Sunday, May 27, 2012

Jesus returns in 2033

I didn't intend to post until later in the year, but I received a revelation after reading an article and realized I needed to go public on this before someone else beats me to it.

Jesus will return April 3rd, 2033, exactly 2000 years after he was crucified according to this news story.

Naturally, as the earth is 6000 years old, we are getting close to the time of Jesus 2.0. Even a three-year old can see that April 3rd, 2033 has three 3s, which is 333--'coincidentally' half of 666, which is the number of the beast and is the sign of the end of times. Duh!

[Unhappy with the images that came up with a google search for '666', this is what I found with '666 boobs'.  Inspiration has struck again!]

Need more proof? The scripture quoted in the linked article is Mathew Chapter 27. What is 2+7? 9. And what is 9 divided by three? 3. And how would you explain how you arrived at that number via multiplication to the above-mentioned three-year old, who, not being Asian, hasn't memorized the multiplication tables yet? By writing out 3+3+3, of course.

So there's 333 again! It's getting a bit spooky, no?

And there's more: 

How old was Jesus when he died? 33!

How many days was Jesus dead? 3!!     [722335 or so and counting might also be the right answer, though]

How many thingamajigs in the trinity? 3!!!

How many examples of the number 3 appearing in the bible did I just give before this one?  3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So suck on that, Harold Camping. Your prediction for the return of Jesus (May 21, 2011) didn't even have ONE 3 in it! Idiot! 

Camping's answer to my last question above. Who listened to this fucking moron?

I found the above image by typing 'Harold Camping Boobs' in google search, by the way.


Here's what I found with 'Harold Camping Asian Boobs', though.
So, now that math, which I think Einstein once said was the language of God, or something, has shown me the Truth, I hereby renounce my atheism (for the next 21 years, anyway) and will use this blog to spread the New and Improved Good News (Like the Bible, but better!). I'll need some funds to get the Word out, so I'll probably add a tip jar or pay pal thingy soon, and maybe get some of those Korea ads on the site because I'm sure they bring in a lot of revenue.

(I imagine this girl has committted suicide by now.)

In closing, I'll let you guess what keywords I used to find these pictures.