Jesus returns in 2033

I didn't intend to post until later in the year, but I received a revelation after reading an article and realized I needed to go public on this before someone else beats me to it.

Jesus will return April 3rd, 2033, exactly 2000 years after he was crucified according to this news story.

Naturally, as the earth is 6000 years old, we are getting close to the time of Jesus 2.0. Even a three-year old can see that April 3rd, 2033 has three 3s, which is 333--'coincidentally' half of 666, which is the number of the beast and is the sign of the end of times. Duh!

[Unhappy with the images that came up with a google search for '666', this is what I found with '666 boobs'.  Inspiration has struck again!]

Need more proof? The scripture quoted in the linked article is Mathew Chapter 27. What is 2+7? 9. And what is 9 divided by three? 3. And how would you explain how you arrived at that number via multiplication to the above-mentioned three-year old, who, not being Asian, hasn't memorized the multiplication tables yet? By writing out 3+3+3, of course.

So there's 333 again! It's getting a bit spooky, no?


And there's more: 

How old was Jesus when he died? 33!

How many days was Jesus dead? 3!!     [722335 or so and counting might also be the right answer, though]

How many thingamajigs in the trinity? 3!!!

How many examples of the number 3 appearing in the bible did I just give before this one?  3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


So suck on that, Harold Camping. Your prediction for the return of Jesus (May 21, 2011) didn't even have ONE 3 in it! Idiot! 

Camping's answer to my last question above. Who listened to this fucking moron?

I found the above image by typing 'Harold Camping Boobs' in google search, by the way.

Meh...


Here's what I found with 'Harold Camping Asian Boobs', though.

                     
                            
So, now that math, which I think Einstein once said was the language of God, or something, has shown me the Truth, I hereby renounce my atheism (for the next 21 years, anyway) and will use this blog to spread the New and Improved Good News (Like the Bible, but better!). I'll need some funds to get the Word out, so I'll probably add a tip jar or pay pal thingy soon, and maybe get some of those Korea Cupid.com ads on the site because I'm sure they bring in a lot of revenue.

(I imagine this girl has committted suicide by now.)


In closing, I'll let you guess what keywords I used to find these pictures.

Post of the Year

"Post of the Year" as in, my only post of the year (not to be misunderstood as 'my best post of the year', though I think you'll find it hard to argue that it isn't).


The issues that have kept me away from this blog look to be nearing a welcome end.


I shall return in 2012.

Is my return what the Mayans foresaw?

Yes.

She wins

Draw Muhammad Day

The last picture is the Muh-man with his 9-year-old bride*. The next time you see an elementary school girl on the street, imagine marrying her and taking her to bed (if you're a guy, of course. Don't turn this into some sicko lesbian thing!). Picture it in as much detail as you can. If that looks pretty sweet to you, perhaps you too have what it takes to become a prophet of an all-knowing, loving deity. Look into it.

But perhaps I shouldn't have posted these pictures. Perhaps it is better to allow people from a medieval religion to tell me what I can and cannot do. Yeah, that's probably the better choice. If there is anything else we shouldn't be free to do, I hope our Muslim friends will kindly let us know.

All swiped from here. I did try to draw my own picture of Muhammad. He was eating cotton candy, and some of it was sticking in his beard! (Oh, how he hated when that happened!)

Anyway, it didn't come out so clearly, so I opted not to post it.Maybe next year.

*To be fair, there is some controversy over when Muhammad consummated the marriage.  She might have been 10 at the time, not 9.

One more reason not to be a Mormon

Beer boosts bones and fends off osteoporosis

Cleaning out the pic folder

No, I'm not even close to blogging again regularly.




Boob job or no?

Regardless, I'm happy with the outcome.










I swiped this next picture from another Kblog. I'd link to it, but then, that would require more effort than I can currently summon. It's a Korean based blogger who takes a lot of pictures. Figure it out.

It just seemed weird that there were no comments on it. I love it.















It's good to be the photographer.




Read the caption at the bottom of the following picture (click to enlarge). Perhaps Lee Byung Hun's alleged fiancee should have looked into this before giving up the milk for free.





















Korean girls or Japanese girls? Debate among yourselves, fellow hapless victims of le fièvre jaune. My studied take on the issue is that Korean girls are generally prettier, but I have heard recently from a friend that Japanese girls are more likely to give unsolicited rim jobs, so there's a factor I hadn't previously considered.

OK. maybe it would be best for everyone if I stopped typing now and went back into hibernation mode.

Mystery Girl

I will resume my new homeopathy-inspired blogging approach promptly (every day I don't post actually strengthens the blog. I highly recommend it to certain other bloggers). It just seemed wrong that no one else has found a reason to post this picture.

She's a famous talent in Korea, but she's wearing sunglasses, so good luck trying to identify her.

Perhaps her hairstyle might give her away.

Big Boob Ringtones

It reeks of quackery, but I like where this guy's head is at.



It's great how the Discovery Channel is open-minded enough to promote the kind of 'scientist' who, for some reason, never gets around to conducting a study to verify his theories, not to mention the commercial products they are based on.

Jeong Yang is happy to see you

But I'm happier to see 고은아

Yu-na, Yuna, 김유나, and whatever else I can cram into this title to get more hits from searches on Naver

A lengthy post on women's figure skating?

Dude...come on. Next you'll be ranting and raving over 'Forever the Moment', the true story of the Korean women's handball team's performance in the 2004 Olympics.



Guys just can't get excited about women's sports. It's not that we consciously try not to, it's just that we are genetically predisposed to not care. Seriously, what guy has ever watched a complete women's NBA game (and not just because you were doing it for a girl you hadn't slept with yet)? What guy has ever scheduled his weekend around the TV broadcast of an LPGA tournament? It just can't happen.

Speaking of Yu-na, she's now done a total of 1,457 commercials. You can't sit through a commercial break of any TV show on Korean TV without seeing at least 7 of them. Most just show her skating gracefully around the rink with quick shots of whatever product is being foisted on the Korean public, and that's fine. Athletes of all nations have always been happy to whore themselves out to whatever corporation is willing to shovel tons of cash their way. But can I suggest to whomever is managing Yu-na that they politely tell companies to fuck off if they want her to do something in the commercial which makes her look like a silly clown? Korea already has hundreds of gay boy band members who have that covered.

Happy Darwin Day

And of course, in the interest of balance, here's one for those open minded enough to look for alternative views of the major science topics of the day.


-- --

Dokdo update

It seems that Korea's campaign to promote Dokdo's absolute Coreanness has finally gotten global attention. Here's a picture of a bus I saw in England last week.

I am too pissed off for words.

The lightning rod returns!

A great conversation (of sorts) going on in the comment section of a post at the 'Hub of Sparkle' blog (a great name for a blog, by the way, wish I had thought of it first...)

Kushibo is back!

But as some of you already know, with Kushibo you always get 2 for the price of 1. After Kushibo lets loose a few comments ripping on the K-blogosphere in general, one Nora Park shows up and leaves this comment:


I second bo’s comments. too many one note k-bloggers have fallen to the dark side. it is about time somebody stood up and said something. thanks bo, you rule.
i tried to fix things and clean things up, but i just got sick and tired of the sexism racism and homophobia. not to many of the male bloggers were ready for a lesbian who happens to be korean and not some demure submissive asian girl of their sexual fantisy.
i know korea is not perfect, and i pointed that out many times in my blog many times. its time we took a stand, i am with bo on this.

Well said! And look! She has a cute little nickname for kushibo ('bo')! It's almost like they know each other or something.

Of course, it's rude not to respond to a compliment, so 'bo' sends in the following comment a few hours later:


"thanks bo, you rule."
Yes. Yes, I do.

A bit later, Nora shows up again with the following gem of a comment:

after carefully considering what roboseyo and james said, i have to go with kushibo on this discussion. he offers the most balanced and fair perspective.
my vote for best k-blog of 2008. the one and only kushibo.blogspot.com, of course. now that oranckay is gone, he really is one of the lone voices that offer balance and honesty. also, his humour is very john stewart with a little bit of colbert. if you haven’t been reading kushibo.blogspot.com, it offers insight into korea that few k-blogs even come close to. kushibo, was the original “ask a korean” and as far as debunking myths about korea like rokdrop, kushibo has been doing that for years. he really sticks his neck out. now that i think about it, i am voting kushibo for the following.
Best Overall Korea Blog, 2008
Most Thought Provoking Korea Blog, 2008
Most Current and Timely Korea Blog, 2008
Most Helpful Blog to Expats in Korea, 2008
Funniest Korea Blog, 2008
Happiest Blogger, 2008
Best Pop Culture Blog, 2008
Best Culture Blog in General, 2008
its about time he got some recognition. i think kushibo would make an excellent additional writer for this blog. Less kimchi, more nunchi

Wow. The humor of john stewart AND colbert! (note that Nora doesn't capitalize much; it must be a Republican lesbian thing). And she's even going one step further by suggesting that Kushibo join the crack team of writers at the Sparkle.

Come on, what do you say Roboseyo?


A few comments later, some party pooper named 'Mark'* invokes the Nora Challenge.**

A few commenters, including Robo, are stunned by the revelation. Kushibo, however, boldly makes the following response to 'Nora' not long thereafter:


[in response to Nora's many generous nominations of Kushibo's blog]

If drafted, I will not run; if nominated, I will not accept; if elected, I will not serve.
I know you’re being a bit hyperbolic, but I was none of those in 2008.


[And in response to Kushibo being another writer for the Sparkle blog]

I have no interest in being a writer for this blog or any blog but my own. I don’t mind if people link to my blog, of course, but I’m not interested in writing for anyone else, not that anyone but Roboseyo has the power to ask anyway.

Damn, that is one humble SOB. I love the last part of the sentence though..."not that anyone but Roboseyo has the power to ask anyway."

Hint, hint...

And yet Roboseyo never strays from his Eternal Sunshine Policy and continues to thank Kushibo for contributing to the discussion, rather than telling him to fuck off and take his socks with him. He does make a response (directed at Kushibo) to 'Nora's' suggestion that Kushibo join the blog writing team:

Mike and I are co-admins, and we usually talk invitations over before we extend one.

Come on Robo, extend the invite! Can't you see how much it means to him? Do you have any idea how painful it was for Kushibo to see people like Shelton Baumgarner get invited to author posts for the popular Marmot's Hole while Kushibo was left stranded like a little Gilligan on Monster Island? Have a heart, man!


Is this Nora-Kushibo guy a character or what? Either he is completely delusional, or he has a really weird sense of humor. Either way, I like it, and am very happy, nay, honored to put his link back on my website now that it appears he has officially returned to us.

Now if only Shelton and Baduk would start posting again...







*Probably one of the Party Pooper's many, many socks that infest K-blogosphere. It's hard for me to keep track these days.
**Here was my own take on the Nora-Kushibo deal, by the by.

Merry Christmas with Yahoo Korea

Tis the season for giving, so allow me to pass on the gift that I've been enjoying for several months now. I use a Yahoo account and, without warning, I was switched over to the Korean Yahoo site a while back. At first I was annoyed, but then I realized that the Korean Yahoo site is an excellent source of Asian soft porn.

If you click on the 연예 tab (apparently the Korean translation for 'cleavage') they provide daily slide shows of various Korean celebrities. Or to be more exact, Korean celebrities with big boobs.

Here's the slide show they had today. [Sorry, they've changed it. You'll just have to believe that it really was there.]It gets very Christmassy a few pictures in, though that dress looks to have been made with a much, much larger cup size in mind.


A nice feature is the 'play' function, which will scroll through the pictures automatically for you, leaving your hands free for whatever else you might need them to do (like, I don't know, knitting a sweater, or perhaps whittling). Those Yahoo guys at the Korean office have really thought of everything.

Enjoy...

The future

Robert at the Hole has translated portions of a Chosun article on predictions for Korea.

I'm sure not even one of you has already been to the Hole lately. Please go over and have a look. Robert needs more visitors. You'll also find a great advertisement to help you meet Korean girls, and another for funny T-shirts, which I'm sure will also help you score with the ladies.

Cause God knows us white guys need all the help we can get over here.

Speaking of predictions, just in case any of you were wondering how the World's Greatest Psychic fared in her predictions for 2007, wonder no more.



Montel Williams gave this hag a forum for her unethical bullshit for years. Montel was a marine before becoming a media whore. He has sat through years and years of Sylvia giving wrong prediction after wrong prediction, but never hesitated having her back on the show. Hal Bidlack, a retired Lt. Colonel from the air force, wrote an open letter to Montel asking him what has happened to his honor as a marine.

I have two Korean female friends who regularly go to fortune tellers. Both know I am vocal about my disbelief in this crap, so every time they think they get some amazing results from their fortune tellers they come running to me to justify their superstition. I've asked them to record the conversation with the fortune teller rather than rely on their memory of what was (and especially of what actually wasn't) said, but they never seem to get around to it. Truth is, they just don't really want to know.

Poetry Corner: The Thing that Should Not Be

"Bak Jun Koo stands stock still, he is a dead meat, he turns all the joy of his family frozen into horror..."

The Secret! A-ha!

Funniest thing I've seen all month:



'You should visualize them back!"


A friend of mine read The Secret last February and gushed on and on about it. She said that now that she has The Secret, she KNEW that she should quit her company and try to get into law school (she hated her job).

A month later I heard from her again. She had a back injury that put her in a number of hospitals (including a famous acupuncture 'hospital', but we'll save that trip down quackery lane for a future post) and is still a big problem for her now. She was in too much pain to study for law school, so she gave up on it. She'll have to resign from her company if she isn't able to get back to work soon (about a year is all they will give her off from work). She started going back to work a week ago even though she is still in a lot of pain.

So clearly The Secret has worked out pretty well for her.

My theory is that the acupuncturists at the hospital she ended up going to were also reading The Secret, and visualized thousands of suckers suddenly having back problems and coming to their clinic for months and months of expensive therapy. Their visualization Kung Fu simply overrode that of my friend.




Something like that also might explain why Song Hye Kyo still hasn't slept with me, despite the fact that I've visualized such for several weeks now.


Perhaps too many other Secret readers have made this same "demand on the universe," and I just need to wait my turn patiently.

Oh, but she WILL be mine...



Second funniest thing I've seen all month:



"Gonna kick some ass with my own pipe wrench!"

Great vocals. I would love to see this same thing done with some cheesy heavy metal videos from the 80s.

Open Letter to Dokdoisours

Link me you whore! Link me NOW!

And if you think you have HALF the zeal for Dokdo's absolute Coreanness as I do, you are seriously, if not fatally, mistaken. Have you ever asked yourself why I don't update so often these days? YOU try to type a post with only 3 working fingers and 7 bloody stumps! That's how we play on THIS side of the EAST Sea, mo fo!

PS. I keep getting the emails I wrote you (all 84 of them) returned to me. You might want to check your spelling on the 'suck_on_it@not_a_real_address.com' email address you posted.

Finally, this is a video that I made to show the softer side of my love for The Rocks. I played the piano for this piece also, which was no easy feat (see above).

Did you know that there's a mailbox on Dokdo?

Guns and Roses

If you only watch one Guns and Roses video this year, let it be this one.



I never saw them live, but I did see one of their concerts on MTV. Axel Rose didn't sing quite as well as he did in the above video.

Seriously.

Still waiting for that new Axel Rose solo CD to come out. Should be any year now.

God Damns Jun-Koo BAK

The people have a right to know.

Summary of Jun-Koo BAK

Birthday(Lunar): 24 Jul 1935
Height: 173 cm; 5'7"
Weight: 68kg; 150 lb

Skills: Make others suffer from him; Make others scare of him; Make others hate him; Make others angry with him; Put others glory on himself as if hiw own when he spoke of others success and wealth; He is keen on telling lies; keen on threating others; making others slave for him by force but he himself knows nothing and does nothing.

Residence: Busan, South Korea

Interests: Abuse, Alcohol, sex, violence

Hobbies: Threats relatives, beats close relatives, abuse maid, blame others always, never repent, never apology, never self-exam, do nothing at all but using the others to pay for his expenses

Attributes: Sin, mental disorder, horrible manner, disgusting behaviour, full of hatred in his blood & etc