Dokdo update

It seems that Korea's campaign to promote Dokdo's absolute Coreanness has finally gotten global attention. Here's a picture of a bus I saw in England last week.

I am too pissed off for words.

Open Letter to Dokdoisours

Link me you whore! Link me NOW!

And if you think you have HALF the zeal for Dokdo's absolute Coreanness as I do, you are seriously, if not fatally, mistaken. Have you ever asked yourself why I don't update so often these days? YOU try to type a post with only 3 working fingers and 7 bloody stumps! That's how we play on THIS side of the EAST Sea, mo fo!

PS. I keep getting the emails I wrote you (all 84 of them) returned to me. You might want to check your spelling on the 'suck_on_it@not_a_real_address.com' email address you posted.

Finally, this is a video that I made to show the softer side of my love for The Rocks. I played the piano for this piece also, which was no easy feat (see above).

Did you know that there's a mailbox on Dokdo?

Paulina 쌩쑈

미수다 star Paulina has joined the protests against the import of US beef.


They loaded her up with a sign and a candle, told her which end of the candle to hold and where the media cameras would be, and set her loose.




Her sign reads, "Citizen Judgment: Lee Myong Bak."




In an interview she acknowledged that she's not actually a Korean citizen herself, but would do so if citizenship came with a guarantee of lucrative CFs (Konglish for commercials). "Hell, I'd suck off a Korean bull on live TV just to get half of the CF action my co-stars are getting," she (might as well have) said in the interview with "Professor" Jin Joong-kwon, a professor from...oh, I guess he doesn't have an actual position in an actual university if the netizen comments following this piece are correct. But I guess there's no law saying he can't still call himself a professor.


Here's a screen shot of Paulina's 'homep'. Why don't other K-bloggers link to this blog? I"m sure it has a very intellectual defense of her position on this very meaningful issue, chock full of statistical analyses and expert quotes following weeks of rigorous research.

What are we afraid of, THE TRUTH?




The comments following this media release were brimming with compliments. Here are a few I pulled out completely at random.

야 개뇬아 한국말부터 배우고와 물타기 하지말고 인기얻을라고 별 쌩쑈를 다하네

요즘 연예인들 대통령까는 말만하면 인기얻는다고 물타기하는 거자나

미수다 그 씨벩프로나 나오는 미췬뇬이네

저년이 언제부터 한국국민이였냐? 저년이 들고 있는 국민심판? 웃기지안냐? 저년이 언제부터 한국인 이였냐고

I'm sure her popularity will skyrocket and soon she'll be on a commercial for a Screw Bar or whatever the PD she sleeps with can find her. I wish her the best of luck on her Korean dream.

2007 Predictions revisited, or, Pooper Pwns Baduk.

Early this year I posted (on my original site) a set of predictions for 2007. Allow me to repost the original, along with some new comments within the text.


Prepare to be shocked and awed at the amazing accuracy of my predictions.


Original post:

The legendary Baduk over at KoreanAmerican blog has graced the K-blogosphere with his predictions for 2007. Baduk was, as some of you may recall, declared a Prophet of Blog by this humble blogger for his revelations concerning Hwang Woo Suck (spelling?) before his deceptions became public.
Being a trained and certified psychic myself, and having an amazing 100% accuracy in my former predictions posted here on this blog, I feel a need to remind the K-blogosphere that I am still the reigning psychic in these here parts. For those who doubt, I will hereby post Baduk's predictions, and then offer the actual events that will happen. Let the people see for themselves whose psychic kung-fu reigns supreme! Baduk's 'predictions' are italicized, my prophecies are in confident bold.



1) Korean real estate bubble will burst. All apartments will depreciate to 50% of present price.
No! The real estate bubble will not burst for another 2 years. It is fueled by collective insanity which will defy all predictions based on logical analysis.


[Score 1 for the Pooper. Though the real estate market has cooled a bit, no bubbles have burst.]


2) President Rho will resign, naming Gohgun as the intrim acting president.


Wrong again. Noh will threaten to resign exactly 26 more times in the next 12 months, but will not actually do it.


[Score another for the Pooper, though I should admit that the number of threats to resign actually ended up totaling 31.]


3) Korea will stop "sunshine policy" and all forms of contact with Kim Jongil's regime.


No. The Sunshine Policy will continue throughout the year. And I'm sorry to say, but even if the conservatives take over the presidency, South Korea will still do what it can to keep Jong-il in business. It's all about the Sae Jong's, people.


[This is starting to turn ugly. No wonder Baduk doesn't come around the K-blogosphere much these days.]


4) The US will go to war with Iran. Korean soldiers will fight side-by-side with American troops to topple Iranian regime.


No and hell no. Although many say the surge in troops is just a pretext for an invasion of Iran, I just can't see Bush being that stupid. An air strike here and there...maybe, followed by a lot of loud but empty threats out of Iran (the only thing short ugly dictators are really good at, it seems). And the idea of Korean troops fighting in Iran or anywhere in the world is just drunk talk. It's a military that's lost its confidence and balls after 10 years of Sunshine Policy.


[Yup. That's the Pooper 4 and Baduk -1--this last prediction was so silly that I just have to give an additional penalty]


5) South Korea and Japan will announce mutual defense treaty aimed at China-NK coalition.


Maybe in 2008, but not while the 386 Generation are driving this crazy train.


[PP 5, Baduk -1]


6) Economic hardship (lost 20 years) will start.


Not really. Korea will somehow manage to stay where they are for a while, before slowly receding in economic power as it just gets too hard to compete with China and their population bust starts to kick in.


[The spanking continues]


7) NK will attack SK in limited scale on sea and near DMZ. Korean people will learn to hate NK to the max. China will be hated as well for helping KJI regime.


More wishful thinking on Baduk's part. Jong-il and the Sunshine Boys will do the opposite, having a second summit in the spring to show Koreans that the engagement/appeasement policy is indeed working (exact costs of the summit to be released later in 2008). North Korea will even PROMISE to dismantle the nuclear program and let in inspectors in select areas. After the elections are over, regardless of who wins, the Norcs will return to form and kick out the inspectors and everything will return to normal by this time next year.


[OK, I was a bit off on the timing of the summit, but the rest still works.]




8) FTA with the US will not pass.


The 20 Sided Die of Destiny concurs. This will be a big factor in the next elections, as the Woori boys will successfully paint themselves as noble patriots who are doing all they can to prevent Korea from being raped by the Imperialists. The U.S. will just wait, hoping that a new administration will come into power in 2008.


[In a way, we're both right, but the agreement really hasn't had to go through Congress yet anyway. PP 7, Baduk's score gets back to zero]


9) American troop withdrawal from Korea will accelerate. Koreans will be scared and many will flee the country. Laws will be passed to block Korean nationals from leaving the country.


Again, the Die concurs on troop withdrawal, though nothing dramatic. The numbers of Koreans fleeing Korea, however, will continue at the same pace as usual.


[There is no way to prove I am wrong on this one. The exact data on troop presence is not available to anyone, not even the military itself. If they do claim that they know, that is just to save face. I stand by the accuracy of this prediction.]


10) Foreign investments will plunge. Stock market and real estate will dive with no bottom. Korea will go down from its peak (2006) as many countries in Asia and South America have done in history. The miracle of Han river will end and Korea will deteriorate into a third world country. All because so-called liberals(=Commies) played the anti-American card and that accelerated the US withdrawal from Korea. Koreans brought this to themselves. No one to blame.


A big no to all of these, at least for 2007. The government here may be incompetent, but they know what lines can't be crossed.


[I could go through the trouble to check the data on this one in regards to foreign investments, but I'm getting a psychic message that is confirming my prediction so that should settle it.]


You're through, Baduk.


All recognize my power!

Random Updates

A few updates just to let the world know that the poop goes on.

Michelle Wie Still Sucks


In the Samsung World Championship, Michelle Wie was once again allowed to play with real golfers due to another sponsor's exemption (not sure how many tournaments she has now entered on this exemption, but I'm sure it has to be an unbreakable LPGA record by now). She placed 19th of 20 golfers, only 13 strokes away from 18th place and a mere 36 strokes off from the lead. It's nice to see she consistently chokes regardless of which gender she is going up against.

Her agent has dropped her, saying "After careful consideration for my future, I have resigned effective immediately."

One less rat on that sinking ship.

Photo: Michelle Wie's father skulking around the golf course. Creepy little fuck, ain't he?

My advice to Michelle is to take the 20 million dollars you conned out of your sponsors last year and declare independence from your idiotic father. This guy has ignored the advice of agents and professional golfers such as Tiger Woods and pushed you too hard and too fast. She can't go anywhere without his domineering presence. He doesn't know golf. He doesn't know shit.

Dragon Wars Conquers Hollywood
  In only its 5th week in hundreds of theaters across America, Dragon Wars continued to wow hundreds of Korean-Americans (and a dozen or so Caucasian boyfriends of Korean-Americans) in theaters across America, raking in over $71,000 at the box office last week. This brings the total earnings in American theaters up to nearly 11 million dollars, which almost puts it in the same league as other sci-fi greats such as Battlefield Earth and Howard the Duck. Hollywood has now officially become director Shim Hyung-rae's playground. 

Racing Model Billiard Championship 2
The first Racing Model Billiard Championship 1 ended a month or so ago. I can't remember all the details, but the girl with the outstanding rack completely dominated the girl with the great legs to take the championship.

So one might think that we'll just have to wait until next year before we can see prime cleavage shots of models bending over pool tables in the next Championship, right?

Wrong, my friend.  The  second Racing Model Billiards  Championship has already begun, with the first rounds played  on the 16th of October. The girls seem to be all new and the outfits are a bit skimpier this time around. For those wondering if the quality of play has improved at all since the first championship, please reread the previous sentence and stop asking stupid questions.

The only down side is that they show the games late at night around the same time that the J Channel from Japan shows the 'Golden Bikini' competition (Japanese girls in bikinis compete in games such as 'breast wrestling' to see which girl will win the golden bikini prize). On top of that, the channel from China quite often shows porn movies after hours as well. 

Now you all see why I haven't been blogging so much lately.

More updates to come...eventually


 

Foreign English Teachers = Criminals

According to the investigate TV show Pandora's Box,  more than 45% of ALL foreigners teaching in Korea are drug users or violent criminals. 

Some choice selections from the transcript:

불법 외국인 강사, 그 실태는?
국내 4만여명의 원어민
강사 중 절반 정도가 불법이라면 믿을 수 있겠는가. 그 중 90퍼센트 이상이 마약이나 폭행 등의 범죄자들이라고 한다.

[We can believe that half of the 40,000 foreign teachers in Korea are here illegally. Of that over 90% are said to be drug users or violent criminals.]

No sources for those statistics, but I'm sure they are right that someone at some time probably did say something like that, so that's good enough for me.

Here's another statistic for which I can't be bothered to provide a source: 80% of all Koreans will happily slurp down any anti-foreigner bullshit the Korean media dishes out, no matter how ridiculous. 

Let's read on...
.

위험! 그들의 접근 방식

이들은 주로 감언이설로 순진한
외국어를 배우러 온 한국 여성들에게 접근한다...처음에는 남자친구인양 행세를 하지만 곧 이들이 원하는 것은 성관계라는 것을 알게된다.

Danger! Their method  of approach

With seductive language they approach Korean women who innocently just want to learn a foreign language...At first they just act as a friend, but soon you will realize they want a sexual relationship.

Oh. My. God. Many foreigners are men who want to  make girlfriends and have sex? What a bunch of filthy criminals! Poor little helpless naive Korean girls. They never ever see it coming...

I didn't get a chance to see the program, but it will soon be up on the Pandora site. I'm sure there are a lot of scenes of foreign men with their faces digitally distorted preying on young wide-eyed ponytailed Korean maidens in long white dresses on their way to church.   

Just reading over the transcript to this point made me so enraged that I just had to run out into the street and kick the first two white men that I saw squarely in their ridiculously large and hairy nut sacks. Odds are pretty good at least one of them was a violent drug-using sexual predator, so I think the ends justified the means. I encourage all of my readership to take similar measures to drive these evil barbarians out of our country. 

OK, now I am calm enough to read on...

불법 외국인 강사를 경계하라!

외국인 강사가 의심스러울
경우 그의 이력서나 학위증, 성적 증명서를 확인하는 방법이 있다. 하지만 위조된 경우가 많고, 서류상으로 범법 사실이나 질병의 유무를 판단할 수
없다는 한계가 있다. 직접 피해를 입었을 경우 민사적으로 손해배상을 청구해서 피해를 보상받을 수 있지만 이 역시 외국인이라 절차상으로 복잡하다.
당분간은 당국의 조치가 취해지 않는 한 스스로 조심하는 것과 분명한 선을 긋는 것 밖에 없을 것이다.

Translation: In situations where you doubt foreign teachers [which after viewers watch this program should be EVERY non-Korean one ever is unfortunate enough to encounter] there are methods of checking their employment records and degrees. However, there are cases of forgeries and there is the limit that one cannot judge whether or not they have a criminal record or disease just through documentation.

That's very true. How can one ever be certain that the foreigner sitting next to them on the subway isn't crawling with disease? Damn, I now wish that before finishing this article I hadn't gone out and kicked those icky foreigners in their filthy crotches. Lord knows how many different diseases I could have picked up just by going within a meter of them.

That's it. I just can't read any more. And to think all this time I allowed the links to blogs of English teachers here in Korea. I count at least 12 on my side bar, which means roughly 3 of them are violent criminals, three are drug dealers, and the rest are probably just sexual predators. I might just have to take down all the links (except Baduk over at Koreanamerican, of course).

Comments from original blog entry:


Where did you get that 2nd pic ("Return of the...") from? Is it an actual album cover?

Posted by: Hugh | June 17, 2007 at 06:46 AM

So *that's* why I can't get laid. Damn.

Posted by: 작업맨 | June 17, 2007 at 07:47 PM

Wow, what a disgraceful race we are, being non-Koreans! I guess now I should start wearing a brown paper bag over my head before I walk out the door. Shame shame shame on us!

Posted by: littlebrownasian | June 18, 2007 at 03:10 AM

For sure, I bet your criminal kicky-shoe is disease ridden now. I'd burn it. Or send it to prison.

Posted by: Jenn | June 18, 2007 at 10:08 AM

To the PARTYPOOPERS:

You are advising the Koreans on the foreigners, the crime actions. We are thanking you. Even if you are foreigner you are help keep other foreigner away. Thank you.

Please to stay in Korea if you wanna stay, only no touch Korea women. You can go to a place, it has a barber pole, two of them, for the 'handjob' if you wanna. But no touch the girl.

So very much thank for you understand.

Very much really,
Official Podori Dept. of Police

Posted by: Podori | June 18, 2007 at 10:23 PM

LOL!! You're hilarious! :)

Posted by: Jen | June 19, 2007 at 06:59 AM

That's what I'm talking about :)

Posted by: Nomad | June 21, 2007 at 02:50 AM

Hey, I recently added a news widget from http://www.widgetmate.com to my blog. It shows the latest news, and just took a copy and paste to implement. Might interest you too.

Posted by: Mark Vane | June 26, 2007 at 05:24 AM

"They never ever see it coming..."

Not only does Korea have four seasons, it has two phases to the day, every day; night and day. It's dark at night, so of course the never see it...

Posted by: Richardson | June 26, 2007 at 05:43 AM

In case you missed it, the full Pandora's Box anti-foreigner video can be viewed without a Korean ID at this forum: http://www.mongdori.com/forums/read.php?2,232

Posted by: Daniel | August 30, 2007 at 08:33 PM

Sorry guys, but i kinda agree with them. north americans come over there and act so disrespectful, spend all their time trying to get laid and just partying . . . i'm not saying it's wrong, i'm not saying it's not the korean way of life, but it reflects really poorly on foreigners and it only takes ten or twenty percent for people to start to think that's the norm and not the exception . . . personally, aside from the teachers i met at my second school, all the foreigners i met where recovering drunks and drug addicts--the others are just military and come'on, i come from oceanside, california (think camp pendleton, biggest marine base in the west coast) . . . even americans hate the marines . . . i can't blame them . . . i wouldn't want foreigners like this in america . . . and i really do think most koreans give americans the benefit of the doubt except for the college-age korean girls, and that's pretty understandable considering the reputation we've (probably a lot because of the G.I.'s) built for ourself.

Posted by: t-diddy | September 08, 2007 at 04:51 PM

"Danger! Their method of approach

"With seductive language they approach Korean women who innocently just want to learn a foreign language...At first they just act as a friend, but soon you will realize they want a sexual relationship."


Funny...as one of the few non-white, non-male, non sexually-active people who were teachers in Korea, the same thing happened to me except by Korean guys who claimed they wanted to learn English. Deja vu!

Posted by: Adrienne | October 24, 2007 at 08:13 PM

I can't wait to go back to Canada and start slagging Korean newcomers with allegations like this: they're perverts, they're xenophobic to a fault, they're chronic liars and they only employ English teachers because they have no friends among their own kind.

(Google "A Country of liars" for an article written by a Korean that gives STATISTICAL PROOF that Koreans do nothing but lie...but then, you knew that).

Posted by: blunderbuss | December 24, 2007 at 08:34 AM

ummmm.... I'm Korean... and if you read what you are saying... lol you are being a total hypocrit...

before you go calling Americans racist, listen to the things your saying. You sound pretty racist to me.

There are bad people everywhere... EVEN IN KOREA...

You guys are making korean's look bad.... you cant even come up with true statistics... yet alone write in a way that Americans can understand.

quit putting useless information into people's head.

there is racism everywhere. grow up and deal with it. i did. i was made fun of... but you just gotta learn to FUCK WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK. You gotta live for yourself not them. if you let those people bring you down... then thats just you being weak. what about the black people?? mexicans? and in this case Americans. racism will always be apart of this world. and there isnt shit we can do about it.

Posted by: Lisa | January 27, 2008 at 01:58 AM

I agree.

Foreigners in Korea are mostly a lousy, lousy bunch, making bux teaching English and contributing little to the country as a whole.

That being said, Korean women are amazingly naive and stupid.

Who wouldn't take advantage of them?

Posted by: Carioca | June 08, 2008 at 06:28 AM

Kim Yun Jin Cries Discrimination; Sells More Books

Kim Yun-Jin, one of the stars of Lost, is coming out with a book telling her Hollywood story. Yun-Jin, dubbed the 'Julia Roberts of Korea', ( by the Korean public relations department in charge of finding an American counterpart for everything Korean that is even remotely famous) has made the news recently when  details of her book describing the discrimination she experienced in America were  accidentally revealed to all of the Korean media agencies.

In the Korean papers the discrimination charges made the headlines. The Chosun Ilbo softens it up a bit, but still shows the ugly truth of racism in Amerikkka.

Some choice clips from the article along with some righteously angry commentary.

Despite her ascent to top stardom in Korea’s Chungmuro, Kim decided to
try her luck as an unknown in Hollywood. But the L.A film scene was an
unfamiliar world, where the star of “Swiri,” Korea’s first blockbuster,
was just another aspiring Asian actress.

Wow. She decided to try her luck in Hollywood despite her mega-massive stardom in Korea's Chungmuro (there's an ajoshi who sells both ice cream and bondegi there on the street by the way--vanilla ice cream and boiled silkworm larvae together at last!). Why would anyone who made it on Chungmuro feel a need to go anywhere else?

And how could she just be another aspiring Asian actress when her work in Swiri was so well known from Seoul all the way down to Cheju island? Arrogant American bastards. This is just the same irrational disrespect for Korea that was shown to Korea's baseball star Lee Seung Yeop back in 2003 when the Major Leagues refused to let him enter the league as a starter (Lee's batting a solid .243 in the Japan league thus far this season, by the by, but I digress...)

Back to the trials of poor Yun-Jin. Let's get to the awful details of all that awful discrimination she faced in awful America:

she landed what was initially a marginal part
in "Lost." In fact, her audition persuaded the production team to
create the character Sun, who was not in the script in the first place.

See that? They purposely changed the entire script just to...wait a minute, let me reread that...

Ok, so that's not exactly the discrimination part yet. As a matter of fact, just forget that part of the article. Let's get right to the discrimination charge:

Kim recalls an incident of racial discrimination while taking pictures
for the poster of "Lost," when all non-Caucasian actors were put in the
back row.

There it is! See? Forced to stand in the back row! Back of the bus, back row in the picture...what the hell is the difference?

I went to Google images to see these racist poster images for myself. Here are all the images I found on the first 12 pages of image results (click on the photos to enlarge, but only if you are sure you can handle the ugly racism contained therein!)



Notice how Yun-Jin is almost somewhat on the back row if you look at it in the right angle. Also note how cruelly she is placed slightly off-center. Despite this foul treatment, she keeps her composure like the professional that she is. Hang tough little warrior!





As if the promotional poster above wasn't bad enough,
here  she is WAY off center and with the exception of about 9 people,
is clearly the furthest in the background. You can just hear the white
photographers giggling as they put her in this demeaning position.




How many people are behind Yun-Jin on this one? Forget
about Yun-Jin being the 'Julia Roberts of Korea', the 'Rosa Parks of
Korea' is more like it!





Sure, maybe she's in the front here, but they are making her sit on the dirty ground! What, no one has any newspapers that can't be spread out for them to sit on? Really?!!? And look at that white girl on the right mocking the 'coloreds' by sitting down next to them.  This one really turns my stomach.



Notice how close they have her standing next the trees. What are they saying? That she is some kind of monkey?



What? Where is Yun-Jin on this one? I bet they forced her to go to Starbucks and get coffee for everyone just before they were called up to get the awards. Yeah, really funny you racist bastards!


I never did find the poster where Yun-Jin was relegated to the back row along with the other non-whitey types, but does that really matter? Clearly the point here is that among the hundreds of publicity shots they took of the Lost crew, one of them had her and the black actors in the back row. 

And that, my friends, is just one too many.

America, when you will stop be so damned racist? WHEN!!!

While we're on the subject of Yun-Jin, here are some other links about her on the Chosun site which continue to show her struggle against racist hate in America. Read them only if you are sure you can stomach all the harsh treatment she is receiving in the U.S. and the nasty, racist things Americans are constantly saying about her.

Yun-Jin makes MSN's list of world class beauties

Yun-Jin among U.S. magazine's 100 sexiest women

 

Comments from original post

omg, American racism

Posted by: James | May 18, 2007 at 01:28 AM

clearly they were saying something by having the unwed white trash single mother on the beach next to her as well.

Posted by: EFL Geek | May 18, 2007 at 01:36 AM

I did the same image search of the Lost cast after reading that comment, and found nothing. I actually liked her and she seemed like a decent person in the interviews I'd seen on Letterman and a couple other talk shows.

What a disappointment to see her jumping on the victim bus with the rest of the Han-inflicted. Funny I didn't see her mention all the racism when she was chatting it up with Dave. Chickenshit.

Posted by: iheartblueballs | May 18, 2007 at 06:57 PM

[What a disappointment to see her jumping on the victim bus with the rest of the Han-inflicted. Funny I didn't see her mention all the racism when she was chatting it up with Dave. Chickenshit.]

Exactamundo. I hope the producers of the show get their hands on this, fire and sue her for slander. I can't wait to see the net-plebs attack a major TV network, that will really draw attention to their terrorist tactics.

Posted by: Peter Pan | May 18, 2007 at 07:53 PM

She didn't write that book. It was written for her. I'd not be surprised to learn that Kim Yun-Jin discovered the content of the book the same way we did -- reading it in the paper.

Posted by: Brendon Carr | May 19, 2007 at 07:02 AM

I am also curious as to just how much of the book really focuses on discrimination. Wouldn't be out of character for the Korean media to blow something like that out of proportion. I saw this on Korean TV the other day and the discrimination claim was the only thing they were talking about.

If she didn't write the book, I certainly hope she would at least read it and give it her approval. She's probably operating on the idea that these claims will boost sales of the book in Korea and it will never get back to the cast and crew of Lost. Pretty dumb that...


Posted by: partypooper | May 19, 2007 at 07:33 AM

I am surprised you didn't talk about StarCraft 2 today. News of the new StarCraft must be sending shockwaves across South Korea and more good news now that they reopned some railroads to their Nork brothers.

This is a godsend after the demise of StarCraft: Ghost, which was a disaster on part with the Gwangju massacre on 5.18...

Posted by: MarkMilton | May 19, 2007 at 09:07 PM

I am surprised you didn't talk about StarCraft 2 today. News of the new StarCraft must be sending shockwaves across South Korea and more good news now that they reopned some railroads to their Nork brothers.

This is a godsend after the demise of StarCraft: Ghost, which was a disaster on par with the Gwangju massacre on 5.18...

Posted by: MarkMilton | May 19, 2007 at 09:07 PM

Well pooped, Pooper.

I'd still do her, though, despite the fact that we share the Kim name and might therefore be distant relatives. Hell, I'd do her because we might be distant relatives! "Cousins taste better" and all that.


Kevin

Posted by: Kevin Kim | May 20, 2007 at 05:58 AM

Damn... I keep forgetting that HTML tags don't work in these comment threads. "Because" was supposed to be in italics.


Kevin

Posted by: Kevin Kim | May 20, 2007 at 06:01 AM

Sorry to get off topic but, Kevin, would you do Bobby Kim because you might be distant relatives?

Posted by: Iceberg | May 21, 2007 at 02:37 PM

No tits or ass. Where is the "Jenna Jameson of Korea"?

Posted by: Giant Panda | May 21, 2007 at 10:33 PM

No tits or ass. Where is the "Jenna Jameson of Korea"?

On the way, just made a quick stop at your nearest friendly Korean cosmetic surgery facility. :)

Posted by: littlebrownasian | May 24, 2007 at 01:23 AM

Encore!

Posted by: Nomad | May 24, 2007 at 02:39 AM

Remember all the "discrimination" that Park Chan-Ho endured in his rookie when Mike Piazza would motioned Park to come TO HIM.

Gosh!

Posted by: a-letheia | May 24, 2007 at 03:06 AM

Iceberg,

Maybe I'd do a "Bobbie Kim," but not a Bobby Kim.


Kevin

Posted by: Kevin Kim | May 24, 2007 at 04:05 AM

She is a cunt. Koreans are cunts.

Posted by: yunnycunty | May 27, 2007 at 01:44 AM

Discrimination my ass. what about discrimination against blacks in korea. There is this one Black korean actress that was scorned for years. I hope she included her in her book as well.
The supposed book that she wrote/didnt write has to be some sort of a practical joke.

Posted by: common26 | September 19, 2007 at 04:20 AM

Yunjin kim is very lucky to have the opportunity to
establish wealth and fame in America.
She should be grateful for all instead of offending
people who gave her chance to become what she is now.
Money is good but that's no way to sell her book with nothing but lies.

Posted by: Tailor Kim | October 11, 2007 at 02:55 PM

America's entertainment media including many others
supported her with great exposure through top talk shows that others only dream about once in a life time..
Yunjin Kim only criticized ,complained and accused that she was discriminated to the people who gave support instead.
This is wrong!

Posted by: Mary Smith | October 11, 2007 at 03:09 PM

Lost star Yunjin Kim lied about her being " Julia Robert of Korea".
None of Korean in korea recognize her as such.

Posted by: Bill so min | October 11, 2007 at 03:18 PM

Lost star "Yunjin Kim" own aplolgy to America for
stating a such false discrimination story which is nothing but lies and cursing.
She should officialy apologize to American people who given her
increadible support.
It's a crime to become a gold digger such way

Posted by: Fair S Sue | October 11, 2007 at 03:32 PM

I do have real true sympathy for the ones who gave
Kim Yunjin lost star chance to grow and becaome successful in America.
Lost TV show made and built foundation for Yunjin kim to become
who and where she is now.
I don't believe the story THAT Yunjin Kim is Great " Julia Roberts of Korea".
and her story claiming America's discriminaion by working with LostTV...all is totally
absurd.
I heard and seen nothing but praise and support by people in America for her Lost stardon.
She should be thankful instead of back stabbing american people who shared with only kindness.

Posted by: Mary Kim | October 11, 2007 at 04:09 PM

Who The Hell Is Yunjin Kim? - The BastardlyBastardly Hot or Not: Yunjin Kim @ Disney ABC All Star Party; Yunjin Kim ... I had 6 years time to find this out. Friday, July 14, 2006 at 8:13 am; didier ...
www.bastardly.com/archives/2006/07/13/who-the-hell-is-yunjin-kim/ - 32k -

Posted by: Cho M. | October 29, 2007 at 07:35 PM

Photo Fun, Spring 2007

Kept these photos for a while waiting for a good chance to use them. But methinks now's the time just to clear out out my picture file. I hope you find them as sparkling as I have.

The Party Pooper heartily endorses any English language product touted by either of these language education whor professionals.
Learn English AND laugh at silly foreigners at the same time; what could be better?

Isaac Durst, bold pioneer in the field of edutainment, has a new book out which is sure to be super good. I hear it has lots of pictures of him in gorilla suits and whatnot, so you know a whole lotta good learnin's goin' on here. So funny!

Robert has an even more super program that promises students will speak English as well as Robert speaks Korean in only 90 days (Yes, he's fluent). The secret is to have students memorize 1000+ English sentences. Who'd uv thunk it?!  Simply amazing! He's been running this scam program for several years now; I'm sure you all have run into the thousands of his satisfied customers who now speaking English so good.

I was surprised that this photo didn't get more coverage in the press. It may appear that George is taking advantage of Jong-il, but I think it's clear that Jong-il is loving every minute of it. You have to understand that it's Korean culture not to appear to be giving it away too easily.

Update: I have just received word that this image might not be authentic. I'll look into it.

This is a picture I took recently that I brought to my photography class for peer review. Generally the feedback was good: lighting was appropriate, the main object was slightly off center, and the general ambiance and mood of the event was well captured. My instructor still thinks I have a long way to go, but he says my work shows substantial progress in comparison to my bukkake photos from last week.

.

Dog Meat: Fact from Fiction (or, How Would you Like your Dog Penis?

It's been a while since Oriental medicine got a good pooping upon.

An article at the Joongang daily (hat tip to fellow dog-eater Marmot). Is dog meat more healthy than other meat? Does it really cool your body in the summer? Does it really make your weener sit up and beg for biscuits?

Two 'experts,' one an Oriental medicine doctor and the other some far less entertaining person who actually knows something about human physiology, tackle this controversial issue.

Some portions of the article along with a snarky comment or two.

Professor Ann Yong-geun of Chungcheong University waded into the controversy last month when he said that there is a nutritious property of dog meat that cannot be proven by Western medical science.

Cannot be proven by 'Western medical science.' Of course, this means the empirical method. What exactly, good professor, is the 'non-Western' way to prove something? Proof based on blind faith in superstition? Proof based on anecdotal evidence (which of course, could simultaneously prove and disprove every theory ever produced)? Proof based on how good a theory sounds after the 3rd bottle of soju?

He said in a CBS radio program that although dog meat has less protein and fewer minerals than pork, chicken or beef, eating dishes like gaejangguk and boshintang (dog stew) mysteriously allow more energy to enter the body.

Dog meat has less protein and fewer minerals than other meat, yet somehow it gives people more energy! What a mystery! And how do we know it gives us more energy? That's yet another mystery! Don't try to prove it by your silly Western tests. Obviously physiological tests can't show it! Just believe!

But what if we take three groups of people and put them on a diet identical in every way except one group gets a dog meat supplement, the other chicken, and the other tofu. Prepare the dish in a way that it is very difficult to detect a difference in taste (perhaps just tell them the dog meat is really ostrich meat, or some other meat they probably haven't tried). Then allow them to self-report their energy levels.

If that kind of study came up with consistent results in favor of dog meat, perhaps then we would have proof of this extra energy?

But no! That is yet another 'Western' way of trying to prove something. Dog meat is so beyond that! Even though the people who eat dog meat might not feel or realize they have more energy, and no other test can physically show it, they DO have more energy! What a big ass muther-fucking mystery it is!

Perhaps the good people of Chungcheong university might want to check this guy's diplomas.

Drawing on folklore, others say that dog meat is good for stamina, the liver and the stomach, as mentioned in the Donguibogam, a medical text written by the physician Heo Jun in the Joseon Dynasty.

In unrelated news, Koreans are much more likely to get stomach and liver cancer compared to other races but I digress...

To sort out fact from fiction Bai Young-hee, a food and nutrition professor from Osan College, and Joo Jeong-ju, an Oriental herbal doctor, agreed to analyze the claims behind Korea's dog-eating customs.

Excellent! Please enlighten us, oh mighty sages!

Why is dog meat recommended during summer?

Joo: In traditional herbal medicine, people have four types of temperaments: han, naeng, on and yeol. Han is the coldest and yeol, the hottest. Our ancestors ate food that best suited their temperament or nature and their environment. Ancient Koreans would categorize the temperament of grain, for example, depending on when it is harvested and what kind of soil or climate it was grown in. Barley is grown during fall and winter, so it would be categorized as having a cool temperament.

Our ancestors believed dog meat has a warm temperament. The blood circulates within the body and during the summer, most body heat gravitates to the outer layer of the body. This makes the body core cool and reduces stamina. Ancestors believed that dog meat warms the inside of the stomach, restoring strength.

Did you get all that? The han and the yeol? The part about body heat gravitating and such? Warming of stomachs? Make sense to you?

To date, of all that Joo just spewed out about eating dog meat in the summer, "the blood circulates within the body" is the only thing thus far proven by Western science.

Can Osan University professor Bai Young-hee possibly top that answer?

Why is dog meat recommended during summer?
It is a tradition. Some people say that eating dog meat actually prevents sweating because dogs themselves don’t sweat through their skin but through their tongues. In reality there is very little difference between the temperature of the stomach in the winter and that found in the summer.

That's it? Come on Prof Bai, can't you do better than just spout out facts? Where's the entertainment value in that?

Interesting that some people believe that because dogs don't sweat, eating dog meat will likewise prevent you from sweating. By a similar line of reasoning, could we not conclude that since dogs can lick their own balls, eating dog meat would bestow this ability as well? Has anyone out there experimented with this and would like to share? Of course, we won't ask you to prove it because it is probably unprovable anyway (and I think I'd rather not see it anyway, thank you).

Let's continue learning! My comments are included within the text.

How nutritious is dog meat?

Joo: In Oriental medicine we say it'۪s nutritious for those who lack heat in their body [that would be called 'clinically dead', in Western terminology]. In the past, dog meat was used as a medical treatment and not a delicacy. Ancestors believed that dog meat protects the body as a whole. In fact, many animals including goats, pigs, sparrows and crows were all used in Oriental remedies. It is hard to say which part of the dog is most nutritious or best for the body, [yeah, really hard for someone who doesn't even know the fundamentals of human physiology] although in olden times this claim was made for the genitalia. It is not a matter of how much protein or fat dog meat contains [like they would even know that anyway],ۥ Oriental medicine is based on ancestors'۪ observations and experiences in nature. [not to mention more than a little credulity, see here for more information on the wonderful phenomenon which is Oriental medicine]

I see, so your answer to that question is...what? This kind of answer makes me very curious as to exactly what Oriental 'doctors' actually study in school.

Bai: One hundred grams of raw dog meat contains 60.1 percent water, 19 grams of protein, 20.2 grams of fat and 44.4 milligrams of cholesterol. It also contains vitamins, potassium, ash, phosphorous, iron and sodium. Compared to other meats or ingredients, dog meat has less cholesterol. There are 1,280 milligrams of cholesterol in an egg yolk, 82.4 in tuna and 65.2 in pork. Compared to beef, pork and chicken, dog meat is not high in protein. But it is true that its amino acid content is superior to other meats.

Thank you for answering the question, Professor Bai. Nice to know you actually did more for your study than just sit around drinking dong-dong ju talking about meta-physical mysteries.

Is dog meat really good for stamina?

Joo: Yes, it is, especially gaesoju, or dog wine. Gaesoju is a fermented drink that is distilled by cooking the dog in a double boiler. Moreover, our ancestors used the dog's penis in the gaesoju and as a medicine to supplement energy. But I repeat, most treatments of Oriental medicine were derived from nature and people's experience.

Bonus points to the Jooster for saying the word 'penis.'

Some Questions:

• Is the dog penis placed in the bottle of soju much like the worm can be found at the bottom of a bottle of tequilla?
  
• Would a true man swallow the penis?
  
• Does this dog penis medicine have to be taken orally, or are there other methods (which are probably illegal in most countries)?
  
• How do you prefer your man to take his dog penis medicine, and do you find it stimulating to watch?

Photo Caption: "No, no! I said I wanted my dog well hung!"

Same question to you, Professor Bai (same original question about dog food being good for stamina, that is, you don't have to answer the other questions about dog penis treatments, unless you want to, that is).

Bai: All the ingredients of gaesoju are healthy to some extent. But the influence differs from person to person. For some, dog meat is good for stamina or post-operative recovery. Depending on an individual's body structure, it can supplement nutrition.

Effects vary from person to person...it works for some, not for others...no research studies mentioned to support any of this...

Or to put it another way, dog penis soju can be as good as any other placebo that is out there on the market.

Dog meat eaters say it is easy to digest.

Joo: According to Oriental medicine, dogs and chickens both have a warm temperament. Pork is cool and beef is both. Beef is good for all types of people but it cannot be used as a medical treatment because it does not balance warm or cold. On the other hand, dog meat is used to supplement body warmth. For example, for those who have a stomach disorder, gaesoju is recommended to balance their circulation and to help build up the digestive system.

Bai: Boiled dog meat is similar to beef but softer, making it easy to digest. This is why people in their 50s and 60s prefer eating the dish to beef.

Once again, same planet, different worlds. I don't think Joo even understood the question.

Would you recommend dog meat for the body's nutritional balance?

Joo: Personally, I don't recommend dog meat or gaesoju to my patients. I have religious reasons as well as spiritual reasons. I recognize dogs as pets that share emotions with people. They’re different from cows and pigs, which are domestic animals.

But from time to time, I do offer a gaesoju herb remedy to those who have really weak stomachs who cannot even digest thin gruel. Oriental medicine is an experience-oriented science. Believing is more important than asking why.

Joo, thank you for those last two sentences. That's a very good summary of your entire profession. I have nothing further to add.

Bai: Dog meat is not an essential food; we don't have to eat it in order to survive. In the past people believed they could benefit from eating dog meat. It is up to each individual whether or not to eat it. With changes in living patterns and eating habits, people suffer from different maladies. With such changes, concentrated treatments (Western medicine) are more effective than the so-called balanced ones used by Oriental medicine.

And a big thank you to you as well, Professor Bai, for at least implying one of the obvious truths that most Asians just don't want to face.

And to all you followers of the Oriental medicine religion, may you enjoy the penises of many a dog this summer.

And now some random puppy photo fun!

Now this is what I'm talking about!

GET IN MY BELLY!

Yay! Master is taking us out for a drive in the country!

An ad by a vegetarian group trying to convince people not to eat meat. I understand it didn't have quite the intended effect on Koreans and Chinese. Or expats in Korea named Robert, for that matter.

Idiots. Nobody eats dog with a knife and fork.

This is 'Mary' (the dog, that is). She was rescued from a dog farm by Sun-an (read the moving story here).

You may have won this round, 'Mary', but Sun-an can't be watching you all the time...

Revenant Dog: It has returned from the dead seeking vengeance on all eaters of dogs.

This legend scares the shit out of every Korean and Chinese man alive.

Damn, that picture is the scariest thing I've seen all week.

Check that. This video the Iceberg links here is the scariest thing I've seen all week.

The Host Conquers America

I'm surprised this story hasn't been carried by the Chosun Ilbo yet. Perhaps they've just been struggling to find the right spin angle to present it. Allow me to help them out (I grant full permission to the good people at Chosun Ilbo to reprint this article in its entirety).

It's official: The Korean Wave has finally roared across the Greater East Sea* and has engulfed the United States of America. The Korean blockbuster, The Host, in only its second week after being unleashed in the States, outperformed no less than 79 American movies in the box office this past week. The list of vanquished Hollywood movies includes such blockbusters as Charlotte's Web, Blood Diamond, and Wild Safari 3D: A South African Adventure.  Even Oscar nomination heavyweights such as The Departed and Letters from Iwo Jima received a sound spanking. Hollywood executives could not conceal their embarrassment, if not outright terror.

Says unbiased American movie analyst Jennifer Kim:

"During the first week of its release, when it conquered no less than 88  major Hollywood releases, many people just assumed that it was due to millions of Korean-Americans flocking to the movie to bump up the numbers. However, in the second week, only about 75% of the Korean-American community was able to make it out to the theaters for a second or third viewing. Clearly, someone else is watching this movie! The Host has now absolutely proved it is no fluke. There is no Hollywood."

On the music end of the Korean Wave, America is just barely recovering from the mass hysteria that accompanied the Rain tour, which saw an amazing 400% increase** in non Asian-American fans compared to previous estimates when Rain wowed audiences at two sold-out Madison Square Garden shows.

Photo: Hordes of American fans being 비'd on at Madison Square Garden. (the photo doesn't show it, but there really was a white girl in the audience. Lots of people saw her and will tell you it is absolutely true)
 

Continues unbiased American citizen Jennifer Kim,

"The effect of the Korean Wave in America is undeniable. It was just the other day when a Chinese-American friend of mine was mistakenly assumed to be Korean by someone on the street. How wild is that? And at a party the other day I was talking to this white guy, and when he found out I was Korean he noted that he knew that Old Boy won some European award recently. He hasn't actually seen the movie, but he agreed that it's probably pretty good."

Movie critics in the States have given The Host extremely high praise. Said one reviewer,

"The Host has all the necessary components of a great movie: It's from a foreign country, it has subtitles, and most of the actors aren't white. And those who are white play stereotypical evil characters completely lacking in depth. It's got all the makings of a classic."

The Host continues to play at 71 69 movie theaters across the United States. 

*Also referred to as the Pacific Ocean by the uneducated
**This percentage might actually be higher. In addition to confirmed sightings of 4 non-Asians at the concerts (one was even black!), there were several reports of at least 2 other individuals that may have been Hispanic, but then again, could just have been Korean girls who were going for a gang-banger look.

Comments from original blog entry

Fan-dingle-damn-tastic.

This post almost motivates me to see the movie.


Kevin

Posted by: Kevin Kim | March 19, 2007 at 11:33 PM

You forgot to mention the best part. For betraying their country the whiteys got deported from Korea.

Posted by: EFL Geek | March 20, 2007 at 01:48 AM

Bravo, sir, bravo.

Posted by: Nomad | March 20, 2007 at 08:26 PM

OHMYGOD OHMYGOD OHMYGOD r U ghey? Shin Bang wid Dong...oh, sorry, wrong thread :)

Another great piss take on the "Hub of Asia." Cheers.

Posted by: Awesome Iguana | March 22, 2007 at 10:56 PM

Gosh Darn it I am So Mad! When are you people going to get it? IT IS THE WEST CANADA OCEAN!!!!!

Posted by: kimchipig | March 23, 2007 at 03:17 PM

hey,I almost laugh myself to death
keep up the good work

Posted by: stannn | April 02, 2007 at 11:14 PM

Naver Again

Took a little trip over to Naver for blogging inspiration. Here's what I found:

1.Condoleezza Rice admits the Iraq War was a mistake!

Or so reads a Naver article (the number one source of news for the young generation of Koreans!). I read the English version and realized that Naver still seems to be outsourcing its translations to Korean middle school students.

2. Poor little Moon Geun-young

문근영 "나는 돌멩이인데, 세상은 날 보석으로 본다"

"Moon Geun-young: I'm just a stone, but the world sees me as a gem."

"부족한 내게 모두 칭찬뿐.. 그게 가장 슬프고 무서워"

"Everyone is just praising me even though I am lacking ...that is what makes me the saddest and most scared."

Well, not everyone is praising her, as some of them sneaky Chinese criticized
her performance in some recent movie or the other (I guess she finally
tried to play a role other than that of a dopey 13 year old).

이 신문은 "한국영화가 기존의 멜로와 깡패이야기의 두 틀에서 벗어나지 못하고 있다'" "창의력 고갈이 한국영화의 장애로 부상하고 있다"는 내용을 문근영 인신공격에 덧붙여 전했다.

"The paper included in its attack on Moon Keun-yeong, 'Korean films
cannot break away of the basic melodramatic and gangster stories' and
'The lack of originality is damaging  Korean films."

What? Unoriginal gangster movies and shameless tear-jerking dramas from Korea? Inconceivable!

Rest assured that the Netizen response was very mature and balanced,
taking the criticism as constructive (by the way, what does '짱깨' mean
exactly?).

As for Moon Geun-young, true, the ride is almost over. Though certain
key measurements may still be equal to your average 11-year-old Korean
girl, the little innocent starry-eyed bobble-headed little girl act
could only last for so long before she outgrew it. My advice? Move as
much money as you can into your own bank account (learn from previous
child actors and never trust your parents with that much cash) and
start studying.

Comments from original blog entry

"Moon Geun-young: I'm just a stone, but the world sees me as a gem."

Going from that photo she looks more like a potato with big eyebrows.

China saying Korea has a "lack of originality"? That's too funny. The Chinese taught Koreans everything they know about copying.

Posted by: Righteous Snake | December 11, 2006 at 09:08 PM

Isn't it about time we had a posting about fan death??

Posted by: Leone | December 13, 2006 at 06:08 PM

Condoleeza Rice is an Arrogant Stupid Bitch with a PhD.

I've made a lot of mistakes. But never anything so colossal as advocating the invasion of a sovereign nation because a bunch of religious fanatics from a Totally Different Place blew up the Twin Towers!

Maybe I can get a PhD too!

Posted by: Yankabroad | December 15, 2006 at 06:20 AM

Yankabroad, one by one, they're getting off the bandwagon. It's funny as hell, but sad. Think, all that waste in human lives and resources, and for what? And people wonder why the world distrusts America so much. Well folks, here's one good example why.

Posted by: Melody | December 17, 2006 at 05:09 AM

I don't get it. What's Condoleeza Rice and the war in Iraq have to do with Moon Geun-young?

Posted by: BesottedTom | December 18, 2006 at 06:44 AM

I'm not sure if you were serious about the 짱깨 question, but if you were, its slang for 자장면. If you knew that already, well, just trying to be helpful.

Posted by: DL | December 28, 2006 at 05:07 AM

bad eyebrows

Posted by: hardyandtiny | May 02, 2007 at 05:13 AM

They're here for our cows...

Get to this site now and watch the video. Get informed.

Enjoy your burgers while you can, stupid earthlings...

I am reminded (for no particular reason) of a conversation I once had with an English textbook writer who stated proudly that her textbooks made no reference whatsoever to any fast food such as hamburgers or pizza. I asked her if beef itself was unhealthy, and if she also excluded mention of steak, kalbi, etc. as well. She said no, beef is fine in moderation. I then asked her if bread was unhealthy, or ketchup, tomatoes, or lettuce, with my voice rising in volume and pitch with each further hamburger ingredient until finally I was screaming at the top of my lungs, "THEN WHAT THE FUCK IS SO HIDEOUSLY WRONG WITH LETTING KIDS EAT A FUCKING HAMBURGER EVERY NOW AND THEN!" And she ran off weeping.

Every few months I catch a news report or documentary on Korean TV about the skin disease atopy. It shows some poor kids who are almost completely covered with a nasty looking itchy rash. Without fail, they mention fast food as one of the main culprits. Having not heard of this in the States, where more burgers and fries are consumed per capita than anywhere else in the world, I looked up as many sites on atopy and eczema that I could find and soon realized that this is a Korean myth right up there with fan death. The Korean response to the fact that fast food doesn't cause high levels of atopy in the States is that our bodies must be different. So what about Korean Americans, I ask, who grow up on a western diet of fast food? And that's usually where the conversation ends.

Enjoy your burgers, people. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You don't see aliens coming millions of light years across the universe to steal our kimchi, do you? Think about it...

Comments on original blog entry

Moshi moshi oishi ushi! (Hello delicious cow!)
I kept thinking about you making that woman weep over hamburgers yesterday. It made me laugh all day!

Posted by: Jenn | October 02, 2006 at 08:45 PM

All lies by the Party Pooper.

Fan death is real and so is Miguk-hanburger-engendered atopy -- which is short for "a topping," meaning the toppings on a hanburger.

A little-known FACT is that hanburger is ground by fan blades, which accounts for the deadly deadliness of hanburgers ... especially Miguk hanburgers.

Hanguk hanburgers are not so bad because they are HANGUK.

I hope that I have persuaded you to reject the FTA, which is a plot to introduce more Miguk hanburgers into Uri Nara and weaken the Korean SPIRIT until the Miguks take over.

Resist.

Gypsy 'Hanguk' Scholar

* * *

Posted by: Horace Jeffery Hodges | October 04, 2006 at 02:52 AM

Why the hell isn't my trackback showing up?

""THEN WHAT THE FUCK IS SO HIDEOUSLY WRONG WITH LETTING KIDS EAT A FUCKING HAMBURGER EVERY NOW AND THEN!""

Too funny.

Jeffery,

Hanburgers? I'm surprised no one like Lotteria has thought of that yet...

Posted by: Nomad | October 04, 2006 at 03:23 AM

Nomad,

I realize you're joshing, but I'll be a geek, anyway:

Why no han-burgers at Lotteria? Probably because "han" all by itself means something along the lines of "bitterness." Koreans want to "untie" their han, not eat more of it!

Imagine something called the Spleenburger in the West. It might be a hit among angry nebbishes, but that's about it.


Kevin

Posted by: Kevin Kim | October 04, 2006 at 04:39 AM

Damn, Kevin. And all this time I thought that Koreans wanted to "unite" their han.

I guess that was just my dyslexia...

Jeffery Hodges

* * *

Posted by: Horace Jeffery Hodges | October 04, 2006 at 12:17 PM

Kevin,

But by eating it, wouldn't that, in a weird way, be one way of getting rid of it? Something about swallowing a bitter pill?
A spleenburger...that's pretty funny too.

Posted by: Nomad | October 04, 2006 at 03:59 PM

The whole argument that Korean bodies are different from those of foreigners is the same that North Korea uses to sell its domestically produced herbal remedies to its citizen s and discourage med students from wanting to study abroad.

Posted by: SomeguyinKorea | October 04, 2006 at 04:43 PM

The whole argument that Korean bodies are different from those of foreigners is the same that North Korea uses to sell its domestically produced herbal remedies to its citizen s and discourage med students from wanting to study abroad.

Posted by: SomeguyinKorea | October 04, 2006 at 04:43 PM

I can imagine Lotteria's first commercial:

DAE-HAN-BUR-GER!!

dunh dunh dunh dunh dunh

Posted by: Iceberg | October 04, 2006 at 04:51 PM

Iceberg, that's pretty funny!

I see that I'd better copyright my coinage of "Hanburger" right now.

Everybody, don't forget that I came up the the word before anyone else!

Though I suppose that somebody, somewhere might have already coined it...

Jeffery Hodges

* * *

Posted by: Horace Jeffery Hodges | October 04, 2006 at 08:49 PM

Public Punching Bags

A rash of bus driver beatings in the news recently. Found all the videos at Redbug.

Our first feature video is a drunk ajoshi who is upset because the driver doesn't have change for a 10,000 won bill. He smacks him a bit, leaves the bus, then comes back on again, drags the driver out by his neck and beats him some more.

A bit later they show another drunk ajoshi attack a bus driver as soon as he enters the bus. Very uncool. Some guys just know nothing of proper foreplay. You start with some verbal abuse and threats, followed by a bit of pushing and slapping, and only then is your victim ready to be pummeled and throttled. Beat up people right or just don't do it all, I always say.

This video has
some of the most brutal footage but you have to wait until the end of
the broadcast (the main story is about a bus driver who crashed into
several cars at an intersection). I'm sure this bus driver lost a
couple of teeth.

But it's not all drunk ajoshi's looking to get in some warm-up boxing before getting home and beating their wives proper.  This video shows a female university student attacking not one but two different bus drivers with a hammer. The reason? The brakes on the buses were too loud. Fortunately, she doesn't seem to have the strength to really do any serious damage, as both drivers were able to fend her off somewhat by blocking her swings with their hands (if I've said it once, I've said it a hundred times; women and hammers just don't mix).

I don't think she was a passenger, just someone who living near a station or a bus stop and was going nuts because of the noise.

I don't know how many passengers were on board during these beatings, but it strikes me that in not one of the clips does any one come up to try to intervene. There just seems to be something in the Korean psyche that holds them back when they see others getting attacked (unless you are an American GI involved in a scuffle, I suppose, then you can expect a mob to form almost instantly).

Don't expect any real punishment for the attackers. They'll show up to court looking properly penitent and give a good sob story about how hard their lives are and how much stress they suffer and the judge will let them go with a small fine and a warning (or a second or third warning, as the case may be). It's a 'han' thing that stupid foreigners just can't understand.

And just why is it that drunk and crazy people beat up on the people that deserve it the least? Why can't we be reading about a rash of personal injury lawyer, Amway member, Korean sports writer, Nork-funded NGO or Korean Teacher's Union member beatings?  Aren't there any drunks and loonies out there playing for our team?

Population Crisis and the Noh Response

The Korea Times ran an article on Korea and Taiwan having the lowest birthrates in the world. This is the second year in a row for Korea. It just so happens I have done a bit of research on this matter. Some of the more interesting tidbits:

1. The Japanese population is estimated to begin its decline this year. By the year 2100, if current trends continue, the population of Japan will be half of what it was in 2005.

2. Before the Koreans start celebrating this, however, they should realize they are not far behind. The Korean population should begin to decline around 2020 and will likewise be severely reduced by 2100.

3. In 2020 the Korean workforce will lack over a 1.5 million workers. Around 2040 the economy will pretty much be fucked unless Korea is willing to let in millions of migrant workers.

4. The Noh Response? Way too little and way too late. Current incentives to have children are very little and predictably are having no effect. A friend of mine in Seoul will have 3 children soon, and found out that all he will get is a one time payment of 50,000 won for his third child. Yippie! People who make less money than he does will get more, but that misses the whole point. It's the middle and upper classes that are having less children, knowing what each child will cost them in education costs (about 128 grand from birth to graduation).

They also plan to provide more for childcare around 2010 (can't do it now, as all their extra money either goes to keep the North Korean army fed and clothed or to increase their own military spending so they can defend themselves against said army. You try to financially support your own army and your enemy's and see how much money you have left over!).

I can't see better childcare having much effect anyway. Germany has one of the best childcare and maternal leave programs in the world and their birthrate is the worst in Europe (which is saying something).

5. Korea is not alone in failing to address birthrate problems. No country that has fallen below 1.5 birth rate has managed to bring the birth rate back to the replacement levels of 2.1.

6. By 2050, Korea will have the highest proportion of elderly citizens to those in the workforce: 1:1. To enjoy the same level of government assistance the elderly have now, taxes will need to more than double.

7. Real estate prices in Japan have been dropping since the early nineties. Prices for commercial land now are roughly the same as they were in the late 1970s. Any house or apartment that is bought today will most certainly be worth far less after the average young couple will be able to pay off the housing loan. There is no reason to believe that Korea will not follow the same pattern in the future, though I suspect certain areas like Kangnam will resist the decline to some extent.

8. Russia's population has been in the decline since 1992. There are roughly 8 million fewer Russians now than in 1992. Currently, the population is declining by about 800,000 a year. Not only do they have a low birth rate, but their death rate is quite high.

9. The population of white Americans (non-Hispanic whites, that is) is at a standstill, while minority populations are still growing. Half of the population of LA is Hispanic. In Texas and Florida, Hispanics will be the dominant ethnic group in a few decades. By 2050, the white race will make up less than 50% of the entire population.

10. #9 shouldn't really be troublesome to 'white America'. Second and third generation minorities seem just as 'American' to me as white people. It just seems like a fulfillment of what the 'melting pot' was supposed to be all about anyway.

11. Thanks to immigration and minorities having a lot of babies. America isn't going through the crisis that Asian countries face. While most minority groups assimilate relatively well in the States, European countries can't say the same. Muslims make up the bulk of immigrants, and they are far more resistant to assimilation. It's a problem that many politicians and intellectuals don't want to face, but the fact is 'liberal Europe' may be all but extinct by 2100.

The way I see it, America will be one of the very few developed countries that will get through all of this relatively unscathed.

12. In terms of being an economic powerhouse on the world stage, Korea and Japan do seem completely screwed, and China will have its own problems as well. However, for individual Koreans and Japanese, all of this is not necessarily bad news. Even though Japan's economy has been stagnant for years, per capita incomes have been fine. The population shrinks faster than the economy, so per capita incomes actually have a greater chance to rise than decline. Homes become more affordable and overall living standards are likely to increase. This is how business analyst Michael Backman sees it, anyway, in his book 'The Asian Insider', and he backs up it well with current data on Japan. Overall purchasing power of Japanese has increased significantly over the past few years and there is no reason to see Korea being different.

Comments from original blogpost


You paint a rosier picture of America's demographic future than does Pat "The Cannon" Buchanan. I prefer your picture to his. Ol' Pat's sorta scared of us off-white folks.

Kevin

Posted by: Kevin Kim | August 23, 2006 at 10:49 AM

That was very a edumacated and fascinating analysis Pooper. Here's a summary: Roh is a fucktard.

Posted by: Massive Panda | August 23, 2006 at 05:17 PM

Fuck em I say. There are too many people in the fucking world already. Too many snot nosed brats and shit faced idiots using up oxygen and resources in their dumb pointless lives. The less people the better. BRING IT ON.

Posted by: Cockestien | August 28, 2006 at 07:43 PM

Great Post, Pooper:

What you mentioned about Japan is right on. They've had stagnant and even negative growth for several years in the late 90's and since 2000, and the sky hasn't fallen. It's not that big a deal.

But as for America, what you say about Americans assimilating is right on. I don't know of any other country where the immigrants, after simply one generation, take on such a Rambo style patriotism. Some of the biggest Bush supporters are second generation immigrants. They've totally forgotten (or never learned/retained) their culture, but they are dyed in the wool flag waving patriots. Is it the American dream (a wood and sheetrock house in the suburbs with a 2 car garage) that makes them that way?

Posted by: yankabroad | September 07, 2006 at 06:08 AM



Actually, Cockestien, I totally agree with you.

Why don't you present your case to the retards at the Korea Development Institute?

Posted by: yankabroad | September 16, 2006 at 08:57 AM

I usually only comment when I am angry at someone, but your blog entry is a very, very good piece of analysis. Thank you,
Tae from Maryland.

Posted by: sumo294 | September 21, 2006 at 08:14 AM

Fruits of the 386 Generation

In the Korean bi-annual Pardon Fest, President Noh Mu Hyun once again showed his commitment to cleaning up corruption by pardoning his former aides who were indicted for illegal fund raising in the 2002 presidential election.

So basically, Noh is grandly showing them forgiveness for illegally raising funds that helped put Noh in office.

Noh Mu Hyun: Go thy way, and sin no more.

Here the are two in question. Fresh, young faces of the Noble 386 Generation that valiantly avoided their university classes and raged, RAGED I say, against the corrupt government of the 80's. Considering their previous service and sacrifices to help make their country democratic and shiny pure, how could anyone blame Noh for overlooking their current abuses of power trivial violations? This goes right up there with Noh pardoning all those involved in illegally funneling money to the North for the 2000 Summit. The Korean Constitution, afterall, shouldn't get in the way of progress.

But to be fair, Noh also pardoned some members of the opposition party, the GNP, which is the true master of securing illegal campaign funds.

Former Grand National Party (GNP) lawmakers Suh
Chung-won and Kim Won-kil, both convicted of illegal fundraising during
the last presidential election, were also included in the special
amnesty list.

So I guess that makes everything ok. Bravo, President Noh, for cleaning up the government just as you said you would. Who will dare break election laws in the future now?

And a big Bravo Your Life to the 386 Generation for all they have done for Corea. One can only look forward to how the next generation will screw makeover the government.

 

True Prophet of Blog

Once again, I need to remind the public that my predictions for the 2006 World Cup have come true with amazing 100% accuracy*.  I foresaw the fall of America, Japan and Korea in the 2006 World Cup years ago**.

Now some of the more close-minded among you may bicker over certain predictions that may seem (to the ignorant eye) not to have come to pass (Japan being outscored 12-1 in the first round, England drawing with Trinidad and Tobagawhatever).

However, I should point out that in that particular post I was quoted by myself out of context (hate when I do that) and also there are some apparent mistranslations from the original source. I receive my prophecies from the spirit world in an advanced form of computer language (zeros, ones and the occasional three) and sometimes things get lost in translation to English. If you were able to see the original source, you would see that my predictions were actually slightly more than 100% correct.***

Another of my Fearless Predictions which is being challenged is that Ronaldo continues to be the ugliest soccer player on the field. Some say that Lee Chun-soo has taken that honor. However, this poll was conducted on a Brazilian website, so obviously it is biased.  In a truly international poll, I'm sure Ronaldo would stay on top. Chun-soo would be in second, or possibly even third.

Nah, second.

And speaking of ugly, I in no way meant to imply that I thought Park Ji-sung was anything less than 'Gangta-esque' handsome when I made the comment: 'Park Ji-sung: A face only a mother could..."

The completed sentence I had in mind when I wrote that would actually read "Park Ji-sung, a face only a mother could pick out in an auditorium full of awkward-looking acne-ridden high school boys."

My apologies to Park Ji-sung, his mother and the hordes of middle
school kyopo girls who for some reason freak out if anyone makes a silly
joke about one of their idols.

I imagine they probably wouldn't appreciate this much either.

And finally, to those who think I take any joy in the Corea team's poor showing in the World Cup, I assure you that I take no more pleasure in the Corea soccer team's failure than your average Corean does in the America team's early exit. It's all about sharing the love.

*100% accuracy in the figurative sense of the expression
**This statement is absolutely correct, as I made the prediction at the end of 2005, and the 's' in the word 'years' is just a typo.
*** These calculations rely on an advanced form of mathematics known only to a handful of scholars and certain athletes who are cabable of giving '110% to the team.'