratic leanings. The middle
class was tired and needed a rest. The old order could see the lid
holding down new ideas beginning to shake. Among the goals of the chartists
were universal suferage and an anal parliment. Voting was to be done
by ballad.

[Laugh if you will, but voting by ballad is no more ridiculous than the electoral college system]

A new time
zone of national unification roared over the horizon. [try topping that sentence!] Founder of the
new Italy
was Cavour, an intelligent Sardine from the north.Nationalism aided Itally because nationalism is the growth of an army. We
can see that
nationalism succeeded for Itally because of France's big army. Napoleon
III-IV mounted the French thrown. One thinks of Napoleon III as a live
extension of the late, but great, Napoleon. Here too was the new Germany:
loud, bold, vulgar and full of reality.

Culture
fomented from Europe's tip to its top. Richard
Strauss, who was
violent but methodical like his wife made him, plunged into vicious
and perverse plays. Dramatized were adventures in seduction and abortion.Music reeked
with reality. Wagner was master of music, and people did not forget his
contribution. When he died they labeled his seat "historical." Other countries
had their own artists.France
had Chekhov.

World War
I broke out around 1912-1914. Germany
was on one side of France and Russia was on the other. At war
people get killed, and then they aren't people
any more, but friends. [Neocon logic, I suppose] Peace was proclaimed at Versigh, which was attended by
George Loid, Primal Minister of England. President Wilson arrived
with 14 pointers. In 1937 Lenin revolted Russia. Communism raged among the
peasants, and the civil war "team colours" were red and white.Germany
was displaced after WWI. This gave rise to Hitler.Germany was
morbidly overexcited and unbalanced. Berlin
became the decadent capital, where
all forms of sexual deprivations were practised. A huge anti-semantic
movement arose. [this whole essay seems to have an anti-semantic feeling to it as well] Attractive slogans like "death to all Jews" were used by governmental
groups. Hitler remilitarized the Rineland over a squirmish
between Germany and France.
The appeasers were blinded by the great
red of the Soviets. Moosealini rested his foundations on eight million bayonets [what a fag] and
invaded Hi Lee Salasy.Germany
invaded Poland, France invaded Belgium, and Russia
invaded everybody. [wow!] War screeched to an end when a nukuleer explosion was
dropped on Heroshima. A whole generation had been wipe out in two world wars, and
their forlorne families were left to pick up the peaces.

 

I, for one, have learned a lot.

I would like to submit my own historical essay on Dokdo island. It hasn't cleared with VANK yet, but I'm sure it will be.

Dokdo was Korean from the times of Dangun. When Dangun was a child, he went swimming in the East sea and after swimming a long time his head hit the rocky island, making a 'dok' sound so that is way it has the name. He loved the island so much he went there almost everyday and built a real good tree house there (there were lot of trees on dokdo then). Korean navy admiral Lee Sun shin used Dokdo as a secret underground lair in a big cave in the island from which his ships would sail out and kill Japaneses. Japan invaded Korea in 1905 because they wanted Dokdo and they made the dokdo seagulls for comforting their soldiers. Their policy of reorientation mutation to Japanese was most harsh and it was kind of like a Middle Evil days. This made the Korean peoples morbidly overexcited and unbalanced and they rose up and singlehandedly drove the Japanese into the East sea and took the island again and every Korean killed somebody but no Koreans died even a little bit but nobody had any fingers left. Everybodi reeked with joy and reality and a new time zone of national unification roared over the horizon. But then America was envy and came in and divided Dok island into two separate islands by using nuukulear explosions and many baby seagulls couldn't find their mother and they slimpared to their deaths and it was really trajedy and everything reeked of han. 

Completely ignorable post

Nothing worth reading here, people. Just move along...

Kim Hee Sun claims place among screen goddesses

Actress Kim Hee Sun, best known for her role in...well...some lame to
mediocre Korean movie or the other, has now joined the ranks of world
famous actresses such as Audrey Hepburn and even Audrey Hepburn. How did she secure such a lofty
place on the world stage? By having her picture taken by the same
photographer who once took pictures of Madonna, that's how. (Oh, and then having a
Korean newspaper claim that this actually should mean something) This
picture book, titled "Marvelously Kim Hee Sun," will soon hit store
bookshelves from Seoul to as far away as Busan and maybe even one or
two stores in Hong Kong. You can rush out to the nearest bookstore and buy it now, or just wait for it to show up half-price in the bargain bins in about 2 months.

Korea could cut troops in Iraq by a third!

...and no one would care!

Korean 'peace keeper' in Northern Iraq, keeping a vigilant watch of the entry to the base PC bang, safe within their compound protected by Kurdish soldiers.

Philosophical question: If Korea sent 3,000 troops to Iraq and nobody there even noticed, did it really happen?

Speaking of Iraq, a certain semi-retired Korblogger has left some messages here and there around the Korean blogosphere about the lack of coverage of US troop casuality numbers exceeding 2,000.

Well there you go again, KP, always looking at the negative side of things. How about acknowledging the bright side for a change?

For example:

Of those 2,000 killed, not one was the son or daughter of any politician who supported the Iraq war. This is a great improvement over previous wars in which politicians foolishly allowed their beloved children to put themselves in harm's way, just because they felt the war was a just cause.

Despite the government racking up a record deficit that will only get larger, thanks in big part to the Iraq liberation, no major US corporation has suffered any financial losses. In fact, several have even increased profits dramatically!

Speaking of the deficit, any day now all the money put into the Iraqi cause (see here for a running tally) will be paid back with interest by grateful Iraqis. Once the Shiites are firmly in control of Iraq then everything will be just fine. I'm sure they'll prove to be great friends of the US and Israel for generations to come, just like their tribal brothers from the country to their east. It's all good baby!

Now, considering the bright future that lies ahead of us, isn't this sacrifice of 2,000 young lives well worth it?

Comments on original post



Kim Hee Sun looks good in profile and with sunglasses... but she looks pretty rough when it's a full-frontal shot of her face. Freaky, bulgy eyes, just like mine.

My frog-visaged sister: the Face that Shot 2000 Troops.


Kevin

Posted by: Kevin Kim | October 29, 2005 at 08:40 AM

Kevin, leave it to you to come up with a better title for my post than I did. Anyway, peeling back the eyelids through plastic surgery does tend to give that frog-eye look. Once again I make my fervent plea to all South Korean females contemplating plastic surgery: leave the eyes alone and just do the boobs. Clearly, Hee Sun isn't listening.

Posted by: partypooper | October 29, 2005 at 09:09 AM

[b]Of those 2,000 killed, not one was the son or daughter of any politician who supported the Iraq war[b]


My point exactly. Perhaps I am negative but I cannot see much positive about what is happening in the middle east.

Posted by: kimchipig | October 29, 2005 at 09:53 AM

And by the way, Honourable Pooper, why do you hate America so much? Why are you so anti-American?

Posted by: kimchipig | October 29, 2005 at 09:57 AM

Since when does being realistic and cynical make one "anti-American?"

Posted by: Joel | October 30, 2005 at 05:03 AM

Isn't any concept or idea that differs from that of the Bush administration anti-American?

Posted by: kimchipig | October 30, 2005 at 09:40 AM

Two successful elections, the most recent - largely free of violence - included the participation of all those Sunnis the MSM declared wouldn't participate; a ratified constitution, despite the same media telling us agreement was impossible and civil war was imminent; and Saddam's in the dock standing trial for crimes against humanity - yeah, nothing to proud of there.

Posted by: David | October 30, 2005 at 12:00 PM

Look. Make the draft mandatory again and it will be a whole, different story.

If people have to die to prove their patriotism, they won't be so eager to support the war.

Look at Israel, South Korea, and Switzerland, three countries with compulsory military service.

How many wars have they started?

Posted by: A Yank Abroad | December 09, 2005 at 07:34 AM

Iraq War: For or Against?

Election day in Iraq has just concluded with only 36 dead and a larger than expected turnout, though not much is really confirmed yet.

At the moment, it looks like the elections are a victory for Bush and Neocons. It was the big game and the insurgents came out flat.

To be honest, I was and am against the Iraq war. Saddam is a piece of shit and the world is a better off place without him in power, but I think the war and its aftermath is still a very dangerous gamble. Yes, there is a chance that a democracy can be implanted and that would certainly be a good thing. But there is a better chance, in my opinion, that US involvement in Iraq will result in a civil war and/or another brutal dictatorship, costing many, many more lives and, for the US, billions and billions of dollars that we don't have (we do have a pretty big deficit right now, in case you didn't know). It bothers me that most Bush supporters I've argued with on other sites will not even acknowledge that there is a very real possibility that Iraq AND America might be much worse off in the long run.

However, I distance myself from most people who make up the anti-Iraq war/Anti-Bush crowd who are simply unwilling to acknowledge that the Iraqi people and eventually the whole Middle East might be better off from the Iraq War and subsequent country building. How many of the "anti's" admitted to being disappointed when the war was concluded quickly, seemingly preferring a long and drawn out conflict that would certainly take far more Iraqi lives than American? How many delight in pointing out the number of dead amassed since Bush announced victory? Too often I get the feeling from some "anti's" that they would love nothing more than to see chaos and a high body count of Iraqis and Americans only to justify their hatred of Bush and/or America.

What if the elections do lead to immediate positive changes? What if the Iraqi army and police force continue to strengthen in numbers to the point that foreign troops can be signficantly reduced within a few years? What if by this time next year the majority of Iraqis feel positively about the US and UK's involvement in Iraq?

Despite my misgivings of the war, I really want the above to happen. I want to be wrong. I take zero satisfaction of being "right" when people suffer.

Now you can argue, as I have done before, that the positive scenario above may not be likely, but it is certainly a possibility. There is, at this point anyway, nothing remotely noble about the insurgents. Nothing.  If the US continues to rebuild the country and really respects the new government's sovriegnty (am I hoping for too much? maybe...) then time is not on the insurgents side and we could see that positive scenario come to pass.

And if it does, those who protested the war should admit that to an extent they were wrong. We can grumble about Bush's true motivations and how much money Halliburton made, but in regards to the Iraqi people there would be no choice for those capable of being intellectually honest but to admit that things worked out for the better.

And how about all of you current Pro-Bush/neocons? What if one of the negative scenarios comes to pass and Iraq is nowhere close to being a stable country 5, 10, or even 20 years from now? Would you be willing to admit that Bush fucked up in a major way and the naysayers were basically right?

A while back I engaged in a debate on an Internet forum about the Iraq invasion shortly after the US had beaten Saddam's forces and the search for WMDs was on (the original reason for the war, for those who might have forgotten). The anti's said the WMDs would not be found and that the war was based on deceptive claims. The pro's said the WMDs certainly existed and would eventually be found, thus justifying the invastion.

At that time I posed a challenge to both sides:

• If a signficant stockpile of WMDs were actually found, would the anti's then admit that Bush had some justification for invasion?



• And if WMDs were NOT found, would the Pro-Bush people be able to admit that the invasion was a mistake?

Neither side took me up on it, nor gave any other possible future scenario that might prove themselves wrong. It became evident that those particular posters on both sides of the fence were not really interested in what was really true. They were either pro or anti Bush (or anti-America) and no amount of facts were going to disrupt their firmly established worldview.

Well, now the WMD issue is old news and freedom and democracy are the new justifications for the invasion.

Ok, I'll play along. There is nothing to gain about gloating over the nonexistence of WMDs and the fact is we are in Iraq and need to make the best of the current situation.

The Challenge

So can I propose a new challenge to both sides for those capable of admitting that there is a chance, no matter how slight, that their current views might be wrong?

I'm talking to those who are honest enough with themselves to admit that they might be wrong. I'm talking to the few out there who are capable of changing their worldviews when previously held ones do not stand up to new evidence.

If you find the way I structured the following questions restricting or even manipulative, then feel free to alter them.

Under what future circumstances would you admit that the war was right or wrong?

For the Pro-War crowd:

1. In terms of US/UK involvement in Iraq, if conditions are about the same as they are now (cost in lives and dollars) and Iraq is not an independent democracy by the year _____, I would change my views and consider the Iraq war and US led involvement a mistake.

Now for the Anti's:

1. If foreign troops (US and allies) are gone by the year _____, leaving Iraq a relatively stable and independent democracy, I would change my mind and view the Iraq war and US led involvement in a more positive light.

For the record, I'll give my own answers:

If foreign troops (US and allies) are gone by the year 2008, and Iraq is a relatively stable and independent democracy, I would change my mind and view the Iraq war and US led involvement in a more positive light.

I say 2008, because it is unrealistic to expect such major changes in a few years. However, if we are not much better off in 2008 than we are now then I think it is clear that war was far more costly than anyone bargained for.

Back to all things Korean in the future.

Make (gay) love, not war

Via Joshua over at Katolic Shinja, this is just too hilarious.

Air Force proposal sought gay sex weapon

The Pentagon briefly looked into making a weapon that would render enemy troops sexually attracted to one another, according to an official document uncovered by a watchdog group that monitors research into biological and chemical weapons.

[I wonder what that weapon would look like? Something straight out of "The Ambigiously Gay Duo" series one would expect.]

The aphrodisiac chemical would be designed to make enemy soldiers sexually irresistible to each other.

[Now wouldn't THAT make for a great war movie scene? I'm sure Oliver Stone would do it right]

The resulting widespread homosexual behavior, the proposal suggests, would cause a "distasteful but completely non-lethal blow" to morale.

[No puns intended, I'm sure]

The proposal estimated that the cost of the project over six years would top $7 million.

[Oh man, that's chump change! And to think that if this proposal had been accepted, we would have had the "gay bombs" ready for the Afghanistan war. Can you think of a better target for forced gay sex than the Taliban?

Edward Hammond of the Sunshine Project [Uh, yeah, nice name for your group, "guys"] said he has seen several dozen similar military weapons proposals, but this 1994 Air Force plan was the only one he knew about that specifically addressed an anti-gay weapon. He added, however, that the sentiment behind the proposed weapon is not uncommon in the military.

Several dozen similar proposals? I guess they are really running low on new ideas on how to kill people. Either that, or the people making these proposals don't get out much.

And shouldn't that be labelled a "pro-gay" weapon?

Steve Ralls, a spokesman for the Washington, D.C.-based Servicemembers Legal Defense Network (SLDN), said, "It is a homophobic and delusional proposition for the Pentagon to assume a gay opponent is any less formidable than a straight one."

In support of his argument that gay opponents can be just as formidable as heterosexual ones, Rall submitted this evidence.

Click to enlarge

I disagree with Rall on this one though. Gays don't do camouflage, and would assuredly change into uniforms that, while certainly up to date with current fashion trends, might not be so practical on the battlefield. It's also a known fact that most gays find blood "icky"

Ralls also said that the SLDN, which is fighting the U.S. military's ban on openly gay military personnel, would look into the matter and would consider asking Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld to repudiate the proposal.

Ok, but, wasn't this proposal already rejected 10 years ago?

And what happens if our enemies get the gay bomb first? Has anyone thought of that? It was all fine and dandy when our soldiers came back from wars only missing limbs, but can you imagine the horror of them coming back gay?

And what if terrorists get a hold of the gay bomb? A few well-placed gay bombs in Texas and the South and the next thing you know Jarret Barrios is in the White House with the First Lady now being referred to as the "First Life Partner." The end of the American way of life as we know it (though professional wrestling, I suspect, won't lose any popularity).

On the bright side, however, a gay Pat Robertson would be quite amusing.   

(Don't fret none Patty, it only really hurts the first time)   

Workin' out them issues

I found a great mail order bride site, full of highly marriagable little pearls from the Orient.

Here's a link to the catalogue.

I got dibbs on "Fog!"

She's quite the dainty one. I can already see her bringing me a nice hot cup of tea and offering to give me one of them exotic oriental massages after I come home from a hard day of work.

Here's a picture of her silky hair. Nice, but a little short for my tastes. That will have to change...

Also, it kind of bothers me though that she doesn't include a picture of her feet. I definitely do not want my little lotus flower to have a pair of big ugly stompers. I long for the good old days before ugly Western Imperialism destroyed all the pure Asian traditions such as foot binding.

Don't worry guys, there are still lots of other good ones left. "Jade" (pictured here) is still available. She looks like a good match for someone who needs some help around the farm or anyone who has some things around the house that just need some good bendin'.

But wait! There's more!

From left to right, we have "toy," "Vanango,""Meredith," and the last one I believe is Ozzy Osbourne's daughter, Kelly.

Hey...! Wait a minute...Oh! I get it! This isn't really a mail-order bride site at all! It's one of them sly parody things!

Well, this changes everything. Now I realize that the girls on this site are just releasing all that pent-up rage they've been storing for years against white men and their dominating ways.   

Here's some of that rage right here! Take that you Asian women subjugating, uneccesarily long penised white man!

(many more photos like that here!)

Obviously the women in these pictures are daily subjected to the unwelcomed advances of white men who stereotype them as submissive Asian women. Just look at their pictures again. Yeah, I bet white guys are just all over them.

Why else would they be so angry and include a bunch of photos of Asian women beating up white guys? I mean sure, there might a FEW women like this who might have some other issues, like being constantly rejected or ignored by white guys (or any kind of guy for that matter), but obviously that would be such an insignificant percentage that I probably shouldn't have mentioned it.

Right, I shouldn't have. Forget I even brought it up.    

And I can only imagine how angry Asian men must feel to think that we might be trying to steal such precious treasures from them. Poor guys...

This the site author's general rant against all the suffering imposed upon her by Imperial Whitey.

A choice selection:

I once threw piss (not my own, because I am a real lady-remember?) at a guy who fucked me over.

Well, no need to tell us the color of this now urine-drenched male, is there?

So let me get this straight. You took the time to find someone else's urine, bottle it, and then throw it at some guy who dumped you.

Yes, a very well-measured response. Don't listen to all those people (especially the white ones with penises!) who recommend counseling.

Here she is, cornered by a mob of white men anxious for her to fulfill their fantasies of finding a submissive Asian female to serve them and satisfy their sexual urges.

Looking at her picture, I do confess that there is a part of me that longs to take her home and have her cook my rice.

I feel so ashamed...

I'll let the site author finish this post off with these words from her "manifesto."

The idea behind my site is to catch the oppressor in the act of oppression and use my personal sense of humor as a political force. I wanted to subvert the expectations of a nasty guy in search of petite naked Asian bodies by showing him the full ugliness of "Sweet Asian girls."

Mission acomplished, my dear. Keep fightin' them racist and hateful stereotypes!

Captain Howdy Files

The following were first posted on the Korean Herald forum by one "Captain Howdy." The good captain is a dear old chum of mine whom, if memory serves, I first met while trying to contact the spirit of Rob Pilatus (the day the lip synced music died...) on a ouija board I bought for $7.95 at Toys R Us (fun for the whole family! Ages 8 to adult, candles and fresh blood of virgins sold separately).

Occasionally "El Capitan de Holla" will kick back one too many peach flavored Hichu beverages and will get on the Korean Herald forum and run in an amuckly fashion. Few if anyone (save the completely lovable and insane Forgotit) respond. Pearls good captain, pearls...

After a particularly bizarre exchange between Captain and Forgotit was censored by the forum monitor, I begged the Captain to save whatever he wrote and send it to me to be posted on this blog.

And so he did.

I tell the Captain to start his own blog, as he so often threatens to do, so he can tell people "what they really want to know about Korea." However, he's worried it will cut into his "whoremongering" time so it is not yet to be. As a service to my beer drinking buddy/spiritual advisor I'd like to post some of his choice offerings to perserve for prosperity.


1. In response to a post titled: "Where's Bin Laden?"

We Got Him!!

Well, we weren't supposed to tell you yet, but at this very moment there is a small squad of tough, gritty soldiers bringing Bin Laden back to the US.

Here's how it happened.

Bush personally puts together a handpicked force of men, headed by one colonel Razer, to go in and get Bin Laden. Bush tries to sneak onto the plane himself and join the unit, but an alert Cheney sees through his disguise and convinces him to stay behind. "Just like before in 1972, George, you'll be serving your country far better by staying here in America." A very reluctant George Bush admits that Dick is right, just like he always is, and gives the troops one last pep talk before they head out for Afghanistan.

Here's the cast:

Johnny Goodseed: Johnny is from the Midwest and joined the Special Forces after his fiancee (Grace) and mother died in the 9/11 on the plane that hit the Pentagon. He's a handsome, square-jawed young man who comes from a long line of patriots. Johnny assumes head of the special forces unit when Colonel Razor is gunned down by Taliban rebels as he tries to rescue a young Afghan farmer girl from being stoned. Jonny doubts his ability, but he puts his trust in God and Country to see this mission through.

Marco Gonzalez: Latin-American communications specialist who also brings along some spicy latino music to keep things hoppin. He's good with a knife (aren't they all?) and has a great scene where he gets a pretty young Afghanistan woman to ditch her burqua for the first time and he teaches her to tango. Muy caliente!! He's newly-wed, and finds out his wife is pregnant with their son just before departing on the mission. Naturally, he's the first to die.

Jimmy (Jimbo): Explosives specialist. Jimmy's a straight-shooten good ole boy from the south who loves practical jokes (usally involving explosives and/or chickens). He scraps it up some with African-American Jackson (see next), but in the end sacrifices himself to save Jackson's life by throwing himself on a live grenade (oh the irony!). With his last breath, he grabs Jackson's hand and says, "You know, I was wrong to hate you black guys. From now on, I hope people like me will just hate the sand-niggers instead." They embrace, and then Jimbo dies.

Jackson: No-nonsense, tough talking African American Ranger and Johnny's right hand man. He dies in the last scene when Bin Laden, whom they thought had given himself up, pulls a wicked 3 foot long scimitar out of his turban and sticks Jackson in the back.

This leaves Bin Laden and Captain Johnny Goodseed to duel it out to the end... mano a mano!

It all ends when Johnny wrests the scimitar away from Bin Laden and gives him four mighty blows with his fist and boots, one for each of the 4 planes that Al Queada hijacked. Bin Laden is whimpering on the ground, pleading for his life like a Korean hostage, as Johnny raises the scimitar for the coup de grace. Finally, Johnny checks himself and says, "No, no martyrdom for you. You're going to rot in prison for your crimes!" Bin Laden wails in despair as he is dragged away...

It's really cool, and it keeps open the possibility that Bin Laden might escape so Johnny can go get 'em one more time!





2. In response to a post titled, "Korean Women"

Gookbender: I don't know about you all, but I just love fucking all these gook bitches. What else they good for but taking it hard and deep?


Captain Howdy Reply:
Now, though to the careless reader this post might appear to be the work of a self-loathing individual lacking the benefits of even a rudimentary education, I assure you it is not.

To understand the beauty of this simple but powerful text we must look for the underlying message that only a deconstructive analysis a la Derrida can tease out.

I would expound on this issue in detail, but it would probably be lost on all the readers here who lack the years of rigorous study and training in critical theory of literature that I have amassed. Suffice to say, the text should be read as a powerful condemnation of post-modern existentialism and the futility of imposing order and meaning on an inherently chaotic and meaningless reality.

Oh yeah, and the author is probably gay too.






3. (for some strange reason, my favorite). In response to a post on fishing in Korea

I went fishing once when I was about 7 with my dad. We were fishing in the boat and we didn't catch anything so I started playing with the worm can and accidentally dropped it in the lake. My father got really pissed and accidentally hit me with an oar and I fell in the lake, which was not good because I had refused to wear a life jacket (it chafed my chin; I have very tender skin) and three summers worth of swimming lessons at the YMCA hadn't really paid off as well as one might think they would.

After a few minutes of splashing around my dad finally rowed over to me (he was pissed because I was scaring all the fish away) and dragged me back in the boat and took me back to camp. I wish I could say the story ends there, but while I was struggling in the water I swallowed a lot of lake water and it made me really sick that night and I had bad diarrhea and couldn't really hold it until I got out of the tent. I wasn't wearing any clothes since they were all still wet from the lake water so I sprayed it around the tent pretty good I'm afraid.

Anyway, we laugh about it now

Oh My Dog

I was in Suwon the other day (Youngtong area, behind Home Plus) and I noticed a new coffee shop called “Coffee and Puppy.”

Finally, a place to relax and enjoy a good cup of coffee with a nice side order of puppy

Now a lot of ex-pats think they are tough because they have tried dog, but only a REAL man could slarf down a little puppy without a flicker of remorse.

So I was reminded of my old “Dog Post” on my old site and decided to put it up here. A few updates and additions included.

___________

I was preparing to squeeze out a big stinky blog on Koreans eating dogs and I stumbled on some interesting websites. After looking at them, I decided to put the dog meat on the back burner, so to speak, and do some pooping on pet owners.

First site: ThePoop.com (no relation, thank God, to my beloved blog).


It’s a collection of recipes for pet dogs. These are people who actually take valuable time out of their day to cook for their dogs. Here’s an example of a typical recipe.

Divine Doggy Dinner

1/2 lb. ground beef (OR turkey, chicken, lamb)
1/4 cup cooked rice
one small potato
1/2 carrot
1/4 cup greenbeans (about 5-8 beans)
1/4 tsp. garlic powder

Brown the meat in a pan. When completely cooked, drain the fat. Add the cooked rice; mix well. Set aside.
Cut the potato, carrot, and beans into small bite-sized pieces. Place in a pot with water; bring to a boil. Simmer until veggies are tender (about 15-20 minutes). Drain. Add the vegetables to the meat mixture. Add garlic powder; toss thoroughly under low heat. Let the dinner cool thoroughly before serving to prevent burning.
Yield: about 2 dinners

Ok, now I like dogs, but what kind of person goes through this kind of effort for an animal that is just as happy eating the poo of other dogs? Dogs are not (or at least, should not be) picky eaters. Road kill, rotting leftovers, grass, you name it; they’ll eat it. Any psychologists out there who can tell us what deep-seated needs are/were not satisfied in the pathetic lives of these people?

I submitted a dog recipe of my own that my old dog Petey always loved. Here is what I sent:

Petey’s Poop O’ Pleasure

Ingredients:
 crusty tuna casserole leftovers (left in the fridge for no less than 7 weeks)
 5 ounces of partially dried poodle poop (can be dry on the outside, but make sure the inside is still moist for best results)
 4-5 discolored frootloops that rolled behind your refrigerator God knows when
 spoiled milk (skin optional)
 Dead bird carcass
 Paprika

Dump the casserole, poodle poo and dead bird carcass (you may wish to prep the bird by holding it in your teeth and shaking it violently) in a bowl. Pour sour milk and mix, allowing frootloops to float to the top. Add paprika to taste.

“Bone” appetite!

I was disappointed to see that it wasn’t automatically put on the site. Damn. Well, at least I can hope for an angry reply letter [never happened]


Site #2
Cook Dog Cook


No, it’s not the kind of site you hope it is judging by the title. Actually, I don’t know what the hell kind of site it is. I don’t read Japanese, which is a shame, since I have a feeling it is pretty silly. Anyway, I like the blitzed dog in the orange apron. It’s brought to you by someone named “jerky.” I used to know a kid whose nickname was “jerky," but that's subject matter for a different post.

And the winner for the most pathetic dog related website is…

Dog Chefs of America
“Dog chefs of America challenge you to become the chef your dog thinks you are!”


This site is dedicated to teaching people how to become chefs for their dogs. Since I first posted on this, Micki, the site owner, has completely changed her site and the quotes I have below are no longer there. Thank God they are saved for posterity by moi.

She has glowing reviews from such major publications as “Tuscon Weekly,” and “the Arizona Daily Star.” Well Miki, here’s one more glowing review from Party Pooper.

Your welcome



Meet Micki and Yogi.



In case you are wondering which one is Miki and which one is Yogi, I’ll give you a hint. Miki is the one with an IQ of 40 and Yogi is the one who can lick his own balls.


Wait a minute, I’m getting one of my psychic readings again. Ok, Miki, let me know if this is right. You never married and have no children. You are very lonely, yet have difficulty in sustaining relationships with other humans. You also were a huge fan of the Kathy and Regis show

How did I do?

Here’s a great quote from the site [no longer there]

“Yogi's food was home cooked from the day he came to live with us. With the discovery of his seizures, his diet was changed slightly and meals were stretched out throughout the day. He was also switched from Phenol Barbital to a homeopathic remedy given to him by a holistic vet.”

Ah, a holistic vet. Very wise of you Miki. I too believe that medical practices based on science and all that comes with it (rational thought, accountability, the need to provide objective evidence for health claims, etc.) are highly overrated. Whatever astronomical rate you are paying that quack, er.. I mean doctor, I’m sure it is well worth it.

Wait! Here’s more!

“Yogi and I worked together on what food would work for his body and his metabolism. To this day, Yogi will tell me if he's having "one of those days", because he'll chase my cats. If it's a real bad day, he'll chase one cat in particular. On his good days, he leaves them alone. With that information, we use food that will help him calm down - turkey and butter with honey. Yogi takes his "medicine" with gusto, seeming to know that this will help him. Soon after he savors his snacks, he's back to his normal self.”

I love that. Yogi seems to just know intuitively that his “medicine” is good for him. Lady, Yogi doesn’t chase your cats because he is “sick.” He chases your cats because they are delicious furry balls of meat. As a matter of fact, he’s probably learned by now that anytime he wants a little turkey snack, all he has to do is start chasing around one of your cats. Sucks to be stupider than your dog, don’t it?

Also note that she says “cats.” We are only left to wonder just how many cats Miki needs to feel that void in her life that all “cat ladies” seem to have.

New Feature: Dog Park!!

"From dawn to dusk folks are free to use this facility and by permission, host obedience training classes, dog “parties”, or just romp."

This is a new feature of her business “Headquarters” located somewhere south of Buttfuck Arizona.

Some questions:
What the hell is a “dog party”? Do they get to wear party hats? Is it socially inappropriate to lick oneself at a dog party? It sure would be at a “human party” (though we would all be secretly impressed). And at what point does a dog party become a romp? Do Arizona laws allow humans to join in on dog romps? Can we at least watch?

Unless I’m missing something, “Dog park” is just a barren fenced field. Wahoo. Judging from the background in the picture, Micki’s “Headquarters” are in the middle of a desert. Last I checked, no one really gave a shit if you let your dog run around loose in barren wastelands. I’m not sure what the real “service” of this park is.


In the spirit of wacky fun, I pretended to be an owner of a Korean dog meat restaurant and sent her an email. Here’s a copy of the text message.

Dear Miki,
We read with great interests your site on dog cooking. We here in Korea also loves dogs very, very, very much and dogs and the cooking are important for us. I am owner of restaurant chain that serves dogs so I think we have this common interests. I don’t reading English well, so I don’t order your books but I am sure your dog recipies are very good. Maybe someday I can share to you some of ours?

Anyway, I write to you for asking a special request. We love your cute dog aprons and we are wanting to bulk order them for all of our cooks in our restaurant chain. Is there any discount for bulk ordering?

Thank you very much and if you can come to Korea someday we will fix you very special dinner in our restaurant free of charge.

Sincerely,
Mr. Yoo, Chi Hae

PS Your dog looks so lovely and good. If you ever have need to not have the dog and you want to find it a new home, I am hoping you contact us and we can take care of that big dog for you.