Saturday, December 16, 2006

Mission Statement

A recent post over at Marmot's Hole, my main rival as the King of Korean Blogs, has inspired me to clarify what this humble blog is all about. This post reminded me that some people might be taking this blog for
something that it is not. This is in large part my fault, as the About
page probably makes this blog seem less than it is.

So with this in mind, I plagiarize and edit write the following.

The Party Pooper is in every way, shape and form a fair representation
of Korea. Korea—at least that part that is not a communist shithole—is a modern
nation and formerly growing regional and world power with, depending on who you
ask, some 15,000 years of history behind it. It’s home to over 23
million human beings and 17 million humanoid-like creatures called 'ajoshis' who go about their days living their lives like
people in other normal countries. It also happens to be a great place
to live (assuming you are white, that is). Yeah, it has its quirks, but which nation  doesn’t (other than Switzerland. Killer chocolate, dudes!), and at
least Koreans aren’t smoking tons of pot (though it probably might actually improve their society, considering this).

It would be very difficult to fully represent a nation as diverse and Dynamic as Korea on one website. And yet somehow I manage to pull it off.

This website is certainly full of stuff—3,693  186 posts (not even including this
one!) and 53,205 comments and counting (give or take 52,000). Many of the posts are astonishingly free of personal bias and simply tell Korea how it really is.  Every post goes through a strict editing process for fairness and accuracy and has the complete approval of both the Nazi Chosun Youth over at VANK and Kushibo (now that guy's fair!).

In other words, it’s a model blog.

There are, however, few expat-related stories
that I post because, as you probably have guessed, I am actually a
16-year-old Korean girl in a PC room who just makes posts when
I'm not chatting online with my friends about gay Korean singers or
making my Cyworld HomeP super cute by cramming in even more animation
art of puppies and dancing mushroom people (by the way, I just put up a
picture of the spaghetti I ate last night when me and Young-ah went to
TGIF yesterday, check it out!). And I don't put many pictures of boobs
on my blog like other K-bloggers because it makes me feel inadequate. (Grow you little feckless bastards! Grow!)

If you’re using this blog as your primary window on Korea—-then you made the right choice. [Note, by the way, how I used 'you're' and 'your' correctly in the sentence above. This alone makes me the second most literate blog in the whole English speaking world.] This blog is often listed among the primary study materials in Korean Study programs in the finest universities in the world, and has been praised by many a scholar as being no less fair and balanced than any Bruce Cumming's book.

Likewise, if you know nothing about Korea, you probably should be studying this blog religiously. Don't go to the propaganda sites like Korea. net, and for God's sake don't bother actually coming to Korea. It's all fun and games when we see you on Korean TV eating kimchi and being prompted to say nice things about our country, but frankly speaking, when we actually see you in person on the streets or on the subway, you all kind of creep us out. Especially you fat, smelly ones.

Comments on original blog entry

I of course have had this blog set as my homepage since it's inception and have benefited from the font of wisdom you bestow upon your readers.

All hail the glorious party pooper king of bloggers.

Posted by: EFL Geek | December 16, 2006 at 03:30 PM

Insightful stuff Party Pooper. You and Iceberg are the cream of Korean weblogs. BTW who is this Marmot that you mention?

Posted by: capt_kimchi | December 16, 2006 at 07:24 PM

This is why you're blog is a great read!

Posted by: Mark Milton | December 16, 2006 at 09:26 PM

Your much better then the Marmot, and I sit in front of the monitor each and every day for hours, hitting the refresh button in the hope you've posted something new. At least once a month I'm rewarded for my efforts.

Posted by: Nomad | December 16, 2006 at 10:23 PM

there is no greater gift than sarcasm. likewise, there is no country which suffers a greater shortage of it than korea.

please, keep on giving. for the children.

Posted by: iheartblueballs | December 16, 2006 at 11:44 PM

Well, Kushibo insinuated that you and I are the same person, so I'll just congratulate myself for this fine, fine post.


Posted by: Kevin Kim | December 18, 2006 at 10:30 AM

Hey, you forgot one another mission statement.

To expose all the Korean fags and out them all out.

Are you really a fag too?

Posted by: Mac | December 18, 2006 at 07:00 PM

I knew it! I knew you were a little schoolgirl posting from the PC room! That's why all of your stuff is so accurate. None of those fat, white americans would have that much insight into the Korean culture. We are too pure and superior for them to understand.

Posted by: kimchilover | December 18, 2006 at 10:44 PM

The Great Leader tells you to shut up:

Posted by: kim | December 19, 2006 at 08:06 AM

Sunday, December 10, 2006

World Cup Draw

The World Cup draw was announced early this morning (Korea time).

The States finds itself in the same bracket with Italy, Ghana, and the Czech Republic. Korea will be going against France, Switzerland, and a mystical land called Togo (which I believe is next to Narnia).

Knowing as much about soccer as the next American does (read: almost nothing), I'll follow the sage advice of the bookies and  boldly claim that neither America nor Korea stand much of a chance of getting past the first round.

America will be thrashed by the obnoxious but good-looking Italians and will lose a close one to the obnoxious and less good-looking Czechs. They will get a measure of revenge against Ghana, but will still only win by one goal as it will take a while before they realize that black athletes outside the US tend to suck.

Korea will be thrashed by France to the delight of all Southern Europeans who want payback for World Cup 2002 'irregularities' in officiating. The Koreans will also fall to the peace-mongering Swiss, whom they played recently in Korea (it doesn't bode well if you only draw with a team in a 'must win' friendly game held on your home turf, IMHO). However, those Togons (Togoese? Togots? Togotons?) are going down hard!

Fearless Prediction:

Italy wins the World Cup!

I see Brazil falling to Italy in the final game. Brazil chokes when they play the big games in Europe (they got blanked by the French in 1998, for hell's sake). England chokes in the big games regardless of where they play. Germany is capable of choking on their home field (I'm going all the way back to the Munich Olympics on this one, so take that with a grain or two of salt), Argentina is, well, Argentina, and God is still punishing the French for being opposed to the Iraq war.

Wait a minute. On second thought, I'm going with France to take it all.

Fearless Prediction 2: Japan, who finds itself in the same division with Brazil, Croatia and Australia, will be outscored in their division 12 to 1 (the one goal coming from a ball accidently deflecting off an Australian defender's head into the the net).

Fearless Prediction #3: England will surpass the expectations of even the greatest cynics by drawing with Trinidad and Togago. Beckham will particularly suck in that game.
Fearless Prediction #4: Ronaldo will keep his World Cup streak alive as the ugliest player on the field.


Speaking of his Royally Ugly One, here are a few pictures to remind us that soccer is not a real sport played by real men.

Click to see them in all their fruity splendor!

The odds:

11-4 Brazil
13-2 England
7-1 Germany
8-1 Argentina, Italy
10-1 France
12-1 Spain
14-1 Netherland
18-1 Portugal
20-1 Czech Republic
28-1 Sweden
40-1 Mexico
50-1 Croatia, Ukraine
66-1 Ivory Coast, Poland
80-1 Switzerland
100-1 Serbia&Montenegro, U.S.
125-1 Australia, Ecuador
150-1 Japan, Paraguay
250-1 Ghana
300-1 South Korea, Tunisia
400-1 Angola, Togo
500-1 Costa Rica, Iran
750-1 Saudi Arabia
1,000 Trinidad&Tobago.

Comments from original post

You should mock black people in america.

Afraid that your be labeled as a racist?

I wonder what kind of responce you would get.

The white man putting other races down because of his inferiority complex.

Sad to see that such ignorance still exist.

Your all racist bigots.

Hail to the KKK!

Posted by: yourafunnyboy | December 10, 2005 at 11:06 PM

funnyboy, I can see you tried really hard to find something to criticize in this post. But you know that comment was no more racist than someone saying they liked the movie "White Men Can't Jump'.

I sense that there is something else about the post that bothered you, yet you just couldn't directly say it for some reason and had to find something else to criticize (normally posters like you will look for grammar or spelling errors when unable to come up with a real argument, but judging from your post, that probably wasn't an option).

So what's really bothering funnyboy? A little too tense about South Korea's chances in the World Cup? Talk to us, let us help. You're in a safe place.

Posted by: partypooper | December 11, 2005 at 02:36 AM

Pooper, stop beating up on poor 16-year-old kyopos. How would you feel if your entire sense of self-worth were dependent on a group of girly-men kicking balls into nets?

Otherwise, I just can't bring myself to comment on a post about soccer. Just how bored are you these days?

PS 2004 was a fluke. The Redsox suck.

Posted by: captainhowdy | December 11, 2005 at 03:48 PM

First game's against Togo--I predict the Togo-ites rout S. Korea because...shit happens. France 2-1, Swiss 1-1. Then the Koreans go home. "It was the American referee's fault we lost!" "He's Danish, not American." "Goddamn Americans! F*cking USA!"

Posted by: Gigantic Panda | December 11, 2005 at 03:58 PM

I will say it again.. korean cheated and bribed to get good calls in the world cup. You can see koran 'ethixx' by looking at hWang. Koreans will do anything to 'win'. Lie cheat steal bribe.. no problem..

Posted by: dingles | December 25, 2005 at 12:47 AM

Saturday, December 2, 2006

Naver Again

Took a little trip over to Naver for blogging inspiration. Here's what I found:

1.Condoleezza Rice admits the Iraq War was a mistake!

Or so reads a Naver article (the number one source of news for the young generation of Koreans!). I read the English version and realized that Naver still seems to be outsourcing its translations to Korean middle school students.

2. Poor little Moon Geun-young

문근영 "나는 돌멩이인데, 세상은 날 보석으로 본다"

"Moon Geun-young: I'm just a stone, but the world sees me as a gem."

"부족한 내게 모두 칭찬뿐.. 그게 가장 슬프고 무서워"

"Everyone is just praising me even though I am lacking ...that is what makes me the saddest and most scared."


Well, not everyone is praising her, as some of them sneaky Chinese criticized
her performance in some recent movie or the other (I guess she finally
tried to play a role other than that of a dopey 13 year old).

이 신문은 "한국영화가 기존의 멜로와 깡패이야기의 두 틀에서 벗어나지 못하고 있다'" "창의력 고갈이 한국영화의 장애로 부상하고 있다"는 내용을 문근영 인신공격에 덧붙여 전했다.

"The paper included in its attack on Moon Keun-yeong, 'Korean films
cannot break away of the basic melodramatic and gangster stories' and
'The lack of originality is damaging  Korean films."

What? Unoriginal gangster movies and shameless tear-jerking dramas from Korea? Inconceivable!

Rest assured that the Netizen response was very mature and balanced,
taking the criticism as constructive (by the way, what does '짱깨' mean

As for Moon Geun-young, true, the ride is almost over. Though certain
key measurements may still be equal to your average 11-year-old Korean
girl, the little innocent starry-eyed bobble-headed little girl act
could only last for so long before she outgrew it. My advice? Move as
much money as you can into your own bank account (learn from previous
child actors and never trust your parents with that much cash) and
start studying.

Comments from original blog entry

"Moon Geun-young: I'm just a stone, but the world sees me as a gem."

Going from that photo she looks more like a potato with big eyebrows.

China saying Korea has a "lack of originality"? That's too funny. The Chinese taught Koreans everything they know about copying.

Posted by: Righteous Snake | December 11, 2006 at 09:08 PM

Isn't it about time we had a posting about fan death??

Posted by: Leone | December 13, 2006 at 06:08 PM

Condoleeza Rice is an Arrogant Stupid Bitch with a PhD.

I've made a lot of mistakes. But never anything so colossal as advocating the invasion of a sovereign nation because a bunch of religious fanatics from a Totally Different Place blew up the Twin Towers!

Maybe I can get a PhD too!

Posted by: Yankabroad | December 15, 2006 at 06:20 AM

Yankabroad, one by one, they're getting off the bandwagon. It's funny as hell, but sad. Think, all that waste in human lives and resources, and for what? And people wonder why the world distrusts America so much. Well folks, here's one good example why.

Posted by: Melody | December 17, 2006 at 05:09 AM

I don't get it. What's Condoleeza Rice and the war in Iraq have to do with Moon Geun-young?

Posted by: BesottedTom | December 18, 2006 at 06:44 AM

I'm not sure if you were serious about the 짱깨 question, but if you were, its slang for 자장면. If you knew that already, well, just trying to be helpful.

Posted by: DL | December 28, 2006 at 05:07 AM

bad eyebrows

Posted by: hardyandtiny | May 02, 2007 at 05:13 AM