Master of Sock Puppets

Got back in Korea today. Was in the UK doing all manner of mysterious things in Oxford. Nice little place, lots of old buildings. Spent a day in London as well. Big place, also had lots of old buildings. Saw Parliament (Kevin? Can you give me a spell check on that? I know there's a superfluous 'a' in there somewhere, 'paraliment'? 'paarliment'?). I had just seen it gettin' blowed up real good in the movie 'V for Vendetta' while flying over from Korea/Singapore. It wasn't so bad seeing it in the non-blowed up form as well though, so yeah, I recommend it.

And that's all I have to say about that.

Over at Occidentalism Matt has 'outed' Kushibo and Nora (of Nora knows Nada) as one in the same person. (is that one t or two t's on the past tense of 'out'? Joel, feel free to jump in as well, I still remember the time you helped me figure out the plural form of 'penis' way back when--though I still prefer 'peni').

From what I recall, the main evidence is that once Nora accidentally posted a comment as Kushibo on Marmot's Hole, then came back in the next comment to say s/he accidentally used a computer that Kushibo had previously logged in on and didn't realize it at first. I guess that could happen if they work together and happen to share the same computer and Kushibo logs in to Marmot's hole all day long. I guess... Funny they never spoke as if they were familiar with each other before though.

Another piece of evidence is that Nora gave out an email address that happened to be one for Democrats Abroad, which Kushibo is supposedly affiliated with (the President? I can't remember), which is also odd since Nora claims to be a Republican (and a lesbian one to boot).

Kushibo/Nora have yet to respond, and have been suspiciously absent from the blogosphere, even over at the Marmot's (a man and a sock puppet were seen driving slowly towards the Mexican border in a white Ford Bronco though, if that means anything)

Having never been one who hesitates to rush to judgment, I thought these three pictures were the most appropriate for the occasion. It probably goes without saying, but the sock puppet on the far right is a lesbian Republican.

In case you were like me and didn't catch the 'sock puppet' reference, get yourself learned up on it here.

So anyway, there is a slight Party Pooper connection here, ergo this post (well, I  really had been looking for an excuse to show off one of my sock puppet creations as well...)

As some of you may recall, several weeks ago I had a short post that suggested I had previously posted something I came to regret and deleted it. The post I deleted was critical of Kushibo for a comment he made about Nomad that I thought was a cheap shot. Anyway, the post came out a little meaner than it needed to be and when I woke up 7 hours later I saw that Kushibo had already responded to it and explained his intent with what he said about Nomad. I decided to just delete the whole thing and let both of us go back to just ignoring each other.

Well...going through the thread on Matt's Kushibo/Nora post, it was brought to my attention that Kushibo had posted on that entry. Nothing wrong in the Kushibo's response itself necessarily, though I do wonder why he reprinted my post in its entirety rather than just link to it. But anyway, what he said was fine and perhaps even admirable in that he didn't sink to my level and start hurling back insults.

But in the comments section is a short dialog between 'Nora' and Kushibo:

        At Thursday, July 06, 2006 12:35:52 PM,
        nora sumi park said...
      

       

"I
don't think half of the comments this guy makes on other people's blogs
(and he certainly makes a lot of them) are really about adding to the
issue so much as he just really needs to know that he's being paid
attention to."

ouch! when a guy who writes things like this says that you
are a shameless attention seeker, you know you've been burned. by a
black pot. calling the kettle black. you know what expression i'm
talking about.

   
      

        At Monday, July 10, 2006 6:48:40 PM,
        Kushibo said...
      

       

Nora, are Kevin Kim and Party Pooper the same person? I thought they were two separate people, not one person with two blogs.

The 'this' link from Nora connects with Kevin Kim of Big Hominid fame, making a poetic argument for the liberal use of profanity. Thus, Kushibo comes on later and asks why she implies that Kevin Kim and the Party Pooper are the same person. Nora does not respond...

So if indeed Nora and Kushibo turn out to be the same person, then what is going on here is Kushibo making it seem that he is taking the high road in response to yet another angry blogger who assails him (he is a lightning rod, you know. Nora refers to herself as one too), while his lesbian-Republican sock puppet can come on and make the  accusations/insults for him. Classy. Now that IS my level!

Note: In no way do I mean to imply anything negative about lesbians in the above comments.
Although I can't say some of my best friends are lesbians, I would
really, really like to make some.

So if Kushbio and Nora are indeed the same person and this is how Kushibo 'rolls,' then yes Kushibo, you are a dick and its probably best that you just scrap both blogs and try this whole experiment all over again. I think the blog name 'Seoul of Kimchi ' is still available, though 'This is Seoul Aim' might be more fitting.

If Matt is mistaken and there's a logical explanation for everything and you and 'Nora' prove it by showing up together in Itaewon, then it will be all apologies and group hugs. However, we'll also need to see proof that Nora is indeed a Republican (we'll bring a hippie along for her to beat up) and a lesbian (it's Itaewon, we'll figure something out).

Also, I will promptly delete this post (though not before you have a chance to copy it and add it to your ever-growing list of people's comments about you on your blog, you little hot sparkin' lightning rod you!).

Now, some of you may be asking, are the Big Hominid and I indeed the same person as Nora knows Nada suggests? Of course we are, ya idjits! Just look at all the evidence:

1. Both blogs make continuous scatological references.

2. Have you seen any other blog display as many of Kevin's (MY) drawings from the Big Hominid site? For Gods sake, I posted the 'It makes a difference to the sheep' pic alone three posts in a row a few months back!

Look, here it is again! Seriously, who the hell other than Kevin (ME!) would keep showing this picture over and over again? Oranckay? Jodi? I don't think so...

3. We both claim to be American and yet did not support the Iraq war from the very beginning. Come on! What are the odds of that? (oh, I guess I may have given it away now, but Cathartidae is my blog too.

So next the question is 'why'?

Well, I invented the Party Pooper primarily for two reasons:

1. Because I have always wanted to vent my true feelings about Korea anonymously without getting fired from my job or disowned by my parents. Really, posts like  'Song Hye Kyo, you Whore!' just wouldn't be understood by my students and being a single man going into my thirties, my mother would get more than a little nervous if she knew I had started a 'Gaywatch' project or even referred to someone like Lee Junki in passing.

2. I would have the Partypooper purposely mispell words and then I could come along and grandly correct them for all to see (just look at the comments section in a day or two and you'll see an example of this from these very sentences!).

So anyway, there it all is out in the open and damn if it just doesn't feel great. No more lies!

And by the way, if you'd all like to buy one of Kevin's my books (you know, the 'scary spasm chasm' thing and that 'skull in the water' or whatever book)  just go ahead and send your money through this site and you'll get a 40% discount. Yeah, do it soon.

Comments on original post

Comments

No corrections from me. Outed is the correct spelling. But perhaps you don't know because I never mentioned it on my blog, but I too am an American who opposed the war from its onset. Does that mean that we are the same person? And what does that say about how crazy I am seeing as I've met both you and the Big Ho in person? I'm certifiable.

Posted by: Joel | August 03, 2006 at 01:12 PM

OMG...One of your best posts to date. And just when I was going to start sending you nasty stalker-type emails for not posting more often like you said you would.
And lest's see if I can add this all up. Both Kevin and I like Peanut Butter Cups (not sure what that means, but I thought I'd throw it in there). Kevin claims to be my father (My mom still hasn't gotten back to me about that one, btw).
You and Kevin are the same person....oh boy.

Posted by: Nomad | August 03, 2006 at 07:10 PM

Truly brilliant. I'm not entirely sold on the Kushibo/Nora thing, but looks compelling. Methinks I'll hold for a response from either site before deciding for sure.

What amuses me more is this whole K-blog subculture that everyone knows everyone (at least via comments and trackbacks). The true beneficiary? Anonymous but faithful readers like me.

Posted by: Shawn Lee | August 03, 2006 at 09:23 PM

Excellent post, Me. I found this post via Lost Nomad, who is also Me. As should be obvious by now, I am everyone. And everywhere. The entire K-blogosphere is just me talking to myself.

(Whoa-- forgot to capitalize "me" and "myself" there.)


Kevin

Posted by: Kevin Kim | August 03, 2006 at 10:35 PM

There's a lot of that going around it seems. Now if anyone can prove Mizs and Magoo are one in the same I'll feel vindicated knowing I was right. In fact, Kushibo and Mizs always seem to show up together now that I think about it.... hmm.

Posted by: Gar | August 03, 2006 at 10:43 PM

You forgot to add your experince on the grassy knoll in Daley Plaza.

Posted by: Drambuie_man | August 03, 2006 at 11:05 PM

my plan to create a sock to complement my own posts is now on hiatus. probably for the better, as i was told that my choice of "iloverottencrotch" as my sock handle was too transparent.

Posted by: iheartblueballs | August 04, 2006 at 12:12 AM

Dammit, why can't Kev be a hot mixed-race lesbian, too?

Posted by: Justin | August 04, 2006 at 02:44 AM

Justin,

I'm mixed-race and get hot when I hike up the mountain, but it's gonna take a few days with the pocketknife before I can even begin to resemble a lesbian.


Kevin

Posted by: Kevin Kim | August 04, 2006 at 06:54 AM

I think a few days is a generous estimate. It could take you a lot longer than that just to find the thing.

Posted by: Joel | August 04, 2006 at 09:12 AM

Yeah; call me Fats Pimpledick.


Kevin

Posted by: Kevin Kim | August 04, 2006 at 09:30 AM

Man, aren't you sensitive? I was saying you have a small penis. I wasn't trying to imply you were fat. ^^

Posted by: Joel | August 04, 2006 at 12:13 PM

"sock puppet"? Well the Wiki definition was new to me too; the one I new about involved the hollywood/film world practice of clothing "peni" of male actors with socks when they are appearing in nude scenes where said peni won't be called on actually to make an appearance.Doesn't apply in porn, obviously, even when the main charater isn;t in "in action", since it's usally then getting "fluffed".

Posted by: Sperwer | August 04, 2006 at 05:46 PM

Joel,

Well, THANK GOD it was only THAT!

Me, I interpreted the joke as "combing through rolls of fat for Teenie Weenie," hence Fats Pimpledick.

Now, alas, our jokes have been spoiled through overanalysis and overexplanation, and I still haven't found my dick. Does Emmanuelle Chriqui have it?


Kevin

Posted by: Kevin Kim | August 04, 2006 at 09:06 PM

This post is getting funnier all the time.

"Fats Pimpledick"

Oh man.

Posted by: Nomad | August 04, 2006 at 09:26 PM

It occurs to me that it is going to cost Kushibo a lot of money to find a Korean-American girl willing to pretend to be Nora.

Posted by: Matt | August 06, 2006 at 09:25 AM

It occurs to me that it is going to cost Kushibo a lot of money to find a Korean-American girl willing to pretend to be Nora.

Too bad Lee Joon-gi's English isn't up to snuff. Otherwise he could pull it off easily.

Posted by: Iceberg | August 06, 2006 at 08:17 PM

Ice> Nah thats not going to go well since the "Nora" is going to have to prove an intrest in girls.

Posted by: Drambuie Man | August 06, 2006 at 10:24 PM

Dram-Man,

When you say 'nora' will have to prove an interest in girls, do you mean the 'Kushibo' nora pretending to like girls? Or the woman Kushibo will pay to pretend to be Nora to prove an interest in girls. I think it will be easier for the paid fake nora to prove she likes girls.

However I am sure Kushibo will be happy to show off his lance bass sticker collection.

Posted by: kramer | August 07, 2006 at 12:40 AM

Kramer>Can I get a diagram before I awnser that one?

Posted by: Drambuie_man | August 07, 2006 at 11:07 PM

I like sheep --- in that way....

Posted by: usinkorea | August 08, 2006 at 07:15 AM

"hike up the mountain"?

It's been awhile since I was on a college campus with the young folk.

What kind of gay/lesbian sex act was that a reference to?

Posted by: usinkorea | August 08, 2006 at 07:18 AM

Is Kushibo OK? Does he have any friends that can find out if he is alive.

Posted by: HopSinger | August 19, 2006 at 08:36 PM

Check out Occidentalism, Kushibo is alive living in Hawai`i and made an appearance on t.v.!

http://www.occidentalism.org/?p=362

Posted by: kealii | September 22, 2006 at 01:28 AM

Be the Reds (or Be Dead)

Did any catch this story about
the Korean sports commentator who got fired because he pointed out that
the controversial offsides call in the Swiss game was actually correct?

 
 

Shin reiterated inflammatory remarks that cost him his job
late last month, saying a controversial off-side decision in Korea’s
game against Switzerland in the World Cup should not have been played
up. “Korean Football Association president Chung Mong-Joon told the
public he would protest against bad calls by referees over the off-side
issue to FIFA, and it infuriated people and poured oil on the flames by
not offering accurate information on the off-side rule to the people
who didn’t know enough about it.”

 

Shin was branded a traitor by some when he sided with the
referee over his decision to overrule a line judge who signaled Swiss
forward Alexander Frei was off-side in Switzerland’s game with Korea on
June 24. Frei scored a second goal for his team in the 32nd minute of
the second half. Such was the outcry over Shin’s remark that SBS, where
he was meant to work until July 10, sent him home on June 28.

Here's the traitor himself. May he never be allowed to work in this country, nor wear the color red, for the rest of his life.

Kind of reminds me of last year when patriotic Koreans ganged up on MBC
for suggesting that Dr. Hwang conducted fraudulent research. Nice to
see that so much was learned from that painful event.

And finally, I just have to remind everyone that Italy has won the World Cup, as I fearlessly predicted
long ago. The odds that Italy would win the
world cup were 10-1. That was money in the bank had you, my dear
readers, been wise enough to heed my visions.

Now some of you might well ask why I did not follow my own psychic
visions and become rich. Foolish mortals, that is not the Psychic Way.
We float above the masses with their common desires for the petty
rewards of the material world. Our work is to bring healing to the
planet and help humanity connect with the spirit world. It's all in a
book I'm writing that will soon be made available to the public through
my website in the near future (retail $45, all major credit cards
accepted).

Comments from original post

Sign me up right away immediately! My credit card number is 3212-333-222-366-3212-3333-22321.

Posted by: Ders | July 11, 2006 at 05:08 PM

better article here:

http://english.donga.com/srv/service.php3?bicode=070000&biid=2006070831378

Posted by: iheartblueballs | July 11, 2006 at 08:45 PM

Traitor to Tangun~!

To Yodok with you!

Posted by: Hugh | July 11, 2006 at 09:53 PM

Oh those silly Coreans!!! Why can't they just ZERG RUSH kekekeke Damaedo just to make a point about Corean Pryde?

Posted by: Mark | July 12, 2006 at 08:56 PM

"It's all in a book I'm writing that will soon be made available to the public through my website in the near future (retail $45, all major credit cards accepted)."

This sounds discomfitingly familiar...


Kevin

Posted by: Kevin Kim | July 13, 2006 at 05:39 AM

Fear of a Crumply Brown Hat

I should have learned my lesson yesterday, but I didn't and here's another post that I'll probably regret putting up. Oh well, gotta be me.

While looking for information on early English education, a series of unfortunate links led me to the ELT News site and this article in their 'ELT Thinktank' section.

This is Chris Hunt: EFL kindergarten teacher extraordinaire in Japan. If you can look past the hat (I know, it isn't easy), you'll see that he is holding something that looks like some kind of wind instrument (be sure to click on the picture to make it even harder to see) Or maybe it's a 'love stick' he uses on his children and/or himself? I dare not speculate.

The point in this 'thinktank forum' is just to share a good idea you’ve had that other teachers might find useful. The other entries all seem more or less fine, but Chris, like his appearance, proves to be unique.

Either missing the
point entirely or just seeking desperately to be clever, this is part of his initial
response to the topic:

Somewhere in King Lear there’s a discussion about the worst. For better or for worse the argument
goes as follows ­ so long as we can say this is the worst, then it is not the
worst. But how does the argument stand up the other way around? Let’s try it out. As long as we can say this is the best, it is not the
best! What is best can be bested. Something better this way bends. I guess
whether you find this a cause for celebration or a cause for concern depends
upon your point of view. Or perhaps it is both? Or perhaps it is neither?

Perhaps you can get to some sort of logical point?

Can you imagine having to sit in a meeting with this guy?
It’s late, you’ve got things to do and just want whatever is on the agenda to
be resolved and then this guy opens his mouth and starts babbling out this kind
of nonsense ad nauseum. Knuckles whiten as you clutch your Parker pen tightly
and stare down at your daily planner. Maybe if everyone avoids eye contact he’ll
eventually get the hint and stop?  You begin to doodle cartoons of a little stick
figure with a big hat dying in various, gruesome ways. The babbling continues…

Why is it that human beings get so wrapped up in what is
best? Is it a facet of what has been termed the ‘human condition’ or just a
function of social conditioning? Is it the pursuit of excellence or merely the
expression of ego? Is the source a love of life or a fear of it? Does it spring
from an abundance of self esteem or from a lack of it? Don’t expect much of an
answer from me ­ at the moment I fear I am not in my perfect mind. Perhaps I
need a drink; but first an aside.

I'm sorry, an 'aside'? You mean you are going to go even further away from the topic than you already have been for several paragraphs? You look around the meeting room desperately at the other teachers forced to endure this bullshit. Your heart sinks as you see nothing but helpless despair in all of their eyes. And Chris mercilessly rambles on...

Where do ideas come from? When I sat down to write this
piece I began with just one idea in mind, a feeble joke. It went like this. Ah
yes, my best idea of the year ­ I’m still waiting for it. But now thoughts are
swirling around me and through me like so many phantoms. Which ones can I give
shape and substance to? Which ones will allow me to?

 Yeah, at this point, sitting in our hypothetical meeting with Chris babbling away, you’ve got your own phantom-like
thoughts swirling around your head. Which to give shape and substance to? The
ones impelling you to try to knock off that ridiculous hat by angrily hurling your
daily planner across the room? Or the ones compelling you to scream and hurl
yourself out the window and fall to your death?

I don’t mean this as a blanket condemnation of everyone in education, but
I just have a hard time thinking of where else this guy would be able to hold a
job, let alone be allowed to speak in a public forum. Nothing comes to mind, but an IMAO “In my world” type scenario just popped
into my head with our beloved Chris as a member of the Bush cabinet.

Bush: So people, what’s the best way to get out of this Iraq quicksand…mirey thing?

Chris: Well, I don’t really like to think about things in terms of ‘best’. I mean, what exactly does ‘best’ mean? And when we agree to
label something ‘best’, are we really saying it could not bested? What if something better this way bends…ACK!..AARRGH, GASP!

Bush: Cheney, stop enstrangling the guy. I
like when he talks. Gives me a chance to look out the window and clear my head,
think about ranch stuff I’d like to do come this month’s 2-week vacation.

Cheney: Sorry, Mr President. I was just
going to straighten out his tie and I tripped. Let me make it up to you Chris
by taking you out on a hunting trip.

Chris: Can I wear my hat? It makes me look
taller!

Cheney: [flashing that classic
heart-warming Cheney smile] Oh yes. Please do wear the hat. Yes...

Ok, back to Hunt’s deep dish of philsophical goodness.

Suddenly I’m reminded of an old Monty Python skit where
John Cleese (I think) dressed as a middle aged woman recites his theory about
dinosaurs, “Dinosaurs are thin at one end, fat in the middle and thin at the
other. This is my theory and mine alone.” Yet how many of us have had an idea
that we can honestly lay claim to alone? Can ideas really be born in isolation?
And if this is not the case, what price copyright?

Back to my drink. Okay, who’s been drinking from my glass?
Just look at it! I could say that it is half empty. I could say that it is half
full. I could say it’s just a glass. After all, it’s just imagination.

For some reason, this picture (swiped from the Big Ho's gallery) comes to mind after reading the above.

Seriously, does he even remember the original question at this
point? And I am the only person masochistic enough to continue reading?

Well, apparently Chris does look back to
the original question and finally gets around to answering. It’s some reward system he worked out to get his kindergarten kids to
speak in English. If for whatever reason you kind of feel down on your life, I
encourage you to read this. Might make your life seem a whole lot better in comparison.  

And I think Chris himself starts to reflect a little too much on the meaning (or lack thereof) of his life. After talking about his classroom for a few paragraphs, this is what he
writes next:

Lately I haven’t been sleeping so well. I’m
wondering about whether to renew my contract.

Then he goes right back into discussing his
kindergarten class without missing a beat. A beautiful little glimpse into a
troubled mind. I can’t help but start to pity him
at this point. He begins to criticize his ideas and I seriously wonder if he is
about to completly lose it. I’m not up on my psychology,
but I think that the day he decided to start wearing that hat was one of the
first warning signs that he needs help. Is it too late for Chris?

I’ve
described my best idea of the year as garbage. It is working well as a control
system but is undemocratic. Yet it offers a reference point for me to move away
from. Something is not always better than nothing, but then nothing comes of
nothing ­ so create again.

Yes, I…uh, what?

A reference point to move away from. I do
like that quote. English teachers everywhere in Asia, here is a reference point
that I hope you all can move away from.

A little quality control could do wonders for the reputation of the English teaching industry in Asia.

Comments from original post

That dude's la-la musings remind me of the classic creation hymn found in the Rig Veda (10.129):

There were begetters, there were mighty forces,
free action here and energy up yonder
Who verily knows and who can here declare it,
whence it was born and whence comes this creation?
The Gods are later
than this world's production.
Who knows then whence
it first came into being?
He, the first origin of this creation,
whether he formed it all
or did not form it,
Whose eye controls this world
in highest heaven,
he verily knows it
...or perhaps he knows not.

Posted by: Kevin Kim | July 01, 2006 at 06:11 AM

I've been feeling a bit down of late but that - what can I say? Funny as fuck...ha ha. Thanks - x

Posted by: Leone | July 01, 2006 at 06:57 AM

How much do you want to bet he speaks like that to his kindergarten students too? Some of these dudes get off on talking over people's heads.

And on an aside what exactly is "getting off?" Is it merely an abstract concept that we have created to define a chemical reaction occurring in the medial forebrain bundles? Or is there an actual "getting off process" that can be quantitatively measured? And how do such measurements relate to erections? What is an erection and why did we start calling it a boner? And how come there is a word for boner backwards, renob, but not for erection? Wouldn't a word like noitcere be more conducive to experiencing this getting off?

Posted by: Joel | July 02, 2006 at 06:13 PM

Very deep Joel. And would said boner be best described as half-erect? Or half-limp?

And by the way Pooper, what's with your unnecessary slanderations of the President? Why do you hate America so much?

Posted by: captainhowdy | July 02, 2006 at 10:49 PM

I have always enjoyed the term "semi-flacid," but maybe that's just me.

Posted by: Joel | July 03, 2006 at 06:59 AM

Where do ideas come from? Do they fall from the sky? Are they innate in the mind? No, they come from practice and reflection on this practice.

Mao Tse-tungjavascript:void(0)

Posted by: Tony | July 04, 2006 at 01:21 AM

Is he wearing a pink bunny suit?

Posted by: Hugh | July 10, 2006 at 04:59 PM

True Prophet of Blog

Once again, I need to remind the public that my predictions for the 2006 World Cup have come true with amazing 100% accuracy*.  I foresaw the fall of America, Japan and Korea in the 2006 World Cup years ago**.

Now some of the more close-minded among you may bicker over certain predictions that may seem (to the ignorant eye) not to have come to pass (Japan being outscored 12-1 in the first round, England drawing with Trinidad and Tobagawhatever).

However, I should point out that in that particular post I was quoted by myself out of context (hate when I do that) and also there are some apparent mistranslations from the original source. I receive my prophecies from the spirit world in an advanced form of computer language (zeros, ones and the occasional three) and sometimes things get lost in translation to English. If you were able to see the original source, you would see that my predictions were actually slightly more than 100% correct.***

Another of my Fearless Predictions which is being challenged is that Ronaldo continues to be the ugliest soccer player on the field. Some say that Lee Chun-soo has taken that honor. However, this poll was conducted on a Brazilian website, so obviously it is biased.  In a truly international poll, I'm sure Ronaldo would stay on top. Chun-soo would be in second, or possibly even third.

Nah, second.

And speaking of ugly, I in no way meant to imply that I thought Park Ji-sung was anything less than 'Gangta-esque' handsome when I made the comment: 'Park Ji-sung: A face only a mother could..."

The completed sentence I had in mind when I wrote that would actually read "Park Ji-sung, a face only a mother could pick out in an auditorium full of awkward-looking acne-ridden high school boys."

My apologies to Park Ji-sung, his mother and the hordes of middle
school kyopo girls who for some reason freak out if anyone makes a silly
joke about one of their idols.

I imagine they probably wouldn't appreciate this much either.

And finally, to those who think I take any joy in the Corea team's poor showing in the World Cup, I assure you that I take no more pleasure in the Corea soccer team's failure than your average Corean does in the America team's early exit. It's all about sharing the love.

*100% accuracy in the figurative sense of the expression
**This statement is absolutely correct, as I made the prediction at the end of 2005, and the 's' in the word 'years' is just a typo.
*** These calculations rely on an advanced form of mathematics known only to a handful of scholars and certain athletes who are cabable of giving '110% to the team.'

Viva Hula

I'm looking for a piece of exercise equipment that will not only delude me into thinking it will actually help me firm my stomach, but also make me look completely ridiculous in the process. I've narrowed it down to these two candidates.

I'm leaning towards the 'viva hula'. It's a bit more expensive ($50), which means it must be better, and it also seems like it might have other possible uses besides just losing weight.

Park Ji-sung: The Anton Ohno of Korea

Park Ji-sung receives great praise for his 'hollywood action' that brings out the yellow cards.

Park Ji-sung: The face only a mother could...

"Park’s flying act is already well known in the U.K.’s Premier League.
Fans once thought, Is he just falling over like that because he's a
little Asian guy who doesn't eat very much? Now they are praising the
maneuver as the perfect way to bring out yellow cards for the opposing
team. Park has been fouled 55 times: the team's undisputed leader."

Anton Ohno would be proud.

Comments from original post



Ah, he falls down on purpose! I thought it was just a Special Olympics kind of thing.

Posted by: Giant Panda | June 14, 2006 at 11:07 PM

He must be watching too many Italian games. Serie A players make his theatrics pale into insignificance.......viva Italia (quite cute too)...

Posted by: leone | June 16, 2006 at 09:53 PM

Hahaha, "Park Ji-sung: The face only a mother could...", could what? Could love? Yes, he's got a face that maybe only a mother would love. But then what would YOUR face be? A face that no one, not even your mother, would love. Your mother, in fact, would be hideously ashamed of your face. Please drown. Thank you.

PS I emailed you some pictures of myself again. Please write me back this time.

Posted by: Christine | June 17, 2006 at 06:27 PM

My Drowned in Life blog has been replaced with the present version. Keep writing, I enjoy stories about Corea.

kekeke

Posted by: Mark | June 18, 2006 at 02:13 PM

You have no right to be making fun of Korean people. I'm sorry that you feel jealous of us because we have become one of the most successful countries in the world. But let me tell you this: I suggest you watch yourself very carefully because many people are becoming very angry at you and your words. Unless you'd like your site and yourself to be sued, you should perhaps tone down a bit on your wording and phrasings. Like it says in the Bible, "Pride goeth before a fall." You may think you're full of intelligence and wit, but actually, it just seems like something a small child would do, seeking attention. If you'd truly like attention, you should go and try out for American Idol or something. You MIGHT receive some attention with your bashing on Korea there. (Perhaps negatively, but it's attention nonetheless, no?) P.S. I think you're just upset at Park Ji-sung because he's a world famous soccer player while you're a writer of ridiculous little stories. I pity you, honestly.

Posted by: Danbee | June 20, 2006 at 05:20 PM

Wow! And I thought folks like Danbee were just fictional!

Posted by: Alcoholic | June 21, 2006 at 12:50 AM

Now let me get this straight. I point out some obvious hypocrisy (Ohno doing some 'acting' to get a referee's call against Korea is evil, but Ji-seung doing the same thing for Korea is good), and the only thing you can do is respond with threats? If the claim is not true, then why don't you argue against it rather than just throw out childish insults? You seem to be a Christian, but is that really something that Jesus would do?

Please stop making Koreans look bad by supporting the stereotype that Koreans cannot take criticism rationally. Any more of this, and I just might have to sue your ass on behalf of all good Koreans.


Posted by: partypooper | June 21, 2006 at 06:50 AM

I really think you should tone it down a bit. You may think this is all fun and games. But people take this seriously. It's rude bashing on a country that has been through so much. Seriously, please stop. It's really bothering me and other Koreans.

And you're the only one making Koreans look bad by writing all of this bologna about us. Why won't you just make fun of your own race? Don't you think Korean people, or Asians in general, already have it bad enough? Calling us "chinks" & what not. So please, stop.

Posted by: Ashley | June 21, 2006 at 12:24 PM

Interesting little debate you got here. I'll sum up:

Argument: Koreans are hypocrites for condemning Ohno for getting referees to make foul calls, but praising Ji-sung when he does the same thing.

Counter-arguments:

#1. The author is uglier than Park Ji-sung

#2. The author is just jealous of successful Korea.

#3. Korea is a poor country, therefore no one should ever criticize it.

Impressive and profoundly logical counter-arguments, one and all. Clearly the fruits of an excellent education system (American and/or Korean, I would guess).

Can't we all get along? How about we all agree that Park Ji-sung is ok for doing what he does, and all the Koreans agree that Anton Ohno is ok as well.

To quote one of the greatest movies of all time:
"I'm OK, your OK: that there's how it is."


Posted by: captainhowdy | June 21, 2006 at 10:12 PM

Christine, Ashby and Danbee...

Perhaps you should head over to the Naver boards and read the unrestrained "hate white people/hate japanese/hate non-koreans" that is on thousands of comments daily.

They you come here and make ridiculous threats your little high school butts can't back up.

Note: I have never read the word "chinks" on this blog. Hell, on any waygook in Korea blogs. We're rather aware we're in Korea, not China, for one and we don't actually have to go for crude name-calling. Why? The ridiculous self-righteousness and huffing&puffing nonsense of the average over-emoted Korean - like you! - is comedy enough for us!

Thank you for your letters, you are a hilarious example of Korean non-rational bluster and empty threats.

Pshaw!

Posted by: Hugh | July 06, 2006 at 06:18 PM

damn man.... wth you guys problem? park ji sung is doing a great job and hes doing great at contributing the team. guys your sitting on your asses writing stupid shit. admire the guy. hes freaking better than all you guys by 10x better. stop criticizing him becuase hes famous and all you guys are not. and what does the bible and jesus got to do with it? its fucking soccer? not freakking hallelujah soccer praise shit? its Soccer~ joga bonito.

Posted by: steven lim | April 07, 2007 at 05:54 PM

oh also. park ji sung . well im playing soccer in auburndale fusion in america. and im jus saying that im really proud of you hyung. you started in japan and everybody let you down. but you still keep on practicing and practicing. and now your like one of the best midfielders in the world. i hope you will live in this soccer genereration as long as possible hyung.

형! 화팅!! 형은짱이애요!!!
형!힘내새요!!
영표형!! 사랑해요...

my name is 임준혁...646 393 6886 this is my number call me hyung

Posted by: steven lim | April 07, 2007 at 05:59 PM

Bae Yong Jun: Cry for me

In Chosunilbo you can read an article about how South Koreans ignore LINK protestors trying to raise awareness about the plight of their brothers to the North, but if you want some true trajedy then go here:

Bae Yong-joon Laments the Price of Fame

Look at that pained expression. Oh why is life so hard for our little Yonsama?

"The interviewer says it looks as if Bae is unable to enjoy any
semblance of a normal life. "There can be nothing like that for me,"
the star replies. "The house, the office, the gym: my sphere of
activity is pretty limited. There's a coffee shop at a hotel that our
company manages, but even there I have to go in through the back door."
He admits to despairing sometimes when he thinks that this is how he
has to live the rest of his life."

My recommendation to Mr. Bae is to move to the United States where he can easily find the sweet oblivion that he so desperately desires. And also allow me to extend this invitation to International Mega-Superstar 'Rain' as well. If you ever want to go somewhere where no one knows nor cares who the hell you are, your own American Dream awaits you.

Speaking of the 'crying game,' transgender Ha Ri Su has made public the identity of her boyfriend.
Here is the lucky guy right here, Woo Seung-woo.

Woo-woo, mad props for being open-minded enough to date a transgender and having the courage to come public. You're more of a man than I could ever be (so to speak).

If the newest ads by Lee Joongi do not cause violent retching, perhaps you should consider getting some help.

They say that Joongi/junki/whatever is going to take on a more 'manly' role in his next acting effort. Good idea. I say he should get a fake girlfriend while he's at it. Joongi, your 15 minutes are about up on this whole girly-boy thing and though your gender-confused budding-lesbian fan-base may hold steady, I think you'll find the rest of Korean society is already getting bored (if not physically ill) with this whole 'aren't I just the cutest little princess?' act.

And finally, from an anonymous COF member I received a link to this photo.
It's a picture of the Korean soccer team in training. It seems that they were having a split-squad relay race and this is the winning team.

Question 1:
When having split-squad relay races, is it a requirement to form a 'love train' formation while watching other members race?

Question 2: In soccer, is it an acceptable act of celebration to reach around another player and grab his crotch? Or is this just a Korean guy thing?

Question 3: When another guy does grab your crotch, do you have to enjoy it as much as Kim Dong-jin (front-left) seems to be? Or is it just sports etiquette to refrain from the natural impulse to elbow the pepper-picker in the gut?

Comments on original post



The public wrap around is just too much. Have you seen The Yangpas take on Korean Gaydar (http://theyangpa.wordpress.com/2006/06/01/korean-gaydar-technology-lags-behind-international-standards/). It's pretty funny, but not nearly as good as your posts.

hmm.. no html on your comments.

Posted by: EFL Geek | June 01, 2006 at 04:17 PM

Allow me if I may to address each of these topics.

Photo 1. Yonsama is obviously despairing that his lipstick has dried up.

Photo 2. Which one is Harisu?

Photo 3. Word on the street is that Junki's "manlier" role will be the part of Harisu in the Harisu epic biography.

Photo 4. Use of the hands is apparently okay in soccer as long as you don't touch the ball(s).

Posted by: Iceberg | June 02, 2006 at 01:22 AM

Nice. Thank ya!

Posted by: Hugh | June 02, 2006 at 09:52 AM

Now those Korean footie boys are hot! I hope you don't mind Scott but I've reproduced it with credits of course!

Posted by: Leone | June 02, 2006 at 07:44 PM

Yeah baby, this is what I'm talking about. You really need to quit your day job so you can blog more. Or, do what countless other bloggers do and blog from work.

Posted by: Nomad | June 02, 2006 at 10:00 PM

Grabbing the crotch? I think it's just a Korean guy thing.

Posted by: yankabroad | June 03, 2006 at 07:08 PM

My god, that new Lee Jun-gi is just horrible. Truely retch-enducing.

The celebrity "woe is me" piece is a common tactic designed to engender a stronger sense of devotion among the fans. Reading about the sacrifices their favorite star has to make, the fans feel a stronger obligation to support their idol.

Of course, as you said, if he is really tired of the attention he can always just move to North Dakota and slip quietly into society there. But really... his management agency just isn't having that.

Posted by: Brian | June 07, 2006 at 09:24 PM

in english please..

Posted by: Joe brown | June 16, 2006 at 09:57 PM

"In soccer, is it an acceptable act of celebration to reach around another player and grab his crotch?" Yeah, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Sicko.

Posted by: Christine | June 17, 2006 at 06:29 PM

do you REALLY have nothing better to do than write all this crap?

Posted by: Yvonne | August 08, 2006 at 05:19 PM

Yvonne, this isn't the Chosun Ilbo or the daily news. It's a blog. If you can't take the heat, get out of the pan.

Posted by: littlebrownasian | August 08, 2006 at 05:37 PM