The newest weapon in the Gaywatch Korea Project's arsenal is the gender genie. This software, developed by linguists, can predict with 80% accuracy a person's gender simply by entering a sample of the person's writing (at least 500 words).
It should go without saying that the manhood of any male who scores "female" on this test is suspect. Now, I know, some of you PC brainwashed people out there will question this, but as I have clearly explained before the irrefutable logic behind this in my original Korean gaywatch post:
"... if a guy does anything like a girl , it means he
probably loves dick. That's just simple logic: Guy likes something that
usually only girls like, girls typically have sexual interest in male
penises, thus and ergo, that guy also likes penis (that is, a penis
other than his own, I mean, we all really love our own penises, there's
nothing gay about that)."
Some guy once made this claim that the above logic was "non-sequitur" or something like that. I'm not sure what that means, but I think any guy who uses French in an argument has just got to be gay.
So armed with this new technology, I decided to find out once and for all the true nature of my fellow bloggers here in Korea.
Prepare to be outted.
As a man of science, I feel in all fairness I must first apply this test on myself. My first choice was, naturally, to enter my "Gaywatch Korea" post. The results:
Female Score: 1308
Male Score: 1664
The Gender Genie thinks the author of this passage is: male!
Hmm, a little too close for comfort. I hurriedly entered the text of one my manly fiskings (usacrime) and got the following:
Female Score: 856
Male Score: 1356
Though I'd prefer the score to reflect more accurately my true raging hetero manliness, I guess I can live with that score.
I wondered what results Konglish would get, so I entered the text of my freebase 21 post a while back.
The results:
Female Score: 688
Male Score: 1503
The Gender Genie thinks the author of this passage is: male!
Hmmm, Korea protestors with bad English are more male than I am? Despite quotes such as "Oh! see Jeong-son on the left with the pretty red manpurse? I am so envy!" and "Recognize the loveliness of our hats!!"?
Then I looked at the data realized that the word "this" was designated as a male word, and in the post I had all links to pictures titled "View this photo." I went through and deleted all of the links, and here is the new score:
Female Score: 688
Male Score: 931
What a difference a word makes, huh? The male score dropped from 1503 to 931 just by taking out the link references. And yet nonetheless, the gender genie cannot be fooled.
Korbloggers on the hotseat
Next I turned my attention to the other members of the Korean blogging community who are nearly all white males between the ages of 25-40 (which, by the way, is also the general profile of serial killers in the US, but I digress).
Leone (or is it Simon?) from "Mincing with Myojung" was my first choice. Leone is out of the closet and doesn't hold back. If he gets a more manly score than I do, then I'm afraid to think of what that means. I put all of Leone's longer postings that are currently on his homepage (including the post on gay penguins), and here is what he scored:
Female Score: 646
Male Score: 1168
The Gender Genie thinks the author of this passage is: male!
What the fuck? Leone is more manly than I? This can't be!
Rather than question the irrefutable validity of my claims about the predictive power of the gender genie and its implications on sexual preference, I'm just going to dismiss this as an aberration and continue on as if it didn't happen at all.
Next on the hot seat is Big Hominid. I first entered one of his more recent religious posts. The score?
Female Score: 1230
Male Score: 1270
The Gender Genie thinks the author of this passage is: (barely) male!
Fag.
Well, perhaps I rush to judgment too quickly. I ran an entry of Kevin's that was non-religious and got the following manly score:
Female Score: 791
Male Score: 1046
Interesting. The same author gets radically different scores just based on the topic of his writing. This also confirms a hypothesis first proposed by one Andy Galanis, one of my former rocker dirt-bag friends from high school, who said, and I quote, "Religion is so gay." (I'm quoting from memory, I'm sure the word "dude" was in the original quote there somewhere)
Ok, Kevin, the Gaywatch project will let you off the hook this time, but I suggest you write more posts about lusting after your co-workers just to reassure us all that you are properly manly.
I now turn my attention to Cathartidae, one of them American hating liberals. I entered the texts from most of his recent posts (there wasn't one post that was long enough), and here's his score:
Female Score: 706
Male Score: 490
The Gender Genie thinks the author of this passage is: female!
Well, I see Arnold Schwarzenegger's quote about "girly men democrats" now has some empirical support.
But what does this make me? A closet Republican? I am so confusion...
But wait! Flying Yangban, a true Republican, got the following score on this post.
Female Score: 880
Male Score: 402
The Gender Genie thinks the author of this passage is: female!
Oh dude, you're even gayer than a liberal! President Bush should officially return your vote. Lady Yangban will be crushed.
I think we have also clearly shown that political ideology has no effect on gender preference. Another false stereotype exposed by the party pooper! This site continues to be a light unto the world, just as I had prophesized long ago.
[yeah, you heard me language nazi...]
Let us continue...
Other bloggers:
Marmot (I entered his post on "comment crackdown")
Female Score: 840
Male Score: 1154
Clearly, Marmot still wears the pants in the K-blogger community.
Lost Nomad (post entered: "pop goes the kneecap")
Female Score: 673
Male Score: 868
Hmm, that gap's a little too narrow methinks. I think Nomad's problem is that he's the only man in the family. Being surrounded by women will do that to you. Before you know it, you're helping out in the kitchen and watching Korean soap operas with the ladies. I suggest you spend less time with your family by drinking and fishing more.
Oranckay (hard to find a long post from the "link whore" of the K-blogger community, so I had to enter writings from several current posts on his homepage).
Female Score: 701
Male Score: 1293
Appropriately manly, I must say. Confirms our earlier finding that you don't have to be conservative to be a true male.
About joel (several posts from his current front page)
Female Score: 489
Male Score: 1227
Wow, the most manly of the lot thus far. Joel, your sheer overpowering masculinity just makes me tingly all over!
[now some may suspect my own heterosexuality from that last remark, but I just ran those two sentences through the gender genie and got this oh so manly score:
Female Score: 0
Male Score: 34
Ha!]
Blinger (who I think is still pouting because the automated webpage reviewer
clearly gave my website a more raving review than his. )
Female Score: 756
Male Score: 1169
Not bad blinger, especially considering that you always write about education, which my old high-school friend Andy once called, "gay as hell."
But the award for the manliest of all manly men goes to Joshua over at Katolic Shinja
(two most recent postings analyzed)
Female Score: 491
Male Score: 1782
Joshua, I hereby declare you the alpha male of the Korbloggers. We all tremble before your mighty manhood.
Comments on original blog postNot pouting, just in denial.
Posted by: Blinger | May 21, 2005 at 07:12 PM
Religion isn't gay; it's happy.
Loved the outing. You'll have to run Thich Nhat Hanh's writings through the tester to see how gay a famous Zen Buddhist comes off.
Kevin
Posted by: Kevin Kim | May 21, 2005 at 09:41 PM
I can do it myself, but you should include a few female Korea bloggers in your sample.
Posted by: kangmi | May 22, 2005 at 04:31 AM
Blinger: I told you, it's all in the URL length.
Kevin: To socially retarded adolescent misfits, anything happy is gay (it's like they've reverted back to the original meaning of the word in an ironic way, eh?).
Kangmi: Sorry, major oversight on my part. I put the contents of your latest posts into the gender genie and here is what came out:
Female Score: 515
Male Score: 835
Your secret is safe with us. ;)
Posted by: partypooper | May 22, 2005 at 06:13 AM
Yikes!
Posted by: kangmi | May 22, 2005 at 06:24 AM
Too late! I'm already helping out in the kitchen (minus the apron, of course - Mrs. Nomad won't share...).
LOL...
Posted by: Nomad | May 22, 2005 at 10:51 PM
My site has moved from blinger to EFL Geek (http://eflgeek.com) just incase anyone cares
Posted by: EFL Geek | May 23, 2005 at 10:17 PM
I did much better when I input text from my personal blog.
Still, it's a good thing I look like a girl.
Posted by: kangmi | May 24, 2005 at 04:50 PM
Blinger/EFL Geek: Updated the link. And now how might we address you? Mr. EFLgeek? Mr. EFLG? The artist formerly known as Blinger?
Kangmi-- It might be interesting to see what "male words" you tend to use. I suggest not using the word "this" anymore (it registers as a "male" word). When tempted to use the word "this," just substitute the phrase, "the object within my immediate proximity" instead, as in, "Would you like to use that pen or the pen which is within my immediate proximity?"
Very lady-like, don't you think?
Posted by: partypooper | May 25, 2005 at 05:20 AM
Yes, and I should avoid "something" in favor of "everything," "out" instead of "in," and "am" instead of "is."
It wouldn't be long until I was completely incomprehensible.
That would up my feminine quotient, wouldn't it?
Posted by: kangmi | May 25, 2005 at 07:34 AM
Scott,
all of the above? Actually one of my readers asked the exact same question in a comment. BTW, did you get my email about the KOrean blog? I haven't heard from you, so I'm guessing it ended up in your spam box. Basically register on my site, send me an email with your ID and then I'll change your permissions so you can post entries.
Posted by: EFL Geek | May 25, 2005 at 03:37 PM
I'm as gay as a goose but I'm a Male - Just!
Words: 537
Female Score: 915
Male Score: 1084
The Gender Genie thinks the author of this passage is: male!
Posted by: leone | May 26, 2005 at 07:23 AM
