Sunday, May 9, 2004

Korea Gaywatch Files Revisited

This is the same post I put on the old site. I've added soccer star and CF Queen Ahn Jeong Hwan at the end. If you have already committed the Gaywatch Files to memory like most readers, you can just scroll down and see the new stuff.


As any foreigner who has lived here for a while knows, Koreans have a way underdeveloped sense of "Gaydar."

Allow me to illustrate;

About 4 years ago or so "talent" Hong Seok Cheon was on TV rather often (he was on a children's show and also the many variety shows). His actions and mannerisms were obviously gay, so I comment to my then girlfriend that it's amazing that Koreans allow such an openly gay person on primetime TV. She was quite surprised, and said that Hong wasn't gay, he was just "funny."

A year or so later he came out of the closet and many Koreans were shocked. If you had seen this guy on TV, you would realize that this is about as shocking as revelations that Liberace was gay.

I've also taught in Korea with two teachers who were gay. The students, staff and Korean faculty never caught on, even those who hung out with the teachers extensively. One of them was rather handsome, yet kept rejecting the advances of certain female students and always declined to be set up on a date. The Koreans concluded that he just didn't like Korean girls (they were half right). We didn't bother "enlightening" them since few Koreans can deal maturely with this issue (such as this blog author is currently doing right now).

We did tell one staff member who hung out with the teachers all the time. His response was, "That's not possible, John is nice." Classic.

So, as a public service to Koreans, I'd like to start the Korean Gaywatch.

Criteria for my judgments:

The following criteria have been rigorously researched and tested by outstanding universities and research centers across the United States and in Europe. Links forthcoming.

Note that just one or even two of these criteria (except perhaps #5, though this is a subject of hot debate currently among researchers) do not necessarily a homo make. Only when at least 2 test positive is there a chance that the person might be a closet homosexual (or 옷장 homosexuals, as they are known in Korea).

Once three or four criteria score positive then we can start making a tentative case, and after five have passed you can rest assured that the person is, in the words of Cartman from South Park, "a gay homosexual."

1. Dresses very fashionably (especially likes wearing accesories)

2. Relatively neat and clean (for a guy), especially in regards to his apartment/home.

3. Never seems to be involved with girls (no scandals, gossip, nothing)

4. Is better looking than this blog author (no, I'm serious. This is related to the scientific fact that gays tend have more feminine features than hetero males and this typically makes them unfairly more attractive than men, such as this author, who are more the "manly and ruggedly handsome" type).

5. Fucks guys even though he is not in prison

6. Loves to dance [Note, that it is true that heterosexuals also dance. However, it is a well-established fact that heterosexuals dance only because it's a good way to pick up women]

7. Knew who Gianni Versace was before he was killed by that gay serial killer guy.

8. Wears very nice shoes, and, when asked, admits that he, not a girlfriend or his mother, purchased them. May even share a brief but somewhat emotional story about how many places he had to shop at before he found them (see #10)

9. Has at any time expressed interest in becoming a hair dresser, fashion designer or critic, dancer, lion tamer/performer/magician, or mime.

10. Likes woman stuff like shopping, dancing, and female singers

11. Simply acts, just, you know, gay.

Important Disclaimer

Just because this author spent hours and hours on this subject does not in any way mean that he might be gay. I'm sick of people claiming that I must be secretly gay because I expend so much energy talking about it. I love women. Lots of them. As a matter of fact, I even have sex with them, sometimes even more than once. So just stop thinking that about me right now.

If you are still not convinced, then I'll post a 19 page document I prepared on this same subject that PROVES I am not gay. Ok then.

[Update: said document is now up to 45 pages and includes graphs and charts. It also includes a chapter devoted solely to the controversial "Camp Weaver boyscout" incident of 1983]


Ok, let's get to Korea.

#1 Gangta


This is that pretty boy singer from H.O.T.

Note that he fits criteria 1-4. I lack the necessary data to confirm criterion #11, but I can say that on all the variety shows I've seen him on, he has never made a cruel joke or impersonation of Korean fashion designer Andre Kim. True heteros always seize the opportunity to joke about gays. That's just normal guy stuff.

Also, what's up with that "make-up" thing he did on his music video? A true man would have told the director to F-off at the mere suggestion (see An Jeong Hwan for related charge).

I think the strongest charge would be going back to #3. Gang Ta is probably the best looking guy in Korea right now. If he was even rumored to be interested in someone it would be all over the Sport's New's pages.
Now, since he has become famous there have only been 2 rumors of him having a girlfriend. The first was with Park Ji Yoon years back. They had been sighted together a few times and that was enough to get rumors going. However, they both denied the "charges" repeatedly and eventually people realized that indeed there was nothing going on. Finally, this year there were some photos floating around the net of him and singer Lee Soo Young with their arms around each other. It was later found out to be a fake.

8 years since making it big, and not one known girlfriend. You do the math...

You read it here first...

#2. The "cute" guy from G.O.D.

god Pretty in Pink!

There were rumors already going around about this guy being gay. They went away, though the issue was never fully settled (G.O.D. "answered" the issue by making a music video where this guy plays a very manly role of protecting a "girlfriend" from some gangster types. It couldn't have been more forced). I'm sure a lot of you Koreans are out there confused about the issue. That's what this website is all about.

He tests positive for criterion 1 and 2. #3 is another big red flag (you'd think he would have at least tried a fake relationship to dispel the gay rumors). I'm a little uncertain about #4. I do hear a lot of the "cute" talk, but the guy needs a nose job. Having a large nose myself, I am very hesitant to include this criterion in my argument.

He is not really talkative or outgoing (the fat singer and dumb-ass Korean American in G.O.D. never shut up) so it is very difficult to judge criterion #11.

However, we do have some further evidence that tips the scale. A while back G.O.D. did commercials for ice cream (those whores did commercials for practically everything a few years back). Each G.O.D. member had a different flavor and which one do you think cutey boy got? Strawberry. That's right, cute pink feminine strawberry. I think we can close this case.

#3 Bruno

This is the German guy who attends a Korean university (studying drama, suspiciously enough). He used to have long blond hair and became a big sensation on Korean TV several years back. He speaks Korean well, and predictably all the Korean girls were crazy about him.

The evidence:

A big red flag on #2 (cleanliness). I watched a show where they went to his apartment. It was amazingly clean and tidy. The show hosts were very impressed, and noted that he was even cleaner than a woman. Now some of you women might think there is nothing telling about a person's cleanliness, but come on. Think of all the men you have known in your life (your father, brothers, and boyfriends especially). How many of them were quite clean? How many were disgusting pigs? It's a scientifically proven fact that men lack certain hormones or genes or whatever (I lost the link) that makes them interested in cleaning.

Red flags on numbers 1 and 3, big red flag on #4.

bruno1 Bruno at ease with Korean "skinship."

Let's look at #11. I saw him on a talk show and he was such the prissy little princess. They discussed things that Koreans said or did that bothered him. As I recall, he didn't like people asking his age.

Now unless a guy is trying to score with a young girl half his age(give me a few more years and that will actually be legal for me to try), he will never be hesitant to reveal his true age. That's a girl thing. And as you know, if a guy does anything like a girl , it means he probably loves dick. That's just simple logic: Guy likes something that usually only girls like, girls typically have sexual interest in male penises (is that the correct plural form of penis? Is the plural form "peni?"), thus and ergo, that guy also likes penis (that is, a penis other than his own, I mean, we all really love our own penises, there's nothing gay about that).

New Entries

Ahn Jeong Hwan

Ahn Jeong Hwan is certainly a pretty boy, but did not get the attention of the Gaywatch Files until he made a very questionable commercial (see below). No decision has been made by the Gaywatch Committee at this point. Here is an update of the current debate.

The Case For

ahn1 Not all men who wear speedos are gay (they might just be Italian), but all gay men do own speedos. Thus, this evidence is permissable though it is clearly not a "smoking gun," so to speak.

ahn2 It is true that some say Ahn's "speed skating" ceremony after scoring a goal against the US was "gay." However, it is important to understand that the meaning of "gay" in this sense is the relatively new term fashionable among verbally challenged adolescents who use the word "gay" to describe anything that they do not believe to be proper or "cool." Thus, Gaywatch has stricken this evidence from consideration.

The only real damning evidence was Ahn's "performance" in the skin lotion CF (commercial, for those not up on their Konglish). Athletes are notoriously bad actors, yet Ahn's role as the half-naked guy in the gym with an extraordinary amount of interest in another half-naked guy's smooth skin was very believable.
ahn4 Ahn getting up close and personal with Kim Jae Won. Unfortunately, no Gaywatch File investigator was on hand at the photoshoot to observe whether or not Ahn was "sporting mad wood" at the time of the shooting.

The Evidence Against

ahn3 Ahn Jeong Hwan and his wife.

Now, the first thing any raging red-blooded hetero notices here is that Ahn's wife is stacked! Now by Asian women standards, she's equal to a Pamela Anderson (pre-breast reduction surgery).

Now it is true that just being married alone does not take one off of the Gaywatch files. Gays often marry women because they weren't crystal clear yet on their sexuality at the time. In other cases, they might marry just to get their folks off their backs.

However, seeing as how he chose a woman just bursting with such ample femininity does seem to make a case that he is just as entranced by breasts as any normal hetero.

Thus, the jury is still out as the experts continue to research and the debate rages on.

Tune back in for updates on the hour.

Comments on original post


Great post. As far as Bruno goes, I must mention that I did see him in a bar in Seoul with a small gaggle of Korean women about three years ago. However, your other points outweigh one night of flirtation. And besides that, he's a wanker any which way you cut it.

Posted by: Luke | May 24, 2004 at 09:40 PM

Thank you for the input on Bruno. It sounds more like a "girls night out" to me than anything else.

I don't know if he qualifies as a "wanker." Perhaps I should start up a "WankerWatch" side project?

Posted by: Scott | June 02, 2004 at 11:53 PM


How camp is that?

Posted by: Simon | August 22, 2004 at 12:19 PM

This site is so ignorant just like anyone else who starts or joins this dumb gaywatch! damn! don't you have anything better to do than start something this stupid. Are you gay curious yourself of gay activities that you watch all these korean men and their actions. hahaha... they're making it big and whatever they do.. they certainly got it for they wouldn't be rich and famous for you to be taking your sweet little time, waiting and watching them. Damn I mean if you're gonna start something serious, watch and inform people of poverty or struggles in korea, since this is something you're quite interested in, Koreans. And all those people's comments in agreeing with this ignorant fool (you're one, because all your information are based on your feelings and based on people who don't know anything of the glbt lifestyle, since it's just being quite openly accepted in parts of America and come on, we know areas like in Asia are strict about the ways people live their lives, so all I'm saying is that whatever source you got your info from, be it any uneducated gay bashing korean media group who writes up and bashes these korean men or women is ignorant too, for they aren't educated enough!!) anyways, back to my original point, anyone who agrees with this ingnorant fool, you all are just like him and being brainwashed with these nonsense. Stop thinking negatively and stop bashing people with your spare time, do something good for yourself that will benefit you and your future.

And to reply to that pretty in pink picture of Moon Hee Jun, it's definitly photoshop touch up. That body is so skinny comparing to his. Come on! where's the common sense in your eyes people?!?!?!?! you need some glasses?!!?

And another reply to, korean guys who wears make up... so if a male band of koreans or others wear make up, that means they are all gay or gay curious? Many man definitly has had encounter with other man at a time through their life sexually. They are just afraid to say it and many still end up being interested in woman only. There's room for everything here on earth!! Oh wait, Moon hee jun wears make up off stage, he's definitly gay. Honestly, at first when I saw him, I thought he was gay (but that was when I was uneducated! And people, I don't mean gay the way dumb people uses it, meaning "lame" or "dumb"), but since being educated and understanding how people are different, I've learned quite a lot and how being informed with open mind, to not instantly put a label on someone just because they are different from me for this information will benefit me in what I do in life. And if you don't understand what I mean, I insist you go to college. And through this, I'm gonna take back that thought of him and remain at not judging him or labling him. I don't know him like that, but you and everybody else, (it's funny how ALL ignorant people are) so quick to judge others when you and they don't even know squat of that person personally other than what you or they hear and see in the media. WAKE UP! Media is a killer and full of bullshit. Plus, it don't matter if he's not gay or he is. It's all about his talented skills.
Also, come on!! We all know, that many male artist of any field where's make up to look good on camera or shows anywhere. Let me educate you and open your mind: People choose to look certain ways just like how you choose to look like you! Has there been people bashing your look? So why should you go do that to others? How would you feel? BAD! Ofcourse you would feel BAD. Geez. And the all the male korean bands you see probably have to put on make up, because of management!! Whose gonna have full authority, a guy who is not anywhere near fame and riches or the management that has riches and power and fame?? That's how it is in the entertainment industry. You gotta do what you're told to get where you want and if you don't agree, then don't do it. End of story.

Peace, please. I mean it. Peace. You don't know, one day your loved ones... your son, whoever that is male in your life (heck maybe even you, because what if all males starts wearing makeup for this kind of movement will grow from Korea, Japan, America.. wherever that is happening? Everybody follows trends.) is gonna wear make up and you don't know what to do. Are you gonna be the shit out of him to stop him from wearing make up or are you gonna love him?! Or are you gonna miss out on life and severe the bond between him and you? If your answer is to beat the shit out of him and cut him off, you obviously don't understand the meaning of life and I would finally agree to it that i read you... and I entertain the thought that abortion is wasted on the unborn. One day, hopefully one, eveyone on this site that feeds off these ignorant information will see what I mean.

p.s. It's so obvious that this site sucks for it's content is full of ignorant and uneducated information.
This site just saw the day of light for my post has just been, "posted".


Posted by: This site sucks!! | December 02, 2005 at 03:34 PM

with all their ass fucking, they will get gay ass fagot disease

Posted by: fuckallgays | January 31, 2006 at 08:49 PM

I find this site very ignorant. If you analyze info. that way then, everyone in the world must be gay. I'm not supporting gay rights or anything, but you're not getting anything across by making assumptions through poor evidence. You're saying right now that you're very educated in Korea's culture, but it seems like you don't know a damn single thing about it. You're just taking every possible sentence and twisting it around to prove your point or what you want it to be. You must really like assuming that everyone's gay. Trying to find comfort or something?

Posted by: Scott | June 16, 2006 at 09:11 AM

The creaters of PartyPooper are STUPED, IDEOTIC, IGNORENT, AND HAS NO RESPECT FOR ANYTHING IN THE WORLD. Is there a TUMOR in your brain? You FUCKING idiots should get a GODDAMM LIFE.

KOREANS is a unique nation like the rest of the world. They have their own qualities, style, language, a way to get along, and so much more. BUT IN KOREA, guys can get close to eachother if they want. That doesn't fucking mean that they are gay, it means that they are very good friends. You stuped fcking americans think that if a guy hugs another guy, it means gay. If a guy calls another guy, they're gay. If a guy hangs out with another guy, they're gay. If a guy sucks another guys dick, he's gay. If a guy gives another guy a card, i guess you think they'd be gay too huh? You fucking whorebags must not know anything about the world these days. I guess you think they world revolves around you, dont you? Now listen here, btches, you stupid ignorant, immature, fcktards should start to RESPECT OTHER PEOPLE OTHER THAN YOURSELVES AND STOP BEING SO SELF ABSORBED. WHY CANT ALL YOU FUCKIN WHITE PEOPLE STOP RESORTING TO STEROTYPES aND RESEPCT EVERYONE LIKE I DO!


People like you... annoys the fucking SHIT out of me.

Posted by: PARTYPOOPERkiCKSASS | June 25, 2006 at 05:47 PM

"People like you... annoys the fucking SHIT out of me."

Fortunately for you, you shouldn't have any trouble finding someone to pack it back in for you. BADABAM!!

Posted by: Iceberg | June 25, 2006 at 07:10 PM

Was i horribly mistaken when I thought this post was done in as a joke and not to be taken seriously as a textbook on homosexuality?

Posted by: Crazyfrog | July 21, 2006 at 02:03 AM

No, refreshingly correct.

Posted by: scott | July 21, 2006 at 02:57 AM

You need to seriously be educated in the Korean culture, dumbass.

Posted by: ugh | July 23, 2006 at 03:07 AM

HEY asshole, instead of taking hours on research, being obsessed w/ korean people (in a freaky way), posting any and every dirt or b.s. you can find on the country- (no one really cares about SHIT made by HATERS, well, wait a minute, how much time have I spent here? I guess at least I really care what you have to say, huh?) CUZ STUFF HAPPENS In OTHER COUNTRIES.. as bad or worse.. why dont u take all this fricken time and energy and post good stuff that doesn't HAVE to be about Korea. Then people would appreciate it and NoT HATE you (though personally, I kind of like you. Do you like me?),
do you

have a




all this stuff i just said is cuz i CAN fool. GyeaAA. (do you know what that means? It's black English, I think. Doesn't it make me sound cool?)

Posted by: partypooper has me cuckoo for cocoa puffs! | July 25, 2006 at 12:35 AM

oh yeah . For those of you who think this is a harmless "joking" site,
THIS GUY IS NUTS. I love his stuff!
i mean seriously, he knows about everything from Ganta, G.O.D. (all member and their idiosyncrasies) everything bout korean soccer, movies, news... his comments are just full of insight and TRUTH!.
I just wish he would post more.

Posted by: FACED!! | July 25, 2006 at 12:48 AM

Dude! You Rock! ;)

Posted by: just turned 15 | July 25, 2006 at 07:02 PM

this guy... changes people's comments if it "insults" him.. wonder if he insults others...

Posted by: bbf | July 27, 2006 at 11:10 PM

[this comment has been edited for language, cuz Jesus just doesn't like a little potty mouth]

That`s right you cockadoody ragamuffin, delete my last comment ... That just proves my little tushy right! Flippin` poo-poo head! Get off your tucus mister mister and find a job & if your not quelified for anything other than driving me insane, then go get some help, by cricky! ... I recommend you call the 'nut house' first. Mr. malarky farky

Posted by: an-O-ni-mous | August 09, 2006 at 11:55 AM

Once on the street, I thought I saw Lee Junki so I followed him for a while (I'm kind of a natural stalker, as you can guess from my obsession with this blog). When I finally got close enough to see him, it turned out to be an underdeveloped high school girl. The weird thing is though, is that for some reason I got this strange feeling and kept on following her and I really wanted to talk to her. I keep going back to that same place to try to see her again.

What does this mean? I feel so confused...

Posted by: an-O-ni-mous | August 09, 2006 at 11:59 AM

Now that you mention it, Lee does resemble an underdeveloped high school girl. Wait, so do most of the guys on Korean TV. I feel so confused...wait, there's Han Chaeyoung's ginormous boobies...I am no longer confused.

Posted by: Gigantic Panda | August 09, 2006 at 07:01 PM

All you do is edit peoples blogs because they all say the same cocka doody thing over and over and over again ... unbelievable.

See you tomorrow!

Posted by: an-O-ni-mous | August 09, 2006 at 09:06 PM

Do you have a problem with just Korean's or something? Cause, your only talking trash about their race. Just because you have a problem with them, doesn't mean that you have to make up lies about them. And, stop thinking for them or talking for them.

Posted by: yUnie | August 10, 2006 at 10:20 AM

I suggest you learn more about Korean culture before making judgements like these. Obviously coming from a Korean perspective, homosexuality is a rare thing and what is conventionally believed as the 'symptoms of homosexuality' in the western culture does not become viewed as an act of homosexuality in Korea. Besides, even in western culture with the rise of metrosexuals, (and not to mention what you have suggested are basically streotypes) it is hard to define someone as being gay by their physical appearance. Weren't you the same person that was criticising about Koreans being judgemental about one's visual apperance? I thought so. Hypocrite.

Posted by: jj | November 15, 2006 at 05:13 AM

the hell, I never found any looser like you in the whole internet XD
not that I loked for it anyway..
you must be really bored if you have time to bash other people liek that..
as for H.O.T and other member of music bands most people know how had they had to work, so first get your ass up to and do something more productave, your suck!

Posted by: kenken | January 02, 2007 at 05:39 PM

I'm gay. I date men, and I just don't fit any of your criteria. So, am I still "gay"? Let's get some things straight:

I don't have some inherent fashion sense, so you wouldn't be able to see that I'm gay by looking at my shoes.
I don't like shopping, dancing, etc.

I've never wanted to be a hair dresser, lion tamer/performer/magician, or mime either...

Most people don't realize that I'm gay. I guess it's because people buy into these stereotypes, but if you met me, you wouldn't assume that I'm gay, unless I told you. It's that way for a lot of gay guys- you might have some gay friends and not even know it... (signal horror movie music)

Posted by: Does it matter? | June 03, 2008 at 07:34 PM

this site is hateful and disgusting. look at all of the angry posts on here. please stop.

Posted by: heyOo | June 03, 2008 at 07:42 PM

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