Thursday, July 17, 2008

Half-assed post for July: Why Jeolla Province Sucks

Jelly of the famous "I've Got Two Shoes; What the Hell do YOU got, Bitch?" blog (typed the blog name from memory; it may be "I Got" rather than "I've Got") has sent a comment demanding a new post and so here I am. By the way, be sure to see her recent post on pork rectum. You're my kind of girl, Jelly.

Currently I'm in the States so perhaps that is why Corea hasn't been on my mind so much. (mental note: write an extremely angry to Blogspot for having a spell checker which tells me 'Corea' is spelled incorrectly. Japanese dick-sucking Nazis...) I'm conducting research which basically consists of me sitting in a room eating roughly 20 pounds of American beef a day with the windows and door shut and a large fan running nonstop. It's Day 17 now and I'm still alive and relatively sane. The formal research question is, "Is a significant portion of Coreans really as dumb as we think?" I haven't run the statistics yet, but thus far, the empirical evidence seems to be suggest yes.

Jelly, as I recall, lives down in Busan. I've lived there before and I think it's a nice enough place. The weather is nice, no yellow dust, and the food is good. Gyeongsang Province men can sometimes be uncultured, obnoxious dicks, but usually in a good natured way. I'd rate the province a B+ overall.

And that's all I have to say about that.

Now let's talk about Jeolla Province.

What a hole.

Gyeongsang people detest Jeolla people (and vice-versa). One might question why this should be so, as on the surface they seem to be quite similar. Some researchers conclude that it is just a natural rivalry between neighboring provinces, while others point to recent Korean history in which most people in power in Korea were from the Gyeongsang Province and they neglected to develop Jeolla Province during Korea's economic buildup. However, the majority opinion among experts is that Jeolla people are just a huge collection of very low-self esteem, hot-headed dicks.

Jeolla has been a loser region for hundreds, if not thousands, of years. Way back the Korean peninsula was divided into three kingdoms: Goguryeo, Silla, and Baekje. For a time, Silla was the dominant region and controlled the peninsula, and then later Goguryeo achieved dominance. Baekje, located in the area where modern Jeolla can be found, never even came close to ruling the peninsula. Baekje thus was the weakest part of a country that itself was historically dominated at one time by every country in Eastern Asia. So basically one could think of the Baekje-Jeolla region as having the status of a prison bitch's bitch.

Jeolla Province: The Korea of Korea.

Nearly all of Korea's historical achievements were made by Koreans from somewhere other than Jeolla. Jeolla folk's propensity for fucking up is astounding. In the Korean War, they were the only people dumb enough to think that maybe communism was the way to go. Doopid.

Want something to do that will only take about 30 seconds? Make a list of famous Koreans who came from Jeolla Province.

Actually, if you took the whole 30 seconds, there's probably something wrong with you.

Want to see my list? Here it is.

1. Kim Dae Jung

2. Robert Kim.

That's it. A president best known for the disastrous Sunshine Policy which kept the North Korean despots in power for absolutely nothing in return, and a Korean-American caught selling military secrets back to Korea. That's the best they can do.

Just go to the wikipedia entry for Jeolla and read all of the people listed in 'Notable Personalities' .

Yeah, I'd never heard of that guy either.

Quick! Name all the top tourist sites in Korea!

See? Not one of the places on your list is anywhere near Jeolla (unless for some reason you put 'Someplace with a shitload of rice paddies and really angry protesters' on your list).

But to end on a positive note, I once went to Yeosu and we bought some pears and they were OK.

Now with this kind of well-researched post, I hereby formerly request that the good people at ROKdrop blog move my site link over to the 'Scholarly Korean' bloglist.

See y'all in August. I'll be sure and eat a juicy Black Angus steak for every one of you in the meantime.


Brian said...

I used to worry a lot because so many of my coworkers hated me. Then I remembered that they generally hate all Americans equally. And the Japanese. And people from Busan, and people from Daegu, and people from Seoul, and people from Gangwon. "Jeolla: The Korea of Korea" is an excellent summation. I just call it "Dixie."

But at least Jeollanam-do has character. I can't think of a single notable thing in Jeollabuk-do, and those middle provinces---the Chungcheongs---are generally worthless, too.

Oh, and there are a bunch of famous Korean baseball players from Gwangju/Jeolla. In as far as there are famous Korean baseball players.

Brian said...

Oh, and hey, the tea fields and the bamboo forests are in Jeollanam-do. Most people know about them. They are controlled by communists, true, but there are a couple well-known tourist sites around here.

Anonymous said...

I do admire your obvious scholarly work you do here but I think I will just have to leave you in the Top K-blog category. ;-)

JR said...


Leave Dixie out of it. I guess you just don't understand "Dixie Culture" :)

D3adN3d said...

Excellent half-assed post, pooper. Keep up the good work.

Iosue Andreas Sartorius said...

"Jeolla Province: The Korea of Korea."

Classic. I visited the region once, and was accosted by a group of retarded people, literally.

After more than a decade in Gyeongsang, I hate anything and everything over there.

Anonymous said...

haha this is hilarious! nice work

i bet gyeongsang people love you! :D