Mission Statement

A recent post over at Marmot's Hole, my main rival as the King of Korean Blogs, has inspired me to clarify what this humble blog is all about. This post reminded me that some people might be taking this blog for
something that it is not. This is in large part my fault, as the About
page probably makes this blog seem less than it is.

So with this in mind, I plagiarize and edit write the following.

The Party Pooper is in every way, shape and form a fair representation
of Korea. Korea—at least that part that is not a communist shithole—is a modern
nation and formerly growing regional and world power with, depending on who you
ask, some 15,000 years of history behind it. It’s home to over 23
million human beings and 17 million humanoid-like creatures called 'ajoshis' who go about their days living their lives like
people in other normal countries. It also happens to be a great place
to live (assuming you are white, that is). Yeah, it has its quirks, but which nation  doesn’t (other than Switzerland. Killer chocolate, dudes!), and at
least Koreans aren’t smoking tons of pot (though it probably might actually improve their society, considering this).

It would be very difficult to fully represent a nation as diverse and Dynamic as Korea on one website. And yet somehow I manage to pull it off.

This website is certainly full of stuff—3,693  186 posts (not even including this
one!) and 53,205 comments and counting (give or take 52,000). Many of the posts are astonishingly free of personal bias and simply tell Korea how it really is.  Every post goes through a strict editing process for fairness and accuracy and has the complete approval of both the Nazi Chosun Youth over at VANK and Kushibo (now that guy's fair!).

In other words, it’s a model blog.

There are, however, few expat-related stories
that I post because, as you probably have guessed, I am actually a
16-year-old Korean girl in a PC room who just makes posts when
I'm not chatting online with my friends about gay Korean singers or
making my Cyworld HomeP super cute by cramming in even more animation
art of puppies and dancing mushroom people (by the way, I just put up a
picture of the spaghetti I ate last night when me and Young-ah went to
TGIF yesterday, check it out!). And I don't put many pictures of boobs
on my blog like other K-bloggers because it makes me feel inadequate. (Grow you little feckless bastards! Grow!)

If you’re using this blog as your primary window on Korea—-then you made the right choice. [Note, by the way, how I used 'you're' and 'your' correctly in the sentence above. This alone makes me the second most literate blog in the whole English speaking world.] This blog is often listed among the primary study materials in Korean Study programs in the finest universities in the world, and has been praised by many a scholar as being no less fair and balanced than any Bruce Cumming's book.

Likewise, if you know nothing about Korea, you probably should be studying this blog religiously. Don't go to the propaganda sites like Korea. net, and for God's sake don't bother actually coming to Korea. It's all fun and games when we see you on Korean TV eating kimchi and being prompted to say nice things about our country, but frankly speaking, when we actually see you in person on the streets or on the subway, you all kind of creep us out. Especially you fat, smelly ones.

Comments on original blog entry

I of course have had this blog set as my homepage since it's inception and have benefited from the font of wisdom you bestow upon your readers.

All hail the glorious party pooper king of bloggers.

Posted by: EFL Geek | December 16, 2006 at 03:30 PM

Insightful stuff Party Pooper. You and Iceberg are the cream of Korean weblogs. BTW who is this Marmot that you mention?

Posted by: capt_kimchi | December 16, 2006 at 07:24 PM

This is why you're blog is a great read!

Posted by: Mark Milton | December 16, 2006 at 09:26 PM

Your much better then the Marmot, and I sit in front of the monitor each and every day for hours, hitting the refresh button in the hope you've posted something new. At least once a month I'm rewarded for my efforts.

Posted by: Nomad | December 16, 2006 at 10:23 PM

there is no greater gift than sarcasm. likewise, there is no country which suffers a greater shortage of it than korea.

please, keep on giving. for the children.

Posted by: iheartblueballs | December 16, 2006 at 11:44 PM

Well, Kushibo insinuated that you and I are the same person, so I'll just congratulate myself for this fine, fine post.


Kevin

Posted by: Kevin Kim | December 18, 2006 at 10:30 AM

Hey, you forgot one another mission statement.

To expose all the Korean fags and out them all out.

Are you really a fag too?

Posted by: Mac | December 18, 2006 at 07:00 PM

I knew it! I knew you were a little schoolgirl posting from the PC room! That's why all of your stuff is so accurate. None of those fat, white americans would have that much insight into the Korean culture. We are too pure and superior for them to understand.

Posted by: kimchilover | December 18, 2006 at 10:44 PM

The Great Leader tells you to shut up:

http://chunkydonkey.blogspot.com/

Posted by: kim | December 19, 2006 at 08:06 AM

World Cup Draw

The World Cup draw was announced early this morning (Korea time).

The States finds itself in the same bracket with Italy, Ghana, and the Czech Republic. Korea will be going against France, Switzerland, and a mystical land called Togo (which I believe is next to Narnia).

Knowing as much about soccer as the next American does (read: almost nothing), I'll follow the sage advice of the bookies and  boldly claim that neither America nor Korea stand much of a chance of getting past the first round.

America will be thrashed by the obnoxious but good-looking Italians and will lose a close one to the obnoxious and less good-looking Czechs. They will get a measure of revenge against Ghana, but will still only win by one goal as it will take a while before they realize that black athletes outside the US tend to suck.

Korea will be thrashed by France to the delight of all Southern Europeans who want payback for World Cup 2002 'irregularities' in officiating. The Koreans will also fall to the peace-mongering Swiss, whom they played recently in Korea (it doesn't bode well if you only draw with a team in a 'must win' friendly game held on your home turf, IMHO). However, those Togons (Togoese? Togots? Togotons?) are going down hard!

Fearless Prediction:

Italy wins the World Cup!

I see Brazil falling to Italy in the final game. Brazil chokes when they play the big games in Europe (they got blanked by the French in 1998, for hell's sake). England chokes in the big games regardless of where they play. Germany is capable of choking on their home field (I'm going all the way back to the Munich Olympics on this one, so take that with a grain or two of salt), Argentina is, well, Argentina, and God is still punishing the French for being opposed to the Iraq war.

Wait a minute. On second thought, I'm going with France to take it all.

Fearless Prediction 2: Japan, who finds itself in the same division with Brazil, Croatia and Australia, will be outscored in their division 12 to 1 (the one goal coming from a ball accidently deflecting off an Australian defender's head into the the net).

Fearless Prediction #3: England will surpass the expectations of even the greatest cynics by drawing with Trinidad and Togago. Beckham will particularly suck in that game.

Fearless Prediction #4: Ronaldo will keep his World Cup streak alive as the ugliest player on the field.

Speaking of his Royally Ugly One, here are a few pictures to remind us that soccer is not a real sport played by real men.

Click to see them in all their fruity splendor!

The odds:

11-4 Brazil
13-2 England
7-1 Germany
8-1 Argentina, Italy
10-1 France
12-1 Spain
14-1 Netherland
18-1 Portugal
20-1 Czech Republic
28-1 Sweden
40-1 Mexico
50-1 Croatia, Ukraine
66-1 Ivory Coast, Poland
80-1 Switzerland
100-1 Serbia&Montenegro, U.S.
125-1 Australia, Ecuador
150-1 Japan, Paraguay
250-1 Ghana
300-1 South Korea, Tunisia
400-1 Angola, Togo
500-1 Costa Rica, Iran
750-1 Saudi Arabia
1,000 Trinidad&Tobago.

Comments from original post

You should mock black people in america.

Afraid that your be labeled as a racist?

I wonder what kind of responce you would get.

The white man putting other races down because of his inferiority complex.

Sad to see that such ignorance still exist.

Your all racist bigots.

Hail to the KKK!

Posted by: yourafunnyboy | December 10, 2005 at 11:06 PM

funnyboy, I can see you tried really hard to find something to criticize in this post. But you know that comment was no more racist than someone saying they liked the movie "White Men Can't Jump'.

I sense that there is something else about the post that bothered you, yet you just couldn't directly say it for some reason and had to find something else to criticize (normally posters like you will look for grammar or spelling errors when unable to come up with a real argument, but judging from your post, that probably wasn't an option).

So what's really bothering funnyboy? A little too tense about South Korea's chances in the World Cup? Talk to us, let us help. You're in a safe place.

Posted by: partypooper | December 11, 2005 at 02:36 AM

Pooper, stop beating up on poor 16-year-old kyopos. How would you feel if your entire sense of self-worth were dependent on a group of girly-men kicking balls into nets?

Otherwise, I just can't bring myself to comment on a post about soccer. Just how bored are you these days?

PS 2004 was a fluke. The Redsox suck.

Posted by: captainhowdy | December 11, 2005 at 03:48 PM

First game's against Togo--I predict the Togo-ites rout S. Korea because...shit happens. France 2-1, Swiss 1-1. Then the Koreans go home. "It was the American referee's fault we lost!" "He's Danish, not American." "Goddamn Americans! F*cking USA!"

Posted by: Gigantic Panda | December 11, 2005 at 03:58 PM

I will say it again.. korean cheated and bribed to get good calls in the world cup. You can see koran 'ethixx' by looking at hWang. Koreans will do anything to 'win'. Lie cheat steal bribe.. no problem..

Posted by: dingles | December 25, 2005 at 12:47 AM

Naver Again

Took a little trip over to Naver for blogging inspiration. Here's what I found:

1.Condoleezza Rice admits the Iraq War was a mistake!

Or so reads a Naver article (the number one source of news for the young generation of Koreans!). I read the English version and realized that Naver still seems to be outsourcing its translations to Korean middle school students.

2. Poor little Moon Geun-young

문근영 "나는 돌멩이인데, 세상은 날 보석으로 본다"

"Moon Geun-young: I'm just a stone, but the world sees me as a gem."

"부족한 내게 모두 칭찬뿐.. 그게 가장 슬프고 무서워"

"Everyone is just praising me even though I am lacking ...that is what makes me the saddest and most scared."

Well, not everyone is praising her, as some of them sneaky Chinese criticized
her performance in some recent movie or the other (I guess she finally
tried to play a role other than that of a dopey 13 year old).

이 신문은 "한국영화가 기존의 멜로와 깡패이야기의 두 틀에서 벗어나지 못하고 있다'" "창의력 고갈이 한국영화의 장애로 부상하고 있다"는 내용을 문근영 인신공격에 덧붙여 전했다.

"The paper included in its attack on Moon Keun-yeong, 'Korean films
cannot break away of the basic melodramatic and gangster stories' and
'The lack of originality is damaging  Korean films."

What? Unoriginal gangster movies and shameless tear-jerking dramas from Korea? Inconceivable!

Rest assured that the Netizen response was very mature and balanced,
taking the criticism as constructive (by the way, what does '짱깨' mean
exactly?).

As for Moon Geun-young, true, the ride is almost over. Though certain
key measurements may still be equal to your average 11-year-old Korean
girl, the little innocent starry-eyed bobble-headed little girl act
could only last for so long before she outgrew it. My advice? Move as
much money as you can into your own bank account (learn from previous
child actors and never trust your parents with that much cash) and
start studying.

Comments from original blog entry

"Moon Geun-young: I'm just a stone, but the world sees me as a gem."

Going from that photo she looks more like a potato with big eyebrows.

China saying Korea has a "lack of originality"? That's too funny. The Chinese taught Koreans everything they know about copying.

Posted by: Righteous Snake | December 11, 2006 at 09:08 PM

Isn't it about time we had a posting about fan death??

Posted by: Leone | December 13, 2006 at 06:08 PM

Condoleeza Rice is an Arrogant Stupid Bitch with a PhD.

I've made a lot of mistakes. But never anything so colossal as advocating the invasion of a sovereign nation because a bunch of religious fanatics from a Totally Different Place blew up the Twin Towers!

Maybe I can get a PhD too!

Posted by: Yankabroad | December 15, 2006 at 06:20 AM

Yankabroad, one by one, they're getting off the bandwagon. It's funny as hell, but sad. Think, all that waste in human lives and resources, and for what? And people wonder why the world distrusts America so much. Well folks, here's one good example why.

Posted by: Melody | December 17, 2006 at 05:09 AM

I don't get it. What's Condoleeza Rice and the war in Iraq have to do with Moon Geun-young?

Posted by: BesottedTom | December 18, 2006 at 06:44 AM

I'm not sure if you were serious about the 짱깨 question, but if you were, its slang for 자장면. If you knew that already, well, just trying to be helpful.

Posted by: DL | December 28, 2006 at 05:07 AM

bad eyebrows

Posted by: hardyandtiny | May 02, 2007 at 05:13 AM

Dong Bang Shin Gi: Gay Asia Rising

Update 3
Finally moved this post over to the new blog. It finished with 730 comments on the original site, every one a winner.

I'm a winner too.

Update 2: Happy 300!

This post has now amassed over 300 comments, a record for expat blogs in Korea!

All recognize my power to infuriate hordes of 10-year-old Asian girls!

Photo: A still from the epic movie 300 to comemorate the new milestone for this humble post.  I chose this photo because it matches the general theme of the post (and is reportedly what Hero from Dong Bang Sin Gi uses for his computer desktop wallpaper, replacing his former picture of Ricky Martin).

I deeply apologize for not responding to all of the comments. I hope that not for even one moment do any of you commenters think that I might not be reading your comments, especially the long ones that must have taken you a long time to compose. I most certainly do read all of them. I print them out and thoughtfully consider each and every word you write, regardless of how hideously misspelled each may be. Please don't think that in any way you are just wasting your time.

So keep those comments coming! If this post doesn't reach 400 comments and soon, I'll begin to doubt your true love for this fine group of pseudo-performers!

In the meantime, here's a youtube video of the Dong Seong Bang Shin Gi 'boys' which might in some remote way be applicable to this post.

Not that there's anything wrong with that...

Update: Happy 200!

Just a quick shout out and big thanks to all who helped this post reach the 200 comment milestone. The last time I googled Dong Bang Shin Gi, the post was listed 6th! With a little luck (and few hundred more angry pre-teens who go completely apeshit when some random stranger on the Internet jokes about their idols), it will soon be the first site that pops up when anyone is curious to learn more about the Pride of Korea which is Dong Bang Shin Gi.

Fighting!

 

Original Post:

Cathartidae somehow finds the worst of the worst as far as Korean femboybands go. This is Dong Bang Shin Gi, the current Big Kahuna's of the Korean Gay Wave that Korea would probably be better off having the West NOT know about.

Dong Bang Shin Gi, by the way, translates into 'Gods (in pink tutus and bunny rabbit outfits) Rising in the East.'

Although not as consistently ridiculous as the above video, this one here hits gay factor 9.5 when it shows the 'boys' around a dining table near the beach doing 'love shots' and feeding each other cake (near the end of the song). This is probably the first song in the history of pop that is filmed on a beach without a single hot babe in a bikini. The world just doesn't make sense anymore...

As far as the sexual orientation of these guys, far be it from me to rush to any conclusions, as you all well know by now. I'll just leave you with some selections from a posting on one of their fan sites and let you come to your conclusions.

22 facts about DBSK Members

 

3.Changmin is a crybaby (he is)

4.a lady threw a bad finger at Yunho and he cried backstage (aww >.< don't cry!!)

6.they watch korean dramas when they can/have tym  

16.hero is the "mom" because he knows how to cook

18.Hero
and Xiah share in one bed and Micky and Max share in one bed too,
u-know gets his own bed not because he's the oldest but because he won [lost?] a game of rock paper siscors!! [What, one of the most popular bands in Korea and they can't afford more than 3 beds in their little luv shack? Right...]
19.a fan broke in to DBSG's apartment and stole changmin's USED underwear [of course, it could have been Hero, see next]

21.Hero
stole Changmin's first kiss, he was waking changmin up but Changmin
didn't wanna get up so he kissed him, Changmin cried after that.

 

Credit. AsianFanatics Forum

   

Bleh...

Note: Comments are certainly welcome and encouraged, but note that ever so occasionally some are slightly edited for language and entertainment value.

[610 comments on original posting--too many to post here. Rest assured that they were profoundly entertaining. Perhaps someday I'll include the best of the best]

Two strikes, no balls.

Lee Seung-yeop, Home Run King of FantAsia*, has opted to stay in the Japan league rather than field offers from MLB teams.

            

Korean slugger Lee
Seung-yeop re-signed with
the Yomiuri Giants to a
four-year extension
through 2010, the Giants
Web site announced on
Sunday. The value of the
contract, however, is still
yet to be disclosed.

But, Lee, 30, is still keeping
the door open to the
U.S. as his contract has
clauses allowing him to
leave the team “if Yomiuri
becomes Japan’s No.1
team.”
            

Allow me to be the first to state the glaring obvious that the Korean media doesn't want to say; he's avoiding (again) going to the MLB because he's chickenshit. Here's what I said back in the summer:

Seung Yeop will come very close not to signing with the MLB, citing
the above 'insult' [refering to offered salary]. What's really behind the hesitation, however, is a
fundamental fear of failure at the highest level of the game. Seung
Yeop has the goods physically, but mentally he can be inconsistent, as
evidenced by his failure in the first year of Japanese baseball ( and
this after complaining that he should have been given a starting
position in the Majors).

He'll eventually take the offer though. It's just too blatantly chickenshit to stay in Japan.

Despite my psychic powers and keen insight into the human condition, even I was unable to see the depths of Lee's cowardice.

Lee is in a perfect position to go the Big Leagues, following a strong season in Japan and a good showing in the WBC. If he can do as well as he has against Japanese pitchers, he has a legitimate shot at doing well in the MLB. Yet rather than even see what teams such as the Yankees might have to offer, he rushed into resigning with Yomiuri. 

His stated reasoning for staying with the Giants is to see them win a championship. What a load of bullshit. He's only been with the team for one season, so why would he care about helping them get a title? What, a Korean with a sudden love for a Japanese baseball team that before this year he had absolutely no connection with? Who really buys this shit? It's a lame excuse, but I guess it beats telling the truth.

*FantAsia is a mystical wonderous land in an alternate reality in which Korea is properly the center of the universe and everything the Korea media tells you is true. It does not follow the usual laws of  logic that burdens those in the 'real world.' See any Korean media story on 'fan death', kimchi folklore, or the Korean Wave for a glimpse into this magical realm.

Comments on original post

Awesome.

Yes, I'm familiar with this land of Fantasia. It's a land where each food has special healing and redemptive properties, and where it is impossible to eat a meal without a resident of Fantasia extolling the health benefits thereof.

Posted by: Whitey | November 26, 2006 at 10:23 PM


All this raving ranting anger over a baseball player.

Typical angry expat in Korea.

Get a life, move on, and get some therapy.

Posted by: hmmm.. | December 05, 2006 at 05:02 PM

All this raving ranting anger over some stranger with a blog.

Typical Angry Kyopo stalking me from another site. Get some therapy and move on with your life (I like the way I said that better).

[By the way, can I take your lack of criticism to the post content itself to mean that you agree with it?]

Posted by: partypooper | December 06, 2006 at 12:19 AM

you are chiken not lee dont write it, say it directly to lee! Giants nearly become champion not if not only their losing streaks that put them to 5th place thats why he wanted to stay to give kyojin a champion

Posted by: npb | December 26, 2006 at 09:45 PM

i REALLY dont geddit. i read your other blogs and one of your hobbies seem to be dissing korean people. well. you have a very loud mouth sitting behind a computer screen. hm.. and you seem to think that the korean way of displaying affection [to the same-sex friends, not to be taken sexually] means that they are gays or lesbians. wow. you really have problems.

laterr.

Posted by: kristinaa | January 12, 2007 at 06:28 PM

Tick Tock

Like most people, I keep a list of the top 30 or so people in the world I would most like to see die a spectacularly gruesome death*.

For the past decade or so Kim Jong-il has been in the top three (he alternates with Bob Saget and Bill Keane, the writer of Family Circle).

I entered Jong-il's personal data on the death clock site and found out that about this time 9 years from now Kim Jong-il should leave his Worker's Paradise behind to join his father in another Paradise (not much different in many ways than how North Korea is now, I'm sure). 

The exact date the site gave me was Thursday, November 27th, 2014.

Now wouldn't that be a Thanksgiving to remember?

That date may be wrong though, as I'm unsure of his Body Mass Index. I know that he is a manly 5 foot 3 inches, but I couldn't find his body weight and just guessed. If anyone knows, please inform me and I'll reenter the numbers and adjust the above date if needed.

Humble Proposal

Once we have the exact date determined, I propose that the Kor-Blogger community hold an annual "Ding Dong the Dictator will soon be Dead" party to mark the upcoming Happy Day.

I further propose that this celebration be held in a pub in Seoul, since as we all know, anyone who is anyone already lives here (our 'provincial' blogger friends such as Nomad and Joel are certainly welcome to come as well, just as long as each of you promises to put on a clean shirt and try not to embarrass us by spitting, scratching yourselves, or doing any other act of uncivilized behavior you might have picked up from the locals).

It's the final scene, fat boy. Here's hoping you go out painfully and shamefully.

[Picture taken from Comedy Central's "Kim Jong-il Must Die." Anyone heard anything about this? Looks like a hoot.]

*Preferably caught on video, so I can download and edit them primarily by speeding them up and dubbing in cartoon sound effects at appropriate moments,
tastefully done, of course

Comments on original post



Sure, we can all meet at a pub, but I'll have to go Muslim and order a Coke.


Kevin
teetotaling asshole

Posted by: Kevin Kim | November 02, 2005 at 01:03 AM

Is it just coincidence that on the day this is posted your blog is blocked by my (south) Korean ISP ? (given that it was only for 5 odd hours I am guessing that it probably was :).

I'd have a beer to see young Kim kickin it with his old man.

Posted by: Hojuin | November 02, 2005 at 01:20 AM

Shirt? Who the hell wears shirts? It's bare feet and overalls or nothing. Oh...and did you say I had to come to Seoul for this? Do they still allow oxcarts on the highway?

And you better lay off the coffee - that's 2 posts within the last week.

Posted by: Nomad | November 02, 2005 at 09:58 PM

You should start a pool on the date - 10,000 won per?

Posted by: Richardson | November 03, 2005 at 05:54 AM

They need to start a companion website for women:

THE DEATH COCK

Enter your age, body stats, and weight to determine when, if ever, you will next be fucked.


Kevin

Posted by: Kevin Kim | November 04, 2005 at 10:48 PM

If I can't touch my own junk under the guise of scratching then what's the fun in going out in public. I'd just as soon stay home with my sister and my goat.

On a side note I saw this article and thought of you:

http://www.channelnewsasia.com/stories/eastasia/view/177041/1/.html

Well I didn't think about you, I thought about your gaywatch.

Posted by: Joel | November 05, 2005 at 12:05 AM

Masturbation, beastiality, incest, and homosexuality all in one comment - way to go, Joel!

Posted by: Nomad | November 05, 2005 at 12:41 AM

On behalf of us country folk everywhere. :)

Posted by: Joel | November 05, 2005 at 04:06 AM

I thought the Cunt Tree Folk were mythical! Day-yamn!


Kevin
life is like a box of chalk clits

Posted by: Kevin Kim | November 07, 2005 at 05:47 AM

Nomad, we don't allow oxcarts, but I'm sure you can find one of them country buses (you know, the kind that allows you to bring on chickens and as many pounds of vegetables and grains as you can carry on your head) to bring you to the big city.

Joel, the Gaywatch team has been notified. My regards to the goat.

And finally, Kevin, thanks as always for helping me making my blog such a classy joint. [see what happens when you deprive a young man of alcohol?]

Posted by: partypooper | November 07, 2005 at 05:09 PM

Day in Photos: Fall 2006

Condoleezza Rice, reacting to news that South Korea has no intention of doing jack shit in response to the North Korean nuclear weapon test.

Condoleezza Rice and Noh Mu-hyun share some casual conversation. Here, Rice is telling the Korean President that no, she hasn't had a chance to hear any Korean rap or hip-hop yet, and neither has she ever been told that she looks like Whoopi Goldberg or the 'skinny one' from the Bubble Sisters.

President Noh Moo-hyun, right, talks with Japanese Foreign Minister Taro Aso about the North Korean nuclear crisis. Noh is seen talking about the importance of continuing to send money to North Korea to keep the lines of dialogue open, while Aso wonders if he has ever seen a bigger moron in all of his life.

Chung Mong-koo, left, chairman
of Hyundai-Kia Automotive Group, cheers with Sonny Perdue, governor of
Georgia, in Atlanta, Ga., Friday, ahead of a groundbreaking ceremony
for Kia Motors’ all-new U.S. plant in West Point, Georgia.

With Hyundai continuing it's Kumsan money funneling project to North Korea, consumers can feel good knowing that with every Hyundai purchased, Kim Jong-il's despotic regime is that much more resistant to sanctions. Keep buying Korean products America! Support our allies!

Does Ban Ki-moon have what it takes to be the next incompetent and irrelevant leader of the defunct UN? Our website research team says yes! Already billions of people from around the world could care less what he has to say about world issues such as nuclear weapon proliferation, looming civil war in Iraq, and poor refereeing in the Swiss-Korean 2006 World Cup match.

Michelle Wie is among the 20 highest earning athletes in the world, which is pretty good for someone who has never actually achieved anything (maybe she should start hanging out with Paris Hilton?). Must be her Asian ideal B cup boobs.

Hordes of young Korean lesbian lovers take to the mountains to enjoy the fall scenery.

And there's certainly nothing wrong with that.

Comments on original blog entry

LOL LOL LOL

X2

Posted by: Nomad | October 20, 2006 at 10:05 PM

Partypooper,

At least Michelle Wie at 16 y.o. got a few years to go from B to C.

You're pennis is still at a pubarescent stage.

Posted by: partypooper's gay friend | October 21, 2006 at 01:48 AM

Funny thing about Chung Mong-koo, chairman of Hyundai-Kia Automotive Group,is that the fucker is out on bail right now. THAT'S RIGHT!

Only in Korea, the land of "the economy is everything".

Posted by: Seth Gecko | October 21, 2006 at 02:35 AM

I have been trying to get Rice to run for president ever since I read a news report that said when she came to Korea in early 2003, she busted the South Korean government's balls in a manner that was spot on how they should have been busted:

It was reported that the SK team was explaining about the huge anti-US orgy that had been going on for months and that was widing down. They said if the US in Korea had only done this or that or this and that and so on, the orgy would have been much smaller. The USFK and Embassy guys tried to explain they had, in fact, done each of those things, but this was dismissed, as usual, as not having been done "in the right way" or with the proper "sincerity."

Anyway, Rice is reported to have cut to the chase-

She asked the Korean team if they knew the names of the two girls who were killed by the armored vehicle. "Of course" they said they did.

Then she is said to have asked them if they knew the names of any of the South Korean sailors who were killed in the West Sea Clash that happened a few short weeks before the tank accident....

The conversation came to an end on the subject of why the anti-US orgy grew into what it did.....

I would LOVE to have a video of that conversation!!!

Posted by: usinkorea | October 21, 2006 at 10:37 AM

'gay friend': For the record, I did not mean to imply that there was anything wrong with B cup size. We here at the Partypooper encourage and appreciate diversity. As for your other sentence, it wasn't particularly comprehensible. Perhaps you should refrain from attempting to use words beyond 1 syllable for a while (or at least learn how to use a dictionary). Work on 'you're' grammar more as well.

USinKorea: I thought Rumsfield was the man who nailed the 'Woori' crew with those lines. Could be wrong though. Anyway, I wonder if it was reported in the Korean newspapers.

Posted by: partypooper | October 21, 2006 at 06:05 PM

The entire Uridang, a party consisting of North Korean sleeper agents, political hacks, assholes and retards needs to be voted out of power and replaced by a either the Hanaradang or the Minjunodongdang.

Roh is a moron, but nowhere on the level of Taiwan Province's Chen Shuibian...

Posted by: Mark Milton | October 21, 2006 at 09:52 PM

The entire Uridang, a party consisting of North Korean sleeper agents, political hacks, assholes and retards needs to be voted out of power and replaced by a either the Hanaradang or the Minjunodongdang.

Roh is a moron, but nowhere on the level of Taiwan Province's Chen Shuibian...

Posted by: Mark Milton | October 21, 2006 at 09:56 PM

Party Pooper, I think you're gay friend was slamming your athletic ability. I think he meant "Your tennis is still at a putrescent stage!"

Posted by: Jenn | October 22, 2006 at 02:55 AM

i admire your work double-P, but your characterization of wie isn't fair and balanced like we all aspire to be, but only fox news achieves.

the fact that she hasn't won an lpga tournament yet doesn't mean she hasn't accomplished anything. far from it. take a look at her wiki page, but the fact that she has six top-5 finishes (three this year) in lpga majors in the last 4 years, and is currently ranked 10th in the world rankings while playing in only a third of the events that others play says a lot about her accomplishments thus far.

who knows if she'll reach tiger-like domination status, but it's a given that she'll start winning tournaments, and soon. a golfer doesn't consistently pull top-5's without eventually putting it together and getting the breaks to win one.

let me suggest that you've fallen into the korean "gold medal equals success and silver equals failure" mentality, and that's not a crowd you'd like to be associated with.

Posted by: iheartblueballs | October 25, 2006 at 09:26 PM

Wie looks like a dude.

Posted by: hardyandtiny | October 28, 2006 at 11:02 AM

party pooper
party poopo
partypoo
partybo
purtybo
kurtybo
kurshybo
kushibo

Oh joyous penis

Posted by: rint | November 04, 2006 at 08:49 PM

rint
orint
morint
moront
moron

Posted by: partypooper | November 05, 2006 at 01:44 PM

Nice retort. But that's not the reason I stopped by - this was posted on 20 Oct and today is 8 Nov. See where I'm headed with this?

Posted by: Nomad | November 07, 2006 at 10:38 PM

Yeah, I'm with Nomad.

Posted by: Jenn | November 11, 2006 at 05:02 AM

Ugh - who said Lesbian?

Posted by: Leone | November 22, 2006 at 05:52 PM

okaii........so first of all you think two korean girls holding hands is les??? Then you have seriuos issues. (Or I'm I just a humorless dork who is making too much out of this? Really hard for me to say.) If you are best friends with someone you treat them like your sister, so basically your saying that when you were little and if you had a brother or sister and held hands with him or her you were gay. (Ok, you're clearly not saying that, sorry for the real stupid analogy). NIce...You really made a great statement. And also what's up with talking shit bout michelle wie? I mean you must be really into korean girls if you search on the interenet just to find which boob size she has. Or is that just another silly joke that dumb people take out of proportion? Hmmm...maybe I shouldn't have skipped my Zoloft today.

Posted by: mary-elle | January 13, 2007 at 06:06 PM

Trust the Computer

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

They're here for our cows...

Get to this site now and watch the video. Get informed.

Enjoy your burgers while you can, stupid earthlings...

I am reminded (for no particular reason) of a conversation I once had with an English textbook writer who stated proudly that her textbooks made no reference whatsoever to any fast food such as hamburgers or pizza. I asked her if beef itself was unhealthy, and if she also excluded mention of steak, kalbi, etc. as well. She said no, beef is fine in moderation. I then asked her if bread was unhealthy, or ketchup, tomatoes, or lettuce, with my voice rising in volume and pitch with each further hamburger ingredient until finally I was screaming at the top of my lungs, "THEN WHAT THE FUCK IS SO HIDEOUSLY WRONG WITH LETTING KIDS EAT A FUCKING HAMBURGER EVERY NOW AND THEN!" And she ran off weeping.

Every few months I catch a news report or documentary on Korean TV about the skin disease atopy. It shows some poor kids who are almost completely covered with a nasty looking itchy rash. Without fail, they mention fast food as one of the main culprits. Having not heard of this in the States, where more burgers and fries are consumed per capita than anywhere else in the world, I looked up as many sites on atopy and eczema that I could find and soon realized that this is a Korean myth right up there with fan death. The Korean response to the fact that fast food doesn't cause high levels of atopy in the States is that our bodies must be different. So what about Korean Americans, I ask, who grow up on a western diet of fast food? And that's usually where the conversation ends.

Enjoy your burgers, people. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You don't see aliens coming millions of light years across the universe to steal our kimchi, do you? Think about it...

Comments on original blog entry

Moshi moshi oishi ushi! (Hello delicious cow!)
I kept thinking about you making that woman weep over hamburgers yesterday. It made me laugh all day!

Posted by: Jenn | October 02, 2006 at 08:45 PM

All lies by the Party Pooper.

Fan death is real and so is Miguk-hanburger-engendered atopy -- which is short for "a topping," meaning the toppings on a hanburger.

A little-known FACT is that hanburger is ground by fan blades, which accounts for the deadly deadliness of hanburgers ... especially Miguk hanburgers.

Hanguk hanburgers are not so bad because they are HANGUK.

I hope that I have persuaded you to reject the FTA, which is a plot to introduce more Miguk hanburgers into Uri Nara and weaken the Korean SPIRIT until the Miguks take over.

Resist.

Gypsy 'Hanguk' Scholar

* * *

Posted by: Horace Jeffery Hodges | October 04, 2006 at 02:52 AM

Why the hell isn't my trackback showing up?

""THEN WHAT THE FUCK IS SO HIDEOUSLY WRONG WITH LETTING KIDS EAT A FUCKING HAMBURGER EVERY NOW AND THEN!""

Too funny.

Jeffery,

Hanburgers? I'm surprised no one like Lotteria has thought of that yet...

Posted by: Nomad | October 04, 2006 at 03:23 AM

Nomad,

I realize you're joshing, but I'll be a geek, anyway:

Why no han-burgers at Lotteria? Probably because "han" all by itself means something along the lines of "bitterness." Koreans want to "untie" their han, not eat more of it!

Imagine something called the Spleenburger in the West. It might be a hit among angry nebbishes, but that's about it.


Kevin

Posted by: Kevin Kim | October 04, 2006 at 04:39 AM

Damn, Kevin. And all this time I thought that Koreans wanted to "unite" their han.

I guess that was just my dyslexia...

Jeffery Hodges

* * *

Posted by: Horace Jeffery Hodges | October 04, 2006 at 12:17 PM

Kevin,

But by eating it, wouldn't that, in a weird way, be one way of getting rid of it? Something about swallowing a bitter pill?
A spleenburger...that's pretty funny too.

Posted by: Nomad | October 04, 2006 at 03:59 PM

The whole argument that Korean bodies are different from those of foreigners is the same that North Korea uses to sell its domestically produced herbal remedies to its citizen s and discourage med students from wanting to study abroad.

Posted by: SomeguyinKorea | October 04, 2006 at 04:43 PM

The whole argument that Korean bodies are different from those of foreigners is the same that North Korea uses to sell its domestically produced herbal remedies to its citizen s and discourage med students from wanting to study abroad.

Posted by: SomeguyinKorea | October 04, 2006 at 04:43 PM

I can imagine Lotteria's first commercial:

DAE-HAN-BUR-GER!!

dunh dunh dunh dunh dunh

Posted by: Iceberg | October 04, 2006 at 04:51 PM

Iceberg, that's pretty funny!

I see that I'd better copyright my coinage of "Hanburger" right now.

Everybody, don't forget that I came up the the word before anyone else!

Though I suppose that somebody, somewhere might have already coined it...

Jeffery Hodges

* * *

Posted by: Horace Jeffery Hodges | October 04, 2006 at 08:49 PM

Top Brits

This makes two of us. The BBC ran a '100 Greatest Britons'
poll and had Diana mentioned along with names like Churchill, Darwin,
Lennon, Shakespeare and Newton (Diana placed third, by the way).   It was
a WTF Moment that wasn't surpassed until I heard that 'Bi' was rated the second most influential entertainer in the world by Time magazine (I guess he influenced a lot of other singers around the world to poorly imitate the sound and style of American singers?).

What exactly did Diana do that was so great anyway? Is sleeping with Charles that incredible of an effort? If she never really loved him, wasn't she just marrying him for the money and prestige?  That's funny, because when normal women do that kind of thing we tend to call them gold-digging whores.

Other WTF Moments from the Greatest Briton's poll: Boy George was
ranked 12 places higher than Freddie Mercury from Queen. Personally, I
blame the homosexual community in general for having such awful taste in
music (I offer the Scissor Sisters
success in the UK as evidence of that). Freddie Mercury will always be the true Queen of England in my book. All the Beatles were in the top 100, save poor Ringo
who I understand was ranked 467, just behind Yoko Ono. Bob Geldof and
Bono, who are actually Irish, placed 75 and 86 respectively. And the
greatest shocker of all is that Ozzy Osbourne, the Elvis Presley of
heavy metal, was not included. Be ashamed Britain. Be very ashamed.

Comments on original blog entry

No Ozzy? A travesty, that's what it is.

Posted by: Nomad | September 03, 2006 at 04:17 PM

Diana's a poofter. So is Geldof and the gang. As for the Gang of Four, a bunch of wankers.

However, Adrian Mole Rules!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: yankabroad | September 07, 2006 at 06:00 AM

Hmmm, interesting, personally i think the world was doing a fine job of imitating the Americans without Bi... but i could be wrong... i mean i always kind of thought that working out the laws of the universe was SLIGHTLY more important than giving birth to princes...

Posted by: Crazyfrog | September 08, 2006 at 03:31 AM

if you met any english people. Its no wonder a whore like diana placed 3rd/

Posted by: Do | September 08, 2006 at 09:18 AM

Actualy I don't personaly call her a gold-digging whore, I prefer the more neutral term "ex-wife"

Posted by: Drambuie_man | September 08, 2006 at 09:29 AM

Ohhh Betty. How the hell did Michael Crawford get in there at no 17?

Since it is wikipedia, you could always edit it to suit yourself :)
Alan Turing got in quite high

Posted by: Jon Allen | September 19, 2006 at 03:59 AM

Public Punching Bags

A rash of bus driver beatings in the news recently. Found all the videos at Redbug.

Our first feature video is a drunk ajoshi who is upset because the driver doesn't have change for a 10,000 won bill. He smacks him a bit, leaves the bus, then comes back on again, drags the driver out by his neck and beats him some more.

A bit later they show another drunk ajoshi attack a bus driver as soon as he enters the bus. Very uncool. Some guys just know nothing of proper foreplay. You start with some verbal abuse and threats, followed by a bit of pushing and slapping, and only then is your victim ready to be pummeled and throttled. Beat up people right or just don't do it all, I always say.

This video has
some of the most brutal footage but you have to wait until the end of
the broadcast (the main story is about a bus driver who crashed into
several cars at an intersection). I'm sure this bus driver lost a
couple of teeth.

But it's not all drunk ajoshi's looking to get in some warm-up boxing before getting home and beating their wives proper.  This video shows a female university student attacking not one but two different bus drivers with a hammer. The reason? The brakes on the buses were too loud. Fortunately, she doesn't seem to have the strength to really do any serious damage, as both drivers were able to fend her off somewhat by blocking her swings with their hands (if I've said it once, I've said it a hundred times; women and hammers just don't mix).

I don't think she was a passenger, just someone who living near a station or a bus stop and was going nuts because of the noise.

I don't know how many passengers were on board during these beatings, but it strikes me that in not one of the clips does any one come up to try to intervene. There just seems to be something in the Korean psyche that holds them back when they see others getting attacked (unless you are an American GI involved in a scuffle, I suppose, then you can expect a mob to form almost instantly).

Don't expect any real punishment for the attackers. They'll show up to court looking properly penitent and give a good sob story about how hard their lives are and how much stress they suffer and the judge will let them go with a small fine and a warning (or a second or third warning, as the case may be). It's a 'han' thing that stupid foreigners just can't understand.

And just why is it that drunk and crazy people beat up on the people that deserve it the least? Why can't we be reading about a rash of personal injury lawyer, Amway member, Korean sports writer, Nork-funded NGO or Korean Teacher's Union member beatings?  Aren't there any drunks and loonies out there playing for our team?

Lap Dances Included?

This is a new one for me: China cracks down on striptease funerals.

Strip shows have been commonly used to attract more mourners to
funerals, as villagers believe a crowded send-off brings more honor to
the deceased, Xinhua news agency said.

But police took action after state television exposed the "obscene
performances" at a funeral in Donghai county, Jiangsu province, with
200 people including children in attendance, it said.

Suddenly Korea seems a helluva lot more normal.

Interesting though.  I was of the opinion that naked girls dry humping a casket would probably bring a little less honor to the deceased, but then that's probably just little old prudish me. I can just see the sobbing widow now forcing a smile as she stuffs some bills down a stripper's g-string, while the first son negotiates for a private dance in a back room, 'cause that's what Daddy would have wanted.'

Got this pic from a blogger based in Taiwan, where I suspect this kind of thing is old news. Not sure if she's working a wedding or a funeral, but it's nice to see the ajummas enjoying her performance.

Comments from original post


That's what I want at my funeral.

Posted by: Joel | August 26, 2006 at 11:08 PM

If my view of the world had not already become too cynical, I'd have thought this was a fake story.

But, If it were possible, I'd be pissed if my wife had to hire strippers to get people to come to my funeral. Not that I'd care if few came otherwise. But, pissed because I couldn't enjoy it....

Posted by: usinkorea | August 27, 2006 at 02:08 AM

The author of this blog seems extremely pervert in conjuring up disparagement of Koreans. Are you crippled in mind or... born with head below your feet or...?

Posted by: EB | September 04, 2006 at 10:22 AM

The commenter above seems unable to realize this is a post about China. Or perhaps he thinks China and Korea are the same country? Is he crippled in mind? Pervert in the lacking English? Born with head up the ass?

Posted by: scott | September 04, 2006 at 04:09 PM

'Scott'. The word 'Ajumma' doesn't apply to Chinese. So, what do you say now?

Posted by: Yunie | September 19, 2006 at 09:37 PM

Yunie, are you saying that in China there are no middle aged married women?

Or do you find it offensive if someone refers to a Chinese person using Korean terminology? Do you think the English language is degraded if Korean words are borrowed by native English speakers?

Posted by: partypooper | September 21, 2006 at 01:24 AM

What I'm trying to imply is that, if you're Korean youself, (maybe) why disgrace your own country?

Posted by: Yunie | September 23, 2006 at 10:11 AM

I believe the picture comes from a wedding, not a funeral.

Posted by: Mike | October 31, 2006 at 07:11 PM

Population Crisis and the Noh Response

The Korea Times ran an article on Korea and Taiwan having the lowest birthrates in the world. This is the second year in a row for Korea. It just so happens I have done a bit of research on this matter. Some of the more interesting tidbits:

1. The Japanese population is estimated to begin its decline this year. By the year 2100, if current trends continue, the population of Japan will be half of what it was in 2005.

2. Before the Koreans start celebrating this, however, they should realize they are not far behind. The Korean population should begin to decline around 2020 and will likewise be severely reduced by 2100.

3. In 2020 the Korean workforce will lack over a 1.5 million workers. Around 2040 the economy will pretty much be fucked unless Korea is willing to let in millions of migrant workers.

4. The Noh Response? Way too little and way too late. Current incentives to have children are very little and predictably are having no effect. A friend of mine in Seoul will have 3 children soon, and found out that all he will get is a one time payment of 50,000 won for his third child. Yippie! People who make less money than he does will get more, but that misses the whole point. It's the middle and upper classes that are having less children, knowing what each child will cost them in education costs (about 128 grand from birth to graduation).

They also plan to provide more for childcare around 2010 (can't do it now, as all their extra money either goes to keep the North Korean army fed and clothed or to increase their own military spending so they can defend themselves against said army. You try to financially support your own army and your enemy's and see how much money you have left over!).

I can't see better childcare having much effect anyway. Germany has one of the best childcare and maternal leave programs in the world and their birthrate is the worst in Europe (which is saying something).

5. Korea is not alone in failing to address birthrate problems. No country that has fallen below 1.5 birth rate has managed to bring the birth rate back to the replacement levels of 2.1.

6. By 2050, Korea will have the highest proportion of elderly citizens to those in the workforce: 1:1. To enjoy the same level of government assistance the elderly have now, taxes will need to more than double.

7. Real estate prices in Japan have been dropping since the early nineties. Prices for commercial land now are roughly the same as they were in the late 1970s. Any house or apartment that is bought today will most certainly be worth far less after the average young couple will be able to pay off the housing loan. There is no reason to believe that Korea will not follow the same pattern in the future, though I suspect certain areas like Kangnam will resist the decline to some extent.

8. Russia's population has been in the decline since 1992. There are roughly 8 million fewer Russians now than in 1992. Currently, the population is declining by about 800,000 a year. Not only do they have a low birth rate, but their death rate is quite high.

9. The population of white Americans (non-Hispanic whites, that is) is at a standstill, while minority populations are still growing. Half of the population of LA is Hispanic. In Texas and Florida, Hispanics will be the dominant ethnic group in a few decades. By 2050, the white race will make up less than 50% of the entire population.

10. #9 shouldn't really be troublesome to 'white America'. Second and third generation minorities seem just as 'American' to me as white people. It just seems like a fulfillment of what the 'melting pot' was supposed to be all about anyway.

11. Thanks to immigration and minorities having a lot of babies. America isn't going through the crisis that Asian countries face. While most minority groups assimilate relatively well in the States, European countries can't say the same. Muslims make up the bulk of immigrants, and they are far more resistant to assimilation. It's a problem that many politicians and intellectuals don't want to face, but the fact is 'liberal Europe' may be all but extinct by 2100.

The way I see it, America will be one of the very few developed countries that will get through all of this relatively unscathed.

12. In terms of being an economic powerhouse on the world stage, Korea and Japan do seem completely screwed, and China will have its own problems as well. However, for individual Koreans and Japanese, all of this is not necessarily bad news. Even though Japan's economy has been stagnant for years, per capita incomes have been fine. The population shrinks faster than the economy, so per capita incomes actually have a greater chance to rise than decline. Homes become more affordable and overall living standards are likely to increase. This is how business analyst Michael Backman sees it, anyway, in his book 'The Asian Insider', and he backs up it well with current data on Japan. Overall purchasing power of Japanese has increased significantly over the past few years and there is no reason to see Korea being different.

Comments from original blogpost


You paint a rosier picture of America's demographic future than does Pat "The Cannon" Buchanan. I prefer your picture to his. Ol' Pat's sorta scared of us off-white folks.

Kevin

Posted by: Kevin Kim | August 23, 2006 at 10:49 AM

That was very a edumacated and fascinating analysis Pooper. Here's a summary: Roh is a fucktard.

Posted by: Massive Panda | August 23, 2006 at 05:17 PM

Fuck em I say. There are too many people in the fucking world already. Too many snot nosed brats and shit faced idiots using up oxygen and resources in their dumb pointless lives. The less people the better. BRING IT ON.

Posted by: Cockestien | August 28, 2006 at 07:43 PM

Great Post, Pooper:

What you mentioned about Japan is right on. They've had stagnant and even negative growth for several years in the late 90's and since 2000, and the sky hasn't fallen. It's not that big a deal.

But as for America, what you say about Americans assimilating is right on. I don't know of any other country where the immigrants, after simply one generation, take on such a Rambo style patriotism. Some of the biggest Bush supporters are second generation immigrants. They've totally forgotten (or never learned/retained) their culture, but they are dyed in the wool flag waving patriots. Is it the American dream (a wood and sheetrock house in the suburbs with a 2 car garage) that makes them that way?

Posted by: yankabroad | September 07, 2006 at 06:08 AM



Actually, Cockestien, I totally agree with you.

Why don't you present your case to the retards at the Korea Development Institute?

Posted by: yankabroad | September 16, 2006 at 08:57 AM

I usually only comment when I am angry at someone, but your blog entry is a very, very good piece of analysis. Thank you,
Tae from Maryland.

Posted by: sumo294 | September 21, 2006 at 08:14 AM

Fruits of the 386 Generation

In the Korean bi-annual Pardon Fest, President Noh Mu Hyun once again showed his commitment to cleaning up corruption by pardoning his former aides who were indicted for illegal fund raising in the 2002 presidential election.

So basically, Noh is grandly showing them forgiveness for illegally raising funds that helped put Noh in office.

Noh Mu Hyun: Go thy way, and sin no more.

Here the are two in question. Fresh, young faces of the Noble 386 Generation that valiantly avoided their university classes and raged, RAGED I say, against the corrupt government of the 80's. Considering their previous service and sacrifices to help make their country democratic and shiny pure, how could anyone blame Noh for overlooking their current abuses of power trivial violations? This goes right up there with Noh pardoning all those involved in illegally funneling money to the North for the 2000 Summit. The Korean Constitution, afterall, shouldn't get in the way of progress.

But to be fair, Noh also pardoned some members of the opposition party, the GNP, which is the true master of securing illegal campaign funds.

Former Grand National Party (GNP) lawmakers Suh
Chung-won and Kim Won-kil, both convicted of illegal fundraising during
the last presidential election, were also included in the special
amnesty list.

So I guess that makes everything ok. Bravo, President Noh, for cleaning up the government just as you said you would. Who will dare break election laws in the future now?

And a big Bravo Your Life to the 386 Generation for all they have done for Corea. One can only look forward to how the next generation will screw makeover the government.

 

Lee Seung-yeop Outrage!

The 'Homerun King of Asia' was robbed of a hit by foul Japanese umpires for the second time this season. In the ninth inning Lee's hit to left field was ruled a fly out, but instant replays showed that it bounced before being caught.

After an appeal failed, Lee's outrage could not be held back:

Returning to the dugout, Lee kicked an advertising board with anger three times and shouted toward the ground.

Hear the Lion King's roar!

The 'hit' would have been, by the way, meaningless, as the team had already secured a large lead and won 8-4. But it just wouldn't be Korean for Lee not to freak out (and all the Korean news agencies to run a story on it).

Seung-yeop has ruled the Japan league this year though. Only Fukudome (the player who, incidentally, was key to Japan's victory over Korea in the World Baseball Classic) has the stats to match him. It will be very interesting to see how the MVP award goes. Fukodome leads the league in batting average (354) with Seung Yeop no slouch at 323. Seung Yeop leads in homeruns and Fukodome leads in production. Very close call, though Fukodome's team is leading their division and sometimes that can be a deciding factor. Perhaps this is why Lee was so upset over one otherwise meaningless hit.

Anyway, I'm sure it was good fodder for the Japanese media to support their favorite Korean stereotypes. They don't like foreigners coming in and doing too well in their league, and that probably goes double for Koreans. Some say that the Japanese media and public in general are more mature about these kinds of things than their counterparts in Korea. Perhaps, to some extent, but I suspect they're mostly just better at hiding it.

What would be most interesting is to see Lee clearly have the stats to take MVP and see what the Japan league does about it. The Japanese can be no less racist when it comes to these things as Korea, who notoriously denied dirty foreigner Cliff Brumbaugh the MVP and even a starting spot on its All Star roster, despite clearly dominating the Korean league a few years back.

Fukodome will probably take the honor one way or another. It will be fun to watch the fireworks when this 'scandal' takes place.

As for Seung-yeop, it's seems a lock that he'll be in the Majors next year. A good showing in the Baseball Classic and a very strong season in Japan have sealed it.

Time for some Fearless Predictions.

Seung yeop does not get as good a deal as he (read: the Korean media) thinks he should get from the MLB clubs. They'll compare it with what some other Japanese stars like Ichiro got in the past and if its a penny less, they'll bitch.

Seung Yeop will come very close not to signing with the MLB, citing the above 'insult'. What's really behind the hesitation, however, is a fundamental fear of failure at the highest level of the game. Seung Yeop has the goods physically, but mentally he can be inconsistent, as evidenced by his failure in the first year of Japanese baseball ( and this after complaining that he should have been given a starting position in the Majors).

He'll eventually take the offer though. It's just too blatantly chickenshit to stay in Japan.

He'll start the season off somewhat well, and the Korean media will be all over it, predicting all sorts of exaggerated achievements like they always do. Great blogging material will abound. Kevin from Incestuous Amplification fame will come out of retirement as the bullshit will just be too stinky to ignore.

Seung-yeop will then go into a slump and be taken off the starting lineup. The first year will basically be written off as a 'learning period', just like his first year in Japan. The Korean sports media will somehow manage once again to learn nothing from the whole experience, despite being burned in this way time and time again.

In the second year, Seung-yeop will go to another team and have a chance to start again. He'll do ok, with occasional flashes of greatness. He'll earn a spot in the line up around 5 or 6 and finish out his career as a decent player, probably the best Korean hitter in the Bigs overall for the time being. In short, he won't be great, but he'll do well enough eventually and despite the Korean sports media desperation for their own Ichiro,  it will be a very respectable achievement.

As it is written, so shall it come to pass.

Comments from original blog post

I hate baseball with a passion. I wish there were something I could do to get you to stop talking about it. I think I'll sue you.

Posted by: Joel | August 10, 2006 at 04:47 PM

hehe, on what grounds?

Posted by: littlebrownasian | August 10, 2006 at 05:58 PM

"I wish there were something I could do to get you to stop talking about it."

Try putting on a suit and knocking on the pooper's door with a goofy smile on your face and a bible in hand. Those Latter Day Saints are so damned convincing, they could sell me my own balls.

Posted by: iheartblueballs | August 10, 2006 at 09:06 PM

Hmmm...I think I'd prefer to be sued.

Posted by: partypooper | August 10, 2006 at 09:23 PM

"Those Latter Day Saints are so damned convincing, they could sell me my own balls."

Aaah, those LDSes......anyone watch Orgazmo? =D

Posted by: littlebrownasian | August 10, 2006 at 10:08 PM

Master of Sock Puppets

Got back in Korea today. Was in the UK doing all manner of mysterious things in Oxford. Nice little place, lots of old buildings. Spent a day in London as well. Big place, also had lots of old buildings. Saw Parliament (Kevin? Can you give me a spell check on that? I know there's a superfluous 'a' in there somewhere, 'paraliment'? 'paarliment'?). I had just seen it gettin' blowed up real good in the movie 'V for Vendetta' while flying over from Korea/Singapore. It wasn't so bad seeing it in the non-blowed up form as well though, so yeah, I recommend it.

And that's all I have to say about that.

Over at Occidentalism Matt has 'outed' Kushibo and Nora (of Nora knows Nada) as one in the same person. (is that one t or two t's on the past tense of 'out'? Joel, feel free to jump in as well, I still remember the time you helped me figure out the plural form of 'penis' way back when--though I still prefer 'peni').

From what I recall, the main evidence is that once Nora accidentally posted a comment as Kushibo on Marmot's Hole, then came back in the next comment to say s/he accidentally used a computer that Kushibo had previously logged in on and didn't realize it at first. I guess that could happen if they work together and happen to share the same computer and Kushibo logs in to Marmot's hole all day long. I guess... Funny they never spoke as if they were familiar with each other before though.

Another piece of evidence is that Nora gave out an email address that happened to be one for Democrats Abroad, which Kushibo is supposedly affiliated with (the President? I can't remember), which is also odd since Nora claims to be a Republican (and a lesbian one to boot).

Kushibo/Nora have yet to respond, and have been suspiciously absent from the blogosphere, even over at the Marmot's (a man and a sock puppet were seen driving slowly towards the Mexican border in a white Ford Bronco though, if that means anything)

Having never been one who hesitates to rush to judgment, I thought these three pictures were the most appropriate for the occasion. It probably goes without saying, but the sock puppet on the far right is a lesbian Republican.

In case you were like me and didn't catch the 'sock puppet' reference, get yourself learned up on it here.

So anyway, there is a slight Party Pooper connection here, ergo this post (well, I  really had been looking for an excuse to show off one of my sock puppet creations as well...)

As some of you may recall, several weeks ago I had a short post that suggested I had previously posted something I came to regret and deleted it. The post I deleted was critical of Kushibo for a comment he made about Nomad that I thought was a cheap shot. Anyway, the post came out a little meaner than it needed to be and when I woke up 7 hours later I saw that Kushibo had already responded to it and explained his intent with what he said about Nomad. I decided to just delete the whole thing and let both of us go back to just ignoring each other.

Well...going through the thread on Matt's Kushibo/Nora post, it was brought to my attention that Kushibo had posted on that entry. Nothing wrong in the Kushibo's response itself necessarily, though I do wonder why he reprinted my post in its entirety rather than just link to it. But anyway, what he said was fine and perhaps even admirable in that he didn't sink to my level and start hurling back insults.

But in the comments section is a short dialog between 'Nora' and Kushibo:

        At Thursday, July 06, 2006 12:35:52 PM,
        nora sumi park said...
      

       

"I
don't think half of the comments this guy makes on other people's blogs
(and he certainly makes a lot of them) are really about adding to the
issue so much as he just really needs to know that he's being paid
attention to."

ouch! when a guy who writes things like this says that you
are a shameless attention seeker, you know you've been burned. by a
black pot. calling the kettle black. you know what expression i'm
talking about.

   
      

        At Monday, July 10, 2006 6:48:40 PM,
        Kushibo said...
      

       

Nora, are Kevin Kim and Party Pooper the same person? I thought they were two separate people, not one person with two blogs.

The 'this' link from Nora connects with Kevin Kim of Big Hominid fame, making a poetic argument for the liberal use of profanity. Thus, Kushibo comes on later and asks why she implies that Kevin Kim and the Party Pooper are the same person. Nora does not respond...

So if indeed Nora and Kushibo turn out to be the same person, then what is going on here is Kushibo making it seem that he is taking the high road in response to yet another angry blogger who assails him (he is a lightning rod, you know. Nora refers to herself as one too), while his lesbian-Republican sock puppet can come on and make the  accusations/insults for him. Classy. Now that IS my level!

Note: In no way do I mean to imply anything negative about lesbians in the above comments.
Although I can't say some of my best friends are lesbians, I would
really, really like to make some.

So if Kushbio and Nora are indeed the same person and this is how Kushibo 'rolls,' then yes Kushibo, you are a dick and its probably best that you just scrap both blogs and try this whole experiment all over again. I think the blog name 'Seoul of Kimchi ' is still available, though 'This is Seoul Aim' might be more fitting.

If Matt is mistaken and there's a logical explanation for everything and you and 'Nora' prove it by showing up together in Itaewon, then it will be all apologies and group hugs. However, we'll also need to see proof that Nora is indeed a Republican (we'll bring a hippie along for her to beat up) and a lesbian (it's Itaewon, we'll figure something out).

Also, I will promptly delete this post (though not before you have a chance to copy it and add it to your ever-growing list of people's comments about you on your blog, you little hot sparkin' lightning rod you!).

Now, some of you may be asking, are the Big Hominid and I indeed the same person as Nora knows Nada suggests? Of course we are, ya idjits! Just look at all the evidence:

1. Both blogs make continuous scatological references.

2. Have you seen any other blog display as many of Kevin's (MY) drawings from the Big Hominid site? For Gods sake, I posted the 'It makes a difference to the sheep' pic alone three posts in a row a few months back!

Look, here it is again! Seriously, who the hell other than Kevin (ME!) would keep showing this picture over and over again? Oranckay? Jodi? I don't think so...

3. We both claim to be American and yet did not support the Iraq war from the very beginning. Come on! What are the odds of that? (oh, I guess I may have given it away now, but Cathartidae is my blog too.

So next the question is 'why'?

Well, I invented the Party Pooper primarily for two reasons:

1. Because I have always wanted to vent my true feelings about Korea anonymously without getting fired from my job or disowned by my parents. Really, posts like  'Song Hye Kyo, you Whore!' just wouldn't be understood by my students and being a single man going into my thirties, my mother would get more than a little nervous if she knew I had started a 'Gaywatch' project or even referred to someone like Lee Junki in passing.

2. I would have the Partypooper purposely mispell words and then I could come along and grandly correct them for all to see (just look at the comments section in a day or two and you'll see an example of this from these very sentences!).

So anyway, there it all is out in the open and damn if it just doesn't feel great. No more lies!

And by the way, if you'd all like to buy one of Kevin's my books (you know, the 'scary spasm chasm' thing and that 'skull in the water' or whatever book)  just go ahead and send your money through this site and you'll get a 40% discount. Yeah, do it soon.

Comments on original post

Comments

No corrections from me. Outed is the correct spelling. But perhaps you don't know because I never mentioned it on my blog, but I too am an American who opposed the war from its onset. Does that mean that we are the same person? And what does that say about how crazy I am seeing as I've met both you and the Big Ho in person? I'm certifiable.

Posted by: Joel | August 03, 2006 at 01:12 PM

OMG...One of your best posts to date. And just when I was going to start sending you nasty stalker-type emails for not posting more often like you said you would.
And lest's see if I can add this all up. Both Kevin and I like Peanut Butter Cups (not sure what that means, but I thought I'd throw it in there). Kevin claims to be my father (My mom still hasn't gotten back to me about that one, btw).
You and Kevin are the same person....oh boy.

Posted by: Nomad | August 03, 2006 at 07:10 PM

Truly brilliant. I'm not entirely sold on the Kushibo/Nora thing, but looks compelling. Methinks I'll hold for a response from either site before deciding for sure.

What amuses me more is this whole K-blog subculture that everyone knows everyone (at least via comments and trackbacks). The true beneficiary? Anonymous but faithful readers like me.

Posted by: Shawn Lee | August 03, 2006 at 09:23 PM

Excellent post, Me. I found this post via Lost Nomad, who is also Me. As should be obvious by now, I am everyone. And everywhere. The entire K-blogosphere is just me talking to myself.

(Whoa-- forgot to capitalize "me" and "myself" there.)


Kevin

Posted by: Kevin Kim | August 03, 2006 at 10:35 PM

There's a lot of that going around it seems. Now if anyone can prove Mizs and Magoo are one in the same I'll feel vindicated knowing I was right. In fact, Kushibo and Mizs always seem to show up together now that I think about it.... hmm.

Posted by: Gar | August 03, 2006 at 10:43 PM

You forgot to add your experince on the grassy knoll in Daley Plaza.

Posted by: Drambuie_man | August 03, 2006 at 11:05 PM

my plan to create a sock to complement my own posts is now on hiatus. probably for the better, as i was told that my choice of "iloverottencrotch" as my sock handle was too transparent.

Posted by: iheartblueballs | August 04, 2006 at 12:12 AM

Dammit, why can't Kev be a hot mixed-race lesbian, too?

Posted by: Justin | August 04, 2006 at 02:44 AM

Justin,

I'm mixed-race and get hot when I hike up the mountain, but it's gonna take a few days with the pocketknife before I can even begin to resemble a lesbian.


Kevin

Posted by: Kevin Kim | August 04, 2006 at 06:54 AM

I think a few days is a generous estimate. It could take you a lot longer than that just to find the thing.

Posted by: Joel | August 04, 2006 at 09:12 AM

Yeah; call me Fats Pimpledick.


Kevin

Posted by: Kevin Kim | August 04, 2006 at 09:30 AM

Man, aren't you sensitive? I was saying you have a small penis. I wasn't trying to imply you were fat. ^^

Posted by: Joel | August 04, 2006 at 12:13 PM

"sock puppet"? Well the Wiki definition was new to me too; the one I new about involved the hollywood/film world practice of clothing "peni" of male actors with socks when they are appearing in nude scenes where said peni won't be called on actually to make an appearance.Doesn't apply in porn, obviously, even when the main charater isn;t in "in action", since it's usally then getting "fluffed".

Posted by: Sperwer | August 04, 2006 at 05:46 PM

Joel,

Well, THANK GOD it was only THAT!

Me, I interpreted the joke as "combing through rolls of fat for Teenie Weenie," hence Fats Pimpledick.

Now, alas, our jokes have been spoiled through overanalysis and overexplanation, and I still haven't found my dick. Does Emmanuelle Chriqui have it?


Kevin

Posted by: Kevin Kim | August 04, 2006 at 09:06 PM

This post is getting funnier all the time.

"Fats Pimpledick"

Oh man.

Posted by: Nomad | August 04, 2006 at 09:26 PM

It occurs to me that it is going to cost Kushibo a lot of money to find a Korean-American girl willing to pretend to be Nora.

Posted by: Matt | August 06, 2006 at 09:25 AM

It occurs to me that it is going to cost Kushibo a lot of money to find a Korean-American girl willing to pretend to be Nora.

Too bad Lee Joon-gi's English isn't up to snuff. Otherwise he could pull it off easily.

Posted by: Iceberg | August 06, 2006 at 08:17 PM

Ice> Nah thats not going to go well since the "Nora" is going to have to prove an intrest in girls.

Posted by: Drambuie Man | August 06, 2006 at 10:24 PM

Dram-Man,

When you say 'nora' will have to prove an interest in girls, do you mean the 'Kushibo' nora pretending to like girls? Or the woman Kushibo will pay to pretend to be Nora to prove an interest in girls. I think it will be easier for the paid fake nora to prove she likes girls.

However I am sure Kushibo will be happy to show off his lance bass sticker collection.

Posted by: kramer | August 07, 2006 at 12:40 AM

Kramer>Can I get a diagram before I awnser that one?

Posted by: Drambuie_man | August 07, 2006 at 11:07 PM

I like sheep --- in that way....

Posted by: usinkorea | August 08, 2006 at 07:15 AM

"hike up the mountain"?

It's been awhile since I was on a college campus with the young folk.

What kind of gay/lesbian sex act was that a reference to?

Posted by: usinkorea | August 08, 2006 at 07:18 AM

Is Kushibo OK? Does he have any friends that can find out if he is alive.

Posted by: HopSinger | August 19, 2006 at 08:36 PM

Check out Occidentalism, Kushibo is alive living in Hawai`i and made an appearance on t.v.!

http://www.occidentalism.org/?p=362

Posted by: kealii | September 22, 2006 at 01:28 AM