Men Who I Want to Date And Men Who I Want to Marry
by Anonymous - translated by Hyun-hee Kim
[I can't remember where I found this. I'm trying hard to find the motivation to look up and properly note the source, but so far I haven't had any luck. Anyway, it's a sweet little piece of prose, and like most people who read it I should just leave it be, but I just couldn't help myself and added some completely uncalled for snarky comments. I realize I have a problem, and one of these days I really hope to care enough to actually do something about it.]
I want to date a man who doesn’t suck up to his boss and leaves the office when he finishes his work for the day. However, I would like to marry a man who silently does his job even if he doesn’t get along with his boss or dislikes it because he is responsible and serious about his career.
['Serious about his career', by the way, means 'serious about keeping me in shopping sprees and designer shoes'.
But anyway, she'll probably end up marrying a guy who hates his boss and job with a passion and will turn to drinking and taking out his frustration on her and the children. Viva la tradicion!]
I want to date a man who goes to the concert all dressed up and is very knowledgeable about classical music. After the concert he tells me that his heart was beating while he listened to certain parts. [girls really fall for this kind of shit?] However, I would like to marry a man who goes to a concert with semi-casual clothes and shyly asks me how he looks. And after the concert he tells me that he wants to listen to classical music more often even though he doesn’t know much about it. Then he asks me to go to a concert again next time.
[But by 'next time' what he really means is 'next lifetime' when he is reborn as a woman or a hopelessly dull snob]
I want to have a date with a man who takes me to a fancy restaurant with romantic candles, orders me food that I am not familiar with [quite a passive little doe, isn't she?]and eats in a very sophisticated manner. However, I would like to marry a man who takes me to the country and tells me that it is healthy to get out of city and buys me some typical Korean food.
[But she'll end up marrying a man who says, 'Go out? That shit costs money! Besides, I already went out to eat three times this week with my coworkers.']
I want to date a man who goes to dance clubs wearing tight jeans and a white shirt, enjoys all the attention from girls, knows how to dance well and asks me to slow dance at the end. However, I want to marry a man who comes to a dance club with his friends, dances poorly, but confidently and asks me to slow dance a little awkwardly.
[But she'll end up marrying a man who saves all his dancing for girls half his age at the dallanjujum nearest his office]
I want to date a man who doesn’t look at beautiful woman passing by, but if I ask about a beautiful woman then he answers naturally that I am much prettier than her. However, I would like to marry a man who looks at pretty woman passing by, tells me that she is pretty but he likes me the best.
[But she'll end up marrying a man who looks at pretty women passing by, then looks at her and says, 'Wow, you've really lost your figure since having our second baby.' ]
I want to date a man who recognizes right away my little changes and says something like “ You changed your lipstick color today. Your lips are really shining today”. However, I would like to marry a man who shyly says at the end of our date, “ This dress looks good on you. You look especially pretty today”.
[But she'll end up marrying a man who notices here new dress and grumbles, 'How much did THAT cost?']
I want to date a man who touched my hair or shoulder while he is driving. However, I would like to marry a man who holds my hand while changing gears.
[She'll end up marrying a man who slaps her hand whenever she tries to turn on the air conditioning or change the CD]
I want to date a man who rubs my back when he hugs me. However, I want to marry a man who holds me so tight that it almost hurts.
[Honey, if your husband still touches you at all after 5 years of marriage, consider yourself lucky]
I want to date a man who goes to a fitness club to have a nice body on weekends and gets a professional massage with his friends when he is sore.
However, I would like to marry a man who plays soccer, basketball or tennis with his friends and then throws a barbecue party on weekends even when he is tired.
[...and then gets drunk as hell, complains that his children are all unappreciative spoiled brats, hits on the neighbor's wife in front of everyone, gets in a fist fight with said neighbor's husband, and passes out in a puddle of his own vommit. But at least the police didn't come this time!]
When I say I want to get drunk tonight I want to date a man who says “ I will be with you and watch you when you drink.” However, I want to marry a man who says “ Okay, let’s get dead drunk together.
[But she'll end up getting a married to a man who does enough 'getting dead drunk' for both of them and then some.]
I want to date a man who comes to sit next to me when I get drunk. However, I would like to marry a man who puts water in front of me without asking when I am drunk.
[But she'll end up getting married to a man who tells her that she should be good a mother and not drink like some common bar girl whore]
I want to date a man who drives me home when I get drunk and puts my head on his shoulder in the car. However, I want to marry a man who drives me to my house when I get drunk then before taking me inside holds my hand carefully and gazes out the window of the car.
More drunk boyfriend/husband talk? Man, this really was written in Korea. I'm running out of drunk Korean men stereotypes, so I'll just finish with this: She'll end up marrying a man who, being drunk himself while driving the car, curses the entire ride home about her spending habits and how she isn't raising their children as well as his mother did, mistakenly calls her the name of his neighbor's wife repeatedly, and finally pukes all over the dashboard and passes out as the car veers into a concrete telephone pole.
Korean women everywhere, keep dreaming of the perfect husband and life as promised by all the Korean credit card commercials. Here's to beating the odds...
Comments from original post
Could it be here:
Charlie, The KimcheeGI
Posted by: KimcheeGI | July 16, 2005 at 06:13 PM
"...finally pukes all over the dashboard and passes out as the car veers into a concrete telephone pole."
It’s strange how this just happened to my friend's father.
Of course you neglected to add, "Soil yourself, fall out of the car door and lay in the street all night long in your puddle of urine and vomit. Then your family is rudely awoken by calls from police telling them to come and scrape your rotten worthless ass off the street much to their own embarrassment."
That would be a more accurate description of what happened.
Posted by: Joel | July 16, 2005 at 10:07 PM
Who's gonna write the one about the 'woman they'd like to marry,' then have some sarcastic woman tear it apart? Nicht ich.
Posted by: Richardson | July 17, 2005 at 05:28 AM
She's looking for Yonsama, but will wind up marrying Moon Hee-sang:
Posted by: Michael | July 18, 2005 at 12:35 AM
They say we end up being with the person that annoys us the most. Or maybe I've heard this only from bitter wives and husbands. The truth is, we have a choice as to who we'd want to be with. Your quest for Mr. Right may not be as smooth as you would like it to be, but you'll eventualy find him (if he doesn't find you first). Our Mr. Right is not perfect; he will have flaws but in the end, it's the mutual admiration and adoration that you will make you realize that he's the one for you.
Posted by: jeanne | October 24, 2005 at 04:27 AM